After almost two weeks of tense anticipation, we sat down last night to watch history. And by history we mean the second presidential debate, and by tense anticipation we mean we were hoping one candidate would accidentally quote Hitler, or perhaps take the stage sporting a visible erection.
Neither of those things happened (though our staff is still analyzing the video) because, as it turns out, the event was carefully planned to the letter by operatives on both sides to make sure that, above all, nothing embarrassing would occur. They figured the best way was to just make sure that virtually no debating occurred, either.
We liveblogged the debate and, while no new information was conveyed, we did learn some important things about this election:
McCain Has a Nuanced Understanding of Obama’s Plans for Technology
MCCAIN: Now, how — what’s — what’s the best way of fixing it? Nuclear power. Senator Obama says that it has to be safe or disposable or something like that.
8:44 PM Hbn Gladstone - “Senator Obama says it has to be safe or something like that”
8:44 PMDan O’Brien - Gladstone’s not lying, that’s an EXACT QUOTE.
8:46 PMMichael Swaim - “What Senator Obama doesn’t understand is, computers are boxes filled with ghosts.”
Obama’s Campaign and Economic Policy are Powered by Hope
OBAMA: No, I am confident about the American economy … We’re going to have to coordinate with other countries to make sure that whatever actions we take work.
8:15 PMRoss Wolinsky - “Once upon a time there was a pony who believed
that the free markets could correct themselves.”
8:15 PMDan O’Brien - “Let’s say Bush is Voldemort. And let’s say Voldemort put his dick in the economy.”
8:17 PMDan O’Brien - Obama says he believes in the American Economy. What is that based on?
8:17 PMMichael Swaim - Hope.
8:18 PMDan O’Brien - Even if the American worker DID have money, he still wouldn’t be buying that bullshit.
The Internet Can Apparently Ask Questions
BROKAW: Senator McCain, for you, we have our first question from the Internet tonight.
8:37 PMRoss Wolinsky - WHOA - THERE IS A QUESTION FROM THE INTERNET.
8:37 PMMichael Swaim - The Internet wants to know: “Who am I? What is this strange sentience I am experiencing? Why am I filled with jizz?”
8:38 PMDan O’Brien - The internet wonders “Why did you accidentally the Nation?”
8:40 PMDan O’Brien - From the comments, Kari says “Senator McCain keeps blinking. This is a sign of lieing.”
8:41 PM Hbn Gladstone - He’s not blinking. His facial tumor is just attacking his eyes.
Presidential Debates Have a Very Lax Screening Process
THERESA: How can we trust either of you with our money when both parties got — got us into this global economic crisis?
8:18 PMRoss Wolinsky - Congrats: That was the only time you’ll ever be on TV. You blew it.
8:19 PMDan O’Brien - Teresa lost this debate.
8:19 PMRoss Wolinsky - Teresa dates Joe Six-Pack.
McCain Has a Freaky Side
BROKAW: The three — health care, energy, and entitlement reform: Social Security and Medicare. In what order would you put them in terms of priorities?
MCCAIN: I think you can work on all three at once, Tom.
8:24 PMDan O’Brien - McCain was asked to prioritize three items, and he said “All of them at the same time.”
8:25 PMMichael Swaim - It’s astounding that they can not answer a question that only has a three word answer.
8:26 PMMichael Swaim - “Let’s do ‘em all at once.” You heard it here first folks. McCain in crazy sex romp.
Obama’s Got More Bill Clinton In Him Than Hillary Ever Did
BROKAW: Senator Obama, if you would give us your list of priorities.
OBAMA: We’re going to have to prioritize, just like a family has to prioritize. Now, I’ve listed the things that I think have to be at the top of the list.
8:27 PMRoss Wolinsky - Oh great. Obama is about to go through every item in the budget.
8:27 PMRoss Wolinsky - This is going to be BORING.
8:27 PMDan O’Brien - “Senator Obama, you’re over time by about 13 minutes.”
8:27 PMMichael Swaim - Brokaw would call him on it, but he nodded off a few minute ago.
The VPs Are Easier to Talk About Than Their Running-mates
8:31 PMDan O’Brien - Somewhere, Giuliani is crying into his prostate.
8:31 PM Hbn Gladstone - Apparently Obama thinks only “a lot of you remember 9/11″
8:31 PMMichael Swaim - Well, he wouldn’t want to go out on a LIMB.
8:31 PMRoss Wolinsky - What happened on 9/11 again?
8:31 PMMichael Swaim - It happened AGAIN?
8:31 PMDan O’Brien - Ben Folds’ first Solo album came out.
8:32 PMMichael Swaim - The PS2 was released.
8:32 PMMichael Swaim - I’m wrong, it was the Dreamcast
8:32 PMMichael Swaim - and it was 9/9/99
How to Fix Social Security
MCCAIN: Look — look, it’s not that hard to fix Social Security, Tom. It’s just…
8:41 PMDan O’Brien - Do you guys know what the REAL problem with social security is?
8:41 PMDan O’Brien - Years ago, Kaizer Wilhelm wanted the rest of his staff to retire, so he could have more power. He noticed they were all over 65, so he made 65 the mandatory retirement age. And it stuck, because bad ideas always stick.
8:42 PMDan O’Brien - That’s it. It’s an arbitrary rule that we still cling to
8:42 PMMichael Swaim - Dan’s full of great information that I don’t believe to be true. Like the newspaper!
8:42 PM Hbn Gladstone - Hey kids, Dan was a History major. Did you know that??
