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The 5 Most Ridiculously Over-Hyped Health Scares of All Time

By Adam Brown
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Fear is our national pastime. As a society, we have a long history of getting whipped into a collective frenzy over threats to our health or children that are nearly (or completely) non-existent. No danger is too small or remote to be exaggerated and screamed from the headlines.

For example:

#5.
Three Mile Island

On March 28, 1979, what should have been a minor plumbing problem somehow escalated into a reactor fuel meltdown at the Three Mile Island Nuclear Station in Pennsylvania. Within five days, the Governor had ordered the evacuation of all children and pregnant women (fuck you, dad!) within a five-mile radius of the area. Since that time, the name Three Mile Island has been synonymous with nuclear disaster. Hooters even named one of their hottest (and most delicious) wing sauces after it!

But unlike other nuclear disasters, Chernobyl for example, which caused at least 4,000 eventual deaths, Three Mile Island was responsible for a whopping zero fatalities. In fact, there weren't even any injuries. Later tests revealed that the level of radiation people were exposed to in the five-mile radius was equivalent to the amount of radiation a person is exposed to while flying on a commercial airliner. In other words, the danger was nil.

So why all the ruckus? Much like that restraining order Catherine Zeta-Jones slapped us with a few years back, we blame Michael Douglas for this.

Just 12 days prior to the incident at TMI, The China Syndrome premiered. In the film, Michael Douglas plays a television news reporter who surreptitiously films a nuclear power plant crew as a near meltdown is taking place. As luck would have it, the events depicted in the movie almost perfectly mirrored what occurred at TMI. With the movie stirring public debate about the safety of nuclear power, there was no way the incident at TMI occurring just days later would do anything less than scare the ever-loving shit out of people. And that's exactly what it did.


"Hi, I'm a giant asshole."

In 1979, Three Mile Island killed fewer people than ...

Robot attacks. Ford factory worker Robert Williams was killed when a robot hit him in the head, thus outranking Three Mile Island's death toll, 1-0.


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125 Comments

she is also a hippie.

Posted on 6/27/2008 9:20:01 AM

incase you didn't know,kiera is the girl at my school that is best friends with "the homo".

Posted on 6/27/2008 9:19:42 AM

hippies overreact too much and end up dooming everything they try to save.that's why Kiera gets on my nerves a little too much these days...

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Posted on 6/18/2008 7:00:04 PM

Make no bones about it, behind a stiff majority of these "scares" are people who's buddies need a little "government contract" work. I've seen it, many times.

Posted on 6/17/2008 10:50:27 AM

Maybe you should do an article about 10 Ridicules Ways Proved To Be Able To Give You Cancer... Or a Top 100. There are so many silly/weird ones, I promise you!

Posted on 6/17/2008 10:28:37 AM

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Posted on 6/16/2008 8:37:15 AM

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Posted on 6/11/2008 10:32:23 AM

More articles like this on Cracked! Informative and yet very funny stuff.

Posted on 6/9/2008 1:33:02 PM

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Posted on 6/8/2008 11:41:35 PM

I actually had to read Silent Spring my senior year of high school PURE TORTURE damn you Rachael Carson!!

Posted on 6/8/2008 6:10:53 PM

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Posted on 5/26/2008 12:45:24 AM

Hey... Did you know that 90% of the stuff you come into contact with is carcinogenic?? This is not some crap I found on a dodgey site... I actually major in Chemistry!

Posted on 5/13/2008 3:07:59 AM

You really should have included Ralph Nader's take on the VW Beatle. Remember that? The faulty brakes issue? At least we got the Beatle back, but now its water-cooled and not so neat anymore...

Posted on 4/30/2008 3:13:25 PM

The population of Ceylon grew 147,059% in the next six years? Because if the DDT had nothing to do with it that's what you're implying

Posted on 4/27/2008 8:59:41 PM

Another relevant detail to bear in mind with stuff like malaria? Poverty sort of makes that shit matter. There's a wealth of evidence that indicates that general social investment, stuff the "hippy friend" might bitch about, is actually the main determining factor epidemiologically for everything but smallpox and polio. Given that part of the reason the Third World is so poor is due to policies pursued by the First World, that sort of matters. Sri Lanka and India in general are great examples: Amartya Sen's work shows that it was their lack of a social health care system that killed something like 100 million people. So we can have our cake and eat it too: That is, we can be free of dangerous toxins in our water supplies, killing the ecology, and in our food, AND not have a lot of people dying of diseases. Oh, and yeah, I'm also presuming the population of Ceylon grew from 1963 to 1969. Correlation, particularly cherry-picked bookends, does not imply causation. DDT and other pesticides do pose real risks, not only to animals but to people. Yeah, yeah, the cancer risks were probably overblown. That's how early research tends to be. But the chronic toxicity evidence is pretty damn compelling, not to mention that the EPA still doesn't want to say it DOESN'T cause cancer. Yeah, yeah, I know, it's a joke article, the point isn't seriously to make a definitive stance on the DDT topic, but hey, since when has that stopped commenters?

Posted on 4/12/2008 2:23:58 AM

That's a bad comparison, wowgg, considering the post-nine-eleven terrorist hype WAS way overhyped (especially compared to the list of things that are, yes, much more likely to kill you). Bad enough that a crazy-ass elaborate suicide plot involving passenger planes actually succeeded, but the way so many people cashed in on it afterwards and kept the panic going in the streets so they could get away with all sorts of "national security measures" was just sickening. Incidentally however, you are right about DDT and I don't see how a measure that drops such a species-killing bomb on the environment can be justified to save us from mosquitoes. The more we try to make ourselves immortal, the more we end up fucking up everything around us. Aaand that's my pointless rant for the day.

Posted on 4/8/2008 5:59:39 PM

Perhaps consider all the relevant information... DDT use in malaria eradication was reduced a decade before the release of 'Silent Spring' due to the emergence of DDT-resistant mosquitoes http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DDT#Mosquito_resistance_to_DDT

Posted on 4/7/2008 11:11:15 PM

wowgg... the author did not deny that DDT was harmful to some bird species (though fewer than you'd think), then puts it all in perspective by showing how banning the use of DDT did help these 2 or 3 bird species, but resulted in 2.499 million more cases of malaria per year... perspective...

Posted on 4/7/2008 11:53:47 AM

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