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The 7 Most Hilariously Mismatched Superhero Battles

#3.
Batman Vs. Calendar Man

Look up in the sky, it's a numerologist ice-hockey goalie! A TRON gay pride activist! No, it's just the supervillain Calendar Man, whose gimmick was that he committed crimes related to the date. Sorry, we're afraid that's actually it.

Making your crimes extra-predictable when going up against the Master Detective is not just a bad idea, it basically makes you a more math oriented version of the Riddler. And when you're a less creative version of the damn Riddler, you could probably be defeated by a blown dandelion seed, some soggy toilet paper or even (in extreme cases) the actual Gotham Police Department.

Calendar Man is widely regarded as the worst Batman villain of all time, and let's face it, that's saying something. In final proof of sheer mental incompetence, he joined a group called the Misfits who decided to join forces in order to raise their profile. That's right, in a world where crime only exists because Batman can only punch a finite number of criminals per second, these guys wanted to get noticed. Listen pal, if you're walking around dressed like that and people are still ignoring you, take the hint.

#2.
Wolverine Vs. Magneto

Don't worry, the X-Men haven't suddenly become a Japanese tentacle fetish comic (though that'd be far from the worst thing they've ever done), it's just Wolverine losing a fight. Boy, who could have seen the outcome of this one coming? A man with a metal skeleton attacks someone who can exert absolute power over metal?

In fact, in the entire run up to this situation, nobody realized this might be an issue. Magneto didn't just appear in the X-Man mansion one day and start menacing people with the silverware, he's been their primary villain for decades, and not once did somebody turn to Logan and go "You know, the way he could turn you inside out with his mind might give him an unfair advantage. You might want to stay the fuck away from that guy."

#1.
Dazzler Vs. Dr. Doom

Dazzler wore a shiny plunging neckline, could convert sound into light and roller skated. Awesome powers for a techno DJ, not so awesome for a superhero. The most incredible overestimation of her powers occured when she fought Dr. Doom, at which point the writer had to pretend that wasn't insane for like three solid pages.

Her plan was to kill one of the most powerful villains in the world, one wearing an armored metal suit, by first building up maximum momentum on her skates. This was the equivalent to a dessert chef declaring "In order to eat Mount Everest, I will have to use my LARGEST souffle spoon!"

She follows up with a dazzling light show, presumably hoping Doom is secretly epileptic. He puts up with this nonsense for approximately two seconds before electrocuting the entire room and capturing her until the Fantastic Four bail her out.

That's right, Dazzler loses to Doom in her own comic, and this is Dr. Doom we're talking about. It's his job to act as a maniacal chrome punching bag for basically anybody capable of putting on a cape. When you can't triumph over a man once defeated by Squirrel Girl it's probably time to find another career.



Find out about some superheroes who lost a battle with science and logic in Marvel vs Science: The 5 Most Absurd Origin Stories. Or, watch this video to find out about how Jesus's super powers made him forget he had a real job.
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