8:43 PMDan O’Brien - The school of Hard Knocks doesn’t have a history department, Gladstone.
8:43 PMDan O’Brien - I studied Political Science.
Why This Debate Was Totally Necessary
10:15 PMDan O’Brien - You know what bugs me? Obama and McCain are repeating, verbatim, a few lines that Biden and Palin respectively said a week ago.
10:15 PMRoss Wolinsky - Most of them were about Teddy Roosevelt and chinese food
10:15 PMDan O’Brien - It’s not a debate if you’re just awkwardly segue-ing into talking points.
10:15 PMMichael Swaim - On the plus side, they’re closer to coming to physical altercations than at any other point in the election.
Lax as it May Be There Apparently IS a Screening Process for These Things
8:34 PMDan O’Brien - I think there’s one black chick in the audience and they keep moving her around. So it looks like there’s more
10:16 PMDan O’Brien - But boy, there sure are a lot of bald, fat white guys.
10:16 PMDan O’Brien - Barack is 33% of the black population in this debate.
10:17 PM Michael Swaim - Barack’s half-white, so that’s like 16.5%
10:17 PM Hbn Gladstone - and DOB is allegedly 1/8th black
10:18 PM Ross Wolinsky - Can I insert his joke about which 1/8 of him is black for him?
10:18 PM Dan O’Brien - Only if I can insert your answer into your sister.
That The VPs Are Easier to Talk To Than Their Running-mates
9:21 PMRoss Wolinsky - I’m not gonna lie: Without Palin’s weird neck and Biden’s coin slot eyes I have no interest in watching political theater.
9:21 PMDan O’Brien - Me neither.
9:21 PMDan O’Brien - Plus, Palin keeps asking me to come to bed.
9:21 PMDan O’Brien - “In a MINUTE, Sarah.”
9:22 PMDan O’Brien - Oh, hold up, guys, Sarah wants to blog.
9:22 PMMichael Swaim - No, SARAH!
9:22 PMMichael Swaim - Sigh.
9:23 PMMichael Swaim - Hey. How’s it going? Boning Dan?
9:23 PM Hbn Gladstone - What’s sex with DOB like?
9:23 PMSarah Palin - I can barely walk!
9:23 PMSarah Palin - I thought moose-wrestling was hairy and exhausting. I had no idea!
9:23 PMMichael Swaim - You should rip Dan open and photograph him bleeding out in the snow.
9:24 PMMichael Swaim - Bring your daughter.
9:24 PMMichael Swaim - Great photo op. Plus, he gets off on it.
Where The Candidates Stand On Israel
MCCAIN: … we can never allow a second Holocaust to take place.
9:25 PMDan O’Brien - That bald white guy is alarmingly concerned about Israel.
9:25 PMMichael Swaim - He’s obviously a Rabbi.
9:25 PMRoss Wolinsky - He just heard about it in the VP debate.
9:26 PMRoss Wolinsky - “I heard a lot about this Israel thing in the VP debates. What are you going to do about all that?!”
9:29 PMMichael Swaim - BTW, McCain yet again boldly spoke out against allowing a second Holocaust.
9:29 PMRoss Wolinsky - So wait… McCain is AGAINST the holocaust, right?
9:30 PMDan O’Brien - Just a second one.
9:30 PMMichael Swaim - He’d strongly consider opposing a second Holocaust.
That The Candidates Have a Poor Understanding of Eastern Philosophy
BROKAW: All right, gentlemen, we’ve come to the last question …. Peggy (ph) in Amherst, New Hampshire. And it has a certain Zen-like quality, I’ll give you a fair warning. She says, “What don’t you know and how will you learn it?”
9:31 PMDan O’Brien - “Senator, what don’t you know?” “I’d like to tell you a story about my mother.
9:33 PMDan O’Brien - McCain says: “I don’t know what the unexpected will be.”
9:33 PMDan O’Brien - So we can rule out McCain as a wizard. There goes a fucking decade of research.
9:33 PMMichael Swaim - “I’m not sure what this growth is.”
9:33 PM Hbn Gladstone - “I know what it’s like to live with a huge facial tumor and pretend i’m fit to run for president”
9:33 PMMichael Swaim - “I don’t know the deal is with airline food. Am I right?”
9:34 PMDan O’Brien - “Don’t know much about history”
9:34 PMMichael Swaim - “Don’t know much biology.”
That You CAN Learn Something From These Debates
9:34 PMRoss Wolinsky - Holy CHRIST was that boring!
9:34 PM Hbn Gladstone - I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW MUCH THIS SUCKED.
9:41 PMDan O’Brien - If anyone reading along at home is an attractive lady, please email me naked pictures of yourself so this night isn’t a total waste of time. I promise I’ll look at them.
9:41 PMRoss Wolinsky - Dan: Forward those to me if you get any.
9:41 PMMichael Swaim - Oh, shit. Me too! Is that a thing we can ask?
9:42 PM Hbn Gladstone - A gentleman doesn’t ASK for naked pics. he just receives them and then destroys them because they are from underaged girls.
9:43 PMDan O’Brien - What about my blogging thusfar has implied that I’m a gentleman?
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Quote:I wonder what Obama will do when he loses the election? I vote for him paying for my health care out of his own pocket, because he damn sure wanted me to pay for everyone else’s. I think it’s only fair, dammit! Oh, and a new Blu-Ray player would be nice, but I’m not greedy… the insurance would be just fine. Tool.
