The Soviet Union first ate Estonia in 1939, as part of the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact. But Estonia regained its independence in 1991. According to one school of thought, Vladimir Putin's main life goal is to reunite the severed nations of the USSR. And last October, a Russian warplane violated Estonia's airspace ... for the fourth time.

Royal Air Force

"The only thing really comforting me in this is the knowledge that nobody in the west wants a war in their yard, the further away they keep the 'shit + a fan' thing from their borders, the better for them."

But if Putin's poop does head for a European fan in the next few years, there's a fair chance it'll splatter onto Estonia.

Estonia's conscript army isn't supposed to be a deterrent. It's meant to prepare regular citizens for a potential war with Russia, where they'd be work with NATO forces and fight as insurgents against vastly superior firepower. They're looking at how Vietnam went for the Viet Cong and thinking, "OK, how do we prep for that ahead of time?"

"Whatever unit or position you will be assigned to in the future, the first three months are the same infantry training for everyone. Most important stuff is discipline and knowing how to survive -- how to find your way from point A to B without a map and/or a compass, how to keep out of sight, putting on full camouflage of twigs and earth the first thing when going on any sort of a mission. [That] was a big surprise to the members of U.S. Army stationed here, because they don't need to concentrate on that. For them, it's a Special Forces thing. All that sort of stuff. First aid is also very important during that time."

Estonia hosts "war games" every single weekend. These are an occasional requirement for the 25,400 volunteers of the Estonian Defense League, which is basically a militarized Rotary Club. Attending one means going through 24 hours of competition to "find the medical herbs," "assemble the machine-gun," and "lie in wait for the convoy of enemy soldiers." It's like larruping Metal Gear Solid, only with the horrifying specter of imminent war looming over your every action.

Hendrik says this is "good fuel for the Russian propaganda machine that already blames their economic state on the west and the sanctions put onto them for Ukraine."

He's afraid that more NATO forces will just build public support in Russia for an eventual invasion of Estonia. As many as 85 percent of the Russian people support the annexation of Crimea, so it's entirely possible that Hendrik's right. If NATO keeps stationing troops in Estonia, the Russian government may take that as provocation. And if NATO and the U.S. pull back, Putin may take that as a tacit blessing.

Kremlin

"But Cracked," you say, "the U.S. would never let an ally be invaded without stepping up in their defense."

To which we say ...

Politico

We asked Hendrik if he'd seen any signs of that. Back in 2007, "There was a Soviet-era monument in the center of Tallinn that the government decided to relocate, because over the years it had created too much tension between local Russians and some of the more nationalistic Estonians."

The government wanted to move the monument, a statue of a soldier, to a military cemetery. The whole country harbored pretty strong feelings about that -- and by pretty strong, we mean:

NBC News

"That turned into three days of riots in Tallinn, nothing that has ever been seen in Estonia before. Just days before the riots there was a big rise in Russians entering Estonia, many of whom had connections to the group that organized the riots. The leaders of the group have close connections to Kremlin and the group itself was funded by it."

It's hard to discern the truth of that allegation -- the President of Estonia officially backs it up -- but it's also not like the Estonian government came off looking like a rose, either. There were some allegations of police brutality during the riots, and that's putting it lightly. But whether or not Russia sent in provocateurs, they certainly sent in tanks:

Wall Street Journal

According to NATO, those are unmarked Russian tanks entering Ukraine -- an allegation that Putin, of course, denies. He also denies the Russian cyber attack that knocked out Estonia's digital infrastructure for three straight weeks.

"The event also triggered the creation of the NATO Cyber Warfare Center here in Tallinn, after attacks on Estonian governmental and media servers came from Russia during it all."

stefanomele.it

That was actually the most powerful attack in the history of cyber warfare and it took the most wired nation in Europe completely offline. Estonians -- who relied on Skype more than their phone service, which was even voted over the internet -- were utterly disoriented. Just imagine how you'd feel if your smartphone abruptly bricked for a month. The lack of access to puppy GIFs alone would send most of us spiraling into madness.