#8. Undie Taker
"No, I'm not Neo. Yes, I realize he also wore sunglasses and a black trench coat, of course I realize that now. What's that? No, I uh ... I don't have a bunch of guns in my coat, you're thinking of Neo again. I have ... I have other ... things."
By the way, this one is also $50.99, but it comes with the stained panties and a free membership on a whole bunch of government watch lists.
#7. Plain Brown Wrapper
Yup, you can by an outright "stereotypical black guy" costume right off the shelf, in 2011. Jesus, look at the model's eyes, he's clearly crying. He didn't spend $500 at the San Dimas Modeling Academy just to dress up like Blackface Gallagher, dammit!
Wait a second, as of the writing of this article, this is showing it's out of stock. How is that possible?
"I want a costume for my dog, but I also want to leave no mystery as to why he ends up murdering me."
"Oh, yeah, we have something for that, totally."
#5. Gropin' Granny
"Hah! You see? You thought I was boring for wearing a lame, stale 'Grandma' costume. Well, the joke's on you: I'm actually retarded!"
"Get it? Because some restaurants force women to dress this way as a way of making sexism socially acceptable! And now I, a man, who would NEVER be forced to wear something so demeaning, am wearing it as a joke! As a way of making fun of you! Ah hah, are we gonna rub our parts together later, or what?"
#3. Race Horse
We looked closely, and they're not posing: This costume is full on attached at the groin. That's so inconvenient, how are they supposed to dance? Or go to the bathroom? Or have any friends, or get invited to parties, or live with themselves?
"Ha ha, it'll make everyone wanna puke at this party!" -- Guy Who Doesn't Understand Adult Costume Parties
#1. Lost Dog
It's good that you have the sign, because otherwise your costume would just be "Old Woman Pooping a Dog" which is holy shit 10 times funnier somehow!
This is the most expensive costume on the list, we think -- $59.99. Although no amount of money will let you recreate that model's tortured face. That's pure stroke, baby.
Eric Axt and his brother Kevin run the webcomic Donuts for Sharks.
For more terrible costumes, check out 17 Insane Japanese Costumes and The 35 Most Insane Halloween Costumes from Around the World.
And stop by LinkSTORM to for good black eye remedies (some of you will probably need them).
And be sure to check out Cracked's Page of Horror for hilariously horrifying content like 8 Psychologically Traumatizing Kids Halloween Costumes and Slutty Girls in Slutty Halloween Costumes: A Tribute.
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