- 8:54 PM Dan O’Brien - Guys, I’m going to be completely honest: My humor tonight is going to be severely impacted by the fact that I don’t want to have sex with anyone in this debate.
- 8:55 PM Michael Swaim - They just said on CNN that McCain needs to seem “more compassionate” tonight. Mayhap he’ll do some DOB-wooing thru-screen?
- 8:55 PM Dan O’Brien - Mayhap, Swaim. Mayhap.
- 8:55 PM Hbn Gladstone - I’m drinking scotch. How about you guys?
- 8:56 PM Ross Wolinsky - Jim Beam and soda.
- 8:56 PM Michael Swaim -
- 8:56 PM Michael Swaim - You’re telling me you don’t want some of this?
- 8:56 PM Dan O’Brien - I wanted to have a nice champagne, but it turns out I don’t have that, so I’m drinking this wine I brewed in my toilet.
- 8:56 PM Michael Swaim - And oh, I’m drinking Silk: Vanilla (low fat)
- 8:56 PM Dan O’Brien - You may scoff, but anyone who’s been to prison knows EXACTLY what I’m talking about.
- 8:56 PM Hbn Gladstone - John McCain has been in prison
- 8:57 PM Ross Wolinsky - Just to bring everyone up to speed with a complete non-sequitor, Swaim has already accused me of having a penis that presents a choking hazard to small children, to which I countered that it was manufactured in China and is covered in lead paint.
- 8:57 PM Ross Wolinsky - All that and the debate hasn’t even STARTED yet.
- 8:57 PM Michael Swaim - Whoa! That was BEHIND THE SCENES commentary, Ross.
- 8:57 PM Michael Swaim - They have to wait for the DVD for that shit
- 8:57 PM Ross Wolinsky - I know. But marketing said people like that kind of stuff.
- 8:57 PM Michael Swaim - Also, Palin’s daughter is retarded.
- 8:57 PM Michael Swaim - There, it can only go up from here.
- 8:58 PM Ross Wolinsky - Hence the Glitter Act of 2009.
- 8:58 PM Hbn Gladstone - I’m not gonna like to you, Swaim. Your pic is freakin’ me out.
- 8:58 PM Dan O’Brien -
- 8:58 PM Hbn Gladstone - lie to you
- 8:58 PM Dan O’Brien - (There’s an edit button, Gladstone.)
- 8:58 PM Michael Swaim - Well, your avatar seems to be making eyes at me, so I really don’t know what to believe.
- 8:59 PM Michael Swaim - (just because it’s in parentheses doesn’t mean it’s whispered, Dan)
- 8:59 PM Dan O’Brien - Hey, on CNN, they’re talking about Polls. It says 80% of the people think the country is going badly.
- 8:59 PM Dan O’Brien - Did any of you guys take this poll?
- 8:59 PM Dan O’Brien - No one ever asks me to take these polls everyone’s always talking about
- 8:59 PM Ross Wolinsky - Can you guys tell me when I need to actually turn on the TV? As it stands I’m in the alley behind my apartment going through the contents of my wallet.
- 8:59 PM Michael Swaim - I think they just poll Kieth Olbermann now
- 9:00 PM Michael Swaim - And chatting online, Ross? I submit that you are a liar.
- 9:00 PM Ross Wolinsky - It’s called WiFi. Check it out.
- 9:00 PM Dan O’Brien - It’s starting guys. The shit is on.
- 9:00 PM Michael Swaim - I sincerely hope that the talk gets slightly more political when the debate starts…
- 9:00 PM Michael Swaim - I want to have sex with the CNN commentator on the left
- 9:00 PM Hbn Gladstone - I’m watching on CNN too.
- 9:01 PM Michael Swaim - Right? Right?
- 9:01 PM Dan O’Brien - Wolf Blitzer just said that the candidates don’t know what the questions are going to be tonight.
- 9:01 PM Hbn Gladstone - is that a joke? do i have to always be funny?
- 9:01 PM Dan O’Brien - Is that different from regular debates?
- 9:01 PM Dan O’Brien - I’m honestly asking. That’s retarded.
- 9:01 PM Hbn Gladstone - BEEP! Welcome to Hate By Numbers. BEEP 1. Wolf Blitzer? Nice beard!
- 9:01 PM Ross Wolinsky - Tom Brokaw’s hair looks pretty good tonight.
- 9:01 PM Michael Swaim - Now they’re playing bass-y fight music.
- 9:01 PM Michael Swaim - I am PUMPED for this!
- 9:01 PM Dan O’Brien - Tom Brokaw is so likeable.
- 9:01 PM Hbn Gladstone - BEEP 2 Tom Brokaw you talk funny!
- 9:01 PM Michael Swaim - whoa! Rock flute!
- 9:02 PM Michael Swaim - CNN is blowing up right now you guys.
- 9:02 PM Ross Wolinsky - Can we expect a question from Joe Six-Pack tonight?
- 9:02 PM Dan O’Brien - Swaim, what are you watching?
- 9:02 PM Dan O’Brien - I’M watching CNN.
- 9:02 PM Michael Swaim - Acid.
- 9:02 PM Hbn Gladstone - oh awesome, Tom Brokaw selected the “excellent” questions.
- 9:02 PM Michael Swaim - His voice is so smooth it makes me want to puke.
- 9:02 PM Ross Wolinsky - What’s the matter? You don’t trust him?
- 9:02 PM Ross Wolinsky - I get the feeling he’s done this before.
- 9:02 PM Dan O’Brien - I like Dana Carvey’s Brokaw better than this guy.
- 9:03 PM Ross Wolinsky - Hey, look - it’s John McCain. He should do well tonight provided that nobody challenges him to raise the roof.
- 9:03 PM Dan O’Brien - This shit is SO ON.
- 9:03 PM Dan O’Brien - Wow, Ross.
- 9:03 PM Hbn Gladstone - For the readers at home, we have a wonderful intern who i shall refer to as “Jeeves” who is helping us tonight. Jeeves, get me a photo of a 1957 Chevy right now! my brokaw joke depends on it!
- 9:03 PM Ross Wolinsky - Too soon?
- 9:03 PM Dan O’Brien - Does Brokaw have two microphones pinned to his tie?
- 9:04 PM Ross Wolinsky - Is THAT Joe Six-Pack?
- 9:04 PM Michael Swaim - I think my feed is ever so slightly delayed. I’ll have to up my game to keep up with this razor-sharp humor.
- 9:04 PM Dan O’Brien - That won’t make him louder. That’s not how sound works.
- 9:04 PM Ross Wolinsky - I didn’t think he’d be so… bald.
- 9:04 PM Hbn Gladstone - No that’s my 8th grad shop teacher
- 9:04 PM Ross Wolinsky - Oh. Well, either way he’s clearly drunk.
- 9:04 PM Michael Swaim - THey should show the coin flip, make it more like a sporting event.
- 9:04 PM Michael Swaim - Also there should be body checking.
- 9:04 PM Dan O’Brien - Barack would win.
- 9:04 PM Hbn Gladstone - Obama has a perfect dimple in his full windsor tie.
- 9:04 PM Ross Wolinsky - Dan: You’re forgetting how much McCain has been tortured.
- 9:04 PM Michael Swaim - Wow, they get to walk around…FDR would TANK this debate.
- 9:05 PM Hbn Gladstone - McCain is a half windsor man.
- 9:05 PM Ross Wolinsky - McCain is a fully tortured man.
- 9:05 PM Michael Swaim - McCain is a cro-Magnon man
- 9:05 PM Michael Swaim - (He’s old)
- 9:05 PM Michael Swaim - wow, I did it! I killed the blog!
- 9:05 PM Hbn Gladstone - What did Obama just say about “golden showers?”
- 9:05 PM Dan O’Brien - NOW Obama’s wearing a flag pin. Typical liberal flip-flopping.
- 9:06 PM Dan O’Brien - McCain is in a perfect position to jump Obama right now.
- 9:06 PM Michael Swaim -
- 9:06 PM Michael Swaim - I just wanted that to be on here.
- 9:06 PM Michael Swaim - For later reference.
- 9:06 PM Hbn Gladstone - McCain is making a pass at Allen.
- 9:06 PM Ross Wolinsky - Look at that perfect right angle on McCain’s arm.
- 9:06 PM Ross Wolinsky - I call bullshit - that is a fake arm.
