If you write down every single action a movie character performs as part of the central plot of a film, you could probably add "... for no fucking reason" at the end of like 90 percent of them. As we've shown you before, sometimes characters will make completely illogical decisions that just don't make a lot of sense for anyone but the screenwriter who's trying to figure out how to get to the next scene.
We understand why these absurd overreactions happen. We really do. But that doesn't mean we can't make fun of the most ridiculous ones, like ...
5Die Hard 2 -- John McClane Opens Fire on a Police Captain to Win an Argument
In Die Hard 2, terrorists are holding Dulles International Airport hostage, and it's John McClane's job to kill them with explosions. Late in the film we find out that some of the characters aren't who we thought they were, because the first Die Hard movie had a clever plot twist and now all the others have to pretend they do, too.
"How do we top Alan Rickman? Butts."
This time, the anti-terrorist military unit sent to stop the bad guys turns out to be made up of more bad guys -- the machine guns they had used to shoot each other were filled with blanks, to fool onlookers. McClane finds this out, storms into the airport police station and shows one of these incriminating guns to Captain Lorenzo (Dennis Franz) to secure his help.
And by "shows" we mean "fires the gun directly at him." In a room full of armed cops. On the day that terrorists took over the airport.
"Holy shit! Someone call the cops!"
Yep, that should have been the end of the Die Hard franchise, right there. Sure, the gun was filled with blanks, but the cops around McClane didn't know that -- all they saw was some crazy guy shooting at their boss. If a single one of those cops had done their job (that is, placed a bullet on McClane's face), then who would have stopped the next four or so terrorist attacks/heists against America and Russia? Argyle the limo driver?
Did all the cops fire blanks at him, too? Plot twist!
After ejecting from an exploding plane and surviving a crash on a flying snowmobile, being gunned down by your fellow cops would be a pretty damn anticlimactic way to die -- and for what? Five seconds later, McClane finally convinces Lorenzo by pulling out the blank cartridge and showing it to him. So ... why not just do that in the first place?
Or shoot at the ceiling? Or anywhere but at the police captain?
Being a cop himself, McClane should know how quickly police officers will open fire if they even think they see someone drawing a weapon -- it's part of their training. Hell, even his best bud, Sgt. Al Powell, mistakenly shot an innocent kid because he was holding a toy gun. Then again, Lorenzo was such a douchebag that maybe his own men were happy to watch McClane mow him down.
4Harry Potter 7 -- Hermione Wipes Her Parents' Memories to Avoid Making Up a Lie
At the beginning of Deathly Hallows: Part 1, Hermione Granger (Emma Watson) is about to go on a dangerous quest with Harry and Ron to, you know ... kill some hallows, we guess (a hallow is like a big owl, right?). Anyway, Hermione knows there's a possibility she might not be coming back (hallows are notoriously deathly) and that Voldemort's cronies could come after her parents, so before leaving, she uses her magic powers to protect them ...
... by erasing their freaking memories. She just points her wand at their brains and wipes them out.
"I think it might be time we tell the girl she's adop-"
Now, let's assume that the filmmakers meant to imply that Hermione was merely deleting all memory of her, even though she's clearly heard using the spell "Obliviate!", which as we all know completely erases your subject's memories. We can tell this was the intent because immediately afterwards, all photos of Hermione disappear from their frames.
Unfortunately, those candid shots from Spring Break '09 that ended up on Facebook are trickier to delete ...
Well, first of all, how exactly does this prevent her parents from being found by Voldemort? Thanks to the spell they won't be able to give up any information if they are tortured, but that doesn't really help them, does it? Also, they're probably going to be pretty confused when they realize they have a bunch of empty picture frames in their house, or every time they set foot in Hermione's room.
"Honey, I swear to you, I have no idea who that teen underwear belongs to!"
And even though the Grangers won't have any memories of Hermione, they're bound to have a bunch of other friends, family members and acquaintances who will notice she's missing. Also remaining will be her records, a bunch of databases used by the British government, etc. So, yeah, instead of having to worry about Voldemort, the Grangers' biggest adversaries may wind up being child protection services and the police, who will eventually question them about what they did with their daughter's body.
So what other options did Hermione have to protect her parents? Well, instead of simply deleting their memories, she could have put them on a kind of magical witness protection program. You know, planting false ones, giving them new identities and sending them off to live in, say, Australia ... which is what happens in the original novel, incidentally. In the movie, we just see Hermione exiting her house, so she has certainly not given her parents new identities in another country and is leaving them behind to be tormented by memory problems and confusion.
"I left a bunch of tattoos on their bodies as a guide. They'll be fine."