6 Realities Of Life When Your Mom Is A Working Prostitute

Felicia was stuck with that mystery for a while, because "Hey Mom, I was just wondering if you have sex with people for money" isn't exactly cool dinner table talk.

PublicDomainPictures/Pixabay "Great sauce. Oh, by the way ..."

But one night, "they were talking about a client that had been a bit creepy," she says. "I thought it was weird that she would call people 'clients' if they were just at her table in the casino, and when talking about other clients, she seemed to know them better than a croupier would, and that's when it kind of clicked ... After she got off the phone, I went to her room and just asked her outright if she worked as a prostitute. Subtlety was not my strong point back then."

Thankfully, her mom wasn't caught completely off-guard: "Apparently, she had been planning on telling me for a while, as she thought I was old enough to know."

erwo1/iStock To be fair, most parenting books do not cover that conversation.

Wherever Felicia's mother went, her occupation went with her. "We had to take precautions, like not going to certain cafes that were her clients regular spots," she says. "She worked in a neighboring town, so when we went there to shop or something, we didn't actively avoid places or wear disguises or something, but it was a worry that we would meet someone, or that someone would find out who she was in real life (as she used a fake name, obviously, at work) and try to blackmail her."

pecaphoto77/iStock The last thing you need while spending time with your kid is someone shouting, "Hey Sapphire, over here!"

It wasn't a paranoid delusion; that happened once. "When my year 13 ball came around, we were both worried that some of the fathers of my classmates would be her clients, as she worked in the same town as my school and I went to school with people who had a lot of money and so could afford that kind of service. Thankfully, Mum did not recognize any of my [fellow] students' fathers -- but she did recognize the security guard, and he recognized her. Thankfully, he didn't say anything, but there was some awkward eye contact before he waved us in. After we had gotten inside, I asked her why he acted weird, and she told me that he was a client."

In case you thought your school dances were embarrassing.

Sex work is legal in New Zealand, which meant Felicia's mom and her family never had to worry about her getting arrested, but it also meant she had a legitimate workplace. That had its upsides and downsides. Take Your Daughter to Work Day was generally ignored, but "I spent a bit of time, actually, in brothels," Felicia says. "Sometimes Mum would have to [stop] in on the way home from school to pick things up, and I would go with her."

Felicia took an anthropological view of the experience. "Coincidentally, this was my first time seeing any sort of sex toy. They were displayed in cabinets in the reception area." She also got to know some of her mother's co-workers, which "was kinda awkward, as they were all just dressed in corsets, but they were all really nice."

Denis83/iStock "Your mom and I work together ..." is a weird conversation to have with someone brandishing a riding crop.

Thanks to some life events that left them living in their car for about a week, Felicia even showered at the brothel a few times. Yes, New Zealand brothels have showers. "This is probably one of the weirdest and most awkward experiences of my life," Felicia says about it. "Apart from the obvious things of, you know, being in a brothel at all, there was also porn playing (my first experience of such a thing), so I had to stand in the room with my mother and try to ignore it while we took turns showering. My mother, being the cool person she is, said that it was fine if I wanted to watch it while I waited. This did not make it any less awkward."

That self-imposed pressure took a huge toll: "[I] felt that the only thing that I could spend less time on was sleep or eating time, so that's what I did." As anyone who's ever gone to work hungover could've told you, this had some downsides. "I did get sick at one point continuously for two months during mock [practice] exams, as I was really tired and refused to take time off."

"I really don't know how I managed not to have a breakdown," she says, and she still has a hard time shaking those habits. "I am still a perfectionist to this day in almost everything I do." That's probably not exactly how you expected the child of a sex worker to be screwed up in the head, but there you go. Parental issues are beautifully infinite in their variety.

Whereas most teenagers stay out late while their parents watch the clock, the situation was flipped for Felicia. It's just as well; she had a lot of homework to do.

"I also used to spend some time in the hotels that she worked in," Felicia says. "She would get a room with two beds, and I would stay in the other one, and when she had a client, I would have to go and wait in the car until they were done." Walking into, overhearing, or otherwise knowing your parents are having sex somewhere is every teenager's nightmare, and it was a regular reality for Felicia.

ImageegamI/iStock All those hours at school are starting to look a lot more appealing.

"It did make me uncomfortable being in the hotels, but it started to become normal very quickly," she says. "I never had an argument about mum's job even if I wanted to, as I knew that what she did was hard on her and I didn't want to put any more pressure on, especially since it was mostly for me that she was doing it. I just internalized any anger I may have had, as she needed someone to be supportive."

"On the positive side, my mother and I are very comfortable talking about sex or anything, should I want to," Felicia notes. She's extremely good at finding silver linings.

Think about how often you've heard people throw around jokes about dead hookers. Now imagine hearing that as a teenager who's just found out Mom is one (uh, one of the latter, not the former).

KatarzynaBialasiewicz/iStock It doesn't help teenage anxiety when there's a mile-long list of stories telling you your parent will be killed.

"Yes, my friends have made derogatory jokes or comments about sex workers," Felicia says. "I never really confronted them, and would instead just kinda go quiet and disengage from the conversation ... At times, I would challenge their assumptions, like if they were saying that all sex workers were drug addicts or were somehow immoral because of their jobs."

It's all but impossible for Felicia to sit down and take in a stupid rom-com without being reminded of what the world thinks of her mother. "The job is either treated as a joke or the worst thing in the world," she says. "If a prostitute is ever a main character, like in Pretty Women, then it is always in spite of their job. They are able to rise above their occupation to still be a good person, as if the job automatically defines someone as immoral and a bad person. Crime shows are also a minefield, as all detective shows, from CSI to Bones, have multiple episodes where a prostitute is killed, and everyone is shocked as she was 'such a nice girl,' as if her job changes that fact." To be fair to the crime shows, she says, "the prevalence of prostitutes as murder victims may just be art imitating life, rather than an easy target for an interesting story."

miriam-doerr/iStock It doesn't help that reality has just as disposable a view of sex workers as pop culture.

"I don't think many people would really notice how often they are mentioned in passing in everyday life," Felicia says. But she does, because to this day, "it can leave me feeling off and uncomfortable for the next few hours."

Even a group outing to see Deadpool turned out to be a shitty time: "Basically, the love interest of the main character is a prostitute, and although she is not treated too badly because of it, there were a few slightly disparaging comments made ... Although it's a good movie, I can't bring myself to rewatch it." Quite possibly the saddest part of this entire story.

Manna tweets, maybe.

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For more insider perspectives, check out 5 Ways Life As A Prostitute Is Nothing Like You Expect and 5 Myths About Prostitutes I Believed (Until I Was One).

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