Guitar Hero News You Had No Way of Possibly Predicting
Rarely does a Cracked blogger get to break a news story that's guaranteed to excite and enthrall the readership. Today, I have been blessed with the opportunity to drop the knowledge bomb that is destined to leave your synapses flame-scoured and quivering, and your brain-villages nothing but smoldering piles of memories of rubble.
Activision, the visionary game studio that unleashed the rock with Guitar Hero III, have announced that the next installment of the game will have...wait for it...more instruments!
It's the kind of genius development idea so clearly brilliant, you wonder how it hasn't been thought of before. But I guess it took the big, juicy brains at Activision to make that dream a reality.
While they're still nailing down which instruments to implementmay I suggest recorder, tambourine and harmonica?---the smart money is that they'll end up using the four cardinal rock instruments: guitar, bass, drums, and vocals. Groundbreaking.
I mean, think about it! Anyone who's ever picked up a bass knows it's identical to guitar in every way, so the hardware's already there! Throw in a mic and drum set, and you're ready to form some sort of Rock Band!
But the brain train don't stop there (toot toot!); they've already got their future developments sewn up as well. Stop tying up the phone lines at the patent office, people, Activision has already purchased the rights to the titles Guitar Villain and Drum Villain.
What's more, early Internet buzz describes Drum Villain as a game so evil, every sinister strike of the high-hat embezzles money from a third world aid organization, and each malevolent thud of the kick-drum rapes a nun. G-damn, am I into that.
I've got to say, I am stoked about the fresh, fresh, fresh gameplay being offered here, and especially Activision's promise to include a lot more local bands in the line-up.
Why the hell would I want to play a Radiohead or AC/DC song when I can rock out to The Hip Thrusters' latest garage-recorded powerhouse Light this shit up? Why, I ask?!
I wouldn't is the answer. I would not.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm hard at work on a rhythm game I hope to sell to Activision as soon as I've worked out the bugs. It's called Boogie Boogie Uprising, and it's so fresh you'd think it was the Prince of Bel Air.
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael drowns in a thick layer of his own sarcasm as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!
Swaim, you never fail to get a giggle out of me.
ReplyGreat, thank for sharing your post, I learned alot from it.
Replybrandon
ReplyAnybody who has yet to comprehend the differences of video games and real life is not going to understand the differences of guitar hero (VG) and guitar (RL).
I fully understand where you are coming from. those people irritate me just as much as they do you, and for the same reason. It's still a fun game
Admittedly, the intro to crazy train on GH4 was very damn close to the real thing.
kalma
You're right. A bass is nothing like a guitar. There are two whole strings missing! There are differences* between the fretboards, the structure, hardware, and playing styles. You are so right!
*no there aren't
Sarcasm. I know the differences; they're just so small. Also, nobody loves bassists in metal or rock bands. But everyone loves a ska bassists, so yeah.
But on GH: constructing a larger guitar controller just for the bass would be ridiculous.
another thing....I AM NOT BASHING THE GAME! I happen to like this game. anddddddd people who bash the game either A: Cannot even beat the EASIEST song on EASY in PRACTICE MODE on the slowest setting...or B: Just have nothing better to do except bitch about something stupid..
ReplyAnd to those who say guitar hero is just for people who cant play guitar, so what...just because you can play doesnt mean everyone else can...for some its a gift, for others it takes practice, again point is they have found a way for people to play music and have fun with out spending hundreds and hundreds of dollars on equipment....total in the last 8 years i have spent arond 13,000 bucks in : Guitars, cables, picks, strings, amps, speakers, tuners, pedals and the like...so it can get expensive, i Know TRUST me people......but yes its not the same so if you think it is your fucking retarded...get over it, its my opinion as a musician deal with it assholes!!!
Dude anyone who thinks that just because they can beat dragon force on expert at 100 percent means they are the shit...think again...try playing that same song on real guitar, and MAYBE, just maybe your are cool....i been playing guitar almost 8 years and i still cant play much of that song....so fuck anyone who says that if you can play guitar hero you can play guitar....VERY different.. you got 6 DIFFERENT strings to strum, not just a little bar, and about 20-24 DIFFERENT frets to play on, so lets just say about 120-144 different notes to fuck with instead of 5 colored buttons that are in the same area....so stop being stupid and think you can play guitar just because you "rule" at guitar hero, the only reason i played this game soo much was because my amp was 700 miles away in storage for 9 months and it kept my fingers and arms in shape...i guess....but point is...if your going to play guitar hero....why not learn real guitar....you will DEFINITLY get more respect that way...for sheez...outtie!
Replyi have no problems with the article, excpet for that one part about a bass being a guitar.
Replyand on that part i have this to say, fuck you.
heheheheheheheheheheheeheheheheheheheheheheheehehhhehueheheheheheheehhehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe
Replydo you think anyone will read my comment if so kill micheal swaim so me and DOB can rule the world not me im michael swaim with a mullet
ReplyI agree with JoDo. I think I liked the comments section more than the article that spawned it. :D
ReplyBravo, the comments were half the fun :)
Reply@kingmonkey
ReplyNo i wasn't.
@kingmonkey
ReplyI was being sarcastic.
Yes.
ReplyOkay, fine then. I'm no longer playing Ghost Recon or Rainbow Six. Instead I shall sneak about at night, shooting my neighbours. Is that what you want?
ReplyHaha, I love how so many people say "stop playing Guitar Hero, learn real guitar." Okee-dokee then, stop playing FPS's, go out and learn to fire a real gun... or how about, as someone already said, stop playing Madden, go out and join the real NFL. It's a game, I know that, everyone with a properly functioning brain knows that. Whoever said it was equal to playing real guitar? LOL.
ReplyHmmm... grammar lesson on penes/ penises. Just what I needed...
ReplyKingmonkey +1 - when I was juggling multiple lovers and was constantly bragging about their respective penes/ penises; I never knew how wrong I was. Thanks to you, I will never make that mistake again - grammatical mistake that is...
Penis has two plural forms. Penes, pronounced pee-nees, is the original plural form, like axis becomes axes. Penises is the modern variant and is also acceptable.
ReplyThe possessive form of the plural of penis would therefore be either penises' or penes'.
I prefer penii
I'm an Australian Blue Mountaineer, we speak a fairly strange dialect, sort of an amalgamation of Californian drawl learnt from American sitcoms, smashing old-fashioned English slang-words nobody uses anymore and various kinds of grunts.
ReplyBy the way, I think I meant to say 'Penis's' as in belonging to Glendoors penis, instead of 'penises' as in the plural of penis. But that raises a fairly interesting question. How do you describe something that belongs to multiple penises? Penises's? If I were to describe Glendoors penis as belonging to Kingmonkey and Simons penis, would I describes that which belonged to Glendoors penis as it's penises'ses?
Oh fuck, I'm confused...
God damn it Tilly, shut the fuck up with your bullshit already. Quit turning everything into an argument.
ReplyGames like guitar hero are an asset to society. Look at it this way, more and more kids will pick up a remote control and learn the premise of a video game than they will when they get a real instrument. While there may be a few hendrix-esque musicans that never learn an instrument, there will be far more Jack White like musicans that will stay in their parents basements getting stoned. Late night shows will than start hosting descent musicans, opening bands would become scarce and possibly talented, walking into a music store will no longer consist of hearing every twelve year olds version of beast and the harlot, and we may even see the end of emo bands.
ReplyAlso, for those of us whom have spent time learning how to play an instrument: these games (at least from the original tracks on the games) will finally be able to play the perfect version of some of your favorite songs. Its not the exact same thing but at least its a way to feel like a great.
Amen