The 8 Shittiest Transformer Disguises
Transformers have been toys, cartoons and fodder for Michael Bay's CGI money cannon, but the basic premise remained: These were robots in disguise.
Sadly, some Transformers didn't live up to their potential. They never forgot to be alien space robots. That part always came pretty naturally. But when deciding what to transform into, some went with disguises that were about as inconspicuous as, well, an alien space robot.
#8.
Cosmos
When choosing a vehicle to avoid attention, "alien spaceship" ranks somewhere below "mobile fireworks factory" and "giant mobile fireworks factory that's on fire and being driven by a bear in a tuxedo." Tell people you saw a giant robot and they'll think you're crazy. Tell them you saw a UFO and they'll still think you're crazy, but point you towards the huge network of radio talk show conspiracy nuts dedicated to believing your story.
They occasionally tried to justify Cosmos by having him do a space mission. This was only slightly undermined by the fact that both sides had spaceships and in fact, depending on who was writing that day, every single Transformer could just stand up and fly into fucking space anyway.
Where He Would be Disguised:
Look at him. He'd not only have to wait until spaceships are invented, but until cheap budget-model economy spaceships are developed, and then pose as a novelty toy of one of those.
#7.
Nightscream
Nightscream appeared in the Beast Wars series--where all the Transformers returned to Cybertron to fight each other, while transforming into animals from Earth. He turns into a bat that was apparently designed by a person who has never seen a bat before. We almost wonder if anyone looked over the designer's shoulder, concerned and a tiny bit confused.
Executive: And you're sure you've seen a bat before?
Designer: Yeah, man, I got this. They're sort of like rabbits, but with gorilla arms, right?
Executive: It's just that I'd feel a lot more comfortable if you'd at least look at this picture of a ba-
Designer: Guy, I am on this, OK? I know what bats look like. Long fingers. Giant orange backpack. This is a homerun for me, now get outta my office.
Executive: Uh... OK.
Where He Would Be Disguised:
Nightscream would feel right at home in whatever zoo his designer attended in his nightmares as a child. Absolutely nowhere else though.
#6.
Metroplex
Metroplex turned into an entire city, which made him slightly harder to hide than the law of gravity. While it's conceivable that a brand new, unrecorded metropolis could escape notice if everyone on Earth was retarded--and if there's one thing the plots of 80s cartoons told us, it's that they were--once you get within the borders the illusion breaks down. Maybe you'll notice that every building is a solid, primary-colored block with no features, or maybe the total lack of inhabitants will be the clue that tips you off.
Of course, this assumes that he's not a real city where people go to work and live. If he is, that brings up a much more troubling question ...
What happens to the people who are still in the city when he transforms?!
Where He Would Be Disguised:
We're going to assume he was a fake city, based on the fact that he still has some cars stuck to his shin guards up there. In that case, his only real option is background work on the set of a Hollywood film. Just as long as it's not being directed by Michael Bay, whose not very fond of cities that aren't on fire.
#5.
Omega Supreme
Omega Supreme transformed into a giant rocket, linked to 100-meter rail track that went nowhere, on which was stationed a tank the size of a city block. The Autobots realized he was difficult to hide, and when the guys who dress up as giant, idiotic microscope robots recognize how conspicuous you are, you might have a pretty profound problem.
They stuck Omega in the middle of a wilderness where no one could ever see him, and where his ability to disguise himself would surely come in handy. They also tended to forget that he was the size of every Decepticon in the universe put together, and could have ended the war in one metal-mashing minute had anyone ever bothered to roll out and ask him to.
Perceptor! Come with us to fight Megatron! Omega! Go hide in a field! Autobots! Transform and roll out like retards!
Where He Would Be Disguised:
Wherever the other giant-rockets-and-tracks are kept on Earth. What's that? There aren't needlessly long miles of race track attached to an enormous rocket? Well, then he's just retarded everywhere, isn't he?
Generation 1 had at least 3 walking sharks so the disguise must have been good enough to imitate. :)
Reply"His only possible camouflage option is passersby refusing to believe what they just saw."
ReplyGOLD.
Where would you hide Metroplex? Answer: Detroit
ReplyHa! When I was 10, I didn't care about adherence to the "robots in disguise" principle. "Robots who are awesome" was enough. It was taken for granted that pretty much everyone in this universe was retarded to not notice the giant robots having a war. Except for one young boy, who the Autobots befriend and take on adventures. And who was also pretty retarded, so if the Transformers were real they'd definitely pick me instead.
ReplyTo that same 10 year old mind, Sky Lynx was a tsunami of awesome: Space Shuttle, Dinosaur, Dragon, Big Cat! Too bad the least awesome of those was also the most disappointing in practice. It looked more like a bulldog that had its head shrunk by a witch doctor. Maybe "feline predator" was a bad choice of alternate mode for "space shuttle carrier".
