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5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen

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#2.
Neurogenesis

As seen in ...
Laboratories around the world.

What is it?
You know all that conversy out there about stem cell research? Well, the whole thing with stem cells is that they can basically be used to re-generate dead cells. Particularly of interest to zombologists like ourselves is neurogenesis, the method by which they can re-grow dead brain tissue.

You can see where this is going.

How it can result in zombies:
You wanted the undead to make an appearance in this article? Well, here you go, you creepy bastards.

Science can pretty much save you from anything but brain death; they can swap out organs but when the brain turns to mush, you're gone. Right?

Well, not for long. They're already able to re-grow the brains of comatose head trauma patients until they wake up and walk around again.

Couple that with the new ability to keep a dead body in a state of suspended animation so that it can be brought back to life later, and soon we'll be able to bring back the dead, as long as we get to them quickly enough.

That sounds great, right? Well, this lab dedicated to "reanimation research" (yes, that's what they call it) explains how the process of "reanimating" a person creates a problem. It causes the brain to die off from the outside in. The outside being the cortex, the nice part of you that makes humans human. That just leaves the part that controls basic motor function and primitive instincts behind.


Reanimation research (artist's rendering)

You don't need the cortex to survive; all you need is the stem and you'll still be able to mindlessly walk and eat and enjoy Grey's Anatomy. This is how chickens can keep walking around after they've been beheaded (including one case where the chicken lived for 18 months without a head).

So, you take a brain dead patient, use these techniques to re-grow the brain stem, and you now have a mindless body shambling around, no thoughts and no personality, nothing but a cloud of base instincts and impulses.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is what we like to call a real, live, undead fucking zombie. So there.

Chances this could cause a zombie apocalypse:
Think about it. Under every legal system in the world, all rights and responsibilities are terminated at death. All it takes is someone with resources and a need for a mindless workforce of totally obedient slave labor.

How long until somebody tries this? We're betting somebody in the world, maybe North Korea, will have a working zombie by Christmas.



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You've just solved world hunger AND the population crisis!!!
The infected dudes and duddettes will go all zombie on us, but after they break into our bases after 28 months of holding them off with crowbars, they'll just lay down and expect us to eat them.
I'm sure we'll find someone willing to franchise this.

Posted on 1/3/2009 11:14:22 AM

Yes, the fire will stop them, but not straightaway. Zombies don't feel pain, they just keep on walking. If you throw molotov cocktails at them, until the things have been completly incinerated, you're gonna end up with a big mob of zombies attacking you, while on fire!
That's just making things worse for yourself...

Posted on 1/1/2009 4:54:40 PM

I would like to add one thought on to this: how would we stop these zombies?
We aren't even sure if shooting a zombie in the head would kill it (unless you know where the stem is and shoot at that)!
I say we all learn how to make molotov cocktails, because when a mob of zombies come to attack us, your gonna want a big fire to cook their brains.

Posted on 12/30/2008 6:05:41 PM

this would be the best way for the world to end. :]

Posted on 12/29/2008 10:35:37 PM

heh...if this does happen, which is lookin like it won't, i'm just gonna say f**k it and shoot myself...lol, save the zombies some work

Posted on 12/27/2008 10:57:28 PM

heh...if this does happen, which is lookin like it won't, i'm just gonna say f**k it and shoot myself...lol, save the zombies some work

Posted on 12/27/2008 10:57:21 PM

Why the f**k does science do this to us?

Posted on 12/21/2008 7:03:10 PM

I think that one day a worker or someone might just walk out with one of those rats or bugs and he will get bit then what the f**k are we going to do

Posted on 12/20/2008 4:14:00 PM

uhhh... yeah. taxoplasma gondii doesn't *take over* the brain, per se, it more like modifies (or more like destroys, apparently) the amygdala (emotion center) of the rat's brain. so it's not that the parasite *controls* the rat so much as simply makes the rat unable to differentiate between normally fear-inducing stimuli. so the rat acts of it's own accord, albeit a messed-up, dysfunctional accord.

Posted on 12/10/2008 2:06:31 PM

um... nanobots are sexyœ

Posted on 12/10/2008 11:57:24 AM

one time i touched a zombie and got raped real bad (masterbates)

Posted on 12/3/2008 11:39:00 AM

alicehuang002

I just found some of he photos on another rich woman seeking fun site****** W e a l t h y s o u l M a t e .C O M ********** , but my question is what he is doing with such a service.

Posted on 12/3/2008 5:22:46 AM

A zombie apocalypse is the coolest kind of apocalypse.

Posted on 11/29/2008 3:02:49 AM

A zombie apocalypse is the coolest kind of apocalypse.

Posted on 11/29/2008 3:02:49 AM

The real reason Nanobots are a bad idea:

"Are you my mummy?"

Posted on 11/28/2008 10:15:29 PM

This stuff is scary, I've been afraid of zombies ever since I went on that stupid ride at a carnival when I was six. :P I really like the way you guys describe everything, it's funny and for the most part accurate. I'm doing a "Zombie-Like Diseases" website in my website design class and I really appreciate the information you guys have put into my little mind. :] Toxoplasmosa Gondii sounds like a hell of a parasite, I'll be sure to avoid my cats now, haha.

Posted on 11/26/2008 4:58:05 AM

Whaddaya mean it COULD happen? Have you seen the election results? LOTS of brain-dead bastards in the USA ALREADY !!!!

Posted on 11/25/2008 3:23:39 PM

Mad Cow Disease? Epic Fail. I watched a show with a young girl with MCD. Should couldn't use the bathroom on her own, walk, or talk, let alone catch someone and then eat their brain.

Weaponized materials, I could totally buy...but what would be the gain of creating a zombie-making weapon, when they could just as easily make an airborne toxin that dies quickly outside of the host, and just makes them dead really fast? Sounds like the safer bet to me. They probably already have it sitting on a shelf somewhere.

Posted on 11/23/2008 7:41:30 PM

Sorry for debunking the #5 reason, but toxoplasmosa gondii can do to your brain is turn it to mush. It's one of the many things that AIDS can do to you.

Posted on 11/23/2008 3:49:27 PM

stupid. so your saying that this parasite, which spreads by infecting an animal lower on the food chain and "programming" it to be eaten by a predator is going to just "evolve" and infect humans? How will they spread then? Will they direct us to the nearest airport and have us all fly to the african wilderness to be eaten by lions? No, you're saying that for some reason they will just make the host go berserk and kill others of its kind, something completely against the nature of the parasite. fool.

Posted on 11/20/2008 7:33:53 PM

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