- 9:07 PM Michael Swaim - They should really have a debate where Brokaw’s allowed to say “WRONG!”
- 9:07 PM Dan O’Brien - He can’t comb his own hair.
- 9:07 PM Michael Swaim - Hear the timbre in his voice? There’s that compassion.
- 9:07 PM Michael Swaim - Anything stirring yet, Dan?
- 9:07 PM Ross Wolinsky - Not his head hair.
- 9:07 PM Dan O’Brien - Nothing. I feel like Samson post-haircut.
- 9:07 PM Ross Wolinsky - McCain has IMMACULATELY styled pubes though.
- 9:07 PM Michael Swaim - Well, when it’s all you can style, you tend to go a little nuts.
- 9:07 PM Hbn Gladstone - He pacing around the room like DeNiro in a The Untouchables
- 9:08 PM Hbn Gladstone - Jeeves! Get me a picture of DeNiro in The Untouchables.
- 9:08 PM Michael Swaim - “Whoa, hey, do I look like a President to you? Do I execute for you? Hah?”
- 9:08 PM Michael Swaim - Pesci, but…you know. Italians
- 9:08 PM Ross Wolinsky - Was that a joke?
- 9:08 PM Michael Swaim - all the same and all that
- 9:08 PM Ross Wolinsky - Gladstone’s shop teacher laughed.
- 9:09 PM Ross Wolinsky -
- 9:09 PM Dan O’Brien - McCain likes Meg Whitman.
- 9:09 PM Hbn Gladstone - McCain and Meg Whitman sitting in a tree!
- 9:09 PM Dan O’Brien - OOOoOoooooH
- 9:09 PM Dan O’Brien - McCain mentioned eBay. Is he making fun of the internet?
- 9:09 PM Dan O’Brien - Because for real, fuck him.
- 9:09 PM Ross Wolinsky - I think he’s saying he wants to make eBay part of the government.
- 9:10 PM Dan O’Brien - This is really a one-word answer. “Who do you want to have this job?”
- 9:10 PM Michael Swaim - He’s acheiving a higher joke density than we are.
- 9:10 PM Dan O’Brien - He’s wandering around bullshitting. Give us a name, Obama.
- 9:10 PM Ross Wolinsky - “Bill.”
- 9:10 PM Michael Swaim - If Warren Buffet becomes Treasury Secretary, we’ll all be eating Cheeseburgers in Paradise.
- 9:11 PM Ross Wolinsky - “Steve.”
- 9:11 PM Michael Swaim - For the record, I’m only here to amuse myself.
- 9:11 PM Hbn Gladstone - What is that yellow thing on Brokaw’s wrist?
- 9:11 PM Dan O’Brien - From the comments, Dave says “I don’t have a TV in my apartment, so this is how I’m “watching” the debate. Thank god for the information super highway!”
- 9:11 PM Ross Wolinsky - Michelle Obama looks like shit tonight.
- 9:11 PM Dan O’Brien - We should really step up our game.
- 9:11 PM Michael Swaim - “That 5% are SOOO fucked though. It’s like, these eight guys that just get REAMED.”
- 9:11 PM Dan O’Brien - Are we going to thank every jerkoff who asks a question?
- 9:12 PM Dan O’Brien - You don’t have unlimited time, guys.
- 9:12 PM Ross Wolinsky - Dave: You should konw that there is a red carpet.
- 9:12 PM Ross Wolinsky - That is all.
- 9:12 PM Hbn Gladstone - I’m so glad I patented the word “main street” three weeks ago before the crash. I dont’ need to blog for food anymore.
- 9:12 PM Michael Swaim - Dave: Oh shit, McCain just lumbered into some electrical wires! He’s down! McCain is DOWN!
- 9:12 PM Hbn Gladstone - Yeah, John, neither this participant in the debate nor your VP have ever heard of Fannie Mae.
- 9:12 PM Dan O’Brien - McCain said to a black guy “I bet you’ve never heard of Fannie Mac and Freddie May before this crisis.” Is that racist?
- 9:13 PM Ross Wolinsky - McCain looks so desperate right now. Obama is sitting in that chair just CHILLING.
- 9:13 PM Dan O’Brien - Like a VILLING.
- 9:13 PM Michael Swaim - At the last debates he was just short of calling Obama “boy” on several occasions.
- 9:13 PM Dan O’Brien - Jesus, listen to how McCain is breathing, he sounds terrible.
- 9:13 PM Dan O’Brien - Like he’s so tired from minding his slaves all day.
- 9:13 PM Michael Swaim - It’s compassion. His breath is getting “husky.”
- 9:13 PM Hbn Gladstone - Why did McCAin assume “Allen” can’t afford to stay in his home?
- 9:13 PM Ross Wolinsky - Wait… I thought Obama’s name was Toby!
- 9:14 PM Michael Swaim - It’s stage 4 of the McCain compassion program.
- 9:14 PM Michael Swaim - No, it’s Iraq Hussein Terrorist
- 9:14 PM Dan O’Brien - Give Allen a fist-pump, Obama. Come on. Give him a fist-pump. Just one.
- 9:14 PM Michael Swaim - Obama: “No YOU take a hike.”
- 9:14 PM Dan O’Brien - “White people, am I right?” Fist-pump.
- 9:14 PM Michael Swaim - I love Obama’s “tell it like a children’s book” style.
- 9:15 PM Ross Wolinsky - Make me understand, Obama.
- 9:15 PM Michael Swaim - “if this happens, then bad stuff. then take that, and make it a million. Do you know a million? That’s a thousand thousand.”
- 9:15 PM Ross Wolinsky - “Once upon a time there was a pony who believed
that the free markets could correct themselves.” - 9:15 PM Dan O’Brien - “Let’s say Bush is Voldemort. And let’s say Voldemort put his dick in the economy.”
- 9:15 PM Michael Swaim - See, he’s just writing, that’s his problem. McCain would be in there flailing at them until they MADE IT RIGHT.
- 9:16 PM Michael Swaim - Tell me what I’m interested in.
- 9:16 PM Michael Swaim - Please.
- 9:16 PM Michael Swaim - Look at my avatar, Obama
- 9:16 PM Hbn Gladstone - Jeeves! Where the F is that picture I requested?!!! What are we not paying you for?
- 9:16 PM Michael Swaim - Do I LOOK interested?
- 9:17 PM Michael Swaim - You have to slap him around a little or he’s useless.
- 9:17 PM Ross Wolinsky - Ok let’s back it up here. Calling the 20th Century system “arcane” might be a bit much. The 20th century was only 8 years ago.|
- 9:17 PM Dan O’Brien - Obama says he believes in the American Economy. What is that based on?
- 9:17 PM Michael Swaim - Hope.
- 9:17 PM Ross Wolinsky - P.S. That is “Croneyism” #2. A little late in the campaign to start a new buzzword, no?
- 9:18 PM Hbn Gladstone - hahahahahahahahahaha
- 9:18 PM Dan O’Brien - I want a human being, not some hopetologist.
- 9:18 PM Michael Swaim - No one’s willing to say “we’re in the shitter people. It’s not my fault, but God, fuck it.”
- 9:18 PM Hbn Gladstone - McCain is still selling the American worker = “fundamental of the economy”
- 9:18 PM Ross Wolinsky - Nice necklace, Teresa.
- 9:18 PM Michael Swaim - Yeah, but 80 percent of them make their living on eBay
- 9:18 PM Dan O’Brien - Even if the American worker DID have money, he still wouldn’t be buying that bullshit.
- 9:18 PM Ross Wolinsky - Congrats: That was the only time you’ll ever be on TV. You blew it.
- 9:19 PM Michael Swaim - Go SECTION F!!
- 9:19 PM Dan O’Brien - Teresa lost this debate.
- 9:19 PM Michael Swaim - THat’s my old section.
- 9:19 PM Ross Wolinsky - Teresa dates Joe Six-Pack.
- 9:20 PM Ross Wolinsky - I can’t believe that snob Obama is even addressing her.
- 9:20 PM Hbn Gladstone - Quick question: Am I the only blogger not wearing pants right now?
- 9:20 PM Dan O’Brien - Erin says: “I’m late! So Dan, since there’s nobody you want to have sex with…what are we drinking to tonight? Then it’s not like I’m drinking alone, right??”
- 9:20 PM Ross Wolinsky - He should’ve just said, “Listen, Teresa, sweetheart… either that necklace goes or I do.”
