6 Species We've Nearly Killed Off (For Retarded Reasons)
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The upward growth of mankind has been marked by the extinction of countless other species that got in our way, from the mammoths were were too tasty for their own good, to all the animals dumb enough to live where supertankers ply. It's natural selection! But then, there are those species that, to any rational person, are being wiped out for no good reason at all. These are just some of the creatures who we're rapidly slaughtering for the pure hell of it. #6.
Guajon: The Frog Too Horrifying To Live
Also known as "Cook's Robber Frog" and the slightly unfair "Demon of Puerto Rico," the guajon are small cave dwelling frogs. They are endangered for many of the normal reasons: habitat encroachment, introduced species eating them. Oh, and people killing them out of sheer terror.
Wait, What?! Yes, in Puerto Rico, an innocuous two inch-long frog is being killed because they think it's kinda scary looking, believing that one look from the frog can bring down destruction and doom. So far, no one knows if Puerto Ricans have found anything peculiar in the fact that the creature they're so terrified of is also so easily defeated, but the smart money says that, no, they have not. We're pretty sure this isn't the first species to get the genocide treatment because people were afraid of it, but we are also pretty sure this is the first one that didn't have fangs or claws and couldn't do much but ribbit. Non-Evil Solution: El Chupacabras. Go back to hunting and spreading legends of a non-existent monster and leave the damned frogs alone. #5.
The Manus Island Tree Snail Makes Great Earrings
Of all the things to hunt to extinction, why snails? Sure, some people eat them, but it's not like people are ordering super-sized boxes of them at fast food chains. And it's not like they're causing much of a threat or anything; their most dangerous activities are "hiding in cracks if the weather's too dry" and "trying not to drown." And while these creatures are partially threatened for the standard reasons (that is, chopping down the forest that the snails call home) there is another, far more ridiculous reason: The booming market for people who want overpriced snail jewelry.
Wait, What?! Yes, even though through most of history snails on a woman was a sign of poor hygiene, these days there's a demand for bling made from the brilliant green shells the snails are living in. Thus, now you find Manus Island locals making a living off of killing and selling these creatures.
Non-Evil Solution: Boy, this is a tough one. After all, the dazzling colors of the shells really can't be imitated. Well, you know, unless you have some paint. It can't really be that hard; go to the beach, pick up shells, paint them green. Or use green rocks, like emeralds. They were born dead. #4.
Elfin Tree Fern: Imprisoned In Your Living Room
On the subject of "Least Exciting Topic for a Nature Documentary," you probably thought we couldn't top snails, but you'd be wrong. Now, why don't you go ahead and guess what could be causing Puerto Rico's Elfin tree fern to go extinct. Did you guess? You were wrong again. It's TV. TV is behind this.
Wait, What?! It seems that, in addition to the usual pressures that mankind uses to fuck up life for earth's children, the Elfin tree fern gained popularity as a house plant due to home improvement shows suggesting sticking them in a pot in the corner. The problem is the damn trees take 40 years to get to a decent size, so it was easier to go out into the wild and dig them up than to try and grow them at the risk of them losing popularity in the intervening four decades.
TV isn't the only reason these trees are heading for extinction, though that doesn't mean the competing reasons are any less retarded. People have been using the bark of these trees to carve out tiki statues for idiot tourists. And sometimes they make plates out of the wood, which they sell to idiot tourists. And sometimes they use the wood for "orchid bark," a substance used to cultivate orchids (which are predictably ripped out and sold to idiot tourists). Now, we aren't plant doctors, but if a tree is headed for total annihilation, maybe it's best that you don't make all of your shit out of its bark. Non-evil Solution: There are probably hundreds of thousands of other species of plant that can be put in a house or turned into a plate or a dumbass statue or whatever. Some of them are even trees and/or ferns. They even make fake ones out of plastic. Let's just brainstorm on this for a while. |
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haha.. pimp suits
Yeah some of these animals can be dangerous.. but why kill them off? The people who live in the area as these animals do know what can happen. But why punish them all IF one was to attack a human? That's almost like saying "ok someone murdered some person, kill everyone" Idk, maybe that kinda doesn't make sense considering it's an animal and I'm comparing them to humans. But obviously humans have to not be too normal to commit murder.
