The 5 Most Unintentionally Gay Horror Movies
At some point, possibly in the 80s, Hollywood decided that a good horror movie needed to be built on a strong foundation of homoerotic subtext. We're not saying it's a bad thing, this is 2009, after all.
What we are saying is that their strenuous efforts to both cram in as much homoeroticism as possible, while avoiding actual gay characters or storylines, is the stuff unintentional comedy is made of. For example...
#5.
The Lost Boys (1987)
Summary:
A handsome young man is targeted by vampires. Everyone is dressed like members of WHAM!
After moving to the flamboyant new town of Santa Carla, Michael falls in with a crowd of bad dudes after being attracted by the gang's sole female member, Star. Strangely, none of the fellas in the gang seems to be showing any interest in her, forcing Michael to conclude that they're all in serious relationships with other female vampires.
Michael follows Star back to the vampires' lair, where the leader of the pack, David, tricks Michael into swallowing some of his bodily fluids. Or maybe it's not a trick, and Michael is just so impressed at having been invited over to Jack Bauer's house that he does it voluntarily.
Pretty soon, Star is nowhere to be seen, and Michael demonstrates his loyalty to vampire-Jack Bauer by jumping off a bridge. He then lets his family know about his new lifestyle by coming home sporting the international sign of vampire-gang membership: a single ear piercing. Even his younger brother, Sam, who prides himself on his flamboyant "young Elton John" wardrobe, seems shocked by this.
Later, there's a rushed sex scene with Star which is obviously added to draw attention away from the flaming sexual tension between Michael and pale-Jack Bauer. However, it's not enough to distract us from the moment that propelled this movie onto the list. A moment that makes the gleaming man with his saxophone and studded codpiece seem as hetero as Brett Favre.
The moment to which we refer comes when Sam opens his not-at-all-metaphorical closet, resulting in a shot which has led to years of speculation by experts.
That's Rob Lowe, folks.
Best Quote:
"My blood is in your veins!"Wait, Are You Sure This is "Unintentional"?
Look, it was a different time. And that different time was the 80s.
It was an era of men with waxed chests, in towels. Of moussed hair and pastel shirts. The whole world was flamboyant and nobody felt threatened by it. The Lost Boys seems to have been filmed purely as a time capsule for the era that gave us Top Gun. Show the film to an amnesiac or somebody born in 1991, and they'll say "Oh, that's what you mean by 'ambient gay.'"
So what if Corey had Rob Lowe in his closet. Lowe starred in St. Elmo's Fire, director Joel Schumacher's last film before he directed The Lost Boys. The picture on Sam's closet was probably more a jokey director shout-out than anything else.
On the other hand, Schumacher is openly gay and was responsible for putting the nipples and enormous dong on the batsuit.
Okay so maybe it was a little bit intentional.
#4.
The Covenant (2006)
Summary:
Caleb is the leader of a gang of "undercover" male witches who spend a lot of time showering together. He is obsessively targeted by a mysterious stranger, Chase, the new kid at their exclusive private school.
We don't want to read too much into the fact that the school's female students are featured mostly as blurry, indistinct figures in the background. Why read anything at all when we have an all-male naked locker room fight scene to watch?
"I'm gonna cast a magic spell. A magic ass spell. On your ass."
Yes, it's the classic story of male friendship: One man defends another in a naked brawl, sparked when one of the men is called gay. Our memory is a little hazy, but we're fairly certain that's how Mel Gibson met Danny Glover in the first Lethal Weapon.
After their bond if forged through butt-naked combat, Chase and Caleb hit some bars together and engage in extended male swimming competitions while wearing tiny, tiny shorts. Their relationship reaches its climax when Caleb discovers the secret that Chase hides away from the world in the clos ... cupboard deep within his soul. We're of course talking about the fact that Chase is also an undercover witch.
Chase becomes desperate to consume Caleb's magic, when he learns that Caleb has a special magic that will only fully develop once he turns 18. Chase stalks him, threatens his friends and eventually holds him down and kisses him.
"This is how we steal magic, right?"
This brings us to the final conflict, and the point at which the film pretty much whips the audience in the face with the homoerotic symbolism: In the climactic scene, the two men hurl magic translucent white globs of power at each other as Chase begs for Caleb's consent.
Best Line:
"How about I make you my wi-atch?"Wait, Are You Sure This is "Unintentional"?
"Be careful, my magic is very sticky and if it gets in your hair, you'll never get it out."
