"I had to ask 'Leon' (her then-husband) what had happened, and he had to tell me," Jessica said. "I was just in disbelief. I thought there was no way I could've actually done this. I thought a) chicks don't shoot themselves, and b) I'm really cute! Cute people don't shoot themselves! It turns out that was about the tenth time he had had to explain everything. I feel so guilty about that -- making him explain, over and over. It was so difficult for him."
When waiting to see if your spouse survives the night isn't quite stressful enough.
That was early in the treatment, but the pattern continued. Her family kept having to explain her own suicide attempt to her again and again, like they were all living in a sadistic Groundhog Day. Once she woke up with her parents beside her, just before a nurse gave her a shot of pain medicine. Jessica didn't even realize she was in a hospital. She just thought it was a stranger sticking a needle in her arm while her mom and dad watched, and did nothing.
"The medication made me throw up. And they hadn't done the surgery to remove the mangled pieces of my tongue yet, so I threw up my tongue. And I'm crying and I can't talk so my mom gave me paper -- I still have this paper -- I wrote down 'Mom please take me to the hospital. I have insurance.'"
We... will take her word for it.