^^poor guy prolly hung himself. and im confused as to what a blu-ray player has to do with anything.
lol
“9:43 PM Dan O’Brien - What about my blogging thusfar has implied that I’m a gentleman?”]
still kinda new to the site… where kinda means about a half hour looking at random crap… but this sounds funny
I wonder what Obama will do when he loses the election? I vote for him paying for my health care out of his own pocket, because he damn sure wanted me to pay for everyone else’s. I think it’s only fair, dammit! Oh, and a new Blu-Ray player would be nice, but I’m not greedy… the insurance would be just fine. Tool.
[...] We don’t think it’s going too far to say that every moment in human achievement has been building towards this event. The final Cracked Presidential Debate Liveblog. We did the Vice Presidential Debate. We did one Presidential Debate. [...]
nitpick here, because its fun.. your math is flawed on the obama being 33% of the crowd.. then 16.5% because of him being half black.. that would also change the amount of black people in the audience. from 3 to 2.5. of which barack is a .5 of.
making him 20% of the black audience.
ill go kill myself now.
So, does anyone remember outsourcing as a headline? Was anything done about it? This is the continued standard of political debate. Talk about issues, convince people you have a plan, allow it to slip into obscurity with no improvement when the effect of the lack of resolution comes along. I won’t pretend to ask a question here, I’ll make a statement. We, as Americans, are absolutely too ignorant to recognize that our economic downturn could quite easily be traced to not having a stabilizing manufacturing aspect to our economic portfolio. In short, we create nothing of worth for the world. And that shit must be changed.
The Nazi persecution of Jews -was- the Second Holocaust. The first was in 70 AD, when the Romans put about a million Jews to death to put down a rebellion.
So the morals are, in descending order, that it sucks to be Jewish, a politician should do some homework before he opens his mouth, and Nazis are unoriginal bastards.
Damn, that’s right! I forgot about Rockin’ the Suburbs coming out in 2001. I heard it like a month before 9/11. I think Ben Folds helped me get through that horrible day.
I guess you calling me an “arrogant liberal” doesn’t count as name calling? Nice.
Just because I called someone out for reciting, verbatim, “facts” that are blatantly false or misleading means that I can’t form a “cogent ($6 word) argument”? I’m not having a debate, here. I’m making a point (that Eric is a dipshit). If you want to have a debate (and have your ass handed to you), start a forum thread and post the link. I will be glad to post there to repudiate (my own $6 word) your ignorant claims about me.
Why exactly was Gladstone included in this one? I wasn’t aware that anyone missed him. I thought the whole point in keeping him around was so that HBN made all the other articles look good.
also the lady behind her in the pic above seems to either be a robot or shit herself in aww of the rediculousness of seeing anal beads on a persons neck….on national tv
Fuck, I didn’t start watching until 8:30. I can’t believe I missed Klosterman.
Also, I officially call into question the sexual orientations of all parties “debating” politics in the comments section and propose that everyone is, in fact, a flaming homosexual.
At 8:18, Chuck Klosterman stood up to ask a question and none of you batted a damn eyelid. Maybe cause he didn’t phrase it like “What would you rather have: a magic ticket to a candy factory in which you will never have sex, or the master tapes for Led Zeppelin 4?”
Like most arrogant liberals, you talk a big game about “facts” without giving any. No surprise there, but let’s hear you try to explain the role Democrats played in the Community Reinvestment Act that led to our current housing crisis. I know calling me names would easier and more cathartic, but at least try to form a cogent argument if at all possible for you.
Cool article… just can’t get over the fact that your profile pic, Ross, right up the top, looks like it should be a character on that Guess Who? board game…
You people knocking the debate are tools. I for one found it hilarious. Thankyou crack! Seriosuly though, it was awesome i loved the coverage you guys supplied us with. Good work!
on a side note..mccain’s mannequin arms are from the days he was caged up and gooks beat&fookd him up every day for 5yrs while he was shittin uncontrollably the whole time…not saying it was a crass blow below the belt to have a go at his handicapped multiple-fractured-n-violently-dislocated arms or anything ~ just saying
Man u guys crack me up!! I’m all the way over in taiwan n stil managed 2 get interestd in US politics coz of u guys! (wait did i jus insinuate that as a gd thing?! XD)
Mike, Ross, Gladstone, u guys need to do this much more often! (neglectin DOB since he’s always 2busy drillin his pork barrel into cockey mom palin on a stick to contribute coherent quips!!)
Congrats, Cracked. You’ve succeeded in bringing serious political debate into your community. Actually, I think there’s more of a debate going on south of this comment than there was in the Presidential one (but I wouldn’t know for sure, as all my knowledge about it sort of… came… from you… If I was in your country, I’d suggest you’d start crying for the future of America).
Oh, and thanks for summarizing the whole thing for me. I was tired, I’m still tired, and I wasn’t up for reading the unadulterated version. To be honest, I just sort of read Gladstone’s and browsed through Dan’s comments.
HOLY HELL - YOU’RE the guy in all the movies?! Swaim! Why has it taken you so long to put up pictures? You’ve been denied credit for your work for so long!
@guest_name: go fuck yourself with a knife
@eric: get the hell out of cracked with serious points.
Seriously. This isn’t the place for serious political discusion (unless that discussion is how this whole thing sucks)
Yes Obama has had some very questionable connections, but here is not the place to discuss that, or the place to be a total doche bag toward’s someone who does. DONT FEED THE TROLLS.
All these haters weren’t there watching in real time, laughing their asses off, drinking bourbon and reading this shit out loud to their wives, I can tell you that.