- 9:20 PM Dan O’Brien - Let’s brainstorm some drinking games gentlemen.
- 9:20 PM Michael Swaim - He should take after Palin and just stare through the camera at all times.
- 9:20 PM Michael Swaim - Alliteration.
- 9:20 PM Michael Swaim - Or synechdoche.
- 9:20 PM Hbn Gladstone - Take a drink every time the candidates fail to engage my attention.
- 9:20 PM Ross Wolinsky - I’m going to take a drink every time I can see a red carpet.
- 9:20 PM Michael Swaim - There’s one!
- 9:20 PM Michael Swaim - I think.
- 9:21 PM Dan O’Brien - I’m gonna chug some homemade toilet wine every time one of these guys doesn’t directly answer the question.
- 9:21 PM Dan O’Brien - Any time one of them thanks whoever asks a question, drink.
- 9:21 PM Ross Wolinsky - I’m going to take a drink every time John McCain doesn’t lift his arms over his head.
- 9:21 PM Hbn Gladstone - I was just gonna say that!
- 9:21 PM Michael Swaim - Well, if you’re going to drop the ball Dan, I guess I’ll drink every time I stop paying attention and imagine having sex with Sarah Palin.
- 9:21 PM Hbn Gladstone - damn you ross
- 9:21 PM Dan O’Brien - Somebody make sure Ross is okay.
- 9:21 PM Dan O’Brien - Oh I’ll drop the ball all right.
- 9:22 PM Dan O’Brien - Right in Sarah Palin’s mouth.
- 9:22 PM Dan O’Brien - (And then the other one, also.)
- 9:22 PM Ross Wolinsky - This is completely unrelated, but did everyone hear about the Palin-themed porno?
- 9:22 PM Dan O’Brien - Nailin Palin?
- 9:22 PM Ross Wolinsky - I believe it’s called “Nailin’ Palin.”
- 9:22 PM Dan O’Brien - Of COURSE.
- 9:22 PM Michael Swaim - McCain seriously moves his arms and shoulders like a mafioso. I never noticed that before.
- 9:22 PM Hbn Gladstone - It is called that
- 9:22 PM Dan O’Brien - It is.
- 9:22 PM Ross Wolinsky - I really hope they work the phrase “pork barrel” into the back of the DVD box.
- 9:22 PM Michael Swaim - It narrowly beat out “Im-Palin’”
- 9:23 PM Dan O’Brien - There’s a three-some between Michelle Obama, Palin and Hilary look alikes
- 9:23 PM Hbn Gladstone - OH this is a real drinking game
- 9:23 PM Ross Wolinsky - “Impalin’ Palin.”
- 9:23 PM Hbn Gladstone - Drink every time McCain says “My Friends”
- 9:23 PM Ross Wolinsky - That’s good.
- 9:23 PM Michael Swaim - Does she wink at camera continuously?
- 9:23 PM Dan O’Brien - “Drill Baby Drill”
- 9:23 PM Ross Wolinsky - DRILLING OFFSHORE.
- 9:23 PM Dan O’Brien - “Alaska To Take Her Clothes Off”
- 9:23 PM Michael Swaim - The money shot is a “Gotcha Moment.”
- 9:23 PM Ross Wolinsky - It’s actually starring Tina Fey. I thought she was doing so well!
- 9:23 PM Hbn Gladstone - “raping the continental shelf”
- 9:23 PM Michael Swaim - It pans to Katie Couric, who DOESN’T LOOK PLEASED.
- 9:24 PM Michael Swaim - Palin has to re-take several times.
- 9:24 PM Hbn Gladstone - my friends! drink!!!
- 9:24 PM Dan O’Brien - McCain was asked to prioritize three items, and he said “All of them at the same time.”
- 9:24 PM Ross Wolinsky - Loinal Warming. I guess that’s a stretch, huh?
- 9:24 PM Michael Swaim - Excellent question, Brokaw.
- 9:25 PM Dan O’Brien - Twice now he’s said “Reaching across the aisle to Lieberman.” That’s not a joke. that’s just shitty repetitive bullshit.
- 9:25 PM Hbn Gladstone - my friends. Drink!!!!
- 9:25 PM Dan O’Brien - We get it, Lieberman is a shitty democrat.
- 9:25 PM Ross Wolinsky - Loinal Warming.
- 9:25 PM Michael Swaim - It’s astounding that they can not answer a question that only has a three word answer.
- 9:26 PM Ross Wolinsky - $3.80?
- 9:26 PM Ross Wolinsky - Cry me a fucking river, Nashville.
- 9:26 PM Dan O’Brien - How is anyone supposed to make a decision when the debaters don’t answer the questions?
- 9:26 PM Michael Swaim - “Let’s do ‘em all at once.” You heard it here first folks. McCain in crazy sex romp.
- 9:26 PM Michael Swaim - Dan, if you watched CNN, you’d see that their powerful computers have already predicted the campaign’s results in great detail.
- 9:27 PM Hbn Gladstone - I cannot believe this conversation about foreign oil helping terrorists was NOT PART OF THE 2004 DEBATE. They say America always learns its lesson, but 10 years too late. Oh, sorry. uh, boobs.
- 9:27 PM Dan O’Brien - Just in Ohio.
- 9:27 PM Michael Swaim - It’s over. You voted Obama. In six months, you die of an anyeurism. Get over it.
- 9:27 PM Ross Wolinsky - Oh great. Obama is about to go through every item in the budget.
- 9:27 PM Ross Wolinsky - This is going to be BORING.
- 9:27 PM Dan O’Brien - “Senator Obama, you’re over time by about 13 minutes.”
- 9:27 PM Hbn Gladstone - Jeeves, get me a picture of Cheap Trick Live at Budakon, now!
- 9:27 PM Michael Swaim - He’d call him on it, but he nodded off a minute ago.
- 9:27 PM Ross Wolinsky - “But he sounds so smart!”
- 9:28 PM Dan O’Brien - “Senator, we still have a LOT to cover here.”
- 9:28 PM Ross Wolinsky - “You just bored the vote outta me!”
- 9:28 PM Hbn Gladstone - Brokaw, just say “times up!”
- 9:28 PM Dan O’Brien - Ring a bell, or a buzzer or something.
- 9:28 PM Michael Swaim - So we want facts and specificity, but information bores us. You know what? We DESERVE anything that happens to this country.
- 9:29 PM Michael Swaim - I’m riding this sinking ship to the motherfucking bottom.
- 9:29 PM Ross Wolinsky - Do you think the whole “earmarks” thing is just trying to call attention to the fact that Obama has big ears?
- 9:29 PM Hbn Gladstone - So yesterday i guess they all got really excited at the McCain camp about this whole “overhead projector” SCANDAL!!!
- 9:29 PM Dan O’Brien - You guys know what Switzerland does? They haven’t fought in a war in 500 years, but they could destroy any army that tried to enter their lines. Their mountains are lined with explosives. They have more anti-airforce weapons than anyone, and every single person in their country is trained in combat.
- 9:29 PM Dan O’Brien - I’m gonna move to Switzerland.
- 9:30 PM Ross Wolinsky - Great chocolate, too.
- 9:30 PM Hbn Gladstone - I like Swiss Cheese. A lot.
- 9:30 PM Ross Wolinsky - Plus they’ve got those Alps.
- 9:30 PM Ross Wolinsky - Famous.
- 9:30 PM Hbn Gladstone - McCain says we’re not rifle shots. What does that mean??
- 9:30 PM Michael Swaim - Good luck mutating from the Large Hadron Collider radiation. That thing is a death trap. Black Holes forming at all hours of the night, throwing rowdy parties.
- 9:30 PM Ross Wolinsky - OH SHIT. 9/11 REFERENCE = DRINK 1 MILLION DRINKS
- 9:30 PM Dan O’Brien - 9/11.
- 9:31 PM Hbn Gladstone - Oh snap, Obama went to 9/11 first
- 9:31 PM Dan O’Brien - DRIIIIINK
- 9:31 PM Ross Wolinsky - I AM DRIIIIIIIIIIIIIINKING.
- 9:31 PM Michael Swaim - What’s that? I forgot.
- 9:31 PM Dan O’Brien - Somewhere, Giuliani is crying into his prostate.
- 9:31 PM Hbn Gladstone - and apparently he thinks only “a lot of you remember 9/11″
- 9:31 PM Michael Swaim - Well, he wouldn’t want to go out on a LIMB.