Whaaat? I'd totally gun down a gorilla and put it in my living room. You guys are just puss-holes.
People will do anything to be stupid!
Ajna:Well, if your idea of retarded excludes maliciousness, then I prefer retardness to maliciousness.
This just proves that some people are idiots, and that more of us have to take a stand to prevent this crap from happening.
Heh I can just imagine the sick twisted fucks getting a gorilla head for a present. Actually... I can imagine some sick f**k who has a secret room in his mansion where he keeps all of the endangered species that he kills and where he takes all of his tiger penis supplements. It's more than likely plausible.
I'm doing my part.
I'm trying to save the zebra mussel.
I like the zebra mussel because it's the exact opposite of endangered. There are so many, in fact, that since they were "accidentally" imported from the mysterious east, they've actually choked out native fish species in North American lakes.
I call this a win.
Some people think we have too many zebra mussels, but I think there was a time when we had too many tigers and pandas. What went wrong there? If we start now, while the mussel is grossly overabundant, we will preserve this small, adorable invader for future generations.
It's the least we can do.
Send me some money so I can get this ball rolling.
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And another just in case:
http://www.biologicaldiversity.org/publications/earthonline/endangered-earth-online-no336.html#4
Calm down, take a breath, and realize that just because someone says people who live where you live might be dumb doesn't mean its aimed at you.
"Do your research".
I did, and apparently the EPA agreed with me:
http://www.epa.gov/EPA-SPECIES/1997/June/Day-11/e15300.htm
yes, it is old, but I don't think 12 years is long enough for it to be ancient history. The Guajon is the species in particular, so your responses saying "Coquis aren't endangered" is like just saying frogs aren't:
f*****g Duh. But that one species is, and WAS sometimes killed out of fear. Jesus Christ, its not like I said "ALL PUERTO RICANS ARE IDIOTS 'CAUSE THEY KILL FROGGIES". I said some people believe these things are demons, and some of them are killing/killed them because of it. I have a document to support the theory. Get a sense of humor and quit taking s**t so personally.
I do do my research, do your own before bitching.
Yes I hear that the 'Demon of Peurto Rico' is actually called a coqui by the locals, and I knew that before I read the other comments. I promise. I would never parrot someone else's information to appear smarter than I am.
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Hang on Smasatoms, the rural chineese can't get hold of a can of Raid, fair enough, but its a f*****g snip for them to lay their hands on the internal organs of endangered animals? Aren't there like only a thousand tigers left or something? I refuse to believe that the tiger scrotum is the only available medicine available to the Chineese family on a budget.
What about a goriila hand inside a snow globe...?
No?
There were plenty of mistakes in this article. Puerto Rican's killing frogs, masks not preventing tiger attacks, the availability of western luxuries to rural China. This article was a rare miss though, everybody makes mistakes, even internet comedy writers. PS. I don't think any of the people avidly complaining about their lack of research could write articles half as well as the folks at Cracked.
ok so they got some afacts wrong about the frogs who cares if you guys paid attention instead of freaking out there saying that we should be protecting them this whole article is pro-conservation just in a humourous way.
You definitely need to get your fatcs straight.
The Guajon is one of many Coqui species that live in Puerto Rico. I think there are around seven. They are called Coqui because of the sound the males make at night, even though only two species make the sound "coqui", the common coqui and the mountain coqui. You do not fear theme, we actually miss the “lullaby” when ever we are away from the island. The coquis, especially the Guajon, are dying because the government dose not care. They build streets, malls and houses EVERYWHERE taking away there habitat. The Guajon feeds of a special leaf only found in some areas of the island, but the government believes that just by relocating them they are fin, when really the die of heat and hunger.
The coqui some how got to Hawaii where thanks to there climate they can survive. There is now land separated just for them. The people in Hawaii don’t like them because of there noise, but it’s just because its new I think there song is beautiful and can’t sleep without it. I think there government is wiser than ours. But hell you deal with what you have.
That thing about the guajon is total crap. First of all, here in puerto rico they call it "coqui" and we are very proud of it.
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those frogs arent scary, theyre adorable!