In this case, at least, all of the homoerotic subtext lurking just beneath the surface (and sometimes prominently above it) seems to be a strange, misguided attempt to appeal to the young women who this film was plainly aimed at. The filmmakers must have spent some time in some chat rooms, and decided that homoerotic fanservice is all that is needed to sell tickets in these modern times.
To be fair, the obligatory girl-girl make-out scenes in modern slasher flicks demonstrates that producers don't have a much higher opinion of male horror fans.
#3.
The Forsaken (2001)
Summary:
Young man befriends vampire, ignores attractive woman for 90 minutes.
Don't let the scantily-clad female on the cover fool you into renting this movie for your men's beach volleyball after party. Actress Izabella Miko appears in approximately 10 minutes of footage, and the rest is devoted to a lengthy bromance between Sean and half-vampire Nick. The naked women, gratuitous violence and vampire car chases thrown in throughout the film just make the homoeroticism stand out more, the same way that Al Pacino's presence in The Devil's Advocate made Keanu Reeves look even dumber.
The plot kicks off when Sean is asked to transport a car cross country, and given a specific no-hitchhiker rule by his employer. And he's able to follow it until a young blond hitcher, named Nick, catches his eye and asks, "Use some company?" Oh, we know the answer to that one.
Sean keeps Nick around even as he gets him fined by the cops, steals his food and money and randomly strips an unconscious girl naked in his hotel room. Unfortunately, this loyalty doesn't pay off because both the girl and Nick turn out to be vampires, and Sean gets his ass bitten (not literally).
Nick then explains that Sean has been infected with a blood disorder that can only be slowed with a cocktail of drugs.
"Also you have to let me stick my finger in your mouth. To cure your blood disorder, you see."
The two young men team up to attract and kill the head vampire, a Frenchman who also seems to have a thing for Sean. The head vampire, though, is no match for the most powerful force in the universe: white hot, masculine love. The film ends as the two men stare meaningfully into each other's eyes, and ride off into the sunset together.
Best Quote:
"I need all the muscle I can get!"
Wait, Are You Sure This is "Unintentional"?
It hardly seems possible; after all, the subtext is so obvious the guy who played Sean was asked about it (before this film, he was best known for playing an openly gay man on Dawson's Creek).
This certainly doesn't look like a vampire movie.
But, he did deny it. So, hell, maybe it was just a case where the chemistry of the two male actors combined to create a flash of spontaneous homoerotic combustion. It happens. If you've ever hung around a college fraternity, you know what we're talking about.
Meh. Unitil ''Are You Scared 2'', featuring the Soren Bowie gets made and gets number one on that list, I'll remain a bitter, bitter person.
ReplyUnfortunately, it seems that as this country officially becomes more accepting of homosexuality, people also become considerably more paranoid that it is present in any interaction between two or more males. Now, I'm not complaining about this article. But I don't know how often I have to explain to friends of mine, "Homosexuality is a persistent romantic or sexual attraction to one's own gender. If those guys hug, it is not gay. If your friend loves you, it is not in a gay way. If those two actors kiss because that is what happens in the movie, they are not automatically gay". Why can't we have acceptance of real homosexuals without being so worried about seeming like we might be? Seriously, it's not a hard concept and it's not really that scary.
Replyaccording to Al Kinsey we're all a little gay. 0 s and 5s are extremely rare. However, you are right, kissing someone (even passionately) of the same gender once (or twice, or twenty times) doesn't make you 100% homosexual. In fact, if you're an actor and doing it for a movie role it doesn't mean anything at all. Preforming a "sex scene" (where you are usually wearing underpants and never actually touch any of your naughty parts to the other person's naughty parts) with someone is the same regardless of their gender. *I've never done this. "Not that there's anything wrong with it!"
I did notice the homoerotic hints in ANOES 2 but not on the others. I have noticed that women are the ones who are exposed generally which I find unfair, as a woman, I also want some c&a&p ...
ReplyI only saw Covenant once, and never realized the homoeroticism.
ReplyOf course, I was stoned out of my mind and literally only watched the scenes where they exploded cars and then reformed them around themselves, but whatever.
Probably all valid claims, now that I see the screenshots. Yeesh.
The moments in Jeepers Creepers 2 were from the sick mind of it's writer/director, and likely purposeful. We had a chance to see the movie's budget in film school and one of the students noted a quite large "insurance" line item. The teacher informed us that the studio had to have the policy because the director is a PEDOPHILE. Mystery Solved!
