Cracked Liveblogs the Presidential Debate LIVE!

By: Daniel O'Brien
October 7th, 2008
3,993 views

8:54 PM Dan O’Brien - Guys, I’m going to be completely honest: My humor tonight is going to be severely impacted by the fact that I don’t want to have sex with anyone in this debate.
8:55 PM Michael Swaim - They just said on CNN that McCain needs to seem “more compassionate” tonight. Mayhap he’ll do some DOB-wooing thru-screen?
8:55 PM Dan O’Brien - Mayhap, Swaim. Mayhap.
8:55 PM Hbn Gladstone - I’m drinking scotch. How about you guys?
8:56 PM Ross Wolinsky - Jim Beam and soda.
8:56 PM Michael Swaim -
8:56 PM Michael Swaim - You’re telling me you don’t want some of this?
8:56 PM Dan O’Brien - I wanted to have a nice champagne, but it turns out I don’t have that, so I’m drinking this wine I brewed in my toilet.
8:56 PM Michael Swaim - And oh, I’m drinking Silk: Vanilla (low fat)
8:56 PM Dan O’Brien - You may scoff, but anyone who’s been to prison knows EXACTLY what I’m talking about.
8:56 PM Hbn Gladstone - John McCain has been in prison
8:57 PM Ross Wolinsky - Just to bring everyone up to speed with a complete non-sequitor, Swaim has already accused me of having a penis that presents a choking hazard to small children, to which I countered that it was manufactured in China and is covered in lead paint.
8:57 PM Ross Wolinsky - All that and the debate hasn’t even STARTED yet.
8:57 PM Michael Swaim - Whoa! That was BEHIND THE SCENES commentary, Ross.
8:57 PM Michael Swaim - They have to wait for the DVD for that shit
8:57 PM Ross Wolinsky - I know. But marketing said people like that kind of stuff.
8:57 PM Michael Swaim - Also, Palin’s daughter is retarded.
8:57 PM Michael Swaim - There, it can only go up from here.
8:58 PM Ross Wolinsky - Hence the Glitter Act of 2009.
8:58 PM Hbn Gladstone - I’m not gonna like to you, Swaim. Your pic is freakin’ me out.
8:58 PM Dan O’Brien -
8:58 PM Hbn Gladstone - lie to you
8:58 PM Dan O’Brien - (There’s an edit button, Gladstone.)
8:58 PM Michael Swaim - Well, your avatar seems to be making eyes at me, so I really don’t know what to believe.
8:59 PM Michael Swaim - (just because it’s in parentheses doesn’t mean it’s whispered, Dan)
8:59 PM Dan O’Brien - Hey, on CNN, they’re talking about Polls. It says 80% of the people think the country is going badly.
8:59 PM Dan O’Brien - Did any of you guys take this poll?
8:59 PM Dan O’Brien - No one ever asks me to take these polls everyone’s always talking about
8:59 PM Ross Wolinsky - Can you guys tell me when I need to actually turn on the TV? As it stands I’m in the alley behind my apartment going through the contents of my wallet.
8:59 PM Michael Swaim - I think they just poll Kieth Olbermann now
9:00 PM Michael Swaim - And chatting online, Ross? I submit that you are a liar.
9:00 PM Ross Wolinsky - It’s called WiFi. Check it out.
9:00 PM Dan O’Brien - It’s starting guys. The shit is on.
9:00 PM Michael Swaim - I sincerely hope that the talk gets slightly more political when the debate starts…
9:00 PM Michael Swaim - I want to have sex with the CNN commentator on the left
9:00 PM Hbn Gladstone - I’m watching on CNN too.
9:01 PM Michael Swaim - Right? Right?
9:01 PM Dan O’Brien - Wolf Blitzer just said that the candidates don’t know what the questions are going to be tonight.
9:01 PM Hbn Gladstone - is that a joke? do i have to always be funny?
9:01 PM Dan O’Brien - Is that different from regular debates?
9:01 PM Dan O’Brien - I’m honestly asking. That’s retarded.
9:01 PM Hbn Gladstone - BEEP! Welcome to Hate By Numbers. BEEP 1. Wolf Blitzer? Nice beard!
9:01 PM Ross Wolinsky - Tom Brokaw’s hair looks pretty good tonight.
9:01 PM Michael Swaim - Now they’re playing bass-y fight music.
9:01 PM Michael Swaim - I am PUMPED for this!
9:01 PM Dan O’Brien - Tom Brokaw is so likeable.
9:01 PM Hbn Gladstone - BEEP 2 Tom Brokaw you talk funny!
9:01 PM Michael Swaim - whoa! Rock flute!
9:02 PM Michael Swaim - CNN is blowing up right now you guys.
9:02 PM Ross Wolinsky - Can we expect a question from Joe Six-Pack tonight?
9:02 PM Dan O’Brien - Swaim, what are you watching?
9:02 PM Dan O’Brien - I’M watching CNN.
9:02 PM Michael Swaim - Acid.
9:02 PM Hbn Gladstone - oh awesome, Tom Brokaw selected the “excellent” questions.
9:02 PM Michael Swaim - His voice is so smooth it makes me want to puke.
9:02 PM Ross Wolinsky - What’s the matter? You don’t trust him?
9:02 PM Ross Wolinsky - I get the feeling he’s done this before.
9:02 PM Dan O’Brien - I like Dana Carvey’s Brokaw better than this guy.
9:03 PM Ross Wolinsky - Hey, look - it’s John McCain. He should do well tonight provided that nobody challenges him to raise the roof.
9:03 PM Dan O’Brien - This shit is SO ON.
9:03 PM Dan O’Brien - Wow, Ross.
9:03 PM Hbn Gladstone - For the readers at home, we have a wonderful intern who i shall refer to as “Jeeves” who is helping us tonight. Jeeves, get me a photo of a 1957 Chevy right now! my brokaw joke depends on it!
9:03 PM Ross Wolinsky - Too soon?
9:03 PM Dan O’Brien - Does Brokaw have two microphones pinned to his tie?
9:04 PM Ross Wolinsky - Is THAT Joe Six-Pack?
9:04 PM Michael Swaim - I think my feed is ever so slightly delayed. I’ll have to up my game to keep up with this razor-sharp humor.
9:04 PM Dan O’Brien - That won’t make him louder. That’s not how sound works.
9:04 PM Ross Wolinsky - I didn’t think he’d be so… bald.
9:04 PM Hbn Gladstone - No that’s my 8th grad shop teacher
9:04 PM Ross Wolinsky - Oh. Well, either way he’s clearly drunk.
9:04 PM Michael Swaim - THey should show the coin flip, make it more like a sporting event.
9:04 PM Michael Swaim - Also there should be body checking.
9:04 PM Dan O’Brien - Barack would win.
9:04 PM Hbn Gladstone - Obama has a perfect dimple in his full windsor tie.
9:04 PM Ross Wolinsky - Dan: You’re forgetting how much McCain has been tortured.
9:04 PM Michael Swaim - Wow, they get to walk around…FDR would TANK this debate.
9:05 PM Hbn Gladstone - McCain is a half windsor man.
9:05 PM Ross Wolinsky - McCain is a fully tortured man.
9:05 PM Michael Swaim - McCain is a cro-Magnon man
9:05 PM Michael Swaim - (He’s old)
9:05 PM Michael Swaim - wow, I did it! I killed the blog!
9:05 PM Hbn Gladstone - What did Obama just say about “golden showers?”
9:05 PM Dan O’Brien - NOW Obama’s wearing a flag pin. Typical liberal flip-flopping.
9:06 PM Dan O’Brien - McCain is in a perfect position to jump Obama right now.
9:06 PM Michael Swaim -
9:06 PM Michael Swaim - I just wanted that to be on here.
9:06 PM Michael Swaim - For later reference.
9:06 PM Hbn Gladstone - McCain is making a pass at Allen.
9:06 PM Ross Wolinsky - Look at that perfect right angle on McCain’s arm.
9:06 PM Ross Wolinsky - I call bullshit - that is a fake arm.
9:07 PM Michael Swaim - They should really have a debate where Brokaw’s allowed to say “WRONG!”
9:07 PM Dan O’Brien - He can’t comb his own hair.
9:07 PM Michael Swaim - Hear the timbre in his voice? There’s that compassion.
9:07 PM Michael Swaim - Anything stirring yet, Dan?
9:07 PM Ross Wolinsky - Not his head hair.
9:07 PM Dan O’Brien - Nothing. I feel like Samson post-haircut.
9:07 PM Ross Wolinsky - McCain has IMMACULATELY styled pubes though.
9:07 PM Michael Swaim - Well, when it’s all you can style, you tend to go a little nuts.
9:07 PM Hbn Gladstone - He pacing around the room like DeNiro in a The Untouchables
9:08 PM Hbn Gladstone - Jeeves! Get me a picture of DeNiro in The Untouchables.
9:08 PM Michael Swaim - “Whoa, hey, do I look like a President to you? Do I execute for you? Hah?”
9:08 PM Michael Swaim - Pesci, but…you know. Italians
9:08 PM Ross Wolinsky - Was that a joke?
9:08 PM Michael Swaim - all the same and all that
9:08 PM Ross Wolinsky - Gladstone’s shop teacher laughed.
9:09 PM Ross Wolinsky -
9:09 PM Dan O’Brien - McCain likes Meg Whitman.
9:09 PM Hbn Gladstone - McCain and Meg Whitman sitting in a tree!
9:09 PM Dan O’Brien - OOOoOoooooH
9:09 PM Dan O’Brien - McCain mentioned eBay. Is he making fun of the internet?
9:09 PM Dan O’Brien - Because for real, fuck him.
9:09 PM Ross Wolinsky - I think he’s saying he wants to make eBay part of the government.
9:10 PM Dan O’Brien - This is really a one-word answer. “Who do you want to have this job?”
9:10 PM Michael Swaim - He’s acheiving a higher joke density than we are.
9:10 PM Dan O’Brien - He’s wandering around bullshitting. Give us a name, Obama.
9:10 PM Ross Wolinsky - “Bill.”
9:10 PM Michael Swaim - If Warren Buffet becomes Treasury Secretary, we’ll all be eating Cheeseburgers in Paradise.
9:11 PM Ross Wolinsky - “Steve.”
9:11 PM Michael Swaim - For the record, I’m only here to amuse myself.
9:11 PM Hbn Gladstone - What is that yellow thing on Brokaw’s wrist?
9:11 PM Dan O’Brien - From the comments, Dave says “I don’t have a TV in my apartment, so this is how I’m “watching” the debate. Thank god for the information super highway!”
9:11 PM Ross Wolinsky - Michelle Obama looks like shit tonight.
9:11 PM Dan O’Brien - We should really step up our game.
9:11 PM Michael Swaim - “That 5% are SOOO fucked though. It’s like, these eight guys that just get REAMED.”
9:11 PM Dan O’Brien - Are we going to thank every jerkoff who asks a question?
9:12 PM Dan O’Brien - You don’t have unlimited time, guys.
9:12 PM Ross Wolinsky - Dave: You should konw that there is a red carpet.
9:12 PM Ross Wolinsky - That is all.
9:12 PM Hbn Gladstone - I’m so glad I patented the word “main street” three weeks ago before the crash. I dont’ need to blog for food anymore.
9:12 PM Michael Swaim - Dave: Oh shit, McCain just lumbered into some electrical wires! He’s down! McCain is DOWN!
9:12 PM Hbn Gladstone - Yeah, John, neither this participant in the debate nor your VP have ever heard of Fannie Mae.
9:12 PM Dan O’Brien - McCain said to a black guy “I bet you’ve never heard of Fannie Mac and Freddie May before this crisis.” Is that racist?
9:13 PM Ross Wolinsky - McCain looks so desperate right now. Obama is sitting in that chair just CHILLING.
9:13 PM Dan O’Brien - Like a VILLING.
9:13 PM Michael Swaim - At the last debates he was just short of calling Obama “boy” on several occasions.
9:13 PM Dan O’Brien - Jesus, listen to how McCain is breathing, he sounds terrible.
9:13 PM Dan O’Brien - Like he’s so tired from minding his slaves all day.
9:13 PM Michael Swaim - It’s compassion. His breath is getting “husky.”
9:13 PM Hbn Gladstone - Why did McCAin assume “Allen” can’t afford to stay in his home?
9:13 PM Ross Wolinsky - Wait… I thought Obama’s name was Toby!
9:14 PM Michael Swaim - It’s stage 4 of the McCain compassion program.
9:14 PM Michael Swaim - No, it’s Iraq Hussein Terrorist
9:14 PM Dan O’Brien - Give Allen a fist-pump, Obama. Come on. Give him a fist-pump. Just one.
9:14 PM Michael Swaim - Obama: “No YOU take a hike.”
9:14 PM Dan O’Brien - “White people, am I right?” Fist-pump.
9:14 PM Michael Swaim - I love Obama’s “tell it like a children’s book” style.
9:15 PM Ross Wolinsky - Make me understand, Obama.
9:15 PM Michael Swaim - “if this happens, then bad stuff. then take that, and make it a million. Do you know a million? That’s a thousand thousand.”
9:15 PM Ross Wolinsky - “Once upon a time there was a pony who believed
that the free markets could correct themselves.”
9:15 PM Dan O’Brien - “Let’s say Bush is Voldemort. And let’s say Voldemort put his dick in the economy.”
9:15 PM Michael Swaim - See, he’s just writing, that’s his problem. McCain would be in there flailing at them until they MADE IT RIGHT.
9:16 PM Michael Swaim - Tell me what I’m interested in.
9:16 PM Michael Swaim - Please.
9:16 PM Michael Swaim - Look at my avatar, Obama
9:16 PM Hbn Gladstone - Jeeves! Where the F is that picture I requested?!!! What are we not paying you for?
9:16 PM Michael Swaim - Do I LOOK interested?
9:17 PM Michael Swaim - You have to slap him around a little or he’s useless.
9:17 PM Ross Wolinsky - Ok let’s back it up here. Calling the 20th Century system “arcane” might be a bit much. The 20th century was only 8 years ago.|
9:17 PM Dan O’Brien - Obama says he believes in the American Economy. What is that based on?
9:17 PM Michael Swaim - Hope.
