Straight Guy's Guide to Being Friends With Hot Women [COMIC]
Basic Instructions is a twice weekly updating web comic that offers absurd advice on how to live your life. Some of those updates will be happening here on Cracked.
Previously Scott has taught us How to Serve Slightly Chilled Revenge and How to Lose at Scrabble With Dignity.
Popular Cracked Videos
-
Sex as Understood by Adolescent Boys
Why Mario is Secretly a Douchebag
Why the Ending of 'Star Wars' is Secretly Kind of Dumb
Recommended For Your Pleasure
-
What People in Famous Photos Were Actually Thinking
304,361 views -
22 Ill-Advised First Drafts of Great Ad Campaigns
406,378 views -
5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen
15,223,422 views -
The Top 10 Secret Celebrity Scientologists
14,563,948 views -
6 Insane Discoveries That Science Can't Explain
12,178,801 views
203 Comments
Trending Now Friends' Recent Activity
Flashback
Cracked Shows
Most Popular
Elsewhere ...
-
Article
-
Video
-
Columnist
-
Topic
-
Photoplasty
-
Infographics
- Advertise
- Write for Cracked
- Contact Us
- Link to Us
- Sitemap
- Terms & Conditions
- Privacy Policy
AdChoices
- Popular Topics: Boobs
- Zombies
- Hipsters
- Urban Legends
- Skyrim
- Go to our Mobile Version
Makes sense that the male friend was already married.
ReplyBecause if you are single guy having attractive female friends is sort of a pain.
Because they want to be all affectionate and things and you have to think neutral ideas to keep down the wood.
Course they can indirectly help you to pull women but still, you always wonder what if.
Even if you do luck up and she digs you, it takes more work because she knows you.
Wait, wait. This is a guide to platonic friendships with attractive women? For straight men? Seriously?
ReplyOk, so many problems here, where to start...ok, upon reflection I think that the problems can be condensed into two main points.
A. Being friends with attractive women is incredibly easy and does not require a guide.
B. Being friends with attractive women is not something most straight men want.
So it's a guide to doing something easy that nobody wants to do anyway. Next up, guide to eating your own excrement!
A. its not easy form the womans pov. either you accept our boundaries, in which case, youre right, you dont need this guide. or you dont accept our boundaries and you do need this guide. or any guide.
B. i think this guide is to teach straight men in a relationship how to be friends, not single men
tl;dr "u must worshup wimmenz becoz dey haev vagina" Sorry buddy, I'm a LEykis 101 Student; they worship ME!
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesWhere did he imply "worship women?"
What, you didn't get a memo? Not constantly and creepily hit on a person = worship.
Guys, guys. Are you actually concerned that someone might take a comment by someone whose screen name is 'fairynigglet' seriously?
It's funny how many commenters are saying "Yeah, that's a great way to get attractive women to date you!" thereby proving that they completely missed the purpose of the strip.
ReplyHaving a hot friend sucks. Especially at the beach. (Seriously, if you don't want me to stare at your tits don't wear such a small bathing suit.)
ReplyBravo my good man, bravo.
ReplyGetting better and better :)
ReplyHAH! So true!
ReplyThese comics progressively get better. *Tips hat*
ReplyYes.
Lol the long title of the comic is awesome.
ReplyThis one was actually funny because it's so true.
ReplyLove this. It's funny and actually good advice. Treat attractive women like people instead of sex objects, and you'll find yourself getting along very well with them.
ReplyWorth pointing out that this is how to be FRIENDS with them though, not how to get them to go out with you. Though, keep this up long enough and you're likely to find a girl to hook up with for a long term relationship. Not the key landing yourself instant pootang though.
That might explain my dating life.
The last panel is fantastic!
Replybald guy is no longer a man "id rather remain hapilly married and a gainfull employee" WTF
Reply Hide All See All 5 Repliesso the definition of a man is someone who seeks to hump every hot chick he comes across, and actually attempts to do so, regardless of relationship status?
I know quite a few happily married men who would disagree with you, and quite a few women who'd like to punch you in the dick.
I would also like to punch wertsir in the dick, for completely different reasons.
Valadilene, i will attach a dick to you, just so i can punch it for what you said to my main man wertsir.
