Those Moments That Make BS Meters Spike

Cracked pays people to make smart memes. Visit the Photoplasty and Pictofacts Workshop to get in on it.

We don't get out much, but we're pretty sure the polite thing to do, when we inevitably have to deal with people, is to patiently listen to them talk without judgment. The thing is, there are some things people say that set off our bullshit detector. And nobody has time for bullshit.

So we figured we'd ask our readers what phrases they instantly classify as garbage, the second they hear them. Here's what they told us.

39 Entry by Michael West

I don't mean to sound racist... TRANSLATION: I'm racist as hell, but won't openly admit it.

38 Entry by G.W.LemonFresca

I'M NOT MEAN, I'M JUST BRUTALLY HONEST. NOPE, I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'RE JUST MEAN.

37 Entry by Michael West

CRAGKEDOON I.M. Celebrity @randomcelebrity Last night I tweeted a joke about special needs Asian Americans. I'm sorry if I offended anyone. 12:14 PM.

36 Entry by K. Haeg

If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know. THINGS TO DO: 00006 You know as well as I do that there's a laundry list of things you could

35 Entry by Cracked Plasticians

The minute someone says to me, I'M AN ENTREPRENECR. my immediate reaction is, yeah, right. CRAGKED CON

34 Entry by Moses Armstrong

When I hear Vinyl just sounds better. See, analogue blah blah digital yadda yadda blah, Nh tenr I completely check out. Nobody believes that you can

33 Entry by Lornie Aswila Jeffrey Lausin

Whenever someone goes on a rant and ends it with Just saying, I assume it was full of crap and they're scared of being held responsible for whatever

32 Entry by Quinton Darby

Whenever an employer tells me about the cool things they have/do We've got beer in the vending machine and our top sellers get a free trip to the Baha

31 Entry by Moses Armstrong

IT'S NOT MY NORMAL THING, BUT I REALLY LIKED YOUR BAND! THANKS FOR BeInGy POLITE, GUESS, BUT noBoDy WHO HAS ever SAID THIS HAS ever REALLY meant IT.

30 Entry by Chan Teik Onn

CRACKEDCON Your work lacks WOW factor. WOWG Wow, that's really ambiguous feedback. You're basically telling me that you dislike my work but can't be

29 Entry by PookieJones

When someone says: What did you expect, I'm a . e F w I know any reasonable discussion is out the window. CRAUNS

28 Entry by Daniel Fraizer

As soon as I hear someone say Well, just know I realize, No, they don't. CRACKEDOONT

27 Entry by Chan Teik Onn

I'm going to give it my 1000%! If you use more than 100% to measure effort, you're essentially talking out of your ass and I won't have any reason t

26 Entry by Moses Armstrong

When F hear The problem with this country is that nobody disciplines their children anymore!' USTICE all 1 think is that you really, really like hitt

25 Entry by Karen Jones

CRACKEDcO COM You're lucky you brought it in when you did! Since this is almost always followed by a laundry list of expensive parts that could self-d

24 Entry by Chan Teik Onn

If you begin your argument with: This might sound stupid... I'l just assume you're right and stop taking your ideas seriously. CRACKED COM

23 Entry by ron saito

If someone says, I'm a people pleaser, I'm betting nothing they say or do will please me. CRACKED COM

22 Entry by Lornie Aswila Jeffrey Lausin

Someone telling me about a business opportunity said this gem: This is not a pyramid scheme. Thanks for the heads up. Now I am 100% certain it's a

21 Entry by Evan Noyes

CRACKEDCON Any time I see a post on an anonymous message board start with... As a black man, ...I assume it's actually a white guy about to say someth

20 Entry by Moses Armstrong

'FYO TELL Me yo WORR ON THE SiDe AS A FREELANCE PHOTOSRAPHER, THE WORUD'S FASTEST CAMERA WON'T Be ABLE TO CATCH HOW FAST MY eyes ROLL. CRACKEDOON

19 Entry by ShortUsername01

When I said that about I didn't mean including you! Does your statement follow from the CRACKED.COM very definition of that grou

18 Entry by DontCallMeDude

If someone tries to tell me I know Kung Fu. I'll tell them they're Kung Full of shit because people just don't go bragging about it if they really d

17 Entry by Eileen Mitchell

CRACKED.CON Whenever someone uses the phrase: reducing my carbon footprint, I automatically assume they are pretentious and think that by eating kal

16 Entry by Markos Hasiotis

Celebrities shouldn't talk about politics! I guarantee you're only saying that because the celebrity expressed an opinion that you don't agree with.