9:17 PM Ross Wolinsky - P.S. That is “Croneyism” #2. A little late in the campaign to start a new buzzword, no?
9:18 PM Hbn Gladstone - hahahahahahahahahaha
9:18 PM Dan O’Brien - I want a human being, not some hopetologist.
9:18 PM Michael Swaim - No one’s willing to say “we’re in the shitter people. It’s not my fault, but God, fuck it.”
9:18 PM Hbn Gladstone - McCain is still selling the American worker = “fundamental of the economy”
9:18 PM Ross Wolinsky - Nice necklace, Teresa.
9:18 PM Michael Swaim - Yeah, but 80 percent of them make their living on eBay
9:18 PM Dan O’Brien - Even if the American worker DID have money, he still wouldn’t be buying that bullshit.
9:18 PM Ross Wolinsky - Congrats: That was the only time you’ll ever be on TV. You blew it.
9:19 PM Michael Swaim - Go SECTION F!!
9:19 PM Dan O’Brien - Teresa lost this debate.
9:19 PM Michael Swaim - THat’s my old section.
9:19 PM Ross Wolinsky - Teresa dates Joe Six-Pack.
9:20 PM Ross Wolinsky - I can’t believe that snob Obama is even addressing her.
9:20 PM Hbn Gladstone - Quick question: Am I the only blogger not wearing pants right now?
9:20 PM Dan O’Brien - Erin says: “I’m late! So Dan, since there’s nobody you want to have sex with…what are we drinking to tonight? Then it’s not like I’m drinking alone, right??”
9:20 PM Ross Wolinsky - He should’ve just said, “Listen, Teresa, sweetheart… either that necklace goes or I do.”
9:20 PM Dan O’Brien - Let’s brainstorm some drinking games gentlemen.
9:20 PM Michael Swaim - He should take after Palin and just stare through the camera at all times.
9:20 PM Michael Swaim - Alliteration.
9:20 PM Michael Swaim - Or synechdoche.
9:20 PM Hbn Gladstone - Take a drink every time the candidates fail to engage my attention.
9:20 PM Ross Wolinsky - I’m going to take a drink every time I can see a red carpet.
9:20 PM Michael Swaim - There’s one!
9:20 PM Michael Swaim - I think.
9:21 PM Dan O’Brien - I’m gonna chug some homemade toilet wine every time one of these guys doesn’t directly answer the question.
9:21 PM Dan O’Brien - Any time one of them thanks whoever asks a question, drink.
9:21 PM Ross Wolinsky - I’m going to take a drink every time John McCain doesn’t lift his arms over his head.
9:21 PM Hbn Gladstone - I was just gonna say that!
9:21 PM Michael Swaim - Well, if you’re going to drop the ball Dan, I guess I’ll drink every time I stop paying attention and imagine having sex with Sarah Palin.
9:21 PM Hbn Gladstone - damn you ross
9:21 PM Dan O’Brien - Somebody make sure Ross is okay.
9:21 PM Dan O’Brien - Oh I’ll drop the ball all right.
9:22 PM Dan O’Brien - Right in Sarah Palin’s mouth.
9:22 PM Dan O’Brien - (And then the other one, also.)
9:22 PM Ross Wolinsky - This is completely unrelated, but did everyone hear about the Palin-themed porno?
9:22 PM Dan O’Brien - Nailin Palin?
9:22 PM Ross Wolinsky - I believe it’s called “Nailin’ Palin.”
9:22 PM Dan O’Brien - Of COURSE.
9:22 PM Michael Swaim - McCain seriously moves his arms and shoulders like a mafioso. I never noticed that before.
9:22 PM Hbn Gladstone - It is called that
9:22 PM Dan O’Brien - It is.
9:22 PM Ross Wolinsky - I really hope they work the phrase “pork barrel” into the back of the DVD box.
9:22 PM Michael Swaim - It narrowly beat out “Im-Palin’”
9:23 PM Dan O’Brien - There’s a three-some between Michelle Obama, Palin and Hilary look alikes
9:23 PM Hbn Gladstone - OH this is a real drinking game
9:23 PM Ross Wolinsky - “Impalin’ Palin.”
9:23 PM Hbn Gladstone - Drink every time McCain says “My Friends”
9:23 PM Ross Wolinsky - That’s good.
9:23 PM Michael Swaim - Does she wink at camera continuously?
9:23 PM Dan O’Brien - “Drill Baby Drill”
9:23 PM Ross Wolinsky - DRILLING OFFSHORE.
9:23 PM Dan O’Brien - “Alaska To Take Her Clothes Off”
9:23 PM Michael Swaim - The money shot is a “Gotcha Moment.”
9:23 PM Ross Wolinsky - It’s actually starring Tina Fey. I thought she was doing so well!
9:23 PM Hbn Gladstone - “raping the continental shelf”
9:23 PM Michael Swaim - It pans to Katie Couric, who DOESN’T LOOK PLEASED.
9:24 PM Michael Swaim - Palin has to re-take several times.
9:24 PM Hbn Gladstone - my friends! drink!!!
9:24 PM Dan O’Brien - McCain was asked to prioritize three items, and he said “All of them at the same time.”
9:24 PM Ross Wolinsky - Loinal Warming. I guess that’s a stretch, huh?
9:24 PM Michael Swaim - Excellent question, Brokaw.
9:25 PM Dan O’Brien - Twice now he’s said “Reaching across the aisle to Lieberman.” That’s not a joke. that’s just shitty repetitive bullshit.
9:25 PM Hbn Gladstone - my friends. Drink!!!!
9:25 PM Dan O’Brien - We get it, Lieberman is a shitty democrat.
9:25 PM Ross Wolinsky - Loinal Warming.
9:25 PM Michael Swaim - It’s astounding that they can not answer a question that only has a three word answer.
9:26 PM Ross Wolinsky - $3.80?
9:26 PM Ross Wolinsky - Cry me a fucking river, Nashville.
9:26 PM Dan O’Brien - How is anyone supposed to make a decision when the debaters don’t answer the questions?
9:26 PM Michael Swaim - “Let’s do ‘em all at once.” You heard it here first folks. McCain in crazy sex romp.
9:26 PM Michael Swaim - Dan, if you watched CNN, you’d see that their powerful computers have already predicted the campaign’s results in great detail.
9:27 PM Hbn Gladstone - I cannot believe this conversation about foreign oil helping terrorists was NOT PART OF THE 2004 DEBATE. They say America always learns its lesson, but 10 years too late. Oh, sorry. uh, boobs.
9:27 PM Dan O’Brien - Just in Ohio.
9:27 PM Michael Swaim - It’s over. You voted Obama. In six months, you die of an anyeurism. Get over it.
9:27 PM Ross Wolinsky - Oh great. Obama is about to go through every item in the budget.
9:27 PM Ross Wolinsky - This is going to be BORING.
9:27 PM Dan O’Brien - “Senator Obama, you’re over time by about 13 minutes.”
9:27 PM Hbn Gladstone - Jeeves, get me a picture of Cheap Trick Live at Budakon, now!
9:27 PM Michael Swaim - He’d call him on it, but he nodded off a minute ago.
9:27 PM Ross Wolinsky - “But he sounds so smart!”
9:28 PM Dan O’Brien - “Senator, we still have a LOT to cover here.”
9:28 PM Ross Wolinsky - “You just bored the vote outta me!”
9:28 PM Hbn Gladstone - Brokaw, just say “times up!”
9:28 PM Dan O’Brien - Ring a bell, or a buzzer or something.
9:28 PM Michael Swaim - So we want facts and specificity, but information bores us. You know what? We DESERVE anything that happens to this country.
9:29 PM Michael Swaim - I’m riding this sinking ship to the motherfucking bottom.
9:29 PM Ross Wolinsky - Do you think the whole “earmarks” thing is just trying to call attention to the fact that Obama has big ears?
9:29 PM Hbn Gladstone - So yesterday i guess they all got really excited at the McCain camp about this whole “overhead projector” SCANDAL!!!
9:29 PM Dan O’Brien - You guys know what Switzerland does? They haven’t fought in a war in 500 years, but they could destroy any army that tried to enter their lines. Their mountains are lined with explosives. They have more anti-airforce weapons than anyone, and every single person in their country is trained in combat.
9:29 PM Dan O’Brien - I’m gonna move to Switzerland.
9:30 PM Ross Wolinsky - Great chocolate, too.
9:30 PM Hbn Gladstone - I like Swiss Cheese. A lot.
9:30 PM Ross Wolinsky - Plus they’ve got those Alps.
9:30 PM Ross Wolinsky - Famous.
9:30 PM Hbn Gladstone - McCain says we’re not rifle shots. What does that mean??
9:30 PM Michael Swaim - Good luck mutating from the Large Hadron Collider radiation. That thing is a death trap. Black Holes forming at all hours of the night, throwing rowdy parties.
9:30 PM Ross Wolinsky - OH SHIT. 9/11 REFERENCE = DRINK 1 MILLION DRINKS
9:30 PM Dan O’Brien - 9/11.
9:31 PM Hbn Gladstone - Oh snap, Obama went to 9/11 first
9:31 PM Dan O’Brien - DRIIIIINK
9:31 PM Ross Wolinsky - I AM DRIIIIIIIIIIIIIINKING.
9:31 PM Michael Swaim - What’s that? I forgot.
9:31 PM Dan O’Brien - Somewhere, Giuliani is crying into his prostate.
9:31 PM Hbn Gladstone - and apparently he thinks only “a lot of you remember 9/11″
9:31 PM Michael Swaim - Well, he wouldn’t want to go out on a LIMB.
9:31 PM Hbn Gladstone - Some folks in Des Moines have forgotten I guess.
9:31 PM Ross Wolinsky - What happened on 9/11 again?
9:31 PM Michael Swaim - It happened AGAIN?
9:31 PM Dan O’Brien - Ben Folds’ first Solo album came out.
9:32 PM Hbn Gladstone - I went on a job interview on 9/12/01.
9:32 PM Michael Swaim - The PS2 was released.
9:32 PM Dan O’Brien - 9/12 was a Joe Cocker concert in New Jersey. CANCELED, thank you terrorists.
9:32 PM Hbn Gladstone - It lasted from 9 to 5 and they didn’t give me lunch.
9:32 PM Dan O’Brien - Terrorists hate our Joe Cocker.
9:32 PM Michael Swaim - I’m wrong, it was the Dreamcast
9:32 PM Michael Swaim - and it was 9/9/99
9:32 PM Hbn Gladstone - They hate our Joe Cocker so much
9:32 PM Michael Swaim - Much more memorable. Terrorists could learn something from Sega.
9:32 PM Hbn Gladstone - This is the worst debate ever.
9:33 PM Ross Wolinsky - I will never forget 9/11. Soul Calibur was AWESOME.
9:33 PM Dan O’Brien - It’s truly awful.
9:33 PM Michael Swaim -
9:33 PM Hbn Gladstone - Wall Street, the gov, and the American people got drunk says Tom Brokaw.
9:33 PM Michael Swaim - Get to it, Dan.
9:34 PM Hbn Gladstone - In 2008, Gladstone got drunk watching the worst debate ever.
9:34 PM Dan O’Brien - I think there’s one black chick in the audience and they keep moving her around. So it looks like there’s more
9:34 PM Michael Swaim - Never forget.
9:34 PM Michael Swaim - Like a college admissions brochure.
9:34 PM Hbn Gladstone - I’m going to refill my scotch| because apparently Jeeves ain’t worth nothin’
9:34 PM Michael Swaim - “Come to our debate. Diverse, friendly staff, killer cafeteria meals!”
9:35 PM Ross Wolinsky - You know what must be hard? Being one of the talking heads that has to say “Obama made some good points” or “McCain came off as blah blah blah” and not just “Wow - that was the most BORING debate I’ve ever seen.”
9:35 PM Michael Swaim - He wants us to make sacrifices. BIG mistake.
9:35 PM Dan O’Brien - “Keith Olberman, who won this debate?”
9:35 PM Dan O’Brien - “Fuck if I know.”
9:36 PM Michael Swaim - The day I can’t enjoy a warm glass of gold nog in the morning is the day I move to France.
9:36 PM Ross Wolinsky - “Hey O’Reilly - any ideas?”
9:36 PM Dan O’Brien - “FUCK IT”
9:36 PM Michael Swaim - See, he said his louder.
9:36 PM Michael Swaim - Good impersonation.
9:36 PM Hbn Gladstone - McCain: “Senator’s Obama that you don’t know is……”
9:36 PM Ross Wolinsky - Is this debate any good in HD?
9:36 PM Ross Wolinsky - Maybe I need HD.
9:36 PM Dan O’Brien - The News is NOT bad, McCain.
9:36 PM Hbn Gladstone - My Friends! Drink!
9:36 PM Dan O’Brien - Huey Lewis just wanted to explore his own creativity.
9:37 PM Michael Swaim - Judging from the spelling decline, I think Wayne may be the only one of us following through on the “getting trashed” live blog promise.
9:37 PM Dan O’Brien - He never had a problem with the News, THAT is a fucking lie.
9:37 PM Ross Wolinsky - WHOA - THERE IS A QUESTION FROM THERE INTERNET.
9:37 PM Dan O’Brien - I also think he started about four hours before the debate.
9:37 PM Dan O’Brien - Obama and Brokaw are going to fight.
9:37 PM Ross Wolinsky - “We have a question from Cracked.com: ‘HEY U GUYS ARE FAGZ LOL.’”
9:37 PM Dan O’Brien - And Brokaw is going to lose.
9:37 PM Michael Swaim - The Internet wants to know: “Who am I? What is this strange sentience I am experiencing? Why am I filled with jizz?”
9:37 PM Hbn Gladstone - Wha? I don’t knee ayou dka’ la’d;lkjaf
9:38 PM Dan O’Brien - The internet wonders “Why did you accidentally the Nation?”
9:38 PM Dan O’Brien - Theresa, the bitch who asked an awful question earlier, looks perpetually confused.
9:39 PM Hbn Gladstone - STRAIGHT TALK EXPRESS LOST A WHEEL!!!
9:39 PM Dan O’Brien - “Where AM I?”
9:39 PM Hbn Gladstone - REALLY???
9:39 PM Michael Swaim - Brokaw used the word “Coda,” added his own question, and pronounced the phrase “Social Security” as if he’d had two glasses of brandy. I want him to be my father.