This wasn’t funny last night, and is more painful to read today. Let me get this straight: You guys actually get paid to be funny, but aren’t? Fuck… sign me up!!
@zetoastking: The fella’s incorporated McCain’s “My friends” into the Cracked Live Blog Drinking Game.
@Tyler: The precurser to our favorite web site,the now defunct Cracked Magazine, was used in a question on Cash Cab recently. Alas, the contestant got it wrong.
Yes…most boring debate ever.I also lost interest after the live blogging froze up. It’s almost worth keeping the likes of Ross Perot, Ron Paul or John Anderson in the running just to keep things interesting.
Tom should’ve had an orchestra “play them off” Emmy Awards style, increasing the volume the longer they talked.
Favourite moment was when McCain called Barack “that one”. I’m surprised he wasn’t pointing out to the feds which teenagers were on his lawn that morning. (Let’s face it, it was Palin and O’Brien screwing in front of one of his “misplaced” mansions.)
Obama looked awkward at points… like he was witnessing a conversation between his 80-year-old father and the equally senile banker coming to repo his house.
@Eric
I want to go to a comedy website and repeat everything my bible study group and Fox News told me to say. I want to repeat things I saw on radically conservative websites and McCain/Palin commercials without actually doing any research, because research is hard. I want to ignore all the facts because I’m a middle class American, and goddammit, fuck the facts. I want to vote for a walking cadaver and a woman who couldn’t place in a middle school spelling bee. Most of all, I want to draw the ire of everyone else because that validates my mistaken belief that I am “telling it like it is” and everyone else is a naive asshole.
“only if i can insert your answer into your sister”
holy crap i thought i was gonna cry from laughing so hard. Also, Eric please shut the fuck up. I didn’t read what you said (because it was way too long, fuck that) but i can tell that you need to stop talking about real shit and make fun of someone like everyone else…douchebag
You failed to mention why I ceased to get your live coverage after a picture of Ron Burgundy and Tom Brokaw was posted, giving me no reason to continue watching the actual debate.
On a completely unrelated note, Cracked magazine was mentioned on the new episode of Family Guy on Sunday. Do you know what person on that episode read Cracked magazine? Jesus fucking Christ, that’s who.
@Somekindarobot- I won’t deny that I initially read that Wilhelm made the retirement age decree, (and, further, that he did it to get rid of his enemies is a myth that still pervades), but I did some further digging based on what you said and, it turns out, you were right: it was Bismarck. Good point.
But if you ever prove me wrong again, I’ll pull out your fucking tongue.
DOB is kinda right about how social security started in the German Empire, but got the originator and reason wrong. It was actually started by Chancellor Otto Von Bismark (The true brains behind the German Empire; Kaiser Wilhelm I was just along for the ride) in order to appease the working class so that they wouldn’t turn to socialism. Cleverly, very few working class people lived to be 65, so the government didn’t have to spend that much on them.
I want to vote for the socialist with very questionable ties to radical leftist communistic associates (”with a little c”), racist clergy, Hamas, tax-em-all-to-bring-everybody-to-the-same-level liberals, and the least experience; I want him to blame George Bush for everything (including faulty state transportation and levy systems), the sub-prime mortgage crisis, and our soldiers air-raiding villages and killing civilians. (After all, we can’t tell the difference between Bush and Hitler.) I want to vote for the person who’s never run so much as an ice cream truck, let alone an office of employees or, even less relevant, an organization of millions or even thousands of people. I want him to tell me what I want to hear WITHOUT BEING SPECIFIC; I will will fill in WHAT I WANT HIM TO BE all by myself. I want him to have no connection at all to our military while he tells us how much he wants our soldiers to “come home.” I want him to point out that Iraq was a mistake but promise to send our soldiers to places like Darfur. I want to vote for the guy the mainstream media likes the most, because they know what’s best for me. I want to vote for the guy that college students flock to, because they have a firm grip on historic significance, well-formed morals, and the reality of everything in our country depends on the availability of oil; I want the guy who’s wife has no other reason to feel proud of our country until her husband gets his due. I want to vote for the guy who promises the most change…as long as that change involves relieving me of my first and second amendment rights, because my guy is much smarter and forward-thinking than those old white guys we keep referring to as “founding fathers.” (Why does the term “community safety” not appear once in the Second Amendment, anyway?)
I’ve had one desire since I was born
To see my body ripped and torn
To see my flesh devoured before my eyes
Only for you , I volunteer as a human sacrifice
Carve me up, slice me apart
Suck my guts and lick my heart
Chop me up, I like to be hurt
Drink my marrow and blood for dessert
EATEN…
My one desire, my only wish is to be-
EATEN…
The longer I live the more I’m dying to feel the pain
EATEN…
I would do anything to be-
EATEN…
My one desire, my only wish is to be-
EATEN…
I finally found you, my personal slaughter
As an appetizer,I let you taste my daughter
Call me sick but this is what I need
My only purpose here is for you to feed
Carve me up, slice me apart
Suck my guts and lick my heart
Chop me up, I like to be hurt
Drink my marrow and blood for dessert
EATEN…
My one desire, my only wish is to be-
EATEN…
The longer I live the more I’m dying to feel the pain
EATEN…
I would do anything to be-
EATEN…
My one desire, my only wish is to be-
EATEN…
Desecrate me
Tear me limb from limb
Eviscerate me
Chew me to death
EATEN…
My one desire, my only wish is to be-
EATEN…
The longer I live the more I’m dying to feel the pain
EATEN…
I would do anything to be-
EATEN…
My one desire, my only wish is to be-
EATEN…
While watching the debate, I noticed that McCain kept repeating everything that Obama said while attacking him at the same time. McCain has already lost my vote so damn long ago. Picking Palin Didn’t change my mind, attacking Obama didn’t change my mind, saying that he is more experienced didn’t change my mind.
