Lesbians

Things guys have right: Lesbians are great people. They are funny and interesting and deserve to be treated with respect. Things guys have wrong: You did not see two of them kiss at Mardi Gras that one time. Also ...

What is a Lesbian?

A lesbian is a female who is sexually attracted to other females. Lesbians were thought to originate on the Greek isle of Lesbos. Lesbians are like most females, except their ability to watch an entire episode of The View somehow co-exists with the ability to tell the difference between a phillips head and a standard screwdriver.

Types of Lesbians

There are three main category of lesbians. The categories vary based on degree of feminimity.

Butch - Butch lesbians are not faking it. In butch/femme relationships, butch lesbians play the "man" role.

Femme - The feminine counterpart to a butch.

Lipstick - Lipstick lesbians are the hardest to detect. They are usually just straight girls who fake being a lesbian because they think it helps the environment or something. Most women are lipstick lesbians. Batwoman is a lipstick lesbian.

Famous Lesbians

Ellen

The most important thing Elled Degeneres ever did was to become a lesbian. Realizing that she would never be a talented person, she became a lesbian in 1997. It was then that she understood that she was not an ugly actress, she was in fact a beautiful swan. By beautiful swan, we mean still just as ugly, but a lesbian, so it doesn't matter. She has since held a majority of the market share for on-air lesbians. She has a talk show now and is the new judge on American Idol.

Rosie O'Donnell

Rosie O'Donnell was first discovered by scientists in 1941. The Nazis attempted to open a portal to another world to summon demons to aid them in their war against Europe. Although the Nazis were unsuccessful, we know that Rosie O'Donnell did escape into our world. Scientists raised Rosie O'Donnel on a diet of beef jerky and chitterlings. Since Rosie O'Donnell was so unattractive, the scientists constantly reassured her that she was as pretty as a movie star. Rosie O'Donnell escaped about 20 years ago. Scientists were unable to locate her until she first appeared in the movies. There have been 6 attempts by the CIA to assassinate Rosie O'Donnell since 1998.

The Freedom of Information Act reveals a separate theory on the origin of Rosie O'Donnell. One day, a beautiful scientist was experimenting with a break through technology in teleportation chambers. Eager to try the technology out herself, she was unaware that a dog had brought a chewed up leather boot and taken a fat dump in the other teleportation chamber. When she activated the chamber, her DNA merged with the items left in the other chamber and a star was born.

Either way, no one is sure what Rosie O'Donnell's role is in the apocalypse.

Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan (see article here) decided to become a lesbian some time around 2007. She's not really sure if she is bisexual or full on lesbian. But that is mostly because she doesn't know what either word means. She dated Samantha Ronson for over a year. Sweet.

On the Fence

Michelle Rodriguez:

In July 2006, in an interview with UK's Cosmopolitan magazine, she said that she was not gay, but had "experimented with both sexes."

Angelina Jolie

Angelina is an out and proud bisexual.

Kristanna Loken

Better known for her role as the female terminator, Loken does not discriminate.