- 9:31 PM Hbn Gladstone - Some folks in Des Moines have forgotten I guess.
- 9:31 PM Ross Wolinsky - What happened on 9/11 again?
- 9:31 PM Michael Swaim - It happened AGAIN?
- 9:31 PM Dan O’Brien - Ben Folds’ first Solo album came out.
- 9:32 PM Hbn Gladstone - I went on a job interview on 9/12/01.
- 9:32 PM Michael Swaim - The PS2 was released.
- 9:32 PM Dan O’Brien - 9/12 was a Joe Cocker concert in New Jersey. CANCELED, thank you terrorists.
- 9:32 PM Hbn Gladstone - It lasted from 9 to 5 and they didn’t give me lunch.
- 9:32 PM Dan O’Brien - Terrorists hate our Joe Cocker.
- 9:32 PM Michael Swaim - I’m wrong, it was the Dreamcast
- 9:32 PM Michael Swaim - and it was 9/9/99
- 9:32 PM Hbn Gladstone - They hate our Joe Cocker so much
- 9:32 PM Michael Swaim - Much more memorable. Terrorists could learn something from Sega.
- 9:32 PM Hbn Gladstone - This is the worst debate ever.
- 9:33 PM Ross Wolinsky - I will never forget 9/11. Soul Calibur was AWESOME.
- 9:33 PM Dan O’Brien - It’s truly awful.
- 9:33 PM Michael Swaim -
- 9:33 PM Hbn Gladstone - Wall Street, the gov, and the American people got drunk says Tom Brokaw.
- 9:33 PM Michael Swaim - Get to it, Dan.
- 9:34 PM Hbn Gladstone - In 2008, Gladstone got drunk watching the worst debate ever.
- 9:34 PM Dan O’Brien - I think there’s one black chick in the audience and they keep moving her around. So it looks like there’s more
- 9:34 PM Michael Swaim - Never forget.
- 9:34 PM Michael Swaim - Like a college admissions brochure.
- 9:34 PM Hbn Gladstone - I’m going to refill my scotch| because apparently Jeeves ain’t worth nothin’
- 9:34 PM Michael Swaim - “Come to our debate. Diverse, friendly staff, killer cafeteria meals!”
- 9:35 PM Ross Wolinsky - You know what must be hard? Being one of the talking heads that has to say “Obama made some good points” or “McCain came off as blah blah blah” and not just “Wow - that was the most BORING debate I’ve ever seen.”
- 9:35 PM Michael Swaim - He wants us to make sacrifices. BIG mistake.
- 9:35 PM Dan O’Brien - “Keith Olberman, who won this debate?”
- 9:35 PM Dan O’Brien - “Fuck if I know.”
- 9:36 PM Michael Swaim - The day I can’t enjoy a warm glass of gold nog in the morning is the day I move to France.
- 9:36 PM Ross Wolinsky - “Hey O’Reilly - any ideas?”
- 9:36 PM Dan O’Brien - “FUCK IT”
- 9:36 PM Michael Swaim - See, he said his louder.
- 9:36 PM Michael Swaim - Good impersonation.
- 9:36 PM Hbn Gladstone - McCain: “Senator’s Obama that you don’t know is……”
- 9:36 PM Ross Wolinsky - Is this debate any good in HD?
- 9:36 PM Ross Wolinsky - Maybe I need HD.
- 9:36 PM Dan O’Brien - The News is NOT bad, McCain.
- 9:36 PM Hbn Gladstone - My Friends! Drink!
- 9:36 PM Dan O’Brien - Huey Lewis just wanted to explore his own creativity.
- 9:37 PM Michael Swaim - Judging from the spelling decline, I think Wayne may be the only one of us following through on the “getting trashed” live blog promise.
- 9:37 PM Dan O’Brien - He never had a problem with the News, THAT is a fucking lie.
- 9:37 PM Ross Wolinsky - WHOA - THERE IS A QUESTION FROM THERE INTERNET.
- 9:37 PM Dan O’Brien - I also think he started about four hours before the debate.
- 9:37 PM Dan O’Brien - Obama and Brokaw are going to fight.
- 9:37 PM Ross Wolinsky - “We have a question from Cracked.com: ‘HEY U GUYS ARE FAGZ LOL.’”
- 9:37 PM Dan O’Brien - And Brokaw is going to lose.
- 9:37 PM Michael Swaim - The Internet wants to know: “Who am I? What is this strange sentience I am experiencing? Why am I filled with jizz?”
- 9:37 PM Hbn Gladstone - Wha? I don’t knee ayou dka’ la’d;lkjaf
- 9:38 PM Dan O’Brien - The internet wonders “Why did you accidentally the Nation?”
- 9:38 PM Dan O’Brien - Theresa, the bitch who asked an awful question earlier, looks perpetually confused.
- 9:39 PM Hbn Gladstone - STRAIGHT TALK EXPRESS LOST A WHEEL!!!
- 9:39 PM Dan O’Brien - “Where AM I?”
- 9:39 PM Hbn Gladstone - REALLY???
- 9:39 PM Michael Swaim - Brokaw used the word “Coda,” added his own question, and pronounced the phrase “Social Security” as if he’d had two glasses of brandy. I want him to be my father.
- 9:39 PM Hbn Gladstone - C’mon Barack. That’s awful!
- 9:39 PM Dan O’Brien - I bet the one guy who showed up to this debate in a baseball hat feels like such an asshole.
- 9:39 PM Michael Swaim - Yeah, it’s in the shop till Tuesday. Damn jive turkey jumped right out in front and it ran off the road to truth.
- 9:40 PM Ross Wolinsky - “THEY SAID BUSINESS CASUAL!!! THIS IS BUSINESS CASUAL!!!”
- 9:40 PM Dan O’Brien - “Hats are NOT casual, you dick. You don’t make the rules!”
- 9:40 PM Michael Swaim - Is anyone watching this on the channel with the lines? I miss those lines.
- 9:40 PM Hbn Gladstone - the cnn reaction lines?
- 9:40 PM Hbn Gladstone - focus group lines?
- 9:40 PM Michael Swaim - Yeah.
- 9:40 PM Dan O’Brien - From the comments, Kari says “Senator McCain keeps blinking. This is a sign of lieing.”
- 9:41 PM Dan O’Brien - He might just be having a seizure.
- 9:41 PM Michael Swaim - How they doin? Like little roller coasters of public opinion.
- 9:41 PM Michael Swaim - Or rapidly falling asleep and rousing himself.
- 9:41 PM Dan O’Brien - Do you guys know what the REAL problem with social security is?
- 9:41 PM Hbn Gladstone - He’s not blinking. His facial tumor is just attacking his eyes.
- 9:41 PM Ross Wolinsky - Kari: Senator McCain is very, very old. Give him a break.
- 9:41 PM Michael Swaim - It IS 9 O’Clock
- 9:41 PM Hbn Gladstone - what DOB?
- 9:41 PM Dan O’Brien - Years ago, Kaizer Wilhelm wanted the rest of his staff to retire, so he could have more power. He noticed they were all over 65, so he made 65 the mandatory retirement age. And it stuck, because bad ideas always stick.
- 9:42 PM Ross Wolinsky - I’m on the edge of my seat here.
- 9:42 PM Dan O’Brien - That’s it. It’s an arbitrary rule that we still cling to.
- 9:42 PM Hbn Gladstone - McCain wants to recruit “the smartest people in America” He’s good at finding those!
- 9:42 PM Michael Swaim - Dan’s full of great information that I don’t believe to be true. Like the newspaper!
- 9:42 PM Dan O’Brien - If we raise the age of retirement, and raise the cap for taxes, we’ll solve the economy.
- 9:42 PM Hbn Gladstone - Hey kids, Dan was a History major. Did you know that??
- 9:43 PM Michael Swaim - And he misspelled “Kaiser.” Just like the newspaper!
- 9:43 PM Ross Wolinsky - I’m actually liveblogging peeing right now.
- 9:43 PM Ross Wolinsky - thoughts?
- 9:43 PM Dan O’Brien - The school of Hard Knocks doesn’t have a history department, Gladstone.
- 9:43 PM Michael Swaim - I think the retirement age should be 85.
- 9:43 PM Dan O’Brien - I studied Political Science.
- 9:43 PM Michael Swaim - If you want a rocking chair, you earn it by crippling yourself in the mines.