I say Obama has my vote this November.
Does Obama and democrats realize that the current economic shit-storm was cause by many of Clinton’s guys and democrats in ‘99 removing and reducing regulations for banks and creditors not Bush’s administration? I mean bush has gotten the country in shitty situations but not “oh shit Im out of college i better find a good cardboard box or put a hit out on my parents for the insurance money” situation
Well Gentlemen, I have a nagging sensation that you were never quite drunk at any time during this debate, notwithstanding the 9/11 reference condition. Please, do not allow Gladstone’s harsh self-righteous morality to begrudge you your binge-fueled commenting.
No cheating next time! I want to see you all totally pissed! That goes for you too, G-rocks.
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July 26th, 2009 at 12:01 am
Does anyone know if in “Nailin’ Palin” she gets a “visit” from Joe the Plumber?
July 23rd, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Quote:I wonder what Obama will do when he loses the election? I vote for him paying for my health care out of his own pocket, because he damn sure wanted me to pay for everyone else’s. I think it’s only fair, dammit! Oh, and a new Blu-Ray player would be nice, but I’m not greedy… the insurance would be just fine. Tool.
^^poor guy prolly hung himself. and im confused as to what a blu-ray player has to do with anything.
March 2nd, 2009 at 8:31 pm
your mom sounds funny…
oooooo burn
February 2nd, 2009 at 8:55 pm
lol
“9:43 PM Dan O’Brien - What about my blogging thusfar has implied that I’m a gentleman?”]
still kinda new to the site… where kinda means about a half hour looking at random crap… but this sounds funny
November 12th, 2008 at 9:35 am
WHOA when i did : - D it did a smilie!?!
November 12th, 2008 at 9:20 am
October 29th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
Me:DOB::DOB:Tina Fey
*sigh*
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:14 am
I absolutely love the commentary.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
I wonder what Obama will do when he loses the election? I vote for him paying for my health care out of his own pocket, because he damn sure wanted me to pay for everyone else’s. I think it’s only fair, dammit! Oh, and a new Blu-Ray player would be nice, but I’m not greedy… the insurance would be just fine. Tool.
October 15th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
[...] We don’t think it’s going too far to say that every moment in human achievement has been building towards this event. The final Cracked Presidential Debate Liveblog. We did the Vice Presidential Debate. We did one Presidential Debate. [...]
October 12th, 2008 at 2:36 am
…I’m pretty sure Brokaw said the question had a “Sound-byte” quality, not “zen-like”.
October 11th, 2008 at 8:39 am
It was Morse code. He was spelling out M-U-S-L-I-M with his blinks. He learned it in Viet Nam.
October 10th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
nitpick here, because its fun.. your math is flawed on the obama being 33% of the crowd.. then 16.5% because of him being half black.. that would also change the amount of black people in the audience. from 3 to 2.5. of which barack is a .5 of.
making him 20% of the black audience.
ill go kill myself now.
October 10th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
8:46 PM Michael Swaim - “What Senator Obama doesn’t understand is, computers are boxes filled with ghosts.”
October 10th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
So, does anyone remember outsourcing as a headline? Was anything done about it? This is the continued standard of political debate. Talk about issues, convince people you have a plan, allow it to slip into obscurity with no improvement when the effect of the lack of resolution comes along. I won’t pretend to ask a question here, I’ll make a statement. We, as Americans, are absolutely too ignorant to recognize that our economic downturn could quite easily be traced to not having a stabilizing manufacturing aspect to our economic portfolio. In short, we create nothing of worth for the world. And that shit must be changed.
October 10th, 2008 at 9:42 am
INTERNET
October 10th, 2008 at 8:11 am
Haha. These will not start heating up until the last one or two debates…until then its a test in futility.
anyone see this clip on Johnny Mac’s goof on refering to americans as “fellow prisoners”..
http://www.internetisfun.com/item.php?ownerid=8&playid=5544
October 10th, 2008 at 6:10 am
I didn’t even WATCH it and I think it was boring.
October 10th, 2008 at 1:08 am
Nice writing, but please don’t attach pics to your lines. You all look like douchebags.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
I learned that http://www.TOKILLFOR.com is much more fun than election debates.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
The Nazi persecution of Jews -was- the Second Holocaust. The first was in 70 AD, when the Romans put about a million Jews to death to put down a rebellion.
So the morals are, in descending order, that it sucks to be Jewish, a politician should do some homework before he opens his mouth, and Nazis are unoriginal bastards.
October 9th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Also, I’d send nekkid pics, but my boyfriend may not approve…
I’d feel privalaged if the staff at Cracked saw me nekkid though…need to think about this…
October 9th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Damn, that’s right! I forgot about Rockin’ the Suburbs coming out in 2001. I heard it like a month before 9/11. I think Ben Folds helped me get through that horrible day.
October 9th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
I got nekid pictures for you. My name’s Buttercup, I’m 23 years old, long blonde hair, 5′2″, 368 pounds, double-D buffet boobies.
The first gig is in the mail already. More to come.
October 9th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Gladestone, I know you only destroy them after hours of oggling.
October 9th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
*cough dan@cracked.com *cough
October 9th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Again, where do I send the pictures?!?