9:39 PM Hbn Gladstone - C’mon Barack. That’s awful!
9:39 PM Dan O’Brien - I bet the one guy who showed up to this debate in a baseball hat feels like such an asshole.
9:39 PM Michael Swaim - Yeah, it’s in the shop till Tuesday. Damn jive turkey jumped right out in front and it ran off the road to truth.
9:40 PM Ross Wolinsky - “THEY SAID BUSINESS CASUAL!!! THIS IS BUSINESS CASUAL!!!”
9:40 PM Dan O’Brien - “Hats are NOT casual, you dick. You don’t make the rules!”
9:40 PM Michael Swaim - Is anyone watching this on the channel with the lines? I miss those lines.
9:40 PM Hbn Gladstone - the cnn reaction lines?
9:40 PM Hbn Gladstone - focus group lines?
9:40 PM Michael Swaim - Yeah.
9:40 PM Dan O’Brien - From the comments, Kari says “Senator McCain keeps blinking. This is a sign of lieing.”
9:41 PM Dan O’Brien - He might just be having a seizure.
9:41 PM Michael Swaim - How they doin? Like little roller coasters of public opinion.
9:41 PM Michael Swaim - Or rapidly falling asleep and rousing himself.
9:41 PM Dan O’Brien - Do you guys know what the REAL problem with social security is?
9:41 PM Hbn Gladstone - He’s not blinking. His facial tumor is just attacking his eyes.
9:41 PM Ross Wolinsky - Kari: Senator McCain is very, very old. Give him a break.
9:41 PM Michael Swaim - It IS 9 O’Clock
9:41 PM Hbn Gladstone - what DOB?
9:41 PM Dan O’Brien - Years ago, Kaizer Wilhelm wanted the rest of his staff to retire, so he could have more power. He noticed they were all over 65, so he made 65 the mandatory retirement age. And it stuck, because bad ideas always stick.
9:42 PM Ross Wolinsky - I’m on the edge of my seat here.
9:42 PM Dan O’Brien - That’s it. It’s an arbitrary rule that we still cling to.
9:42 PM Hbn Gladstone - McCain wants to recruit “the smartest people in America” He’s good at finding those!
9:42 PM Michael Swaim - Dan’s full of great information that I don’t believe to be true. Like the newspaper!
9:42 PM Dan O’Brien - If we raise the age of retirement, and raise the cap for taxes, we’ll solve the economy.
9:42 PM Hbn Gladstone - Hey kids, Dan was a History major. Did you know that??
9:43 PM Michael Swaim - And he misspelled “Kaiser.” Just like the newspaper!
9:43 PM Ross Wolinsky - I’m actually liveblogging peeing right now.
9:43 PM Ross Wolinsky - thoughts?
9:43 PM Dan O’Brien - The school of Hard Knocks doesn’t have a history department, Gladstone.
9:43 PM Michael Swaim - I think the retirement age should be 85.
9:43 PM Dan O’Brien - I studied Political Science.
9:43 PM Michael Swaim - If you want a rocking chair, you earn it by crippling yourself in the mines.
9:43 PM Hbn Gladstone - I majored in English but trust me, I won’t be boring any of you with a discussion about symbolism in Alexander Pope’s “The Rape of the Lock”
9:43 PM Dan O’Brien - You’ll just be boring us with whatever else you feel like talking about.
9:43 PM Michael Swaim - Section C fails again.
9:43 PM Ross Wolinsky - Just mentioning that was boring.
9:44 PM Michael Swaim - Go section F!
9:44 PM Hbn Gladstone - hahahaha
9:44 PM Michael Swaim - Win the debate!
9:44 PM Michael Swaim - We get a pizza party
9:44 PM Ross Wolinsky - Is Section F like Section 8?
9:44 PM Hbn Gladstone - “Senator Obama says it has to be safe or something like that”
9:44 PM Hbn Gladstone - Is that bad????
9:44 PM Michael Swaim - So the way to be compassionate is to forcibly make everyone “your friends.”
9:44 PM Michael Swaim - Repetition wins again.
9:44 PM Dan O’Brien - Gladstone’s not lying, that’s an EXACT QUOTE.
9:45 PM Dan O’Brien - Boy, they sure packed that one section with a lot of fat, bald white guys.
9:45 PM Hbn Gladstone - I cannot believe McCain would say that
9:45 PM Ross Wolinsky - Obama loves computers. McCain doesn’t know what computers are.
9:45 PM Michael Swaim - That’s section J. No one likes them. They sweep the finals every season.
9:46 PM Hbn Gladstone - “Senator Obama says we shouldn’t make rape victims pay for their rape kits.”
9:46 PM Michael Swaim - “What Senator Obama doesn’t understand is, computers are boxes filled with ghosts.”
9:46 PM Dan O’Brien - From the comments, tshp says “is mccain going to start posting help wanted adds on Cracked? Is that how he’ll recruit the smartest people in America?”
9:46 PM Dan O’Brien - I have nothing funny to say. That’s just true.
9:47 PM Ross Wolinsky - That’s already been happening for a while. We were just contractually obligated not to say anything.
9:47 PM Ross Wolinsky - McCain is actually Ron Burgundy.
9:47 PM Michael Swaim - How do you keep getting these? Are you making them up? Isn’t tshp one of your psuedonyms?
9:47 PM Michael Swaim - There are so few problems you can drill your way out of anymore.
9:47 PM Dan O’Brien - “We have 3% of oil reserves, and we use 25% of the world’s oil” Obama just said that. Lieberman said that EXACT THING last week. How am I supposed to trust that they’re responding instinctively?
9:48 PM Michael Swaim - Tunnel collapse, and that’s about it. It’s sad, really. Times they are a-changin’
9:48 PM Ross Wolinsky -
10:12 PM Michael Swaim - I’m back first!
10:12 PM Michael Swaim - I win!
10:12 PM Michael Swaim - So hey, that bug-eyed lady sure was crazy lookin’
10:12 PM Michael Swaim - That whole time, nothing happened worth commenting on. That’s how boring this debate is.
10:12 PM Hbn Gladstone - hey we’re back
10:13 PM Michael Swaim - Old news, man. What we need now is a cool hand on the tiller of this blog.
10:13 PM Hbn Gladstone - Jeeves, give me a damn picture of David Bowie reclining on Mick Jagger’s lap, NOW!
10:13 PM Michael Swaim - “Use force, but talk softly…but carry a big stick.” I’m pretty sure his platform is rape.
10:14 PM Ross Wolinsky - Hey-o
10:14 PM Dan O’Brien - Phew.
10:14 PM Michael Swaim - Obama says “Pahk-ee-stahn.” He’s the OPPOSITE of “Nucular.”
10:14 PM Ross Wolinsky - Literally 1,000 jokes just got lost in the internet tubes there.
10:14 PM Hbn Gladstone -
10:14 PM Michael Swaim - And they were the best ones too
10:15 PM Dan O’Brien - You know what bugs me? Obama and McCain are repeating, verbatim, a few lines that Biden and Palin respectively said a week ago.
10:15 PM Ross Wolinsky - Most of them were about Teddy Roosevelt and chinese food.
10:15 PM Michael Swaim - Oh well, I’ll use them in my next article
10:15 PM Hbn Gladstone - Thank you Jeeves!
10:15 PM Dan O’Brien - It’s not a debate if you’re just awkwardly segue-ing into talking points.
10:15 PM Michael Swaim - On the plus side, they’re closer to coming to physical altercations than at any other point in the debate.
10:15 PM Hbn Gladstone - Oh wow!!!! McCain just said “young Americans” right after I posted a bowie pic!!!!!!!
10:15 PM Ross Wolinsky - Now I can’t stop picturing McCain with a giant handlebar mustache and monacle.
10:15 PM Michael Swaim - He’s in his Golden Years
10:16 PM Dan O’Brien - Boy, there sure are a lot of bald, fat white guys in the audience.
10:16 PM Hbn Gladstone - McCain knows how to get Bin Laden? This sounds a lot like Nixon’s “secret plan” to end Vietnam.
10:16 PM Dan O’Brien - Barack is 33% of the black population in this debate.
10:16 PM Michael Swaim -
10:16 PM Michael Swaim - In case anyone hasn’t seen this
10:16 PM Michael Swaim - It’s pretty terrible
10:16 PM Michael Swaim - And he’s glossing over it as we speak.
10:17 PM Michael Swaim - Barack’s half-white, so that’s like 16.5%
10:17 PM Dan O’Brien - Yikes.
10:17 PM Dan O’Brien - He says “We” want a democracy in Afghanistan.
10:17 PM Hbn Gladstone - and DOB is allegedly 1/8th black
10:18 PM Dan O’Brien - I don’t want a democracy in Afghanistan.
10:18 PM Ross Wolinsky - Can I insert his joke about which 1/8 of him is black for him?
10:18 PM Hbn Gladstone - Amen
10:18 PM Michael Swaim - That’s why he can kind of jump, but not really.
10:18 PM Dan O’Brien - Only if I can insert your answer into your sister.
10:18 PM Hbn Gladstone - Democracy in Afghanistan is like a new form of cancer featuring leprosy
10:18 PM Hbn Gladstone - oh wait, that’s a new Sex and City starring Miley Cyrus
10:19 PM Michael Swaim - Double the size of the Afghan army?! Are you crazy?! Wait, they’re bad guys, right?
10:19 PM Dan O’Brien - Hannah Montana is responsible for the war.
10:19 PM Hbn Gladstone - I really only understand HBN at this point.
10:19 PM Dan O’Brien - You’re the only one, Gladstone.
10:19 PM Michael Swaim - Her snake-treads are all over this.
10:19 PM Ross Wolinsky - Will you please stop plugging your own series Gladstone?
10:19 PM Ross Wolinsky - Christ.
10:19 PM Michael Swaim - Hey! you’re forgetting several preteen Australian girls.
10:19 PM Dan O’Brien - Did you know he has a facebook group?
10:19 PM Ross Wolinsky - Does he?
10:19 PM Hbn Gladstone - at 1030 i’m going to say “that’s all….. for now.”
10:19 PM Michael Swaim - I’m an officer.
10:20 PM Ross Wolinsky - Hey Wayne, what song is that at the end?
10:20 PM Michael Swaim - My official title is “Cool Hand At The Tiller”
10:20 PM Hbn Gladstone - All my facebook friends have been asleep for hours. It’s a school night.
10:20 PM Dan O’Brien - “Here’s to the Night” by Eve 6
10:20 PM Hbn Gladstone - hahahahahaha
10:20 PM Dan O’Brien - Oh, hey there’s a debate happening.
10:20 PM Ross Wolinsky - “I’m Blue Da-Boo-Dee Da-Boo-Dah” by Whoever Wrote That
10:20 PM Ross Wolinsky - I CANNOT PAY ATTENTION TO THIS DEBATE.
10:21 PM Michael Swaim - I thought McCain’s worst line from the last debate was “Mr. Putin’s eyes have a K, a G, and a B” and he just awkwardly forced it in again. Did that one score high with a test group or something?
10:21 PM Dan O’Brien - McCain says we need to change Russia’s behavior.
10:21 PM Hbn Gladstone - Did McCain just say he wants to go to war with Georgia. Aren’t they a red state?
10:21 PM Ross Wolinsky - I’m not gonna lie: Without Palin’s weird neck and Biden’s coin slot eyes I have no interest in watching political theater.
10:21 PM Dan O’Brien - Me neither.
10:21 PM Michael Swaim - It’s not theatre. Theatre has a story arc.
10:21 PM Dan O’Brien - Plus, Palin keeps asking me to come to bed.
10:21 PM Dan O’Brien - “In a MINUTE, Sarah.”
10:21 PM Hbn Gladstone - This is the worst debate ever.
10:21 PM Hbn Gladstone - ever.
10:22 PM Michael Swaim - You type what you say? That’s weird.
10:22 PM Ross Wolinsky - They should just do a picture-in-picture with Palin’s face in the corner.
10:22 PM Dan O’Brien - She’s sassy and all, but she is ANNOYING. And she farts in her sleep.
10:22 PM Hbn Gladstone - When i look into putin’s eyes, i see 3 different letters.
10:22 PM Hbn Gladstone - HBN.
10:22 PM Dan O’Brien - Oh, hold up, guys, Sarah wants to blog.
10:22 PM Hbn Gladstone - he’s a big fan. (He has a 16 yr old daughter)
10:22 PM Dan O’Brien - Hi gang, what’s ^?
10:22 PM Michael Swaim - No, SARAH!
10:22 PM Michael Swaim - Dammit
10:22 PM Michael Swaim - Sigh.
10:22 PM Ross Wolinsky - This works out well, because Biden’s here with me.
10:22 PM Hbn Gladstone - Hi Sarah!
10:22 PM Dan O’Brien - LOL these debates are teh boring debates. Remember my debate?
10:23 PM Michael Swaim - Hey. HOw’s it going? Boning Dan?
10:23 PM Hbn Gladstone - What’s sex with DOB like?
10:23 PM Dan O’Brien - I can barely walk!
10:23 PM Michael Swaim - Uh-huh. I remember you stuttering a lot and sporting a turkey neck.
10:23 PM Michael Swaim - That was you, right?
10:23 PM Dan O’Brien - I thought moose-wrestling was hairy and exhausting. I had no idea!
10:23 PM Ross Wolinsky - Hey guys - Joe Biden here. I’d like to remind you all that I have lots of foreign policy experience.
10:23 PM Michael Swaim - You know what?
10:23 PM Hbn Gladstone - Oh Sarah. you’re hilarious.
10:23 PM Michael Swaim - You should rip Dan open and photograph him bleeding out in the snow.
10:24 PM Michael Swaim - Bring your daughter.
10:24 PM Michael Swaim - Great photo op. Plus, he gets off on it.
10:24 PM Ross Wolinsky - If Joe Biden were elected VP, he would make what Swaim is talking about illegal.
10:24 PM Dan O’Brien - Hockey Mom, more like COCKEY Mom, right?
10:24 PM Ross Wolinsky - Joe Biden understands death. And laws.
10:24 PM Michael Swaim - Wait, is Sarah saying that about herself? I’m confused, and horny.