- 9:43 PM Hbn Gladstone - I majored in English but trust me, I won’t be boring any of you with a discussion about symbolism in Alexander Pope’s “The Rape of the Lock”
- 9:43 PM Dan O’Brien - You’ll just be boring us with whatever else you feel like talking about.
- 9:43 PM Michael Swaim - Section C fails again.
- 9:43 PM Ross Wolinsky - Just mentioning that was boring.
- 9:44 PM Michael Swaim - Go section F!
- 9:44 PM Hbn Gladstone - hahahaha
- 9:44 PM Michael Swaim - Win the debate!
- 9:44 PM Michael Swaim - We get a pizza party
- 9:44 PM Ross Wolinsky - Is Section F like Section 8?
- 9:44 PM Hbn Gladstone - “Senator Obama says it has to be safe or something like that”
- 9:44 PM Hbn Gladstone - Is that bad????
- 9:44 PM Michael Swaim - So the way to be compassionate is to forcibly make everyone “your friends.”
- 9:44 PM Michael Swaim - Repetition wins again.
- 9:44 PM Dan O’Brien - Gladstone’s not lying, that’s an EXACT QUOTE.
- 9:45 PM Dan O’Brien - Boy, they sure packed that one section with a lot of fat, bald white guys.
- 9:45 PM Hbn Gladstone - I cannot believe McCain would say that
- 9:45 PM Ross Wolinsky - Obama loves computers. McCain doesn’t know what computers are.
- 9:45 PM Michael Swaim - That’s section J. No one likes them. They sweep the finals every season.
- 9:46 PM Hbn Gladstone - “Senator Obama says we shouldn’t make rape victims pay for their rape kits.”
- 9:46 PM Michael Swaim - “What Senator Obama doesn’t understand is, computers are boxes filled with ghosts.”
- 9:46 PM Dan O’Brien - From the comments, tshp says “is mccain going to start posting help wanted adds on Cracked? Is that how he’ll recruit the smartest people in America?”
- 9:46 PM Dan O’Brien - I have nothing funny to say. That’s just true.
- 9:47 PM Ross Wolinsky - That’s already been happening for a while. We were just contractually obligated not to say anything.
- 9:47 PM Ross Wolinsky - McCain is actually Ron Burgundy.
- 9:47 PM Michael Swaim - How do you keep getting these? Are you making them up? Isn’t tshp one of your psuedonyms?
- 9:47 PM Michael Swaim - There are so few problems you can drill your way out of anymore.
- 9:47 PM Dan O’Brien - “We have 3% of oil reserves, and we use 25% of the world’s oil” Obama just said that. Lieberman said that EXACT THING last week. How am I supposed to trust that they’re responding instinctively?
- 9:48 PM Michael Swaim - Tunnel collapse, and that’s about it. It’s sad, really. Times they are a-changin’
- 9:48 PM Ross Wolinsky -
- 10:12 PM Michael Swaim - I’m back first!
- 10:12 PM Michael Swaim - I win!
- 10:12 PM Michael Swaim - So hey, that bug-eyed lady sure was crazy lookin’
- 10:12 PM Michael Swaim - That whole time, nothing happened worth commenting on. That’s how boring this debate is.
- 10:12 PM Hbn Gladstone - hey we’re back
- 10:13 PM Michael Swaim - Old news, man. What we need now is a cool hand on the tiller of this blog.
- 10:13 PM Hbn Gladstone - Jeeves, give me a damn picture of David Bowie reclining on Mick Jagger’s lap, NOW!
- 10:13 PM Michael Swaim - “Use force, but talk softly…but carry a big stick.” I’m pretty sure his platform is rape.
- 10:14 PM Ross Wolinsky - Hey-o
- 10:14 PM Dan O’Brien - Phew.
- 10:14 PM Michael Swaim - Obama says “Pahk-ee-stahn.” He’s the OPPOSITE of “Nucular.”
- 10:14 PM Ross Wolinsky - Literally 1,000 jokes just got lost in the internet tubes there.
- 10:14 PM Hbn Gladstone -
- 10:14 PM Michael Swaim - And they were the best ones too
- 10:15 PM Dan O’Brien - You know what bugs me? Obama and McCain are repeating, verbatim, a few lines that Biden and Palin respectively said a week ago.
- 10:15 PM Ross Wolinsky - Most of them were about Teddy Roosevelt and chinese food.
- 10:15 PM Michael Swaim - Oh well, I’ll use them in my next article
- 10:15 PM Hbn Gladstone - Thank you Jeeves!
- 10:15 PM Dan O’Brien - It’s not a debate if you’re just awkwardly segue-ing into talking points.
- 10:15 PM Michael Swaim - On the plus side, they’re closer to coming to physical altercations than at any other point in the debate.
- 10:15 PM Hbn Gladstone - Oh wow!!!! McCain just said “young Americans” right after I posted a bowie pic!!!!!!!
- 10:15 PM Ross Wolinsky - Now I can’t stop picturing McCain with a giant handlebar mustache and monacle.
- 10:15 PM Michael Swaim - He’s in his Golden Years
- 10:16 PM Dan O’Brien - Boy, there sure are a lot of bald, fat white guys in the audience.
- 10:16 PM Hbn Gladstone - McCain knows how to get Bin Laden? This sounds a lot like Nixon’s “secret plan” to end Vietnam.
- 10:16 PM Dan O’Brien - Barack is 33% of the black population in this debate.
- 10:16 PM Michael Swaim -
- 10:16 PM Michael Swaim - In case anyone hasn’t seen this
- 10:16 PM Michael Swaim - It’s pretty terrible
- 10:16 PM Michael Swaim - And he’s glossing over it as we speak.
- 10:17 PM Michael Swaim - Barack’s half-white, so that’s like 16.5%
- 10:17 PM Dan O’Brien - Yikes.
- 10:17 PM Dan O’Brien - He says “We” want a democracy in Afghanistan.
- 10:17 PM Hbn Gladstone - and DOB is allegedly 1/8th black
- 10:18 PM Dan O’Brien - I don’t want a democracy in Afghanistan.
- 10:18 PM Ross Wolinsky - Can I insert his joke about which 1/8 of him is black for him?
- 10:18 PM Hbn Gladstone - Amen
- 10:18 PM Michael Swaim - That’s why he can kind of jump, but not really.
- 10:18 PM Dan O’Brien - Only if I can insert your answer into your sister.
- 10:18 PM Hbn Gladstone - Democracy in Afghanistan is like a new form of cancer featuring leprosy
- 10:18 PM Hbn Gladstone - oh wait, that’s a new Sex and City starring Miley Cyrus
- 10:19 PM Michael Swaim - Double the size of the Afghan army?! Are you crazy?! Wait, they’re bad guys, right?
- 10:19 PM Dan O’Brien - Hannah Montana is responsible for the war.
- 10:19 PM Hbn Gladstone - I really only understand HBN at this point.
- 10:19 PM Dan O’Brien - You’re the only one, Gladstone.
- 10:19 PM Michael Swaim - Her snake-treads are all over this.
- 10:19 PM Ross Wolinsky - Will you please stop plugging your own series Gladstone?
- 10:19 PM Ross Wolinsky - Christ.
- 10:19 PM Michael Swaim - Hey! you’re forgetting several preteen Australian girls.
- 10:19 PM Dan O’Brien - Did you know he has a facebook group?
- 10:19 PM Ross Wolinsky - Does he?
- 10:19 PM Hbn Gladstone - at 1030 i’m going to say “that’s all….. for now.”
- 10:19 PM Michael Swaim - I’m an officer.
- 10:20 PM Ross Wolinsky - Hey Wayne, what song is that at the end?
- 10:20 PM Michael Swaim - My official title is “Cool Hand At The Tiller”
- 10:20 PM Hbn Gladstone - All my facebook friends have been asleep for hours. It’s a school night.
- 10:20 PM Dan O’Brien - “Here’s to the Night” by Eve 6
- 10:20 PM Hbn Gladstone - hahahahahaha
- 10:20 PM Dan O’Brien - Oh, hey there’s a debate happening.
- 10:20 PM Ross Wolinsky - “I’m Blue Da-Boo-Dee Da-Boo-Dah” by Whoever Wrote That
- 10:20 PM Ross Wolinsky - I CANNOT PAY ATTENTION TO THIS DEBATE.