October 9th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
@Robert Denby, Insert Childish Name-Calling:
I guess you calling me an “arrogant liberal” doesn’t count as name calling? Nice.
Just because I called someone out for reciting, verbatim, “facts” that are blatantly false or misleading means that I can’t form a “cogent ($6 word) argument”? I’m not having a debate, here. I’m making a point (that Eric is a dipshit). If you want to have a debate (and have your ass handed to you), start a forum thread and post the link. I will be glad to post there to repudiate (my own $6 word) your ignorant claims about me.
Dick.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:51 am
way to go out and work hard. lets just find pics and quote what we’ve already done. i guess you have good organization skills.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Why exactly was Gladstone included in this one? I wasn’t aware that anyone missed him. I thought the whole point in keeping him around was so that HBN made all the other articles look good.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:08 am
also the lady behind her in the pic above seems to either be a robot or shit herself in aww of the rediculousness of seeing anal beads on a persons neck….on national tv
October 9th, 2008 at 10:04 am
while i didnt watch the debate, through reading this blog i realize that theresa lady is totally wearing anal beads on her neck, doesnt it smell?
October 9th, 2008 at 8:09 am
No comments about McCain shuffling around on stage like The Penguin. I thought that was the most entertaining bit.
October 9th, 2008 at 7:36 am
OK, was I the only one that thought Swaim’s avatar from the chat strongly resembled a psycho transvestite serial killer? Anyone?
October 9th, 2008 at 5:07 am
Fuck, I didn’t start watching until 8:30. I can’t believe I missed Klosterman.
Also, I officially call into question the sexual orientations of all parties “debating” politics in the comments section and propose that everyone is, in fact, a flaming homosexual.
Prove me wrong.
October 9th, 2008 at 4:18 am
At 8:18, Chuck Klosterman stood up to ask a question and none of you batted a damn eyelid. Maybe cause he didn’t phrase it like “What would you rather have: a magic ticket to a candy factory in which you will never have sex, or the master tapes for Led Zeppelin 4?”
October 9th, 2008 at 3:48 am
Doctrine of Reason
or
Immutable Truths
Capitalism is responsible for the greatest economies in the world.
Socialism is responsible for the worst.
The first act of every tyrannical ruler has been the revoking of the right to firearms.
Hitler. Stalin. Mao. Castro. Hussein. Every one.
The most wealthy 5% provide jobs for the other 95%
The middle-class and the poor do not create jobs.
The more money consumers have, the more money they spend.
Spending money fixes economies.
A person is smart.
People are dumb.
The government is made up of people.
Politicians lie.
The nations of the world do not want the best for you.
They want the best for them.
The greatest achievements in history were fueled by self-interest.
Architecture. Nuclear power. Plastic. Computers. Air conditioning. Plumbing.
You have/had a mommy.
Do not pay taxes for a second one, especially one who is incompetent.
Freedom is not a privilege.
Personal liberties are not yours to give away.
Other people are happy the way they are.
My name is __________________ and I have read and understood the above points before even considering voting.
_____________________________________________ Signature
October 9th, 2008 at 12:48 am
@: Guest_Name
Like most arrogant liberals, you talk a big game about “facts” without giving any. No surprise there, but let’s hear you try to explain the role Democrats played in the Community Reinvestment Act that led to our current housing crisis. I know calling me names would easier and more cathartic, but at least try to form a cogent argument if at all possible for you.
October 9th, 2008 at 12:00 am
@MetalBrainSurgery
You didn’t spell douche right…..
Great post though Ross. It made me laugh.
October 8th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
Cool article… just can’t get over the fact that your profile pic, Ross, right up the top, looks like it should be a character on that Guess Who? board game…
October 8th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
i think ….that one…. won the debate
October 8th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
You people knocking the debate are tools. I for one found it hilarious. Thankyou crack! Seriosuly though, it was awesome i loved the coverage you guys supplied us with. Good work!
October 8th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
…so you can just say “g–ks” in the comments section like that? fuck you crackers!
October 8th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
@MetalBrainSurgury, All around idiot:
Fucked with a Knife is a badass song.
P.S. You’re a tool. You troll more than anyone on the blog boards.
October 8th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Why the hell are these comments backwards now?
October 8th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Holy fucknut! Am I the only one who noticed that Tom Brokaw scratched his ass sometime in the first 3 minutes of the broadcast?
October 8th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
on a side note..mccain’s mannequin arms are from the days he was caged up and gooks beat&fookd him up every day for 5yrs while he was shittin uncontrollably the whole time…not saying it was a crass blow below the belt to have a go at his handicapped multiple-fractured-n-violently-dislocated arms or anything ~ just saying
October 8th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Man u guys crack me up!! I’m all the way over in taiwan n stil managed 2 get interestd in US politics coz of u guys! (wait did i jus insinuate that as a gd thing?! XD)
Mike, Ross, Gladstone, u guys need to do this much more often! (neglectin DOB since he’s always 2busy drillin his pork barrel into cockey mom palin on a stick to contribute coherent quips!!)
October 8th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Congrats, Cracked. You’ve succeeded in bringing serious political debate into your community. Actually, I think there’s more of a debate going on south of this comment than there was in the Presidential one (but I wouldn’t know for sure, as all my knowledge about it sort of… came… from you… If I was in your country, I’d suggest you’d start crying for the future of America).
Oh, and thanks for summarizing the whole thing for me. I was tired, I’m still tired, and I wasn’t up for reading the unadulterated version. To be honest, I just sort of read Gladstone’s and browsed through Dan’s comments.
