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We'd like to point out that we're aware of the fact that some of the cartoons listed below did not originate in the '80s. However, they were on during the '80s, that's when we watched them, so they're '80s cartoons to us. It's like when we refer to bedwetting as "late '90s behavior." Without further ado... ![]() LESSON: Communism works! For naysayers who point to the Former Soviet Union as proof that communism is inherently flawed, may we merely direct your attention to Smurf Village, where everyone shares everything, wears similar utilitarian clothing, battles Gargamel and his turn-Smurfs-to-gold get rich quick schemes and obeys the dictates of a bearded, red hat-wearing, benevolent authority figure. Quoth Comrade Papa: "From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs." Really, he actually said that. How it affected us as adults: Secret communist agendas ceased being dangerous, or really any adjective of consequence, years ago. The worst thing communism does these days is make Ivy League students waste a couple of years wearing ugly clothes and attending boring meetings. However, the sexual politics of Smurf Village, with its one female for every 30 guys, did go a long way towards preparing us for freshman year of college. ![]() LESSON: Spinach is good for you. Sure, it doesn't taste as good as candy, ice cream or opium, but it' full of essential vitamins and minerals that'll make your muscles explode like battleship cannons. If you want to triumph over the bullying Blutos of the world and win the affections of your own lovely, leggy Olive Oyl, pound a can of spinach at least once a day. Or put it in your corncob pipe and smoke it, like everybody' favorite ornery, mumbling sailorman. Toot toot! How it affected us as adults: You only need to look at the steroid scandal rocking Major League Baseball to see that Popeye raised a generation that is willing to use performance enhancers. Also, it should be pointed out that Olive Oyl was the first anorexic sex symbol. |
I haven't gotten much done. Basically nothing noteworthy going on right now, but shrug. I can't be bothered with anything recently. I guess it doesn't bother me. Maybe tomorrow. I feel like a bunch of nothing.
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jem and smurfette are hot
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Abortion should be, should not be kept legal
Sportspeople are, are not our Rolemodels
I haven't gotten anything done today. My life's been dull today, but shrug. I can't be bothered with anything recently, but oh well. I've just been sitting around doing nothing. What can I say? So it goes.
I haven't gotten much done recently. I don't care. My life's been basically boring these days. Whatever. More or less nothing exciting going on lately, but pfft.
See comic book illustrations of classic literature at the Adam Smith Academy: http://www.adamsmithacademy.org
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I can't be bothered with anything recently. I've pretty much been doing nothing to speak of. Not that it matters.
Parents have no right in spanking you - Or do they? That could be another persuasive speech topic
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Prisons treat, don't treat prisoners too well
I'm still waiting for Popeye to ass-rape Olive Oyl, then her return the favor with a strap-on!
My mind is like a fog, not that it matters. I just don't have much to say these days. That's how it is. I haven't been up to anything recently.
Really funny article. I liked it, especially about the Smurfs (Communism works!). However, no one will be able to see this message because of all the damn spambots and their messages! Seriously Cracked, can't we do something about this?
Seriously, all you need is duct tape.
So disturbing this article should have its own unsettling PSA.
Sure, all infomercials are goofy. But, some are just sad.
We've embedded our five favorite moments of drug-fueled hilarity for your viewing pleasure.
We probably would've been better off not knowing.
They probably won't get a movie any time soon.
Our monsters are kind of lame, comparatively.
Gamers are a vengeful god.
Cracked.com's Headitor, (that's "Head Editor" shortened to just one word, Sports Fans, and you're welcome), Jack O'Brien called all of the bloggers for a very important meeting. Even Cracked and W ...
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iWaffle
Stupid Popeye, why can't yu just have a can of waffles?! I Mean, Sheesh!