- 10:21 PM Michael Swaim - I thought McCain’s worst line from the last debate was “Mr. Putin’s eyes have a K, a G, and a B” and he just awkwardly forced it in again. Did that one score high with a test group or something?
- 10:21 PM Dan O’Brien - McCain says we need to change Russia’s behavior.
- 10:21 PM Hbn Gladstone - Did McCain just say he wants to go to war with Georgia. Aren’t they a red state?
- 10:21 PM Ross Wolinsky - I’m not gonna lie: Without Palin’s weird neck and Biden’s coin slot eyes I have no interest in watching political theater.
- 10:21 PM Dan O’Brien - Me neither.
- 10:21 PM Michael Swaim - It’s not theatre. Theatre has a story arc.
- 10:21 PM Dan O’Brien - Plus, Palin keeps asking me to come to bed.
- 10:21 PM Dan O’Brien - “In a MINUTE, Sarah.”
- 10:21 PM Hbn Gladstone - This is the worst debate ever.
- 10:21 PM Hbn Gladstone - ever.
- 10:22 PM Michael Swaim - You type what you say? That’s weird.
- 10:22 PM Ross Wolinsky - They should just do a picture-in-picture with Palin’s face in the corner.
- 10:22 PM Dan O’Brien - She’s sassy and all, but she is ANNOYING. And she farts in her sleep.
- 10:22 PM Hbn Gladstone - When i look into putin’s eyes, i see 3 different letters.
- 10:22 PM Hbn Gladstone - HBN.
- 10:22 PM Dan O’Brien - Oh, hold up, guys, Sarah wants to blog.
- 10:22 PM Hbn Gladstone - he’s a big fan. (He has a 16 yr old daughter)
- 10:22 PM Dan O’Brien - Hi gang, what’s ^?
- 10:22 PM Michael Swaim - No, SARAH!
- 10:22 PM Michael Swaim - Dammit
- 10:22 PM Michael Swaim - Sigh.
- 10:22 PM Ross Wolinsky - This works out well, because Biden’s here with me.
- 10:22 PM Hbn Gladstone - Hi Sarah!
- 10:22 PM Dan O’Brien - LOL these debates are teh boring debates. Remember my debate?
- 10:23 PM Michael Swaim - Hey. HOw’s it going? Boning Dan?
- 10:23 PM Hbn Gladstone - What’s sex with DOB like?
- 10:23 PM Dan O’Brien - I can barely walk!
- 10:23 PM Michael Swaim - Uh-huh. I remember you stuttering a lot and sporting a turkey neck.
- 10:23 PM Michael Swaim - That was you, right?
- 10:23 PM Dan O’Brien - I thought moose-wrestling was hairy and exhausting. I had no idea!
- 10:23 PM Ross Wolinsky - Hey guys - Joe Biden here. I’d like to remind you all that I have lots of foreign policy experience.
- 10:23 PM Michael Swaim - You know what?
- 10:23 PM Hbn Gladstone - Oh Sarah. you’re hilarious.
- 10:23 PM Michael Swaim - You should rip Dan open and photograph him bleeding out in the snow.
- 10:24 PM Michael Swaim - Bring your daughter.
- 10:24 PM Michael Swaim - Great photo op. Plus, he gets off on it.
- 10:24 PM Ross Wolinsky - If Joe Biden were elected VP, he would make what Swaim is talking about illegal.
- 10:24 PM Dan O’Brien - Hockey Mom, more like COCKEY Mom, right?
- 10:24 PM Ross Wolinsky - Joe Biden understands death. And laws.
- 10:24 PM Michael Swaim - Wait, is Sarah saying that about herself? I’m confused, and horny.
- 10:24 PM Hbn Gladstone - New drinking game: Take a drink each time McCain’s tumor devours his entire head.
- 10:25 PM Hbn Gladstone - Holy crap
- 10:25 PM Dan O’Brien - I’m actually having a little trouble keeping up, too.
- 10:25 PM Hbn Gladstone - another bald guy in the audience????
- 10:25 PM Dan O’Brien - I told you.
- 10:25 PM Michael Swaim - Terri Sherri? Aren’t those the twins from the Simpsons?
- 10:25 PM Hbn Gladstone - Is this a convention? And why is a dude in the deep south so concerned about Israel?
- 10:25 PM Dan O’Brien - That bald white guy is alarmingly concerned about Israel.
- 10:25 PM Michael Swaim - He’s obviously a Rabbi.
- 10:25 PM Ross Wolinsky - He just heard about it in the VP debate.
- 10:26 PM Michael Swaim - Do it McCain. Kiss him.
- 10:26 PM Ross Wolinsky - “I heard a lot about this Israel thing in the VP debates. What are you going to do about all that?!”
- 10:26 PM Michael Swaim - China=obstacle. I couldn’t agree more.
- 10:26 PM Hbn Gladstone - He just heard that Jews must occupy Jerusalem as a prerequisite to the second coming
- 10:26 PM Dan O’Brien - I feel like these people are CLEARLY fed their questions. If a real human being was in the crowd, they’d ask “Hey, what the fuck? The country kinda blows right now. America used to be, like, a third boob, but now we’re bullshit. What gives?”
- 10:27 PM Michael Swaim - Total Recall reference number 1. Let’s hit 8 guys!
- 10:27 PM Dan O’Brien - McCAin has no idea which bald guy to talk to.
- 10:27 PM Ross Wolinsky - Where’s this guy from? Mars?
- 10:27 PM Michael Swaim - That bug-eyed lady looked like Shwarzenneger on the surface of Mars.
- 10:27 PM Dan O’Brien - The one black chick keeps changing her nail-color, effortlessly, with a little device.
- 10:27 PM Hbn Gladstone -
- 10:28 PM Ross Wolinsky - Man… I have a drink and a liveblog to do. I wish I had three hands.
- 10:28 PM Michael Swaim - COHAAGEENNNN!!!
- 10:28 PM Hbn Gladstone - Thanks Jeeves!!!
- 10:28 PM Dan O’Brien - This debate is over in two minutes, and no one said anything. Nobody.
- 10:29 PM Michael Swaim - BTW, McCain yet again boldly spoke out against allowing a second Holocaust.
- 10:29 PM Dan O’Brien - If I wasn’t already an informed and well-read citizen, this debate would be deeply frustrating.
- 10:29 PM Hbn Gladstone - This is the worst debate ever
- 10:29 PM Ross Wolinsky - They might have. I’ve just been focusing on the red carpet and drinking an entire fifth of Jim Beam.
- 10:29 PM Michael Swaim - Plus I learned a new old-timey phrase. I love those.
- 10:29 PM Hbn Gladstone - Hey Obama said “dire consequences” Reminds me of cracked reader “direwookie” who was mention in the last Hate By Nubmers post!
- 10:29 PM Dan O’Brien - I’m all out of toilet wine.
- 10:29 PM Hbn Gladstone - I can’t feel my lips.
- 10:29 PM Ross Wolinsky - So wait… McCain is AGAINST the holocaust, right?
- 10:30 PM Michael Swaim - I can feel your lips, Gladstone.
- 10:30 PM Dan O’Brien - Just a second one.
- 10:30 PM Ross Wolinsky - Fuck it - I’m voting for McCain.
- 10:30 PM Dan O’Brien - He has no qualms with the first.
- 10:30 PM Michael Swaim - He’d strongly consider opposing a second Holocaust.
- 10:30 PM Hbn Gladstone - last question: “What don’t you know and how will you learn it?”
- 10:30 PM Ross Wolinsky - Did you see the look that white guy just gave Michelle Obama?
- 10:30 PM Hbn Gladstone - I don’t know nothing bout birthing no babies
- 10:30 PM Ross Wolinsky - Questionable at best.
- 10:30 PM Michael Swaim - I got that question on the Dating Game.
- 10:31 PM Dan O’Brien - Did you answer it better than barack?
- 10:31 PM Dan O’Brien - I have to assume you did.
- 10:31 PM Michael Swaim - Needless to say, I burst through the divider and ravished the woman then and there.
- 10:31 PM Dan O’Brien - “Senator, what don’t you know?” “I’d like to tell you a story about my mother.
- 10:31 PM Hbn Gladstone - I got that question on “American’s Next Top Zen Philosopher”
- 10:31 PM Ross Wolinsky - So was that what you didn’t know or how you learned it?
- 10:31 PM Michael Swaim - I think I said something about a second Holocaust. Then is was all 70’s boots and hot flesh.