10:24 PM Hbn Gladstone - New drinking game: Take a drink each time McCain’s tumor devours his entire head.
10:25 PM Hbn Gladstone - Holy crap
10:25 PM Dan O’Brien - I’m actually having a little trouble keeping up, too.
10:25 PM Hbn Gladstone - another bald guy in the audience????
10:25 PM Dan O’Brien - I told you.
10:25 PM Michael Swaim - Terri Sherri? Aren’t those the twins from the Simpsons?
10:25 PM Hbn Gladstone - Is this a convention? And why is a dude in the deep south so concerned about Israel?
10:25 PM Dan O’Brien - That bald white guy is alarmingly concerned about Israel.
10:25 PM Michael Swaim - He’s obviously a Rabbi.
10:25 PM Ross Wolinsky - He just heard about it in the VP debate.
10:26 PM Michael Swaim - Do it McCain. Kiss him.
10:26 PM Ross Wolinsky - “I heard a lot about this Israel thing in the VP debates. What are you going to do about all that?!”
10:26 PM Michael Swaim - China=obstacle. I couldn’t agree more.
10:26 PM Hbn Gladstone - He just heard that Jews must occupy Jerusalem as a prerequisite to the second coming
10:26 PM Dan O’Brien - I feel like these people are CLEARLY fed their questions. If a real human being was in the crowd, they’d ask “Hey, what the fuck? The country kinda blows right now. America used to be, like, a third boob, but now we’re bullshit. What gives?”
10:27 PM Michael Swaim - Total Recall reference number 1. Let’s hit 8 guys!
10:27 PM Dan O’Brien - McCAin has no idea which bald guy to talk to.
10:27 PM Ross Wolinsky - Where’s this guy from? Mars?
10:27 PM Michael Swaim - That bug-eyed lady looked like Shwarzenneger on the surface of Mars.
10:27 PM Dan O’Brien - The one black chick keeps changing her nail-color, effortlessly, with a little device.
10:27 PM Hbn Gladstone -
10:28 PM Ross Wolinsky - Man… I have a drink and a liveblog to do. I wish I had three hands.
10:28 PM Michael Swaim - COHAAGEENNNN!!!
10:28 PM Hbn Gladstone - Thanks Jeeves!!!
10:28 PM Dan O’Brien - This debate is over in two minutes, and no one said anything. Nobody.
10:29 PM Michael Swaim - BTW, McCain yet again boldly spoke out against allowing a second Holocaust.
10:29 PM Dan O’Brien - If I wasn’t already an informed and well-read citizen, this debate would be deeply frustrating.
10:29 PM Hbn Gladstone - This is the worst debate ever
10:29 PM Ross Wolinsky - They might have. I’ve just been focusing on the red carpet and drinking an entire fifth of Jim Beam.
10:29 PM Michael Swaim - Plus I learned a new old-timey phrase. I love those.
10:29 PM Hbn Gladstone - Hey Obama said “dire consequences” Reminds me of cracked reader “direwookie” who was mention in the last Hate By Nubmers post!
10:29 PM Dan O’Brien - I’m all out of toilet wine.
10:29 PM Hbn Gladstone - I can’t feel my lips.
10:29 PM Ross Wolinsky - So wait… McCain is AGAINST the holocaust, right?
10:30 PM Michael Swaim - I can feel your lips, Gladstone.
10:30 PM Dan O’Brien - Just a second one.
10:30 PM Ross Wolinsky - Fuck it - I’m voting for McCain.
10:30 PM Dan O’Brien - He has no qualms with the first.
10:30 PM Michael Swaim - He’d strongly consider opposing a second Holocaust.
10:30 PM Hbn Gladstone - last question: “What don’t you know and how will you learn it?”
10:30 PM Ross Wolinsky - Did you see the look that white guy just gave Michelle Obama?
10:30 PM Hbn Gladstone - I don’t know nothing bout birthing no babies
10:30 PM Ross Wolinsky - Questionable at best.
10:30 PM Michael Swaim - I got that question on the Dating Game.
10:31 PM Dan O’Brien - Did you answer it better than barack?
10:31 PM Dan O’Brien - I have to assume you did.
10:31 PM Michael Swaim - Needless to say, I burst through the divider and ravished the woman then and there.
10:31 PM Dan O’Brien - “Senator, what don’t you know?” “I’d like to tell you a story about my mother.
10:31 PM Hbn Gladstone - I got that question on “American’s Next Top Zen Philosopher”
10:31 PM Ross Wolinsky - So was that what you didn’t know or how you learned it?
10:31 PM Michael Swaim - I think I said something about a second Holocaust. Then is was all 70’s boots and hot flesh.
10:31 PM Michael Swaim - Both.
10:31 PM Michael Swaim - It’s a zen answer
10:31 PM Michael Swaim - For a zen question
10:32 PM Ross Wolinsky - Be the vagina.
10:32 PM Michael Swaim - Zen means bullshit.
10:32 PM Ross Wolinsky - Or… There is no vagina.
10:32 PM Hbn Gladstone - the right answer?
10:32 PM Ross Wolinsky - The sound of one buttcheek clapping.
10:32 PM Hbn Gladstone - “I don’t know that John McCain doesn’t rape puppies.”
10:32 PM Ross Wolinsky - Christ. I’m horny.
10:32 PM Dan O’Brien - “He’s never explicitly said that he doesn’t rape puppies. Weird, right?”
10:32 PM Michael Swaim - So in the end, Barack appeals to the youth and McCain appeals to the military. I could have told you that months ago.
10:33 PM Michael Swaim - WithOUT having to pretend to be funny for an hour.
10:33 PM Hbn Gladstone - I have to hit the bathroom
10:33 PM Michael Swaim - Hit it. Hard.
10:33 PM Hbn Gladstone - but i’m holding it for the cracked readers
10:33 PM Dan O’Brien - “I don’t know what the unexpected will be.”
10:33 PM Michael Swaim - “I’m not sure what this growth is.”
10:33 PM Hbn Gladstone - “i know what it’s like to live with a huge facial tumor and pretend i’m fit to run for president”
10:33 PM Dan O’Brien - So we can rule out McCain as a wizard. There goes a fucking decade of research,.
10:33 PM Ross Wolinsky - “I don’t know what it’s like to lift your arms above your head.”
10:33 PM Michael Swaim - “I don’t know the deal with airline food. Am I right?”
10:34 PM Michael Swaim - “I don’t know…NOTHING.” Booyah.
10:34 PM Michael Swaim - Then he drops the mic and backs away slowly.
10:34 PM Ross Wolinsky - Holy CHRIST was that boring!
10:34 PM Hbn Gladstone - again with the steady hand at the tiller????
10:34 PM Dan O’Brien - “Don’t know much about history”
10:34 PM Michael Swaim - “don’t know much biology.”
10:34 PM Hbn Gladstone - I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW MUCH THIS SUCKED.
10:34 PM Ross Wolinsky - Who is clapping?
10:34 PM Dan O’Brien - This was terrible.
10:34 PM Hbn Gladstone - don’t know much about the french i took
10:34 PM Ross Wolinsky - I don’t see ANYONE clappping
10:34 PM Michael Swaim - I can’t believe Sarah Palin has been blogging so coherently.
10:35 PM Hbn Gladstone - don’t know much about science book?
10:35 PM Michael Swaim - Ha! Brokaw just called McCain a fuck up.
10:35 PM Michael Swaim - I mean, basically.
10:35 PM Ross Wolinsky - Mark Shields is going to tell me who won.
10:35 PM Michael Swaim - There’s still time for something awesome to happen.
10:35 PM Hbn Gladstone - i don’t think they shoudl shake hands. I think barack should just hold up a high high five hand.
10:35 PM Michael Swaim - Wait for it…
10:35 PM Dan O’Brien - McCain’s wife looks hotter than Obama’s on CNN.
10:35 PM Michael Swaim - Wait for it…
10:35 PM Hbn Gladstone - and then mock mccain as he tries to reach it
10:35 PM Michael Swaim - Nevermind, you can stop waiting.
10:36 PM Ross Wolinsky -
10:36 PM Hbn Gladstone - I’m waiting for barack to grab cindy’s butt
10:36 PM Hbn Gladstone - something
10:36 PM Hbn Gladstone - anything
10:36 PM Michael Swaim - THAR HE BLOWS!
10:36 PM Michael Swaim - Time for the pollsters to tell me what I don’t know and how I can learn it.
10:36 PM Hbn Gladstone - i’m blogging until Jack stops me
10:36 PM Michael Swaim - And how fancy their graphics department is.
10:36 PM Hbn Gladstone - Bring it Jack!!!!
10:36 PM Ross Wolinsky - You have nothing else to do.
10:37 PM Dan O’Brien - There’s a 23-person panel on CNN.
10:37 PM Ross Wolinsky - Oh weird, Jack is here with me.
10:37 PM Ross Wolinsky - Stop blogging, Gladstone!
10:37 PM Michael Swaim - Well YOU’RE still here. I figure we’ve got to make up for the blog outage by riffing on nothing for a few minutes.
10:37 PM Ross Wolinsky - Go to bed!
10:37 PM Hbn Gladstone - i’m going to urinate now.
10:37 PM Ross Wolinsky - Go somewhere!
10:37 PM Michael Swaim - Eat your creamed rice and put on your wool nightcap!
10:37 PM Michael Swaim - Then upload a photo, cuz that’s ADORABLE.
10:38 PM Ross Wolinsky - Gladstone’s got those pajamas with the butt flap
10:38 PM Michael Swaim - I’m surprised we didn’t have to type in all caps more for Gladstone to follow along.
10:38 PM Jack O’Brien - OK, I’m going to ask that Gladstone stop posting, everyone else please keep going as long as you’d like
10:38 PM Michael Swaim - I didn’t know that, and I’m wondering how you learned it.
10:38 PM Dan O’Brien - You got it, Jackawanna Blues.
10:38 PM Michael Swaim - Hey! Jack’s here! This is great! It’s almost like I’ve actually been with a group of friends anytime in the last two months.
10:39 PM Dan O’Brien - My current away message is “Hanging with my buddies!”
10:39 PM Michael Swaim - Have you done Jack and Coke?
10:39 PM Ross Wolinsky - Have you done “Jack In The Box”?
10:39 PM Dan O’Brien - Please don’t tell anyone the truth.
10:39 PM Michael Swaim - Seems like a good photoshop.
10:39 PM Dan O’Brien - I have not.
10:39 PM Hbn Gladstone - Can i talk?
10:39 PM Dan O’Brien - Jack in the Box, I MUST have done.
10:39 PM Michael Swaim - Well, there you go.
10:39 PM Hbn Gladstone - please Jack?
10:39 PM Michael Swaim - NO!
10:39 PM Ross Wolinsky - Jack Nicholson?
10:39 PM Dan O’Brien - Boss-man says no.
10:39 PM Michael Swaim - SHUT UP!
10:39 PM Dan O’Brien - For Jack of a Better Word?
10:39 PM Michael Swaim - I THOUGHT YOU WERE PEEING!
10:40 PM Ross Wolinsky - Count Jackula?
10:40 PM Michael Swaim - Big Jack attack?
10:40 PM Dan O’Brien - NICE ONE
10:40 PM Ross Wolinsky - Dude - COUNT JACKULA.
10:40 PM Michael Swaim - I really just want to photoshop them.
10:40 PM Hbn Gladstone - Get the Jack by the Jack.
10:40 PM Jack O’Brien - only if we get a photo of the pajamas
10:40 PM Hbn Gladstone - (The Knack)
10:40 PM Jack O’Brien - he is peeing
10:40 PM Michael Swaim - Jack me off into a bowl of pudding.
10:40 PM Hbn Gladstone - Leader of the Jack
10:40 PM Michael Swaim - That’s an in-joke
10:40 PM Michael Swaim - Jack knows what I’m talking about
10:40 PM Dan O’Brien - Hahahaha
10:40 PM Ross Wolinsky - Gladstone - You’re clearly smoking Jack.
10:41 PM Michael Swaim - Gladstone–catheterized and grumpy.
10:41 PM Dan O’Brien - Better than assjack
10:41 PM Michael Swaim - And several other of the seven drawves as well.
10:41 PM Michael Swaim - So…
10:41 PM Michael Swaim - WHat are you guys doing later?
10:41 PM Ross Wolinsky - Jack of all trades.
10:41 PM Dan O’Brien - Hey, this was boring. If anyone reading along at home is an attractive lady, please email me naked pictures of yourself so this night isn’t a total waste of time. I promise I’ll look at them.
10:41 PM Ross Wolinsky - Dan: Forward those to me if you get any.
10:41 PM Michael Swaim - Oh, shit. Me too! Is that a thing we can ask?
10:42 PM Dan O’Brien - I have to run to Staples to fax something (jax something), but other than that I’m free.
10:42 PM Michael Swaim - Well shit man, let’s not hang out or see each other.
10:42 PM Ross Wolinsky - I’ll be at home, listening to Klick and Jack on NPR.
10:42 PM Michael Swaim - GOONIGHT EVERBUDDY!
10:42 PM Hbn Gladstone - A gentleman doesn’t ASK for naked pics. he just receives them and then destroys them because they are from underaged girls.
10:43 PM Dan O’Brien - What about my blogging thusfar has implied that I’m a gentleman?
10:43 PM Ross Wolinsky - Wow… a mediocre end to a mediocre night. Thanks for hanging out, guys (not Gladstone - everyone else)!
10:43 PM Dan O’Brien - Goodnight, Swaim Theory!
10:43 PM Hbn Gladstone - Oh, Machete, you’re so young.
10:44 PM Hbn Gladstone - “O’Brien … over you.”
10:44 PM Dan O’Brien - Young, and fit, and vaguely black.
10:44 PM Hbn Gladstone - (that was to the tune of Orbison’s Cryin’)
10:45 PM Hbn Gladstone - Well, I hope you reader’s had some fun. Later.
10:45 PM Dan O’Brien - Fascinating. I’m out
10:45 PM Ross Wolinsky - GOOOODBYE! GLAAAADSTONE! (ba da dah)
10:45 PM Ross Wolinsky - GOOOOOOODBYE! GLAAAAAADSTONE! (ba da dah)
10:45 PM Ross Wolinsky - (Good Day Sunshine)