I just like to punch dicks.
Funny, I just don't share you people's fascination with dicks. Ah the stresses of being a straight male in the 21st century.
Straight Guy's Guide to Talking to Hot Women would've sufficed ..................... #sigh#
ReplyBeen there done that. No thanks. Hot women and ugly women both have one thing in common; crazy as s**t. They are opposite sides of the same bulls**t attention tug of war. Hotties are always "I cant believe he asked me out, ugh. No one understands how hard my life is!" and Uggies say "I cant believe he doesn't ask me out, no one understands how hard my life is." I realize neither of the quotes are an adequate example of "crazy" but if you think I'm wrong go ahead and make friends with either one and have no intention of pursuing a physical relationship. Yeah be sure to pick up the tab the first time you guys go have coffee or lunch "as friends" because then you can do it every time. Also enjoy listening and dealing with some one else problems every day with no resolve of your own. And even though she has no interest in you as more then a friend be sure to avoid all other women for the duration of your "friendship" unless you like social-sabotage. Right now there is a women reading this saying "I don't do that, I help my guy friends hook up! Yeah with women YOU deem fit. Not the ones they want to hook up with."
Reply Hide All See All 10 RepliesMan, you just had to make a strip about that didn't you.
TLDR. HA ha ha, I said it first!
For expressing the comment was "TLDR"...I want to cut off your DORK DorkDiggler!
hahaha douchechill!
Man,you just had to make a long ass comment narking on women didn't you.
Hahaha! ahh.. your bitterness and vast generalization amuses me.
L2 find better friends
Most of my best friends are women, and you just reminded me why that's the case.
Enjoy your sexism milkshake.
Bitter little man with issues. I bet psych majors would just love to get their hands on you!
I just want to be a part of the many replies to your comment.
Ah, you strange little man. Do you need a hug?
I have no idea where these insane, dishonest women who expect you to pay for everything come from. I'm growing more and more convinced that there's just some seething ocean of s**tty people somewhere that coughs up flotsam occasionally.
Alternately, some people's dickishness leads everyone else to treat them like s**t, and leads decent folk to avoid them.
A stupid person once said "He who bitches gets none." That stupid person was me.
i think the title should be, "Why guys that view women as objects instead of people date dumb b***hes."
Replysame as the guy that is scared to touch a expenive car or hold an ipad 3g of coke please.
just a side note: attention whores love being ignored, it's weird.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesNO, they hate being ignored. Thats why they become obsessed with guys who ignore them. The problem is as soon as you start paying attention to them, they lose interest. (Because they got what they wanted from you.)
For some reason these comments make me very sus**cious. Sus**cious of what? I don't know.
Sus**cious of the cons**cuous s**ce?
Censorship.
I avoid any relationships with people I work with. Not that hard since I work in a factory and 90% of the workers are men anyway.
ReplyBack in high school when I worked in fast food, I would try. Thing I hated the most was when one of her friends told me she thought I was cute and then she got all cold when I asked her out. And as if that wasn't enough, every girl in the place had to know how weird I was. f**k that!
If I refuse to pursue an attractive girl at work, people might think I'm gay, but I'd rather people think I was a closeted gay than potential rapist.
I've learnt from an awful lot of trial and error to keep my eyes on the eyes of the face and not in the eyes of the chest, no matter the cleavage.
Reply Hide All See All 7 RepliesAnd when they turn around I can take a good luck at that sweet ass. It's a win-win situation.
Why? There's nothing interesting about a woman above the chest.
Not true. I melt if I see a girl with the right eyes.
I agree with ClutterLostRott, the right eyes can do wonders, and to some hair color.
You have to look at their face so you can see when their lips stop flapping, then you know when your suppose to say "Uh-huh" or "Your so right, that is unfair. you should be/get that thing you were talking about."
No I'm just kidding you gals are great. If it werent for women I'd have money. And nobody wants that crap.
Resist.... cleavage....
I also agree with ClutterLostRott. Some women have really nice smiles, mm. Enticing lips. ;] Trust me kid, there's more to womens' sexiness than their tits. Definitely "interesting" stuff.
Sounds like Nemmo wants to be happily married, and remain gainfully employed.