- 10:31 PM Michael Swaim - Both.
- 10:31 PM Michael Swaim - It’s a zen answer
- 10:31 PM Michael Swaim - For a zen question
- 10:32 PM Ross Wolinsky - Be the vagina.
- 10:32 PM Michael Swaim - Zen means bullshit.
- 10:32 PM Ross Wolinsky - Or… There is no vagina.
- 10:32 PM Hbn Gladstone - the right answer?
- 10:32 PM Ross Wolinsky - The sound of one buttcheek clapping.
- 10:32 PM Hbn Gladstone - “I don’t know that John McCain doesn’t rape puppies.”
- 10:32 PM Ross Wolinsky - Christ. I’m horny.
- 10:32 PM Dan O’Brien - “He’s never explicitly said that he doesn’t rape puppies. Weird, right?”
- 10:32 PM Michael Swaim - So in the end, Barack appeals to the youth and McCain appeals to the military. I could have told you that months ago.
- 10:33 PM Michael Swaim - WithOUT having to pretend to be funny for an hour.
- 10:33 PM Hbn Gladstone - I have to hit the bathroom
- 10:33 PM Michael Swaim - Hit it. Hard.
- 10:33 PM Hbn Gladstone - but i’m holding it for the cracked readers
- 10:33 PM Dan O’Brien - “I don’t know what the unexpected will be.”
- 10:33 PM Michael Swaim - “I’m not sure what this growth is.”
- 10:33 PM Hbn Gladstone - “i know what it’s like to live with a huge facial tumor and pretend i’m fit to run for president”
- 10:33 PM Dan O’Brien - So we can rule out McCain as a wizard. There goes a fucking decade of research,.
- 10:33 PM Ross Wolinsky - “I don’t know what it’s like to lift your arms above your head.”
- 10:33 PM Michael Swaim - “I don’t know the deal with airline food. Am I right?”
- 10:34 PM Michael Swaim - “I don’t know…NOTHING.” Booyah.
- 10:34 PM Michael Swaim - Then he drops the mic and backs away slowly.
- 10:34 PM Ross Wolinsky - Holy CHRIST was that boring!
- 10:34 PM Hbn Gladstone - again with the steady hand at the tiller????
- 10:34 PM Dan O’Brien - “Don’t know much about history”
- 10:34 PM Michael Swaim - “don’t know much biology.”
- 10:34 PM Hbn Gladstone - I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW MUCH THIS SUCKED.
- 10:34 PM Ross Wolinsky - Who is clapping?
- 10:34 PM Dan O’Brien - This was terrible.
- 10:34 PM Hbn Gladstone - don’t know much about the french i took
- 10:34 PM Ross Wolinsky - I don’t see ANYONE clappping
- 10:34 PM Michael Swaim - I can’t believe Sarah Palin has been blogging so coherently.
- 10:35 PM Hbn Gladstone - don’t know much about science book?
- 10:35 PM Michael Swaim - Ha! Brokaw just called McCain a fuck up.
- 10:35 PM Michael Swaim - I mean, basically.
- 10:35 PM Ross Wolinsky - Mark Shields is going to tell me who won.
- 10:35 PM Michael Swaim - There’s still time for something awesome to happen.
- 10:35 PM Hbn Gladstone - i don’t think they shoudl shake hands. I think barack should just hold up a high high five hand.
- 10:35 PM Michael Swaim - Wait for it…
- 10:35 PM Dan O’Brien - McCain’s wife looks hotter than Obama’s on CNN.
- 10:35 PM Michael Swaim - Wait for it…
- 10:35 PM Hbn Gladstone - and then mock mccain as he tries to reach it
- 10:35 PM Michael Swaim - Nevermind, you can stop waiting.
- 10:36 PM Ross Wolinsky -
- 10:36 PM Hbn Gladstone - I’m waiting for barack to grab cindy’s butt
- 10:36 PM Hbn Gladstone - something
- 10:36 PM Hbn Gladstone - anything
- 10:36 PM Michael Swaim - THAR HE BLOWS!
- 10:36 PM Michael Swaim - Time for the pollsters to tell me what I don’t know and how I can learn it.
- 10:36 PM Hbn Gladstone - i’m blogging until Jack stops me
- 10:36 PM Michael Swaim - And how fancy their graphics department is.
- 10:36 PM Hbn Gladstone - Bring it Jack!!!!
- 10:36 PM Ross Wolinsky - You have nothing else to do.
- 10:37 PM Dan O’Brien - There’s a 23-person panel on CNN.
- 10:37 PM Ross Wolinsky - Oh weird, Jack is here with me.
- 10:37 PM Ross Wolinsky - Stop blogging, Gladstone!
- 10:37 PM Michael Swaim - Well YOU’RE still here. I figure we’ve got to make up for the blog outage by riffing on nothing for a few minutes.
- 10:37 PM Ross Wolinsky - Go to bed!
- 10:37 PM Hbn Gladstone - i’m going to urinate now.
- 10:37 PM Ross Wolinsky - Go somewhere!
- 10:37 PM Michael Swaim - Eat your creamed rice and put on your wool nightcap!
- 10:37 PM Michael Swaim - Then upload a photo, cuz that’s ADORABLE.
- 10:38 PM Ross Wolinsky - Gladstone’s got those pajamas with the butt flap
- 10:38 PM Michael Swaim - I’m surprised we didn’t have to type in all caps more for Gladstone to follow along.
- 10:38 PM Jack O’Brien - OK, I’m going to ask that Gladstone stop posting, everyone else please keep going as long as you’d like
- 10:38 PM Michael Swaim - I didn’t know that, and I’m wondering how you learned it.
- 10:38 PM Dan O’Brien - You got it, Jackawanna Blues.
- 10:38 PM Michael Swaim - Hey! Jack’s here! This is great! It’s almost like I’ve actually been with a group of friends anytime in the last two months.
- 10:39 PM Dan O’Brien - My current away message is “Hanging with my buddies!”
- 10:39 PM Michael Swaim - Have you done Jack and Coke?
- 10:39 PM Ross Wolinsky - Have you done “Jack In The Box”?
- 10:39 PM Dan O’Brien - Please don’t tell anyone the truth.
- 10:39 PM Michael Swaim - Seems like a good photoshop.
- 10:39 PM Dan O’Brien - I have not.
- 10:39 PM Hbn Gladstone - Can i talk?
- 10:39 PM Dan O’Brien - Jack in the Box, I MUST have done.
- 10:39 PM Michael Swaim - Well, there you go.
- 10:39 PM Hbn Gladstone - please Jack?
- 10:39 PM Michael Swaim - NO!
- 10:39 PM Ross Wolinsky - Jack Nicholson?
- 10:39 PM Dan O’Brien - Boss-man says no.
- 10:39 PM Michael Swaim - SHUT UP!
- 10:39 PM Dan O’Brien - For Jack of a Better Word?
- 10:39 PM Michael Swaim - I THOUGHT YOU WERE PEEING!
- 10:40 PM Ross Wolinsky - Count Jackula?
- 10:40 PM Michael Swaim - Big Jack attack?
- 10:40 PM Dan O’Brien - NICE ONE
- 10:40 PM Ross Wolinsky - Dude - COUNT JACKULA.
- 10:40 PM Michael Swaim - I really just want to photoshop them.
- 10:40 PM Hbn Gladstone - Get the Jack by the Jack.
- 10:40 PM Jack O’Brien - only if we get a photo of the pajamas
- 10:40 PM Hbn Gladstone - (The Knack)
- 10:40 PM Jack O’Brien - he is peeing
- 10:40 PM Michael Swaim - Jack me off into a bowl of pudding.
- 10:40 PM Hbn Gladstone - Leader of the Jack
- 10:40 PM Michael Swaim - That’s an in-joke
- 10:40 PM Michael Swaim - Jack knows what I’m talking about
- 10:40 PM Dan O’Brien - Hahahaha
- 10:40 PM Ross Wolinsky - Gladstone - You’re clearly smoking Jack.
- 10:41 PM Michael Swaim - Gladstone–catheterized and grumpy.
- 10:41 PM Dan O’Brien - Better than assjack
- 10:41 PM Michael Swaim - And several other of the seven drawves as well.
- 10:41 PM Michael Swaim - So…
- 10:41 PM Michael Swaim - WHat are you guys doing later?
- 10:41 PM Ross Wolinsky - Jack of all trades.