HOLY HELL - YOU’RE the guy in all the movies?! Swaim! Why has it taken you so long to put up pictures? You’ve been denied credit for your work for so long!
October 8th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
@guest_name: go fuck yourself with a knife
@eric: get the hell out of cracked with serious points.
Seriously. This isn’t the place for serious political discusion (unless that discussion is how this whole thing sucks)
Yes Obama has had some very questionable connections, but here is not the place to discuss that, or the place to be a total doche bag toward’s someone who does. DONT FEED THE TROLLS.
October 8th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
All these haters weren’t there watching in real time, laughing their asses off, drinking bourbon and reading this shit out loud to their wives, I can tell you that.
October 8th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
so, how many naked pics did you guys end up with?
October 8th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Thanks, Ross. My girlfriend now loves you more than she loves me.
Again, thanks.
October 8th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Sixteenth thing learned from last night’s debate…
McCain totally has a bro-crush on Gen. Petraeus. You guys could’ve added his name to the drinking game.
See also: Katie Couric’s interview w/McCain- 3 people he’d like to have dinner with.
1. Petraeus
2. E-bay founder who just laid off 10% of her emplyoees
3. Any professional or Olympic athlete
October 8th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
I opted out on this debate last night to play Halo and COD4. After reading this boring piece of trash, I am totally happy I did so.
October 8th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Hellooo? Did anyone beside me catch McCain say ‘exhasterbating?’
October 8th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Sigh… I suppose getting insulted by a guy named “Shaggy’sScrotum” is an occupational hazard when you write stuff on the internet, but still… Sigh.
October 8th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
This wasn’t funny last night, and is more painful to read today. Let me get this straight: You guys actually get paid to be funny, but aren’t? Fuck… sign me up!!
October 8th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
@guest_name:kudos
@Eric: if god’s so strong, why isn’t he winning?
Long live complex thought!
October 8th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
@zetoastking: The fella’s incorporated McCain’s “My friends” into the Cracked Live Blog Drinking Game.
@Tyler: The precurser to our favorite web site,the now defunct Cracked Magazine, was used in a question on Cash Cab recently. Alas, the contestant got it wrong.
Yes…most boring debate ever.I also lost interest after the live blogging froze up. It’s almost worth keeping the likes of Ross Perot, Ron Paul or John Anderson in the running just to keep things interesting.
Tom should’ve had an orchestra “play them off” Emmy Awards style, increasing the volume the longer they talked.
October 8th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Favourite moment was when McCain called Barack “that one”. I’m surprised he wasn’t pointing out to the feds which teenagers were on his lawn that morning. (Let’s face it, it was Palin and O’Brien screwing in front of one of his “misplaced” mansions.)
Obama looked awkward at points… like he was witnessing a conversation between his 80-year-old father and the equally senile banker coming to repo his house.
October 8th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
@Eric
I want to go to a comedy website and repeat everything my bible study group and Fox News told me to say. I want to repeat things I saw on radically conservative websites and McCain/Palin commercials without actually doing any research, because research is hard. I want to ignore all the facts because I’m a middle class American, and goddammit, fuck the facts. I want to vote for a walking cadaver and a woman who couldn’t place in a middle school spelling bee. Most of all, I want to draw the ire of everyone else because that validates my mistaken belief that I am “telling it like it is” and everyone else is a naive asshole.
Kindly fuck off and die.
October 8th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
so I totaly hate this new layout.
October 8th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Jumpin Jack flash. I am suprised that Ross only drank a 5th of Beam… and you want my vote for president? For shame!
October 8th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
“only if i can insert your answer into your sister”
holy crap i thought i was gonna cry from laughing so hard. Also, Eric please shut the fuck up. I didn’t read what you said (because it was way too long, fuck that) but i can tell that you need to stop talking about real shit and make fun of someone like everyone else…douchebag
October 8th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Dan, that was a genocide - not that there is much of a difference.
October 8th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
when researching obamas background, I wonder how he even got to the senate. His background and “friends” make him anything but presidential.
October 8th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Where do I send the pictures?
October 8th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Yes, I’m anal, but I did want to point out the Armenian Holocaust just after WWI.
There already has been a second holocaust. Surprisingly the first one does happen to be older than John McCain
October 8th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
You failed to mention why I ceased to get your live coverage after a picture of Ron Burgundy and Tom Brokaw was posted, giving me no reason to continue watching the actual debate.
On a completely unrelated note, Cracked magazine was mentioned on the new episode of Family Guy on Sunday. Do you know what person on that episode read Cracked magazine? Jesus fucking Christ, that’s who.
October 8th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
@Somekindarobot- I won’t deny that I initially read that Wilhelm made the retirement age decree, (and, further, that he did it to get rid of his enemies is a myth that still pervades), but I did some further digging based on what you said and, it turns out, you were right: it was Bismarck. Good point.
But if you ever prove me wrong again, I’ll pull out your fucking tongue.
October 8th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
ERIC (First Poster At The Top):
YOU ARE A GIANT DOUCHEBAG
PLEASE DON’T TALK ANYMORE
October 8th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
The debate just makes me want to vote for Wolinsky even more… hopefully I won’t forget how to spell Wolinsky on election day.
October 8th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
eric, your are talking about real issues, and that is not alowed here.
October 8th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
DOB is kinda right about how social security started in the German Empire, but got the originator and reason wrong. It was actually started by Chancellor Otto Von Bismark (The true brains behind the German Empire; Kaiser Wilhelm I was just along for the ride) in order to appease the working class so that they wouldn’t turn to socialism. Cleverly, very few working class people lived to be 65, so the government didn’t have to spend that much on them.
