One could argue that it's pointless to try to dream up "fan theories" about how Game Of Thrones (or the book series, A Song Of Ice And Fire) will end, considering there's a good chance George R.R. Martin himself doesn't know. Or maybe he did know, but will now change things up, considering at least one of those "fan theories" we discussed last time is probably true. But we say that's part of the fun. Even if the books/show don't follow the theories, in lots of cases, it'd be better if they did. In the meantime, have fun watching the show and imagining that ...
6Westeros Is Tolkien's Middle-Earth In The Distant Future
There's a surprisingly vast catalog of theories dedicated to the physical world of Game Of Thrones, from its unknown regions to its unnamed planet's axial tilt and orbit. However, despite all the exciting "math" involved, none of those hold a glass candle to the fountain of gray matter erupting from one Reddit user: that the world of Game Of Thrones ...
... is actually J.R.R. Tolkien's Middle-Earth, thousands of years after the Lord Of The Rings trilogy.
Sadly, Frodo didn't live long enough to enjoy all the boobs.
Crazy as it sounds, the geographic evidence is there. The Misty Mountains line up with the Narrow Sea, from its sharp curve in the north to the perpendicular T at its south. What are the Misty Mountains doing underwater? Well, according to Tolkien's official gospel of Middle-Earth, The Silmarillion, the Misty Mountains were subsiding at a crazy rate, either due to magic or too many parties of adventurers singing Led Zeppelin songs all over them. The Silmarillion also describes the god-like Iluvatar creating entire seas and continents at will a mere century before the opening battle from The Fellowship Of The Ring, so when you're talking in terms of millennia, it's not too much of a stretch to infer that the face of Middle-Earth morphed into Westeros while its inhabitants were busy inventing incest.
As well as the technology to drop about seven letters from everybody's names and start going by 'Jon' or 'Robb.'
Even the disparate regions of both worlds match up. The Shire is in the North, where the children of the forest (Hobbits?) dwell alongside face-having Weirwood trees (maybe the Ents finally went full tree). The "men of the west" remain in Westeros, Gondor is Dorne, while Rohan is in Essos, its riders having journeyed eastward and intermingled with the warlike Rhun to become the Dothraki. As for Mordor, it's right about where Valyria was until "the Doom" -- a mysterious, allegedly volcanic cataclysm which proponents of this theory insist was Mount Doom erupting one last time, probably launching smelted Gollum bits clear out into space.
New Line Cinema
Here it is erupting in the opening credits.
As further proof, some fans even spotted Gandalf's sword, Glamdring, forged into the Iron Throne.
Yep. No other sword has ever looked like that.
Of course, eagle-eyed fans examining fiction's most murderous musical chair have also spotted swords from Kingdom of Heaven, a historical drama that stars Legolas as a 12th-century crusader. So maybe they're all time travelers.
5Missandei Is A Faceless Man Engaged In A Worldwide Conspiracy
Missandei is Dany's personal attendant / BFF / pet human. Besides being instantly devoted to a woman she barely knows, there are a few things about her that are a little suspicious.
And not just the "choosing to wear a leather bustier in fucking desert weather" thing.
For starters, she speaks 19 languages on the show, like some kind of fucking protocol droid. In the books, she's only 10 years old when we first meet her, yet she claims to have memories of her two brothers before they became Unsullied, which doesn't add up, because Unsullied training takes longer than she's supposedly been alive. She also has legitimate superpowers, in one case mentioning that she could hear slaves "scratching" on the city walls ... from a half-mile away. That's some Daredevil-level shit.
Our demands that George R.R. Martin give an explanation for this didn't exactly go as planned.
Fans have the perfect explication for Missandei's quirks, however: She's secretly a Faceless Man, one of the order of creepy assassins Arya Stark has been interning for since season five. And Arya's experience adds credence to this theory. In Braavos, she meets a "little girl" who turns out to be 36 years old, which might explain how Missandei knows so many languages at her young age. In another scene, Missandei stands alongside a corpse (mirroring Arya's experiences in the House of Black and White) and comments that the dead man is "smiling," despite the fact his lips are completely burnt off. Even Arya's transition into a Faceless Man -- aka "no one" -- parallels how Missandei frequently refers to herself as "this one" -- something she struggles with despite her absolute ownage of linguistics.
If Missandei is indeed a Faceless Man, it could have enormous implications. To begin with, the Faceless Men descend from ancient slaves who killed their masters in a super-secret plot. Were they planning a similar insurrection at Slaver's Bay around the time Daenerys showed up and adopted Missandei? Do the Faceless Men support Dany's campaign against slavery, or do they view her and her dragons as simply another symbol of oppression? Are there more assassins planted in other Houses, ready to strike? Are you still deciding whether or not you can live with yourself after hearing "Missandei is a ten-year-old"?
Dammit HBO, can't we go one Sunday without a weird, regrettable erection?