Last 5 posts by Daniel O'Brien

Disney to Reboot Mickey Mouse, Internet to Make Fun of Them - November 6th, 2009
My Brief Time as Encyclopedia Brown's Partner - October 30th, 2009
So You Need to Disarm A Chimpanzee - October 23rd, 2009
5 Steps to Writing Successful Erotic Fiction - October 16th, 2009
5 Great Book Ideas 'The Man' Is Too Scared to Publish - October 9th, 2009

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 7th, 2008 at 1:03 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

457 Responses to “Cracked Liveblogs the Presidential Debate LIVE!”

DCD Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
They should have given Brokaw a Nerf Ballzooka to peg the candidates every time they went over the time limit or tried to talk outside the previously-agreed-upon debate rules. Republican or Democrat? WRONG.

It’s Nerf Or Nothin’.
sarah Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
any hopes for having a liveblog about something other than the debates? hangin with mr cooper? or perhaps an arrested development marathon, come on
BatShitInsane Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
well, that last ten minutes when Jack came in was more exciting than the entire debate, right there.
Petursson Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
Fantastic, no matter who won, I ended the debate with double vision. I win.
joe Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Bye
Nate Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Thank you, gentlemen (and DOB), for a most entertaining evening.
Zephyr97 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
I almost died of the hilarity of the “nobody’s clapping” comment, Ross.
DirtyJerz Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
I’ll never be over DOB…
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
The seventies dude is tripping
Nate Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
I love how McCain cliams that he’s made responsible choices for his entire military career. How about the “getting captured by the enemy” bit?
Troy Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Swaim, i fucking love you. That was awesome.
Irish lad Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
One of these guys becomes president?! Holy fuck.
SamLowery Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Swaim dammit don’t crash it again!
exsabu Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
DID I DO A GOOD JOB GLADSTONE?!!?
Peter Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
my friends, DRINK
Dan Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
how long does this go? I’m bored, but I don’t have anything else to do.
Battery Powered C*** Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
John McCain’s solution for handling a crisis: sitting in a bamboo cage for 5 years.
SamLowery Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
These guys have the conversational skills of me. ME! They’re THAT bad!
DCD Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Does he think we still use telegraphs?
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
One night in bagdad(dy) makes the tough men tumble…
why does mcCain stick out his tongue like a snake in the grass

I’ll get him no matter what… HSSSSSS
Ariel Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
lol
Irish lad Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
I think they should speak softer but fight instead. With big fecking sticks. 2 minute rounds.
Sobes Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Hmm at the moment I am thinking Obama has the upper hand at the moment. There is still time for Mccain to make a possible come back. (Hopefully he won’t)
Ariel Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
he sang bomb bomb bomb iran? i want to hear this song, dammit.
Will Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
The power of Ron Burgundy was much too strong.
Dan Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Whats up with the time?
exsabu Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Did a do a good job as your stand in gladstone?
Zephyr97 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Obama uses big words such as “kill” and “Americans” to try to scare us. Also…did he just say pocketsan?
MadPiper6 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
I will vote for whoever allows me to gay marry Swaim.
TAKEITDEEP Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
snap
Goldeneyes Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
the way BO says pakistan makes me want to hurt him…
Dark Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
The idea of this man as president makes my testicles curl into themselves. Like, seriously implode.
Charlie Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
ahahaha

bomb bomb iran bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb iran
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Did obama say take him out or ask him out?
Alan Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
I think we just declared war on Pakistan
Nate Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
He just totally ripped off Teddy Roosevelt. I suppose it’s fair, though- he was around when Teddy said it.
Sebas89 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Woah Woah guys calm down! No one wants to see McCain dead from over exertion…..
Jackson Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
I’ve got a cool hand on my “tiller” if you know what I’m saying.
TAKEITDEEP Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
does anyone remember ‘bomb bomb iran” songs???
Dan Reno Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Michael Swaim, she has hyperthyroidism.
A certain Icelander Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
McCain: “Walk softly but carry a big stick.”

