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Last year around this time, we asked Keith Mays, pioneer in the field of men who look like old lesbians, to run down the 25 best examples of this confounding phenomenon. Since that time, he has continued to update his blog with more, and in some cases better, examples of famous men who look like old gay women. Take a man. Add eye work (unisex glasses if eye wear is needed) and BOTOX. Mix in a bad haircut or unfashionably long hair--if possible a dye job. A little doughy-ness doesn't hurt, either. Have a weakness for turtlenecks and by all means fight aging like it's a battle you can win if you try just a little harder, and there you have it: The winning formula to become a man who looks like an old lesbian. #30.
Jay Mariotti
He is: An obnoxious sports writer turned obnoxious sports commentator. Looks Like: Someone who moved to Alaska with life partner because, during the summer, you can play softball until midnight. #29.
Clarence Clemons
He is: Guy in the E-Street Band who's not on Conan, wasn't in the Sopranos and isn't the singer. Looks Like: Nose tackle on the San Francisco Shockwaves, an LGBT football team, and weekend bouncer at the Lex. #28.
Gino Vannelli
He is: Grammy Award winning singer of "I Just Wanna Stop," first Caucasian performer to appear on Soul Train. Looks Like: The owner of a pottery store in Vermont who spells "women" with a "y" and hasn't shaved her legs since 1969. #27.
Johnny Rotten (Lydon)
He is: Lead singer of The Sex Pistols. The man who saved the world from Styx and Boston. Looks Like: An angry professor of LGBT poetry at the continuing education program at University of California Santa Cruz. #26.
Carrot Top
He is: The bronze/orange standard in prop comedy. Looks Like: The girl who always leaves the bar alone. #25.
Chief Joseph
He is: A chief. Looks Like: A chief. #24.
Jack Osbourne
He is: The son of addled rock singer-slash-reality star-slash-TV pitchman. Looks Like: The girl whose family and friends had to pretend they were surprised when she came out over Christmas break freshmen year. #23.
Brett Dennen
He is: A home-schooled nouveau hippy who Rolling Stone likes (which is about as cool as your dad showing up at your party sporting a soul patch). Looks Like: Your 5th grade teacher and confirmed bachelorette who says she never found the right man, but travels every summer with her "aunt" who is roughly the same age. #22.
Jason Hervey
He is: Everybody's nightmarish big brother from The Wonder Years, and friends with the guy who was in Happy Days (not the one who became an Academy Award winning director, the guy who's on some depressing VH-1 show.) Looks Like: The camp counselor who could hit a ball further than any of the male counselors and beat the crap out of one of them for leaving the base path to avoid a tag at home. #21.
Brad Thompson
He is: A major league baseball player. Looks Like: A major league female softball player. #20.
Chick Corea
He is: A jazz musician/Scientologist (or maybe it's the other way around). Looks Like: An overly-earnest social worker who refers to all her cases as "my kids," and then goes home and has a good cry with her cats. #19.
Ned Block
He is: A philosopher (note to you college kids: it's a recession proof industry). Looks Like: A middle-aged woman from Wisconsin who left her husband and family to run away with the woman in town who owns a dog grooming salon. #18.
Rolly Teranishi
He is: Japanese musician and actor. Looks Like: A lesbian super-hero in an anime series. #17.
Scott Storch
He is: A hip-hop producer who may or may not be bankrupt. Looks Like: A lesbian runaway in a bad indie film. #16.
Lang Lang
He is: World famous Chinese pianist. Looks Like: The piano player at "Ain't Nobody's Bizness," a popular lesbian hang out in Phoenix. |
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HOLY s**t this is funny!
#8 REALLY looks like a kinda homely woman.
Corbin Bleu looks like the lesbian from Rent.
Speaking from a girl's perspective: Chris Walla does not look lez.
Most gay thing about him is probably his name.
Poor guy...
Why arent the Jonas Brothers on this list?! Lol, I guess we're still not sure theyre male.
Ha ha ha! Air Supply made me want to kill myself.
A lot of celebrities are addicted to hot celebrity&big beauty dating site ___PlusKiss.c om___. Is that true?
i think Carrot top was the BIGGEST lesbian on the whole list, but corbin bleu looks like the typical surfer in limonade-surfer movies for little girls like aquamarine
It got me hard. Hard like a rock.
What about that guy from The Darkness? He looks like an aging hippy lesbian that couldn't bring herself to admit the good ol' days are gone, and so is their fashion.
HOLY CRAP! That BJ Thomas guy looks nothing like a lesbian... but he looks just like the G-Man from Half Life 2 with long hair!
LMAO, that was great
it's said that he is dating a hot New york girl he met on __ RichFriends.org __, Is he looking for a serious relationship or just for fun?
Did anyone else get an erection while reading this article? Really? No?
Yes! stone does not look like a lesiban
thanks for posting
dam... nice list.
so what have we learned? its all about the hair, glasses and facial hair... or lack there of.
and were was roger ebert? thought he would be no. 1...
bill clinton looks like a lesbian, but I'm sure Cracked would never put down Bill since...
doug stone does not look like a lesiban
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Where are:
1. The Hoff
2. Dwight Shroot from The Office