Replyactually, Wes Craven had nothing to do with ANOES 2 aside from creating the character of Freddy, and if you watch the documentary Never Sleep Again, the writer says that he intentionally created this as a sly homoerotic type movie, with the actor that played Jesse eventually came out of the closet
ReplyOne of the baffling quotes from ANOES 2 was when the protagonist asks his friend to watch him sleep and the friend replies (I kid you not) "Wait, you have a hot girlfriend and you want to sleep with me?"
ReplyI would say Interview with a Vampire should be on this list however that movie is so gay it could'nt be unintentional.
ReplyIt's completely intentional. Read a book.
"all of the homoerotic subtext lurking just beneath the surface (and sometimes prominently above it) seems to be a strange, misguided attempt to appeal to the young women who this film was plainly aimed at"
ReplyMisguided? Pffffft. Hardly ;)
Unintentional? I can tell you for certain that #1 and #2 are very much intentional. Probably the rest as well.
ReplyI always knew there was something fucked up about the Jeepers Creepers movies that extended beyond their fun and campy horror facade... Brr.
ReplyLet's not forget the scene in the Lost Boys where they first introduce Michael to the concept of having to feed. The vampires camp out in a tree and creepily watch a group of guys dancing around a fire, they tell Michael to come watch because "You don't wanna miss this.", the other vamps proceed to chuckle and smirk. After they vamp-out a little, they then fly down towards the guys around the fire and fly them down, many of the guys (who are usually wearing shirts that at least show their sweaty chests of their nicely shaped biceps) flail around and fall on their backs before they're either pinned or dragged away, presumably to be molested and then eaten. After the feeding frenzy, the vamps all look thoroughly sexed up. I've heard of people who were into food during sex, but this is a new extreme.
ReplyAnd of course, we also can't forget that hilarious scene where Corey Haim is in the bath tub (bubble bath, mind you), singing loudly and flamboyantly in a high pitched voice "I ain't got a maaaaaaan". Even when I was a kid and I watched it, I remember thinking "...huh."
It's a two-hour spectacle featuring crotch shots, giant snakes wrapping around faces, board games on shelves libeled "Probe" and giant rectums drawn on boards.
ReplyHow do you defame a board game...;-)
The thing with these movies and homoerotic cinema aimed at women is there are twice the hot guys with no 'annoying' females. Just like men watching two women together means they don't have to look at dick.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesMust...watch...Covenant...Hey, females have needs too!
Men's needs are more important.
Hermaphrodites, more important still.
Agreed. Covenant sounds VERY interesting. ;)
ovenant's a pretty bad movie but worth watching for the pretty boys haha
Ok, I've never see the Covenant, but the whole story sounds like the plot to a yaoi manga, right down to the ridiculously contrived reasons to have the male leads be naked together and touch each others bodies way more than any two men (gay or straight) ever would in real life.
ReplyJust what I was thinking. There probably is a similar yaoi.
Wes Craven had no involvement in the second Nightmare on Elm Street. And according to the documentary on the Nightmare franchise, the homosexual references were intentional. I think the writer made it so,
ReplyThis very article was also mentioned in said documentary! But it also said that although it was intentional for the writer pretty much every one else had no idea about the subtext..I thought it was quite funny to watch them talk about how stupid they feel for not realising, now they can see how utterly utterly gay it was..ha ha ha.
"Then he starts hunting them, and first kills a young man after ripping off his shirt. The half-naked corpse lies provocatively on the ground for the remainder of the film, the camera often pausing on it lovingly." Literally had me in tears! hahah, too funny!
ReplyYou realise none of that was a joke, right?
....You don't "get" Cracked, do you?
I don't think you *get* cracked, iso...
The problem with this article is that none of these movies were "unintentionally gay"...............
ReplyCaleb sounds like a f*****g Mary Sue, so when they did go on the internet to see what teenage girls these days liked the best, they probably read a whole s**t ton of s****y fan fictions. Cause you know, f**k your sanity.
ReplyOMG!. I agree with most of these, the ones tht i've seen. The Lost Boys, Sam and Michael alwayz seemed just a bit incestual tho. The Forsaken, theres a reason Sean kept Nick around so long, then went after him at the end so they could cure Nick, HE FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM! And JC2, someone even sayz in the movie that Izzy has a thing for Dante.
Reply