Biden: “Get on the stick!”
Charlie Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
streaming it from hulu

also

“walk softly and carry a big stick”
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Let’s pull out the boxing gloves
Daniel O'Brien Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
“Speak softly.” You don’t know SHIT about Big Stick Diplomacy.
SamLowery Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
WooHoo! Liveblog coup d’etat! We’ve overthrown the oppressive paid commenter pig-dogs!
Will Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
So, I guess Swaim wins life forever.
Ross Wolinsky Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Another Teddy quote: “A typical vice of American politics is the avoidance of saying anything real on real issues.”
TAKEITDEEP Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
wait for it - wait for Obama to slap mccain’s ass right ,,,,about now
exsabu Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
mcain just compared Star Wars to Iraq.
powrez Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
San Juan Hill is the new Tora Bora
Battery Powered C*** Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Teddy Roosevelt? McCain seems more like a James K Polk man to me.
Ross Wolinsky Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Teddy Roosevelt? Seriously? What’s next? Are we invading Cuba?
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Big Stick… you show us John… cause we know if you claim you gotta big one it’s all in the eye of the beholder.
John McCain Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
My friends, I used to fuck Teddy Roosevelt’s daughter
Daniel O'Brien Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
DOn’t you talk about TR like you fucking know him, because you DON’T.
Will Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
W00t!
TAKEITDEEP Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
obama laughing at mcain’s dis is so smooth - that dude rocks
Daniel O'Brien Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
It’s “Speak softly,” McCain, you stupid son of a bitch.
ZiggyTheZ Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
If you don’t have tv, you can listen to the debate live on npr.org
Jack Holiday Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
McCain has a big stick.
Zephyr97 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
HOOPLAH!
DCD Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Woah, is Teddy Roosevelt your hero or Ronald Reagan? Make up your mind, McCain!
Peter Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
yay it’s back!!!!
Jack Holiday Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Obama plans to lay the fist of justice on bin Laden.
A cow Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
MOOOOOO!
Carl Sands Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Mcain can’t stop dinosaurs
exsabu Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Does anyone else find it wierd that he knows what the terrorist are planning and where they are…?
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Rachel has been appointed as the chief operations officer in charge of lube.
joe hart Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Ross Wolinsky has lost my vote…..
Michael Swaim Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
The terrorists are stronger than ever. Power level…OVER NINE THOUSAND!?!
The Peanut Pretzel Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
I need the blog. The debate is fucking boring. Help me, Cracked.
kevin Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
uh oh look at obama’s hand movement I’d know that anywhere hes using the jedi mind trick
DCD Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
“Sometimes nothin’ can be a real cool hand.”

He is almost as old as Paul Newman…
A man Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Ain’t this here debate in Tennessee? Where’s the overalls? Where’s the moonshine? Where’s the southern accents?
Daniel O'Brien Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Bullshit.
powrez Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos
Kang Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
The politics of failure have failed. We need to make them work again.
Justin Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
That was the woman with the eyes again, sitting next to the girl who asked the question….
Sven Strickland Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Newsflash McCain; Not everyone there is your friend!

“My first priority after this priority”; Wouldn’t that be his 2nd priority?

Did he just say masturbating?
exsabu Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Mcain: “Yeah, I’m gonna stop the Holocaust, 9/11, AND the dinosaurs!”
Joe Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
don’t look her in the eyes!
Murbs Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
McCain Doctrine = 40 acres & a mule.
Ross Wolinsky Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Did you guys see that crazy bug-eyed woman next to Katie Hamm? Also, was her name seriously Katie Hamm?
KJL San Diego Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
HOLY SHIT DID YOU GUYS SEE THE LADY IN THE CROWD WITH THE BUG EYES! FUKKING A!
Nate Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
“Our most precious resource, American blood.” I was wondering how he was staying alive- he’s a vampire. Or a zombie, he looks a bit decayed.
Michael Swaim Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
“We have to say ‘never again’ to the Holocaust.” There’s a REAL controversial stance.
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
McCain raped that poor woman with the red noose around her neck!
Jack Holiday Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
What is Rachel Dratch doing in the audience?
Scottish Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
McCains heavy breathing is creeping me out or turning me on. I can’t tell.
kevin Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
“that’s my first priority right after national security” i’m not quite sure but wouldn’t that make it not first priority
Battery Powered C*** Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
We’re going to fight terrorism with blood? That’s totally metal!!
Ross Wolinsky Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Wait did I say “drink”? I meant “seed”.
Michael Swaim Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
But now we’re back, and hateful as ever.

Vote McCain: A cool hand at the tiller, and other arcane expressions no one has ever heard before.
Gladstone Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
McCain just implied he has “cool hands at the tiller.” Way to appeal to the youth vote. Next he’ll say, “My message sounds off clearly like an RCA Victrola.”
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
speak for yourself Mr PTSD: you might have withdrawn in humiliation but not us!
Latorta Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
“the computer was made by a bunch of scientists” by senator obama
Ross Wolinsky Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Gladstone spilled his drink on his keyboard and broke the internet. Feel free to thank him in the comments.
Peter Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Drink X 2!! My friends
Res_Ipsa Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Once again, McCain elaborates that he is strongly against losing wars. I’m glad he clarified that.
DirtyJerz Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
The feed isn’t working on my page anymore!! No matter how many times I refreshes it…
Jack Holiday Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
McCain will be Robert Redford to the soldiers’ Owen Wilson. McCain is The Dark Knight!
Jack Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
ScribbleLive should be back in business in a minute. For now the bloggers will be posting in the comment section.
Michael Swaim Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Hey look I’m down here now! Obama and McCain were so gravely interesting that we all just lost track of time.
Jackson Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
McCain: “Let me just follow up by saying, Obama’s momma is so fat that when she steps on a scale, it just says, ‘Daaayummn’.”
John McCain Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
My friends, I have just soiled my Depend.
Erin (I know, I'm creative) Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
And again! This debate is looking up!
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
I think he uses his hand to pump up and down a bit too much… Where did he learn that?
Irish lad Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
I think some of the audience is CGI. And not very well done either.
Vera Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Hi Gladstone.

Did your tech-support join in on the drinking game?

A bucket of ice water should take care of that…
ballz Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
HA
vote obama.
Erin (I know, I'm creative) Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Ooh, my friends! Drink! It had been a while, I was starting to sober up.
Jack Holiday Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
My friends! Drink!
Dan Reno Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
scribblelive rules!
kevin Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
i really with that the debate would be interupted by something more important like starship troopers
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
OH NO we can’t be everywhere all the time? That’s not what Saint Anne Thrax says.
Gladstone Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Obama just said he would have stopped the Holocaust if he could. Bold position.
KJL San Diego Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
McCain remembers the Pirate Era very well. (ha ha he’s old)
Zephyr97 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
I must admit the debate is retarded without you guys narrating it.
Goldeneyes Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
bitch we did stop the holocost
Battery Powered C*** Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Cracked Liveblogs the Presidential Debate LIVE!
>>>>>> ruined by ScribbleLive
Jack Holiday Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Obama’s doctrine: get Don Cheadle back to Rwanda.
dj Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Brokaw is getting a little pissy… “IM TOM BROKAW BITCHES”
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
McCain needs to sit down. For Good>
gwen Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
what happened? i need your sexy commentary
powrez Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
What time does the Baghdad Stock Exchange open? Just curious is all.
tshp Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Screw it, I am gonna go drink till I pass out. Somebody fill me in on what goes down.
Jack Holiday Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
I bet McCain has a hidden gun under his desk…
cheapdialogue Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Why the hell is McCain always standing up!? Just sit the hell down.
sarai Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
How’s an aussie girl meant to enjoy a debate she can’t stream if ScribbleLive insists on being down?

This is BS this is…

Damn governmental censorships bastards…
exsabu Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
alright my friends, New Drinking game. Every time they go over the time limit, chug a miller lite. You’ll be wasted in 3 minutes
Alanna Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
I’m not sure it’s worth it to keep watching now that the blog has died. *sigh*
Obizzle Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
This has been bugging me for a while now, but I finally figured out who McCain reminds me of: the grandpa from King of the Hill. Look at the way he moves! Does this motherfucker ever bend his knees?
Justin Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Oh my god you killed Scribblelive servers!
Jack Holiday Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Did anyone just picture McCain as a cheerleader?
Battery Powered C*** Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
If Obama doesn’t understand, there would be a Fresh Prince song about it, right?
KJL San Diego Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Obama is a peacemaker, and McCain needs a pacemaker!
Sebas89 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
wow McCain has a great comb-over!
Murbs Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Did Obama just bad mouth Delaware?!?!?!?!
PnutPretzel Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
I was zoning out and I heard McCain say “treasure”.

Is he a pirate?
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
WRONG WRONG WRONG… oh so wrong… on the job training my friend.
We’ll see you in the parking lot after work!
Jackson Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Poor, McCain. He still believes with all his heart that the earth has corners.
Carl Sands Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
O’Brien’s deal with the devil ran out.
exsabu Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
I name myself the Gladstone Stand in!
Vera Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Is 9:48 the end? like the blinking 12:00 when you get a power out?
Gladstone Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Hi. We’re having techincal difficulties.
kevin Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
i didn’t know john mccain thinks my tank of gas is a national security issue
tshp Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Yes McCain, know when to go in and when to not is a good idea.
powrez Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Christ, on CNN the approval for females while Obama is speaking is like Milhouse when ‘Speedo Man’ comes on during the Itchy and Scratchy focus group.
jtklove Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
Come back, DOB, come back! I’m Sarah Palin and I WANT YOU, BABY!
Jack Holiday Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
Wasn’t the bald guy in the green shirt on America’s Funnies home videos?
zack Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
i bet McCain is awesome at pop-lockin
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
Wait that’s me… greatest force for peace in the world… hand me a hanky!
gobbo Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
Damn you BURGUNDY!!!!!!
TAKEITDEEP Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
thank god - mccain finally thanked someone for their question - we need some more politeness here
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
I think he’s going to cry!
Jack Holiday Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
No one cares about the fine, McCain.
KJL San Diego Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
oh shit, we’re switching gears! everybody hold the fuck on!
Murbs Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
How come Obama said mammograms, but wouldn’t say pap smear?
floppynoodleson Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
nice. I wrote 9:8 instead of 9:48.
BatShitInsane Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
brokaw just interrupted the shit out of him.
kevin Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
tom brokaw cannot stop the obama train
Battery Powered C*** Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
Check out the CNN lines…. chicks dig Obama
Irish lad Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
My friends, the fundamental point is that ScribbleLive has died on us. Fundamentally.
tshp Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
How are you gonna pay for those hair transplants? Eh, McCain? Sure Obama, pull the my mother died at 53 and the big scary insurance companies made her cry.
PaleHorse Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Obama Doesn’t play by the rules.
floppynoodleson Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
This seems broken and stuck at 9:8 pm.
Sarah Palin Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Why is it frozen?!?!
iamnotyourfriend Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
did McCain just say “gold plated caddilacs”?!?!?!
Catapulter Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Ron…Burgandy…?
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
I wish Nasty Daddy McCain would stop ending his sentences on a high whiny pitch. It makes him seem like he’s pleading for understanding… Did he do something bad?
robbiy Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
theyre too busy updating twitter
kevin Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
is it just me or does john mccain remind anyone else of toadman from megaman?
DCD Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Jesus balls, that hair transplant joke was funny.
Wren Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
DAMN YOU, SCRIBBLELIVE! RIGHT DURING THE DEBATE! IT’S BORING AS HELL, BUT STILL!
KJL San Diego Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
you guys, we are too awesome for the internet to handle!
Dimus Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
John McCain shut down the live stream to prevent Cracked.com writers from discussing such an important night
Battery Powered C*** Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
a vote for Obama is a vote for Cracked readers!
kevin Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
mccain your fucking minute is up
TAKEITDEEP Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
the hair transplant joke was kinda funny
powrez Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Wow… I guess Ron really is kind of a big deal
Jackson Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Just like when he drives around town, McCain simply ignores the red light.
Goldeneyes Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
i would love a gold plated caddie
KJL San Diego Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
has mccain not learned that “tax credits” don’t really do anything?
we’ve had them during bush, and we’re still in the crapper.
vynsane Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
scribblelive site is down. we must have taken them out with the sheer girth of our bandwidth. yeah, you like that scribblelive? yeah. it’s so big…
dj Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
What, McCain died? I fell asleep….
tshp Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
ok, commentors! the writers are down, start spewing the best jokes you can! Cracked must go on!
joe hart Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
no one’s saying anything! what am i to think?!
Wren Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
6:53

“Senator Obama will find you!”

