The 7 Most Retarded Ways Celebrities Have Tried to Go Green
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With the threat of global warming looming, it's more important than ever that all of us appear to care about the environment. Maybe no one works harder on this than celebrities, who make it a point to show up in the papers every now and then with their latest eco-friendly gesture. We would applaud them for this, if it wasn't for the fact that the gestures are often mind-blowingly retarded. #7.
Paul McCartney Gets a Hybrid... Flown to Him by Private Jet
Earlier this year, Paul McCartney bought (or may have been given) a hybrid car from Lexus, after he had done some promotional work for them. See! This is what John Lennon was singing about, people. So What's the Problem? The car was specially flown in from Japan, thus creating several hundred times more emissions than it would ever save. Reports differ as to whether or not McCartney bought the car and demanded it be flown to him, or if Lexus took it upon themselves to send it to him to make McCartney look like even more of a dick than he usually does.
In an interview, McCartney claimed to be horrified by the whole thing, but he couldn't talk for long as he had to go protect animals from potential forest fires by chopping down the Amazon rain forest. It Could Have Been Worse... He could have left it in the plane, then just had the plane fly him around England while he sat behind the wheel making engine sounds. #6.
Jennifer Aniston Brushes Her Teeth in the Shower
On the eve of Al Gore's Live Earth gigs in July 2007, Jennifer Aniston said that because every two minutes of showering uses as much water as an African person has for an entire day, she restricts herself to a three minute shower (why fuck just one African's day up?). Also, she pointed out that she brushes her teeth in the shower to save on water, and that she painted her house green so it could be powered by photosynthesis.
OK, we made the last one up. So What's the Problem? For the moment we'll forgive the fact that dentists say it takes two minutes to brush your teeth properly, leaving Jennifer only one minute in the shower to clean the rest of her body (though perhaps making it clearer why Brad Pitt left her).
The bigger problem is that two minutes of brushing in the shower uses about five gallons of water, where two minutes of modest faucet usage (even if you're the type who leaves it running the whole time) only uses about two gallons. You don't need a spreadsheet to tell you which one saves the most water. Also, we can say from personal experience that you can save way more water than either method by simply not showering at all. It Could Have Been Worse... She could have suggested just taking your toothpaste and brush to the car wash, then sticking your head out of the window as you go through. #5.
Sheryl Crow Uses One Sheet of Toilet Paper Per Visit
Sheryl Crow took time out from her role as least offensive musician ever to tell people to use only one square of toilet paper back in April 2007. Crow had been touring, so we've got a feeling she came up with the "one square" idea after an incident on the tour bus that we never, ever want to hear about. So What's the Problem? We don't know about you, but there have definitely been times when one sheet of toilet paper just isn't enough. And that's every time.
Crow helpfully suggests that we can use two or three sheets for when that rare, exceptional shit calls for it. Now, without getting too graphic here, let's just say that after a night out involving a case of beer and a heap of heavily-spiced Indian food, two or three sheets would be nothing more than a preliminary damage assessment. Crow later tried to pretend she had meant it all as a joke, but this was probably after she realized everyone was sitting on the opposite side of the tour bus from her.
It Could Have Been Worse... Crow could have taken her war against paper wastage to above anal levels and suggested making clothing with built-in napkins on the sleeves. Oh wait, she already did. #4.
Woody Harrelson Has "Vegan" Clothes... Flown by Private Jet
Woody Harrelson was apparently a huge activist for environmental causes even before it became fashionable. He even boasts that he wears "vegan" clothes. We're not sure what constitutes vegan clothes, but we like to imagine Woody leaving bacon and sausages by his closet overnight, then smiling approvingly when he finds them untouched in the morning. So What's the Problem? Woody was attending the Cannes Film Festival this year and took part in a Charity Poker event with other celebrities like Salma Hayek and Tim Robbins, but once there he noticed he had forgotten his favorite vegan shoes and belt.
At this point he did what any of us would have done, and had them flown in from California on a private jet. Actually, upon further consideration, we wouldn't have done that. We would have probably sat at the card table naked from the waist down and yelled "Poker? Damn near killed 'er!" over and over again while staring Salma Hayek right in the eye and rhythmically thrusting our hips in her general direction.
We're rarely, if ever, invited to poker nights. It Could Have Been Worse... He could have found a gravy stain on his favorite vegan shirt, and had it flown to California and back to be washed at a special vegan dry cleaner. Or even worse, he could have found out that it was chicken gravy and loudly accused the shirt of eating meat behind his back. |
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Baha, i love how they all use private jets chartered from companies like http://www.listjet.com.
Beware the Phantom Time Traveler! He goes back in time and changes the past. It's his hobby. Warn your friends and family about the Phantom Time Traveler! His actions are constantly changing your life and mine. History cannot be left in the hands of an individual! What has already been done is not meant to be undone. Petition the government! Let them know about the danger he poses. If we can convince the government of the problem, they may be able to build a machine that can detect ripples caused by time travel. Then, the next time he comes back from the past or future, we can catch him! BEWARE THE PHANTOM TIME TRAVELER! Your life could be completely ruined in the past, and you won't even know it! You might have been rich, but after the Phantom Time Traveler changed something, you're not, and don't remember it! You might lose your memories of today as well! A wise man once said "Do not squander time. That is the stuff life is made of." Surely, destroying the precious lives of others by changing their pasts of the worst thing someone could do. The Phantom Time Traveler is perpetrating an atrocity far worse than any that has come before. It is a crime against all humanity, against all life, everywhere!