Even as a kid, I realised that the only purpose of Omega Supreme's transformation (besides wasting five minutes) was so that you could prove to your friends that the orange claw arm wasn't just a face-crushing claw, but also a face-melting rocket engine!
There was a Decepticon who was a fortress that transformed into a T-Rex. So combine everything in the Metroplex and Dinobots entries. But once you've thrown "disguise" out the window, having a mobile base that turns into Godzilla makes all kinds of sense.
What about Scorponok? I mean, where the f**k would a giant yellow robotic scorpion fit in?
ReplyAustralia.
Okay, I have to stop and point out a few things, being a nerd.
ReplyCosmos didn't crash-land on Earth, thusly, he had his Cybertronian mode as he never disguised himself for Earth.
Nightscream doesn't need an excuse, as none of the animal characters from Beast Machines looked right. Being non-vehicles, they already stood out and were inherent fugitives.
Metroplex probably looked like all the other future cities in the future he inhabited, and (as Transformers have a tendency to transfer parts they don't need into a pocket dimension) probably transferred any possible human inhabitants to somewhere else.
Omega Supreme had a Cybertronian mode and was probably hidden for good reason. No idea why he didn't fight more often, but I'm guessing he was off-planet as he turned into a rocket ship.
Rippersnapper wasn't built for stealth. He was built for destructive power.
Nosecone existed on FUTURE-Earth and assumably fit in pretty well. If not, he was probably hiding under the surface all the time (being a drill-tank and all).
The Dinobots were created as Ratchet's attempt to mimic Earth's dinosaurs, and never intended to fit in. It didn't matter, as they were usually deactivated, or hidden on their own island. Furthermore, they were brought out solely for the sake of kicking ass. Swoop never seemed to have any problems against the jets.
Sky Linx? f**k it, it's the future.
Or, a more practical response would be to say that most of these toys were created for other toy-lines, without "robots in disguise" in mind, and later bought, licensed, or added into the Transformers.
Actually, not all Alt-Modes are more disguise. Something's their Alt Modes are for practical purposes.
ReplyLike transforming into a Dinosaur like a T-Rex is pretty badass.
So, you know, it's not ALWAYS for Disguises.
"We're going to assume he was a fake city, based on the fact that he still has some cars stuck to his shin guards up there"... actually, when you zoom in on that "shin guard", you notice the cars are really crucified-looking robots....whoopsies
Replyyou forgot crypticon, the mortal enemy of metroflex
ReplyIt's Trypticon.
In fact, why do the autobots turn into "pretty ballet dancing" cars and the decepticons turn into badass military vehicles? I mean, there's a very good reason the military doesn't go to war with Ferraris and Chevys
ReplyActually, there's in-universe reasons for this, besides making the two factions more distinctive. The Autobots are descended from robots designed as consumer goods and labourers, while the Decepticons were made as military hardware. Basically, the Decepticons are the army gone rogue.
I used to have Rippersnapper when I was a kid. Fun toy. Of course....I was pretty damn young.
ReplyI'm still waiting for a transformer to turn into:
Reply#1 a Bugatti Veyron, #2 a Comanche helicopter, #3 a Hummer.
ReplyHis only possible camouflage option is passersby refusing to believe what they just saw. i almost pissed at that one.
I second this
I've still got number 3... and yes it makes a perfectly acceptible buttplug. ROBOTS SOMEWHERE ELSE!!
ReplyHey I had #7 you a*****es.
ReplyI think NightScream is pretty cool in it's own right,I would've played with it.
ReplyNote: I know nothing about Transformers except from the movies, 99.9% of my childhood was invested in Pokemon.
Check out the animated movie. Your eyes will bleed from the awesome.
Nightscream was probably the most reviled member of the Beast Era, partially because he was an unlikable douchebag on the show Beast Machines, where he was essentially the Young John Connor of Transformers, right down to the haircut.
In the Dinobots' defense, they were always the mentally disabled members of the Transformers family.
ReplyAnyone else here wondered just how much blow the guys at Mattel take to dream up some of this stuff?
ReplyIt's Hasbro and TakaraTomy, actually.
In the Transformers comic, which I got when I was a kid, Grimlock ran Grim-Grams, the letters page. So he wasn`t a robotic version of The Hulk.
ReplyI'm loving the fact that most of the examples above are Autobots.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesSame here. Decepticons forever: "The enemy consisting almost entirely of F-15s."
Well, which would you rather be able to transform into? A car like a volkswagen or an SUV or a military vehicle like an F-15 or a goddamned tank?
Foolish Autobots have no taste, Decepticons know alt modes.