5 Things About Vikings That We Get All Wrong

Unfortunately, thanks to centuries of misinformation in scholarly histories and in popular culture, most people suffer from a variety of misconceptions about the Vikings, from who they were to when they were active to what, exactly, they did.

Authors
By
Published
Comments
Comments 8

The big secret revealed by 1980s problematic classic Revenge of the Nerds was that dorks make the best lovers.  Now, sure, that “problematic” label involved one of our heroes dressing up as one of cinema's most menacing villians in order to trick a high school girl into having sex with him. Without her knowing. Which, just so we're clear, is rape. Rape Rape Rape. Bad nerd.

That’s movie's success is no surprise, given that 80s bullies were especially egregious and 80s nerds were especially sadsack. Cracked favorite The Goonies features a near murder when the coolest Goonie gets thrown off a cliff. The Karate Kid features Johnny and gang nearly beating Daniel-san to death. So it's no surprise all these nerds wanted their righteous revenge. However, historically speaking, it's more than a little off-base. Allow us to introduce you to this pantheon of celebrity shlubs who claim to excel in the romance department.

THOMAS MIDDLEITCH CRICHARD HENDRICKS) Middleitch told his wife he'd need an open marriage to satisfy all his cravings. I just like it. I'm sexual. ca

MATTHEW LEWIS (NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM) CRACKED cO COM I never wanted to put myself in the limelight as any kind of attractive actor or heartthrob or what

LEONARD NIMOY CMISTER SPOCK CRACKED COM A young woman asked Nimoy, Are you aware that you are the source of erotic dream material for thousands and t

JERRY LEWIS CRACKEDCON The man-child comic lost his virginity at 12 to a stripper who performed with a snake. Lewis confessed that he banged anyone I

Get the Cracked Daily Newsletter!

We've got your morning reading covered.

JAMES CORDEN CRACKEDGO COM Not traditionally handsome? Not a problem. If you're young, straight, English and in the hottest play in New York City, yo

JALEEL WHITE STEVE URKEL) CRACKEDcO COM Urkel's Dancing with the Stars partner was smitten. He walked in and he was sexy and all buff and I was like,

FRANK BANK (LUMPY RUTHERFORD) CRACKEDOO Leave it to Beaver's 'Big Dumpy Lumpy' bedded more than 1,000 women in an apartment he called a drive-thru se

ED SHEERAN CRACKEDc Redheaded guys are pretending to be Sheeran for sex. There are a lot of ginger dudes in England who are using me. You know what,

DUSTIN DIAMOND (SCREECH) CRACKEDCO Diamond claims a romantic past in the quadruple digits. Is it bragging to say I've banged over two thousand chicks

DAVID SCHWIMMER CROSS GELLER) CRACKEDCON Placed top ten in Playgirl Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive.

DAVID FAUSTINO (BUD BUNDY) CRACKEDCO Donna, Tiffany, Chanel, Heather, Stacy, Eva, Shanti, Becky, Breeze, Trea, and more. When you're a celebrity, you

DANNY BONADUCE (DANNY PARTRIDGE) CRACKEDCO Bonaduce made tabloid headlines for mixing it up with prostitutes, posing for Penthouse, and being hopeless

CHRIS KATTAN CRACKED COM Kattan claims that Night at the Roxbury director Amy Heckerling wouldn't stay with the film unless he agreed to give up the M

BURT WARD CROBIN THE BOY WONDER) R CRACKEDG Ward and Adam West became sexual vampires. Thousands of young women were inseminated with our Batsp*rm ou

ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL CRACKEDC CONT Film producer Bruce Edwin: He's got a certain magic and power about him with women that is just unbelievable. I me

Tags

Forgot Password?