Creepy both in and out of context.
Patrick Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Wolinsky’s virus-ridden image shut down the blog. Fascist!
JCizz Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
This is silly. “Oh yeah!? This is what He’s doing!”

“Oh yeah!? This is what -he’s- doing.”

It’s like they are damn tattletales or something, narking to Professor Brokaw for an A.
jordan Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Someone broke them.
Battery Powered C*** Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
note: All mammograms performed by Obama
MECHA lol Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
It looks like they’ve crashed
its just stuck at the anchorman photo
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Quit violating the audiences boundaries!
Jackson Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
I think they may have fallen into a liquor induced coma.
Qazster Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
The ScribbleLive website is down, I guess too many people using their service
Zephyr97 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
OH NOOOOO!!! ITS DIED!!!
Morgan Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
LOOK AT US IN THE COMMENTS, trying to be as funny as the fab 4
also, “taketh”? Really?
Jambo Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
Tom Brokaw doesn’t like it when Obama asks questions besides “Why is daddy McCain so cranky today?” and “Wow, Michelle Obama looks like shit.”
Wren Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
It’s 6:51 and none of the bloggers have commented in the last three minutes…I suspect this dry, tedious debate has sapped them of their humor.

Or perhaps they’ve all drunk themselves into a stupor.
dajumbles Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
Why no posts after 9:48 so far?
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Don’t forget the gps implants!
Sam Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Ron Burgundy kills the blog.
SamLowery Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Did you guy shutup? I can’t see anything after the Anchorman photo.
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Hito no time for that… Please watch the stop and go lights
rae Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
I say that McCain, Obama, and Brokaw should just throw down. The survivor gets presidency.
Peter Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
my friends, you missed it! FAIL!!! DRINK!!!
Res_Ipsa Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
We drill offshore. Everyone thinks there’s more oil and buys more. (When really it won’t be available for years.) And that drives the price down. WHAT?! Supply and demand, man, supply and demand.
Jason Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Is it just me, or does Tom Brokaw seem to want to make out with John McCain? I don’t blame him, he’s got a very sexy grandpa aura about him.
sammythebull Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
guy in blue is still feeling himself
powrez Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
We’ve got to drill off-shore… is he hitting on Palin? Ewww.
Battery Powered C*** Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Why did all the bald people in the audience grease their heads?
Stroffy Pemberton Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Joe Sixpack Drills Palin. Her husband isn’t looking, but Bristol stole the idea and got herself pregnant. -That is all true.
Johnny Liar Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
McCain sure likes talking about “goodies.” He knows we’re all thinking about Palin when he says that.
iamnotyourfriend Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Obama: “YOU people? what do you mean YOU PEOPLE?”
kevin Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
is Mccain even going to answer the question or just talk about how Obama has voted in the past
jordan Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
The way McCain says goodies is creepy.
Shana Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Who else is reminded of “Kids say the darndest things” by this stage setup?

Look Obama sits just like Bill Cosby!
tshp Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
they need the stop light system explained to them? Oh yeah these are the guys we want to run the county…
Decker Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
I like how they walk past the lights that tell them when their time is up, yet they fail to see them somehow.
Charlie Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
mccain just BURNED obama on that energy bill.

yes you smug sunnuva bitch you got BURNED
brent Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
goodies…
pretty creepy??
Ryan K. Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
McCain uses Sex Panther, and if your watching CNN you will notice 33% of the time, it works ALL the time.
robbiy Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
mccain just called obama “that one”
WOWIE
KJL San Diego Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
McCain is a dick
SamLowery Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
“that one!” asshole
Goldeneyes Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
lol that one…you know those people
Erin (I know, I'm creative) Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
What I don’t understand is how all of those people have been sitting so perfectly still this entire time. My ass would be completely asleep.
Ryan Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
ooo that one
apathetic_bystander Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
McCain is colorblind
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
He looks like a kid caught raiding the cookie jar…
Tallie Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Mccain walks like a hunchback.
Tark Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
if you consider palins vagina a problem
jordan Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Is what my 14 year old self would have said.
jordan Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Tom Brokaw just owned these beeatches!!!!
Hito Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
So if you read the comments, it’s a town hall commenting session on a town hall debate.

Is there a reaction to the cracked.com liveblog liveblog? How long does this go?!
SamLowery Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Brokaw’s pissed!
hayly Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Gladstone is sexy
sammythebull Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
You can always “drill your way out of the problem”
jtklove Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
I love you, DOB
Jackson Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Obama just said, McCain talks alot about drilling…
I can support that.
Stroffy Pemberton Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
im at the debate right now. I’m in section b on my cell phone. GO CRACKED!
Tark Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
ive tried to drill my way out of a lot of problems
John McCain Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Anyone else here drunk as fuck?
Battery Powered C*** Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Why does McCain refuse to move one of his arms? Lost his oil can?
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
McCain’s pen was made in china and he better wash his hands of all of this!
Ryan Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
He’s got a pen! watch out OBAMA!
Goldeneyes Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
what that means is get me some more damn oil
Res_Ipsa Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
D.O’B. for the newly created position of “Secretary of Boning.”
longgonecourtney Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
So if a candidate dies - possibly mid debate - before the election is held…what happens?
Shana Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MCAIN’S LEFT CHEEK??
Ryan Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Maverick.
sarai Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
I’m not even watching the debate and this is still entertaining…
robotkeith Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
that’s what independent voters look like.
SamLowery Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Damnit! Now I’m trying to find hat-dude not listening!
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
McCain is having a seesure
Kenny Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Does McCain seem like a robot freaking out in some kind of logic loop to anyone else? I think he needs a reboot…
Ryan Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Senator Obama says it has to be safe or something like that.

I Lol’d HARD.
kevin Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Mccain said he was on a nuclear powered sub and nuclear power is safe hasn’t he had cancer like 4 times?
Eileen Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
You could cleverly reference Pope’s Dunciad, Gladstone.
Ava Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
i love the traffic lights on the floors that tell them to shut up after they’ve been blabbing off topic for 4 minutes.
Ismael Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Jesus! Bad waves of paranoia, madness, fear and loathing, intolerable vibrations in this place. Get out! The weasels were closing in. I could smell the ugly brutes.
sammythebull Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
the old guy in the blue is feeling himself
Tark Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Im concerned about the something
Justin Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Nuclear fuel also creates mutants!
KJL San Diego Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
MC CAIN wants nuc-u-ler energy! HE HE HE!
Goldeneyes Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
blah blah climate change, just get to the part where you promise me palin naked, then you get my vote
DirtyJerz Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Rape of the Lock is an awesome read….
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Joe Lieberman in I… did he make a freudian slip
Wren Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
*gasp* Check out 6:41-6:42! DOB is showing commendable signs of intellegence!
KJL San Diego Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
Social Security was supposed to be temporary! It was designed to help old people who lost everything in the Great Depression survive. It was never supposed to last this long.
A. Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
I’m far more concerned about Senator McCain’s little arms jerking around. That’s some robot shit. Why don’t you address THAT, America?!
mike Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
Why does he keep saying “my friends”? I’m not your friend buddy!
tshp Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
is mccain going to start posting help wanted adds on Cracked? Is that how he’ll recruit the smartest people in America?
Mike Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
Didn’t Obama just explain his tax proposal?

Does McCain even know what he’s saying, or is it just a reflex at this point?
Res_Ipsa Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
Did McCain just say “We need smart people to come up with good ideas”?!

Seriously . . .
Charlie Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Mccain is just lubricating his glass eyes. that got poked out while he was a POW in ‘nam. One can only assume this is fact
Tark Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
He found Joe Sixpack
A certain Icelander Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
McCain blinks more than a woman… What does that make him?
SamLowery Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
McCain looks like one of those wind-up toys that just moves its little legs til it falls down.
powrez Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
internet question: raise your hand if you’d like to be president.
Alex Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
I wonder how many people in there are constipated.
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Tee hee you people are all so stupid… that’s why I’m going to be the president… Is this reality or am I having a PTSD flashback… Medicare… tough… SOcial Security… no problem..

Commissions… so effective! UP OR DOWN… no fooling around no more: FIX IT FOR US!!!
Stroffy Pemberton Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
lo-fucking-l
Jason Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
The lines don’t like John McCain much, Michael.
robotkeith Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
oh, just kiss already!
Kendall Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
What are the lines on CBS for? it looks like they are broadcasting in morse code
Ismael Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
PLEASE, TELL ME YOU BOUGHT THE FUCKING GOLF SHOES!
Charlie Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
8 more years people do you really want 8 more years really? really?
sammythebull Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Is it bad that when Obama talks it reminds me of the Chappelle show?
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Straight talk hate talk….Where’s the make love talk?
kari Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Senator McCain keeps blinking. This is a sign of lieing.
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
How can a dime of my taxes go up???
Kendall Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Straight talk express lost a wheel and the joker got away
tshp Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
guys, g stones is the only one delivering on the promise. Drink!!!!
sammythebull Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
his first term as president?
Charlie Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
obama is such an asshole
Tits McGee Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
You guys should play 20 questions.
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
I feel sorry for the audiene. I think they are feeling the heat! or the chill… I like the guy with the stach very seventies
Goldeneyes Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
does that women have anal beads around her neck?
Mandis Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Brokaw just pimp-slapped a potential President on live TV. Heh heh.
Morgan Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Damn it, I’m going to get my homework. It’s not quite as boring.
Zephyr97 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Wow Obama is such a jackass.
divinecomedy Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
Wolinsky: “Is this debate any good in HD?”

Not Really
Jef Taylor Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
Do I have to have kids to be considered middle class?
Jose3189 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
go have kids America, that way McCain will give you some money
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
I’m sorry I said McCain needs a massage… it’s obviously a result of being in a cage for too long. Rah Raw Rah… golly gee guys… go out and get that health insurance you want!
Will he include massages?
Charlie Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
you can see the liver spots on McCains head in HD
sammythebull Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
HAve you ever tried to nail jello to the wall?
Loren Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
a) I’m a college admission counselor, our brochures are marketed tripe.

b) Eliminating greed on wall street is impossible. Let’s just eliminate the greedy. And jell-o. with nailguns.
divinecomedy Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Note to Woc: unlike your ‘relevant political society’ here in canada we actually have more than 2 parties to choose from.
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Nailing jello shots to the wall… where’s my funnel?
mike Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Wouldn’t it make a fuckload more sense for new items to show up at the top of the list? I’m sick of scrolling down!
Brett Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
the kid over obama shoulder is dead i think
Jef Taylor Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Wait, did Jeeves bring that horrible Rob Liefeld superhero chick illustration instead of the car picture?
Mandis Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
I just wanna see one or the other of them look at their rival and say, “Have you lost your F^&KING MIND?!?” That would be a VOTE WINNER!
Angela Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Soul Caliber rules.