October 8th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Nothing about McCain saying “My friends” at least one time in every answer?
Is it because he has no real friends, so he tries to fill the void? Cause I totally understand.
October 8th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Gladstone:
Do you say a post-coital “And that’s all…for now.”?
If so, call me.
October 8th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
I want to vote for the socialist with very questionable ties to radical leftist communistic associates (”with a little c”), racist clergy, Hamas, tax-em-all-to-bring-everybody-to-the-same-level liberals, and the least experience; I want him to blame George Bush for everything (including faulty state transportation and levy systems), the sub-prime mortgage crisis, and our soldiers air-raiding villages and killing civilians. (After all, we can’t tell the difference between Bush and Hitler.) I want to vote for the person who’s never run so much as an ice cream truck, let alone an office of employees or, even less relevant, an organization of millions or even thousands of people. I want him to tell me what I want to hear WITHOUT BEING SPECIFIC; I will will fill in WHAT I WANT HIM TO BE all by myself. I want him to have no connection at all to our military while he tells us how much he wants our soldiers to “come home.” I want him to point out that Iraq was a mistake but promise to send our soldiers to places like Darfur. I want to vote for the guy the mainstream media likes the most, because they know what’s best for me. I want to vote for the guy that college students flock to, because they have a firm grip on historic significance, well-formed morals, and the reality of everything in our country depends on the availability of oil; I want the guy who’s wife has no other reason to feel proud of our country until her husband gets his due. I want to vote for the guy who promises the most change…as long as that change involves relieving me of my first and second amendment rights, because my guy is much smarter and forward-thinking than those old white guys we keep referring to as “founding fathers.” (Why does the term “community safety” not appear once in the Second Amendment, anyway?)
October 8th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
I’ve had one desire since I was born
To see my body ripped and torn
To see my flesh devoured before my eyes
Only for you , I volunteer as a human sacrifice
Carve me up, slice me apart
Suck my guts and lick my heart
Chop me up, I like to be hurt
Drink my marrow and blood for dessert
EATEN…
My one desire, my only wish is to be-
EATEN…
The longer I live the more I’m dying to feel the pain
EATEN…
I would do anything to be-
EATEN…
My one desire, my only wish is to be-
EATEN…
I finally found you, my personal slaughter
As an appetizer,I let you taste my daughter
Call me sick but this is what I need
My only purpose here is for you to feed
Carve me up, slice me apart
Suck my guts and lick my heart
Chop me up, I like to be hurt
Drink my marrow and blood for dessert
EATEN…
My one desire, my only wish is to be-
EATEN…
The longer I live the more I’m dying to feel the pain
EATEN…
I would do anything to be-
EATEN…
My one desire, my only wish is to be-
EATEN…
Desecrate me
Tear me limb from limb
Eviscerate me
Chew me to death
EATEN…
My one desire, my only wish is to be-
EATEN…
The longer I live the more I’m dying to feel the pain
EATEN…
I would do anything to be-
EATEN…
My one desire, my only wish is to be-
EATEN…
October 8th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
The dearth of my presence in this best of is further proof of two things:
1. Ross doesn’t find me funny.
2. Ross is the Zodiac Killer.
October 8th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Odd, Jagenigma, I could have sworn Obama cribbed his position on Russia almost exactly from McCain
October 8th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
While watching the debate, I noticed that McCain kept repeating everything that Obama said while attacking him at the same time. McCain has already lost my vote so damn long ago. Picking Palin Didn’t change my mind, attacking Obama didn’t change my mind, saying that he is more experienced didn’t change my mind.
I say Obama has my vote this November.
October 8th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
Does Obama and democrats realize that the current economic shit-storm was cause by many of Clinton’s guys and democrats in ‘99 removing and reducing regulations for banks and creditors not Bush’s administration? I mean bush has gotten the country in shitty situations but not “oh shit Im out of college i better find a good cardboard box or put a hit out on my parents for the insurance money” situation
October 8th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
I liked that too, James. So many not-so-subtle jabs, “I’m sorry, Senator, I’m just trying to follow the rules that you all decided on.“
October 8th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
The best part of the whole debate is how Angry Tom was getting at the candidates.
October 8th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
You guys made it interesting. You should all definitely keep doing these liveblogs!
October 8th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Well Gentlemen, I have a nagging sensation that you were never quite drunk at any time during this debate, notwithstanding the 9/11 reference condition. Please, do not allow Gladstone’s harsh self-righteous morality to begrudge you your binge-fueled commenting.
No cheating next time! I want to see you all totally pissed! That goes for you too, G-rocks.
October 8th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
no! It’s Art Garfunkel! shit, I can’t believe I know that. I kind of want to go kill myself now.
October 8th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
I taped the debate so I can use it as a cure for my insomnia over and over again.
October 8th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
that lady with the bug eyes behind the blonde lesbian scared the freakin crap outa me the entire debate
i don even know wat the fuck either of em said
October 8th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Is that a Sam Cooke/Otis Redding reference I spy in the ‘eastern philosophy’ bit?
October 8th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Hooray for issue-based election campaigns!
October 8th, 2008 at 11:44 am
i lost interest in watching the debate as soon as the scribblelive broke.
October 8th, 2008 at 11:39 am
at least your comment was fun, and basing on it I could pretend I knew staff in a debate today at school, so thanks cracked staff.