15 Entry by Moses Armstrong

NOTHING MARES ME MORE SURE THAT A PERSON is BNOXIUS CRACN THAN THEM TeLLING Me THeY'Re THE FONNY ONE AT WORR.

14 Entry by Mike Kohnke

CRACKED.COM When someone says Don't believe them, they're all lying- here's what really happened... It's usually just the opposite.

13 Entry by Gino Reyes

Anyone who says I don't want drama. often probably starts a lot of drama. CRACREIDON

12 Entry by ron saito

When someone says, I'm a people person, I'm sure I'll spend the next hour listening to them talk about themselves.

11 Entry by Harvey Sapigao

I always doubt someone's sincerity when they say sorry to me in public. SORRY TI Why don't you apologize to me privately, instead of putting on a show

10 Entry by Gino Reyes

Anyone who introduces themselves as an influencer makes me think they're d freeloader. CRAGKEDOON

9 Entry by Chan Teik Onn

Whenever someone compliments my appearance, telling me WOw, you look great today!' I'll be anticipating the favor they're about to ask and reject it.

8 Entry by PookieJones

CRACKED CON Whoever brags about not owning a TV, can only get a sarcastic sure from me.

7 Entry by PookieJones

When anyone dubs themselves a jack of all trades' and boasts about never needing to hire a professional, for anything from electricity to web design,

6 Entry by Vikram Goenka

When someone casually says This is my last cigarette. I am pretty sure it's not even the last for the day. CRACKEDco

5 Entry by Moses Armstrong

CRACKEDG COM THE MORE INSISTeNT yo ARE THAT YOU'RE TOTALLY SeP-MADe VIS 127275N THE MORE Sre IL Be THAT you HAD EUeRYTHINNG in LiFe HANDED TO you.

4 Entry by ron saito

If someone tells me they're writing a screenplay, I think they're just looking for an excuse to hang out at a coffee shop.

3 Entry by PollyDarton

When someone spouts off a bunch of nonsense and offers no proof but tells you ITHERES THIS THING CALLED GOOGLE, FIND THE ANSWERS YOURSELf. I instantl

2 Entry by K. Haeg

CRot If someone at work brags that they are, a really good big picture person,... F Plecsrdo moru Gevernmentis Crashing the Internet Party TERDrCh B

1 Entry by Mave Gibson

When someone says: I'M NOT TRYING TO BE A JERK BUT... My immediate thought is: you DON'T HAVE TO TRY, IT JUST COMES NATUIRALLY CRACKED CON

Must Read

PICTOFACT

36 Celebrities Who Behaved Like Walking Turds

Extravagant parties, ridiculous demands, hate-fueled rants and criminal acts! What more do you want from us?!

Authors: By Jay L'Ecuyer, Cracked Writers
Published: December 04, 2023
Comments: 2

PICTOFACT

31 Impossible Scenarios That Terrify You Anyway

We aren’t responsible for you developing any new phobias as a result of reading this

Authors: By Cracked Plasticians
Published: December 04, 2023
Comments: 364

New Catholic Rob Schneider Doesn’t Know If He Can Still Tell Dirty Jokes

No more ‘whipping my dick out’ for Schneider

Authors: By Matt Solomon
Published: December 04, 2023
Comments: 7

PICTOFACT

34 Little Ways We Learned to Make Our Day a Little Better

As they say, it’s the little things that matter most

Authors: By Brian C. Miller, Cracked Writers
Published: December 04, 2023
Comments: 11

Matt Rife Is Such A Great Comic That He Needs Jordan Peterson to Explain Why He’s Funny

Rife reached out to appear on the controversial conservative commentators podcast where they discussed Rife’s comedy with all the humor of a root-canal treatment

Authors: By Keegan Kelly
Published: December 04, 2023
Comments: 8

The Four Worst Canadian Comedies to Leak Across the Border

Even John Candy couldn’t save these Canuck stinkers

Authors: By Matt Solomon
Published: December 04, 2023
Comments: 2