Since before Shakespeare asked if he should "compare thee to a summers day," songsmiths have endeavored to paint that perfect picture of their lovers, to capture the joys and agonies of courtship, all with the ultimate goal of convincing women to do acrobatic things to their nether regions.
But with the advent of the modern day rock groupie, whose job description it is to do acrobatic things to the nether regions of anyone capable of growing their hair to shoulder-length, it's apparently become too damn easy for musicians to get laid. Just look at the following list of ten love song lyrics that are sure to get you slapped this Valentine's Day.
I don't mean to sound degradin',
But with a face like that you got nothin' to laugh about."
Rod Stewart making comments on someone else's looks? That's pretty rich, Roderick.
It's a good rule of thumb that anything you could possibly say to a women following the phrase, "I don't mean to sound degradin', but..." is good for a trip directly to dry-penis-ville.
don't tell, won't tell...
if you pick me then ima pick on you,
d-o-double g and I'm here to put this dick on you."
Snoop sure knows how to make a lady feel special. He starts off by describing how he's going to kidnap his love interest and take her to a ho sale, which sounds more like some sort of forced slave auction than anything very romantic. From there he immediately tells the girl not to tell on him, which has an incredibly creepy, Kevin Bacon in Sleepers vibe to it. Just an all around poor performance from one of hip-hop's favorite misogynists. And also, Snoop, we're pretty sure it's "in" and not "on," unless we've been doing things wrong all these years.
By the dark glass on your eyes
Though your flesh has crystallized;
Still...you turn me on.
Every day a little sadder,
A little madder,
Someone get me a ladder."
Wow this is creepy. Is the ladder for the girl you keep in the hole in your basement?
Between the parted pages and were pressed,
In love's hot, fevered iron,
Like a striped pair of pants."
There's not much we can say here. Just read it over a couple of times. Yes, this song is the ACME of bad lyrics, but this particular passage is breathtaking. 'Yes babe, you remind me of my wrinkly pants.'