There are those filmmakers and actors who are so wholly dedicated to their craft that they'll stoically go through hell and back simply to score a convincing performance. Sometimes their efforts pay off and you get something like Apocalypse Now or the now-classic Daniel Day Lewis Eating Nothing But Goddamn Ants For 900 Days Because He's Penciled In 40 Minutes Of Voice Work To Play A CGI Anteater. Other times, this self-inflicted punishment is in the service of a project that's a colossal turd, and all that suffering becomes more like some sad, philosophical exercise in pointlessness. Like when ...
7 Waterworld Went Through Aqua-Hell
Waterworld's budget famously ran over the equivalent of several micronations' worth of GDP, and while it wasn't the total failure that many now think of it as, some of the bad decisions on display were truly majestic. Such as when Kevin Costner chose not to hire Robert Zemeckis (Back To The Future, Who Framed Roger Rabbit) and demanded that the studio hire his pal Kevin Reynolds, director of Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves, a movie in which England's legendary bandit talked like a guy from Ohio. And aside from having to deal with the issues of swamp crotch and an unsettling proximity to Dennis Hopper, life on set presented its own set of challenges.
Visual representation of the shoot.
You'd think that when you're making a film in which constant dampness is an uncredited co-star, constant, fungally-responsible wardrobe changes would be the order of the day. But the movie's requisite love interest, Jeanette Tripplehorn, says that she wore the same filthy rags for six freaking months. And when she wasn't adorning her body with what appeared to be the exploded remains of a rattan chair, the actress was arguing with the filmmakers, who desperately wanted to add her bare butt to the world of water. (They ended up compromising by using a body double. "I picked my dream butt from one from three finalists [...] She had the right derriere," Tripplehorn later remarked.)
"If Hopper's not showing his ass, then neither am I."
Meanwhile, to play the part of the cute kid with the map to paradise tattooed on her back, nine-year-old Tina Majorino had to spend hours getting the freaking thing painted on every day, even for scenes in which she appeared fully clothed. This was on top of getting spray-tanned by the makeup department daily.
Secret Spoiler: Kid Rock has survived all these centuries in child form.
As for the life-threatening shit that went down, aside from an entire multi-million dollar set sinking into the watery abyss, Majorino and Tripplehorn nearly glubbed their way to the bottom after being pitched off a boat. Costner himself almost became hammerhead chow when a squall kicked up during a scene in which he was tied to a mast. And then there was the incident in which Costner's stunt double, Laird Hamilton, was nearly lost at sea when his jet ski ran out of gas. The film would've been safer had they just redubbed it Fireworld and sprayed kerosene all over an abandoned warehouse.
6 The "Video Game Scene" In Doom Was Stupidly Complicated
Some doughty souls believe that the movie Doom deserved a bit more respect than the critical mauling it received upon its release in 2005. And the only arguments in favor of this minority position are A) Doom starred The Rock, and B) the movie's first-person shooter scene, which pays homage to the Doom video game with a few sort-of-neat / sort-of-cringeworthy minutes of demon-mutant obliteration:
If that scene looks like it was a pain in the ass to put on film, you're only half right. It was actually a huge pain in the ass. Those few minutes of badassery took two weeks to shoot and three months to plan. And once that ordeal was accomplished, it took no less than six months to complete the scene in post-production. All in all, this sounds like an ordeal not unlike filming a Tetris movie that required the crew to blow up the set several times daily.
"Oh shit, we accidentally killed Bobby Moynihan and Stephen Merchant."
The movie also had a wheelchair demon battle -- look it up, we're not spending 100 words explaining that shit -- that required 2,000 frames of film and involved the laborious process of "creating bullet hits, debris, sparks, blood splats, muzzle flashes, smoke, [and] adding CG rats." There were also the countless hours The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment had to spend in a makeup chair to look like a half-assed Walking Dead extra.
Not even one from the good show. A Fear The Walking Dead one.
And if all that seems rather excessive for the type of movie that the SyFy Channel would be hesitant about airing during the Super Bowl, the principals also had to spend two weeks in training with a former special forces operator, learning how to pretend-shoot their space guns at make-believe hell-barons. You'd think the producers would've eschewed all this effort and opted to make a Call Of Duty movie, where randomly inserted footage of David Duke rallies could be used to simulate the joys of online gaming.