6 Movies That Didn't Realize They Let The Villain Win

The Fashion Industry from Zoolander

After narrowly avoiding death in a freak gasoline-fight accident, male model Derek Zoolander finds himself in the middle of the single largest international conspiracy in history: the fashion industry. It is revealed that male models are genetically perfected to serve as human weapons, meaning they're basically like Jason Bourne with an eating disorder. Zoolander is brainwashed by fashion mogul Jacobim Mugatu (Will Ferrell) to assassinate the Prime Minister of Malaysia at an upcoming fashion show.

But We Forgot About...

But Jacobim Mugatu, according to David Duchovny's character, is "just a punk-ass errand boy working for an international syndicate of fashion designers."

It turns out the fashion industry has been behind every major political assassination in history, from the Tory Conspiracy to Mother Teresa of Calcutta. When peace-mongers like Abe Lincoln and JFK threatened the industry's enormous supply of cheap, third-world labor, they hired eligible bachelors like John Wilkes Booth to take them down.

The Prime Minister of Malaysia? Just another thorn in the side of this super-secret global fashion industry conspiracy of evilness. So while Mugatu and his deadly shuriken are stopped by this face:

...and he presumably goes to jail thanks to some evidence Jerry Stiller had on his Zip Disk, the movie kind of forgets that the murderous fashion industry is still in power. The whole global conspiracy is still in place and Mugatu likely replaced by Donatella Versace. For a silly, slapstick action comedy, that is one dark, fatalistic ending right there. Ultimately, the heroes are powerless. Just like you!

It's a Wonderful Life

In It's a Wonderful Life, Jimmy Stewart plays George Bailey of the Bailey Building and Loan Association. It is a thankless job which George never wanted and frankly was never all that good at. Things run afoul for George after his mentally-ill Uncle Billy loses the $8,000 their bank needs to stay afloat, and George suddenly finds himself accused of fraud and chased by the law. As a result, he decides to add a number to the phony statistics and kill himself on Christmas.

George's primary antagonist is the evil Mr. Henry F. Potter, who knowingly takes Uncle Billy's "missing" $8,000 and keeps it to himself, despite owning doorknobs that cost more money.

Of course this is when George has either a religious experience or an acid flashback, which results in him running back to his family and being saved by his friends. Everyone he knows breaks their wallets to help him out, and then that super-rich friend he never mentioned to anyone sends him a money order for $25,000.

All is well for George and his family. Except for one small detail.

Uncle Billy still lives.

But We Forgot About...

Mr. Potter is not only still in power, he's actually $8,000 richer. The man responsible for the whole ordeal suffers absolutely zero reprisal. He is still there to make life hell for the entire Bailey family, just as he did to George's father and just like he will do to George's children and grandchildren (probably using a new cyborg body since he can afford it).

Ultimately, all the problems that George started off with are still very much on the table, and possibly even worse than before. Not only does the man still hate his job, but he is now more married to it than ever. Even his worthless Uncle Billy is still in the picture, waiting to shit all over everything.

He is a human cancer.

SPECTRE from the James Bond series

In the Bond franchise, as badass as Alec Trevelyan was and as persuasive as Pussy Galore's methods could be (there is a hint in the name), James Bond's greatest adversary will always be SPECTRE: the Special Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion.

A Halliburton subsidiary.

They have shown up in no less than seven James Bond films, with evil plans to instigate nuclear war between the U.S. and the Soviets, engineer global famine, poke holes in the planet's ozone layer with "lasers" and photograph James Bond's boners (presumably with the intent of synthesizing the STDs in his body to unleash them as a deadly new virus).

The man is a walking plague.

Not only is SPECTRE James Bond's oldest nemesis, its head Ernst Stavro Blofeld (also known as "Number 1") stands as one of the most iconic villains in cinematic history.

Each time, of course, Bond thwarts their plan for one more movie.

But We Forgot About...

Last time we saw Blofeld, he was using his motorized wheelchair to control a helicopter with Bond in it. Sure enough, our favorite promiscuous government employee finds a way out of the mess, and eventually drops Blofield (and his wheelchair) down a smokestack.

The end of the evil organization, right? Well, yes... if Blofeld was the only person left on SPECTRE's entire criminal payroll.

The cat alone could do some damage.

From as far back as From Russia, With Love we see that SPECTRE functions on a strict, number-based system. It's a simple formula: if Number X dies, Number X+1 takes his or her place. How often does this happen? Every damn movie. If anything, Blofeld's death meant that every single member of SPECTRE just got a promotion.

Not to mention that Blofeld was pretty shitty at his job, since every encounter he ever had with Bond probably ended with SPECTRE suffering quarterly losses. With Blofeld dead, SPECTRE might actually get a leader who could cause MI6 some real headaches. You know, maybe someone with a business degree...

It isn't hard to find uses for this picture.

For more analysis on fictional villains, check out 7 Badass Cartoon Villains Who Lost to Retarded Heroes and The 8 Least-Threatening Comic Book Villains.

And stop by Linkstorm to see what happens when the cops don't stop Jack O'Brien from going on a scotch-induced tear.

And don't forget to follow us on Facebook and Twitter to get sexy, sexy jokes sent straight to your news feed.

Cracked.com is looking for a lead PHP engineer to join our team of award-winning badasses. For more info go here.

Do you have an idea in mind that would make a great article? Then sign up for our writers workshop! Know way too much about a random topic? Create a topic page and you could be on the front page of Cracked.com tomorrow!

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here


The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!