There is an adage popularized in academia and which has since seeped into the cultural lexicon that says, "There are no stupid questions." Sadly, this saying lost the majority of its advocates right around the time the Internet took off and everyone realized their tolerance for stupidity was grossly over-pledged.
When anything is possible, humanity has chosen to lick its elbows.
There are thousands of bewildering questions poured into search engines every day, which is a scary prospect both because the Internet is a breeding ground for misinformation and because the majority of those searches are for medical advice. What's more, advertisers buy page real-estate around those searches, hoping to cash in on the naivetƒ© and desperation of the sickly instead of offering them the help they're hunting.
Ignorance deserves better.
It deserves the counsel of someone who has experienced nearly every survivable ailment first hand, it deserves someone who won't judge for petty misunderstanding of human anatomy, it deserves someone who came really close to graduating from that free online medical course he took last spring. My Uncle Frank has devoted himself to doling out honest answers and candid advice for the people who are in critical need of help but unwilling to put on pants to go get it. The following are completely real questions people have asked the Internet, and the answers they wholly deserve.