- 10:41 PM Dan O’Brien - Hey, this was boring. If anyone reading along at home is an attractive lady, please email me naked pictures of yourself so this night isn’t a total waste of time. I promise I’ll look at them.
- 10:41 PM Ross Wolinsky - Dan: Forward those to me if you get any.
- 10:41 PM Michael Swaim - Oh, shit. Me too! Is that a thing we can ask?
- 10:42 PM Dan O’Brien - I have to run to Staples to fax something (jax something), but other than that I’m free.
- 10:42 PM Michael Swaim - Well shit man, let’s not hang out or see each other.
- 10:42 PM Ross Wolinsky - I’ll be at home, listening to Klick and Jack on NPR.
- 10:42 PM Michael Swaim - GOONIGHT EVERBUDDY!
- 10:42 PM Hbn Gladstone - A gentleman doesn’t ASK for naked pics. he just receives them and then destroys them because they are from underaged girls.
- 10:43 PM Dan O’Brien - What about my blogging thusfar has implied that I’m a gentleman?
- 10:43 PM Ross Wolinsky - Wow… a mediocre end to a mediocre night. Thanks for hanging out, guys (not Gladstone - everyone else)!
- 10:43 PM Dan O’Brien - Goodnight, Swaim Theory!
- 10:43 PM Hbn Gladstone - Oh, Machete, you’re so young.
- 10:44 PM Hbn Gladstone - “O’Brien … over you.”
- 10:44 PM Dan O’Brien - Young, and fit, and vaguely black.
- 10:44 PM Hbn Gladstone - (that was to the tune of Orbison’s Cryin’)
- 10:45 PM Hbn Gladstone - Well, I hope you reader’s had some fun. Later.
- 10:45 PM Dan O’Brien - Fascinating. I’m out
- 10:45 PM Ross Wolinsky - GOOOODBYE! GLAAAADSTONE! (ba da dah)
- 10:45 PM Ross Wolinsky - GOOOOOOODBYE! GLAAAAAADSTONE! (ba da dah)
- 10:45 PM Ross Wolinsky - (Good Day Sunshine)
Last 5 posts by Daniel O'Brien
- On Inauguration Day White People Can Finally Be Cool - November 14th, 2008
- Will You Marry Me, Kristen Wiig? - November 7th, 2008
- "WESTSIIIIIIIIIDE!": How to REALLY Talk to Cops - October 31st, 2008
- Leaked Excerpts from 15 Year-Old Miley Cyrus's "Memoir" - October 24th, 2008
- Announcing the Candidacy of Plumber/Sixpack - October 17th, 2008
October 7th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
They should have given Brokaw a Nerf Ballzooka to peg the candidates every time they went over the time limit or tried to talk outside the previously-agreed-upon debate rules. Republican or Democrat? WRONG.
It’s Nerf Or Nothin’.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
any hopes for having a liveblog about something other than the debates? hangin with mr cooper? or perhaps an arrested development marathon, come on
October 7th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
well, that last ten minutes when Jack came in was more exciting than the entire debate, right there.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
Fantastic, no matter who won, I ended the debate with double vision. I win.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Bye
October 7th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Thank you, gentlemen (and DOB), for a most entertaining evening.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
I almost died of the hilarity of the “nobody’s clapping” comment, Ross.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
I’ll never be over DOB…
October 7th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
The seventies dude is tripping
October 7th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
I love how McCain cliams that he’s made responsible choices for his entire military career. How about the “getting captured by the enemy” bit?
October 7th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Swaim, i fucking love you. That was awesome.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
One of these guys becomes president?! Holy fuck.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Swaim dammit don’t crash it again!
October 7th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
DID I DO A GOOD JOB GLADSTONE?!!?
October 7th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
my friends, DRINK
October 7th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
how long does this go? I’m bored, but I don’t have anything else to do.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
John McCain’s solution for handling a crisis: sitting in a bamboo cage for 5 years.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
These guys have the conversational skills of me. ME! They’re THAT bad!
October 7th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Does he think we still use telegraphs?
October 7th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
One night in bagdad(dy) makes the tough men tumble…
why does mcCain stick out his tongue like a snake in the grass
I’ll get him no matter what… HSSSSSS
October 7th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
lol
October 7th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
I think they should speak softer but fight instead. With big fecking sticks. 2 minute rounds.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Hmm at the moment I am thinking Obama has the upper hand at the moment. There is still time for Mccain to make a possible come back. (Hopefully he won’t)
October 7th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
he sang bomb bomb bomb iran? i want to hear this song, dammit.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
The power of Ron Burgundy was much too strong.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Whats up with the time?
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Did a do a good job as your stand in gladstone?
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Obama uses big words such as “kill” and “Americans” to try to scare us. Also…did he just say pocketsan?
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
I will vote for whoever allows me to gay marry Swaim.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
snap
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
the way BO says pakistan makes me want to hurt him…
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
The idea of this man as president makes my testicles curl into themselves. Like, seriously implode.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
ahahaha
bomb bomb iran bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb iran
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Did obama say take him out or ask him out?
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
I think we just declared war on Pakistan
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
He just totally ripped off Teddy Roosevelt. I suppose it’s fair, though- he was around when Teddy said it.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Woah Woah guys calm down! No one wants to see McCain dead from over exertion…..
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
I’ve got a cool hand on my “tiller” if you know what I’m saying.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
does anyone remember ‘bomb bomb iran” songs???
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Michael Swaim, she has hyperthyroidism.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
McCain: “Walk softly but carry a big stick.”
Biden: “Get on the stick!”
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
streaming it from hulu
also
“walk softly and carry a big stick”
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Let’s pull out the boxing gloves
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
“Speak softly.” You don’t know SHIT about Big Stick Diplomacy.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
WooHoo! Liveblog coup d’etat! We’ve overthrown the oppressive paid commenter pig-dogs!
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
So, I guess Swaim wins life forever.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Another Teddy quote: “A typical vice of American politics is the avoidance of saying anything real on real issues.”
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
wait for it - wait for Obama to slap mccain’s ass right ,,,,about now
October 7th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
mcain just compared Star Wars to Iraq.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
San Juan Hill is the new Tora Bora
October 7th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Teddy Roosevelt? McCain seems more like a James K Polk man to me.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Teddy Roosevelt? Seriously? What’s next? Are we invading Cuba?
October 7th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Big Stick… you show us John… cause we know if you claim you gotta big one it’s all in the eye of the beholder.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
My friends, I used to fuck Teddy Roosevelt’s daughter
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
DOn’t you talk about TR like you fucking know him, because you DON’T.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
W00t!
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
obama laughing at mcain’s dis is so smooth - that dude rocks
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
It’s “Speak softly,” McCain, you stupid son of a bitch.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
If you don’t have tv, you can listen to the debate live on npr.org
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
McCain has a big stick.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
HOOPLAH!
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Woah, is Teddy Roosevelt your hero or Ronald Reagan? Make up your mind, McCain!
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
yay it’s back!!!!
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Obama plans to lay the fist of justice on bin Laden.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
MOOOOOO!
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Mcain can’t stop dinosaurs
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Does anyone else find it wierd that he knows what the terrorist are planning and where they are…?
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Rachel has been appointed as the chief operations officer in charge of lube.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Ross Wolinsky has lost my vote…..
October 7th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
The terrorists are stronger than ever. Power level…OVER NINE THOUSAND!?!
October 7th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
I need the blog. The debate is fucking boring. Help me, Cracked.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
uh oh look at obama’s hand movement I’d know that anywhere hes using the jedi mind trick
October 7th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
“Sometimes nothin’ can be a real cool hand.”
He is almost as old as Paul Newman…
October 7th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Ain’t this here debate in Tennessee? Where’s the overalls? Where’s the moonshine? Where’s the southern accents?
October 7th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Bullshit.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
The politics of failure have failed. We need to make them work again.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
That was the woman with the eyes again, sitting next to the girl who asked the question….
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Newsflash McCain; Not everyone there is your friend!
“My first priority after this priority”; Wouldn’t that be his 2nd priority?
Did he just say masturbating?
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Mcain: “Yeah, I’m gonna stop the Holocaust, 9/11, AND the dinosaurs!”
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
don’t look her in the eyes!
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
McCain Doctrine = 40 acres & a mule.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Did you guys see that crazy bug-eyed woman next to Katie Hamm? Also, was her name seriously Katie Hamm?