COPY and PASTE this warning to AT LEAST FIVE STORIES, or the Phantom Time Traveler will have sex with your mom in the past and become your dad!
My god I hate Razorlight, and Coldplay. I apologise on behalf of all Englishmen for inflicting these bands into your lives. Just remember The Beatles and The Rolling Stones were English before you kick us to death as punishment. Live Earth was so retarded that for the first time in my life I realised that sitting around smoking pot was probably more altruistic than anything else possible. Not that I smoke pot but still.
to all of you dumb asses who thinking your helping by planting trees. when the reality is you've done nothing. you haven't planted a tree, you merely relocated one!
"LMAO at "KevinKlaw" cracked has a conservative bias because they made fun of al gore for being full of s**t? Right, apparently you dont read many articles here. And Gores being full of s**t in this instance has nothing at all to do with his political affiliation so again, youre an idiot."
Agreed.
....Did I just get laughed at cause I used the letter x to display a number I couldn't be bothered to work out?
You just wasted however long that comment took to write, all for one simple letter? You really, really, REALLY, need to get out more.
And king, your comment may well be correct after checking back. However, I have two problems.
One - you used zero capital letters apart from to emphasise the word 'SINK' for no apparent reason. I mean come on, I just spelt really 'REALLY' to emphasise the fact that if it was spoken it'd be shouted. Say what you just wrote out loud - You just shouted the word sink randomly. Like one of those crazy people that cant control the sound of their own voices in public places.
And Two - You spelt 'you' simply by using 'u'.
Those two points and your obvious teen angst give me this conclusion - You're the idiot.
I don't think wasting water is as big a deal as everyone says. Afterall, the water that goes down your drain doesn't just disappear, it evaporates and we get rain or it recycles. I know there are some people who don't have enough water which isn't fair, but when we turn our taps off for a few seconds in between each brush does that give water to those who need it?
LMAO at "KevinKlaw" cracked has a conservative bias because they made fun of al gore for being full of s**t? Right, apparently you dont read many articles here. And Gores being full of s**t in this instance has nothing at all to do with his political affiliation so again, youre an idiot.
Best wet t-shirt show ever! Giggity
http://www.tokillfor.com/view_video.php?viewkey=2e09eaa3bd2ebf4b5366
Remind me to never ever shake hands with Sheryl Crow.
@Kanderin
Hahaha I like how you started your post off by stating that she uses `x` amount of water, as though you were going to try to make it into a math problem. But then you never referred to x again, leading one to conclude that your simple math advice may need to be turned inward.
As to your actual point, I think that king fellow pointed out quite sufficiently why you are wrong. Unless you assume that J.A. can do other things in the shower (such as soaping or shampooing, or anything else that consumes a significant amount of shower time) while brushing her teeth, it is going to take her x amount of time to brush and if the water in the shower flows at rate y then her total water consumption is xy. Now if she brushed in the sink it would, presumably, take the same time x, but with a different flow rate, z. Meaning a total water loss of xz. In the article the author states that z
Celebrities should not be allowed to preach to anyone, after all they are just like the rest of us but with one difference: they have no shame.
you guys all know that jennifer aniston prolly takes half hour showers like the rest of us, right? i need more than three minutes in the shower just to wash my balls
The only way she would save water by brushing her teeth in the shower is if she was doing something else at the same time. If she could brush her teeth and lather, or while doing somethign else she had to do in the shower... That might save some water. Otherwise she could just take shorter showers and brush after. Anyway, it is probably not enough to justify not just brushing your teeth in the sink while not leaving the water running. I mean how much could that possibly waste? A few cups?
That and Al Gore has done much worse
no, ur retarded. they said if u brush ur teeth in the shower u only have a min left to actually wash urself. hense, she will take a 2 min teeth brushing session, then a 3min shower, which comes out to be 5 min.
if she only took a 3 min shower. got the f**k out. and then brushed her teeth in a SINK for 2 min, she would save gallons a day.
idiot
Your arguement about Jennifer Aniston makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Regardless of whether or not the ideas makes any difference - your reasoning was retarded. If she didn't brush her teeth in the shower then she would be using x amount of water in her 3 minute wash, and then another amount of water brushing her teeth. Do that every day for years and the difference is soon pretty damn big compared to doing both at the same time.
Sometimes, Cracked is hilarious. Most the time they need to make sure their writers can work with simple math.
What about use your finger to wipe then wash it after, Sheryl?
@BurnOut07
Um, you're giving burnouts a bad rap. Reread what you wrote, your analogy makes zero sense. You just wrote that the moron who denies the basic laws of chemistry embraces the basic laws of natural selection, speciation and evolution. I fail to draw the connection.
I could understand if you were to write: what's sadder, a moron who embraces a higher being, or a moron who denies basic laws of chemistry, oh wait it's the same moron.
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I've used Listjet before. does he use it often?