Look, people, if we're going to solve this whole energy crisis thing, we're going to have to think outside the box. Way the hell outside.
Fortunately, the alternative energy gold rush is full of researchers and companies doing just that. And what they've found out is you can get energy from pretty much any damned thing. Such as...
People have been burning feces for fuel probably since some cave man first did it by (hilarious) accident. Animal fecal matter is already used in biogas generators in places like zoos and farms, and San Francisco is starting to collect dog and cat feces to produce methane. Seems like it would take a lot of cat shit to power a city but we're sure they know what they're doing.
Collecting human feces these days is a different matter though, as most of us aren't willing to poop in a bucket and take it out with the recyclables.
And the ones that are are just way too into it.
Thankfully, we have babies. Babies (and seniors!) poop into a handy-dandy little fecal collection unit known as a diaper. Unfortunately, the destination is usually the landfill and about 27 billion of these little turd packs are thrown away every year in the U.S. alone. That's 3.4 million tons of potential brown gold.
And They get Energy from this... How?
AMEC-PLC, a company in Canada, has begun building a facility to turn billions of poopy diapers into energy through the process of pyrolysis (breaking down molecules through heat). There's no burning and no emissions. The finished product of all these fecal-filled diapers is a diesel-like oil and probably a lot of refinery employees losing their will to live.
Although other garbage can be used for the process, diapers are perfect for it due to their "consistent stream of plastics, resins, fibres, excrement and urine." So are you also picturing a Road Warrior-like future where roving gangs battle for precious baby shit?
So, What's the Problem?
Well, as you can imagine, it's dirty. The diesel fuel created isn't any cleaner than the fuel we get from regular ol' crude oil.
There's also the problem of getting the diapers, the project linked above can use an existing diaper collection network already in place in Quebec. Otherwise, part of your operation will involve a large room of people whose job it is to pick dirty diapers out of mountains of garbage which, if we remember, Dante described as one of the punishments in Hell.
5Bacteria Poop (and Farts)
In case you're wondering why we included "random" in the title at all, instead of just calling it "6 Ways They're Turning Crap into Alternative Energy" or "Why Turds Will Fuel the Future," don't worry, the whole list isn't poop.
But it probably could have been, thanks to a strain of E. coli bacteria that feed on agricultural waste like wood chips and straw, then crap oil. Not just any old oil, but crude oil. Farting, not wanting to be last to the party, is right on poop's heels thanks to another single-celled organism called methanobacteria, which can "eat" electricity and then fart methane.
And They Get Energy from this... How?
LS9, a biotech company in California, has created that modified strain of "non-pathogenic" E. coli that excretes crude oil. LS9 plans to have a commercial scale facility open by 2011. Although still untested on a large scale, if the plant goes according to plan, the bugs should be pooping out oil at about $50 a barrel in the next few years.
Meanwhile, researchers at Penn State are currently working on the electricity eating, farting bugs. Now it may not be at all clear to you why we'd want something that eats electricity rather than the other way around, but they would be useful.
The bacteria can basically be used as a way to store electricity. That's always been the problem with solar and wind power: Storage. The grid needs electricity throughout the day and these only produce it when it's sunny or windy. The bacteria, therefore, eat the electricity they produce, converting 80 percent of it to methane gas that can be stored and burned whenever.
So, What's the Problem?
There are all sorts of technical questions on whether this would work better than the next generation of batteries or whatever they intend to use for storage in the future. But more importantly, we're pretty sure genetically modified microbes are the basis of half of the horror out there, including 28 Days Later and the entire Resident Evil universe.
And while these microbes won't turn us into zombies, is the prospect of a runaway population of methanobacteria eating all of our electricity that much better?