This debate is boring but you guys aren’t.
Thank you.
Charlie Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
high on the hog
KJL San Diego Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
We could pay off the national debt with the revenue made from selling “Naylin Paylin”!
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A DRUNKEN POW?
Jordan'nJackson Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
McCain has skinny legs.
Gotdrunk Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Obama is funky ambidextrous.
Russ T. Shackleford Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
A fuel efficient car build in america… yeah, by Toyota
Stroffy Pemberton Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
soul caliber ref! DRINK MO FO
Zephyr97 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
soul calibur WAS awesome!!
Morgan Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
I have a friend who, when she heard about the first tower falling, said, “Sweet, maybe there will be a war!”
Now every September 11th she looks at the clock at 9:11. Without meaning to. Her words are always the same: “son of a bitch!”
Erin (I know, I'm creative) Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
Um…he said drunk 3 times…do we drink to that??
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
OMG EVERYONE GET DRUNK THEN IT DOESN”T HURT SO MUCH till the next morning.
Goldeneyes Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
how would you as the president get drunk
Ryan Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
It’s confirmed guys. People got drunk.
Brett Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
DRUNK!!!! Drink. Now. Everyone.
Jef Taylor Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
Wow, this is a lot easier to read when my browser decides not to load the bloggers’ avatars. Cut out the pictures, guys, and I don’ t have to scroll 50 pages to read both the posts and the comments.
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
Ryan you are so perceptive: I nominate you for a position on the cabinet!
Zephyr97 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
9:31 PM* Ross Wolinsky - What happened on 9/11 again?9:31 PM* Michael Swaim - It happened AGAIN?

hahahahaha!
Charlie Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
they should really jazz up the set there. i mean what the fuck red and blue? how about some jazzy neon or something. i need something to keep my attention
Trashman Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
i am so high. need it to get through this debate
KJL San Diego Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
We should throw the old man into the Hadron Collinder!
Stroffy Pemberton Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
I just did a fucking funnel. Twice. And I’m 17.
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Where’s the 2012 reference?
Jef Taylor Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Great, 9/11 reference and I’m almost out of bourbon.
Justin Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Tragedy of 9/11…huh…doesn’t ring a bell…
Zephyr97 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Drink every time someone says “Amuricka”
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
We can get them all done because that’s what america’s been doing.” ENDQUOTE
Ryan Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Does anyone else see that very sad and gloomy bald red head in the background?
basil Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
we can shotgun these projects
Kaanon Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Did he just say he wanted to eliminate good programs?
KJL San Diego Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
McCain, we already have something called the “Federal Oversight Committee” that does that shit!
Hey, Im’a create some new shit we already have! watch me waste money already being wasted somewhere else for the exact same purpose!
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
McCain is having seisures… no PTSD here…Projects… projectors… prodigny…Prod Prod Prod
Stroffy Pemberton Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Alaska’s main industry: Drilling virgin territory.
Jef Taylor Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Swaim called it.
Mandis Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
I bet a water gun’d work for time management. My cat sure hates it.
Brett Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Hey, we didnt have gas in Nashville for two weeks…give me a break! Great job though guys
Zephyr97 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Barrack is so selfish with his time.
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Woah..OH THE BOMB sounds to together for America. Then again, I think senility might be an asset to help with the … well… you know…
TIME TIME TIME.. oh Tom give it a rest
Who here is sending a question in ???
Mandis Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
This is the longest string of “one minutes” in the history of time.
Derek Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Oh no brokaw di-int!
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
Golly gee guys… grab your rifles we got a real maverick… do them all at once!!!
Erin (I know, I'm creative) Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
I like this game.
KJL San Diego Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
Don’t tell me you can work on three things at once when you have to write ‘em all down at the same time you’re being told to discuss them! Old dingbat!
Charlie Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
i dunno why but brokaw makes me think of that guy
The Duke Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
“The Taking of Palin One-Two-Three (Guys)”
Erin (I know, I'm creative) Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
and drink again!
Jef Taylor Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
Overcome the mission!
brent Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
He wants to sit down sooooooo baddd
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Reaching across the aisle… and under the bathroom stall!
robbiy Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
aw damn now i look like a shithead for spelling that wrong.
i meant to say if
Justin Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Nailin Palin
From TMZ:
The faux Sarah is Lisa Ann, who “will be nailing the Russians who come knocking on her back-door.” In another scene — a flashback — “young Paylin’s creationist college professor will explain a ‘big bang’ theory even she can’t deny!”

There’s also a threeway with Hillary and Condoleezza look-alikes.
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Thanks Zephyr you need to run for office!
Charlie Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
i really fucking hate Dan Rather.
A certain Icelander Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Wait, if McCain knows how to fix the economy why doesn’t he just I dno, let someone know so we can get out of this shitter?
robbiy Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
what would happen is mccain died right before election day????
Actormd Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Pork Barrel Ear Marks sounds like a Chinese dish.
Charlie Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
850 BILLION dollars. thats like a lot of money guys!!!
Trashman Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
did you know that the word is the bird and bird is the word ???? penguin man helloooooo
Jef Taylor Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Is McCain just making shit up now?
Tabitha Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
Oh dear god lol!!!
Joe Sixpack Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
Thats the shittiest looking town hall I have ever seen.
FYI: my drinking game is beating my wife everytime McCain refers to himself as a maverick. Then I take the same amount of drinks as the # of teeth I knock out
Ava Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
Is it just me or are McCain’s hands a ridiculous shade of purple?!!
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
McCain fought against outrageous. Duck and cover, dudes!
Zephyr97 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
You guys should also record what you’re blogging and post it with a timer so when people who aren’t watching this come to read it later it can make sense and be even more hilarious and awesome.
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
He needs a massage: guess which he?
mweebles Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Y’all are gonna be DRUNK. lol
Luke Ruland Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Drink every time McCain says Cronies
Matt Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
this is the best way to watch live tv.

definitely do this more often. like every time the view is on.
Ryanelson Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Drink to every time Swaim’s picture creeps me the fuck out.
Tomji Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Borrow from the Chinese: Their stuff costs at least a dollar at the 99cents only store.
Anne Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Is there anybody in the audience under the age of 35?
alejandro13 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Ross Wolinsky - “Teresa dates Joe Six-Pack.”

brilliant
Joe Sixpack Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
They should really have the records of the 2 canidates on the wall behind them, so they can talk about something else…
Justin Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
What is with the woman behind theresa’s eyes?
Jono Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Theresa Finch is horrible.
Metalbrainsurgery, Jörmungandr Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
actually no, im not im to interested in the actuall debate this time. out guys
mweebles Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
McCain has a lisp like Carol Channing.
Derek Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
Is it just me… or is McCain actually answering the questions that are being asked??

Doesn’t he know how to debate?
Joe Sixpack Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Is Swaim wearing makeup?
Metalbrainsurgery, Jörmungandr Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
all right im in
strongbadia7 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Fuck this. I’m voting for Tom. He has all the qualities I’m looking for!
Peter Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Cracked: making politics enjoyable since 9:00
Martin Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
You fuckers take nothing seriously. I love it. DOB FOR PRESIDENT!
Dogless Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Also, isn’t it fist ‘bump’, not ‘pump’.
Actormd Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
The De-regulator….a new movie coming out this Christmas.
Erin (I know, I'm creative) Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
I’m late! So Dan, since there’s nobody you want to have sex with…what are we drinking to tonight? Then it’s not like I’m drinking alone, right??
Dogless Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
You know, I’ve never laughed much at Gladstone before. I think he should do a running commentary on all current events.
Actormd Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Mccain’s right hand looks like it’s made out of plastic.
Dave Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Thanks for the shout-out guys
Ryan! Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Holy Shit, Obama’s Married?
Hannah Montana Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
I’m going to vote for John McCain!
sammythebull Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
couldn’t never?
Nina Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
I do have a tv, but this is much more entertaining than watching teh actual debate
tyler hale Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
cronies is a little harsh
Jambo Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
OH my god michelle obama looks like an 8 dollar whore. She’s gonna get slapped like a cheap hooker at a gang bang.
Daveanon Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
What are those lights at the bottom for? They look like street lights.
Bee Manic Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Given the choice DOB, who would you sex up?
sammythebull Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
the way he looks at anyone creeps me out
Daveanon Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Anyone else see the way mccain looked at tom?
Dave Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
I don’t have a TV in my apartment, so this is how I’m “watching” the debate. Thank god for the information super highway!
golden parachute Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Tom Brokaw came from a friend’s high school. Damn, they don’t waste time do they? Man McCain is creepy. I wouldn’t want him starring at me.
oxyacetylene Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
vodka here and barack is gonna make a fool out of himself
sammythebull Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
what could he already be writing down?
Zephyr97 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
WOO WOO!
Justin Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Some man just voted against tom brokaw lol
Woop Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Wolinsky 50 seconds!
Reagle Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Thanks, Nighthawk
Nighthawk41 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
You all can watch a live stream of the debate here-
http://www.hulu.com/spotlight/election08

I can’t fucking wait… If anyone can talk about politics yet make me laugh at how stupid and over-rated the whole ordeal is, Daniel O’brien can
Reagle Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
Is there going to be a live stream of the debate here as well, or just the live blogging and I need to watch elsewhere?
sammythebull Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
I’m at work……….i’m in
TAKEITDEEP Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Who else will be playing the “maverick” drinking game?
smashpro1 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
long live the Dan Dan Revolution
DCD Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
Paul Kirk (This guy with the combover and the bathroom tile shirt) is fucking riveting. I think I sold him a lawnmower once…
REEREE Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
sorry im dating an attractive asian woman…. I cant pass that up
sammythebull Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
it worked
schupe Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
im gonna have to go with ol’ dan o’brien as the write in candidate
schupe Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
less than a hour until the shit hits the fan
Justin Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Jesus did say he read cracked magazine on family guy on Sunday!
J-dub Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
sometimes i think america is full of morons, then i realize, its not full, we can fit more in here
look who we elect, morons each time….
GLADSTONE FOR PREZ WRITE IT IN
Dwain Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
In the TV movie that is inevitably made about this election, I’m hoping to see Conrad Bain and TV’s Levar Burton cast as the main characters. If Conrad Bain is still alive, that is.
Metalbrainsurgery, Jörmungandr Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
this thing was total bullshit last time, but I’ll do it again.
BatShitInsane Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
did anyone see Tina Fey’s obscure shout-out? it was wonderful. i want another one, just for the hell of it.
Cthulu P. Christ Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
I wanna see Obama give the Crypt Keeper a high 5.
Roc Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
The debate is going to answer NONE of our questions, and feed us bullshit facts about spending and hope that we don’t fucking want to hear.
dan Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
maybe i’m wrong, but it seems they would be left behind when a debate strayed away from what they wanted to talk about and they would be even more obnoxious about it than Palin was.
dan Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
well brian, it seems pretty clear that the other candidates have no chance of winning a debate. ron paul would do nothing but say he is a classic conservative and a strict constitutionalist (whatever that means) and ralph nader would bluster around about corporations being evil and how he was right all those years and the financial crisis could be solved with 3 anti-trust laws he has devised while shitting on the toilet. also, is it just me or was Cracked mentioned on last week’s Family Guy episode by Jesus Christ? cause i’m pretty sure it happened.
Tartra Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
I am Canadian. As such, I am obligated to say that we are, essentially, Planet America’s moon. Sure, you may ignore us and take us for granted and only really show an interest when we actually do something special (like turn red, blot out the sun - whose identity in this metaphor is up for debate - or provide stronger, more accessible beer for your youth) but I guarentee that if we ever left, you’d all be awash in a devasting tidal wave of water. I’m not sure what that’d be. Maybe nuclear radiation. Maybe China. But you’d all get awash in something. So beware! Beware…
Tartra Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
YEAH, BABY!! Gladstone’s getting in on it now! This is gonna be so awesome. Can’t wait, guys!
woc Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
ok Canadians start posting again so we can drown out Brian
dan Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
great!
brian Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Vote none of the above. Where are the other 4 candidates that are running? why are those two so afraid of them that they won’t debate with them?
Haruhi Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
What about English people?
Unlike canada, we have democracy too, only with 3 parties!
woc Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
note to Canadians: no more comments please, the people from relevant political societies are talking.
Crzy8s Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
I having trouble passing my amendment, I think I may have to use an emancipation…

Can’t wait to see this thing get under way!
Stratford Lex Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Fuckin EST wats wrong wit u yanks? didnt they teach you bout GMT in Kin-der-gar-ten.
AtxAxLoss Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
The last one was pretty good. I love Dan O’Brien.

And Swaim.

That’s it.
Stroffy Pemberton Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
I’ll be here man.
Haruhi Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Lol, americans…
sammythebull Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Sorry, I can’t make it. 9:00 is my Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper time
Decker Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Oh fetch yes. I can’t wait for this. I’m sharing it with a group of people as we all watch the debate, in fact.
DP13 Says:
October 7th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
I often shit amendments just for the fun of it. So far the one about getting rid of prohibition is the only one that passed.

O'Brien

Cracked Liveblogs the Presidential Debate LIVE!

Last 5 posts by Daniel O'Brien

457 Responses to “Cracked Liveblogs the Presidential Debate LIVE!”

More from Daniel O'Brien

Related Articles