Unfortunately, Deputy Samuels ended up losing the car after it turned down a side road. But by then, he had all he needed.
"I soon had several officers, a K-9, and our helicopter in the area, and gave out the guy's description. A few minutes later, the helo relayed that they saw the group hiding in some woods. After a short foot pursuit, all three were detained. It was a positive ID on my robber. Also, the second male was wanted for a stabbing in my area and later turned out to be good for a murder in a nearby neighboring jurisdiction."
Well then, there you go: further proof that crime fighting can be a family affair. Even Batman does it.
Your Vices Will Be Used Against You
"Playing off a guy's lust and greed usually works," Deputy Samuels told us, as we frantically closed the many porn and gambling tabs we had open while talking to him. "We had one case where the target we were after was known to use various friend-finding apps to locate nearby sexual partners. The new guy drew the short straw and installed one on his phone, and with the cooperation of the target's ex-boyfriend, we located the suspect's username, happily beaming his GPS coordinates. We piled into a transport van and were parked nearby, inviting the target to join us on a 'date.'"
"List your turn-ons as 'handcuffs' and turn-offs as 'concealed firearms.'"
And he did actually wind up on a date that night: with justice.
Money works, too: "If a target has been recently released from jail, we contact a relative saying we're with the accounting section of prisoner services. 'There was an error in (fill in the blank)'s discharge and we have a positive balance on his commissary fund. Can you provide a good mailing address to your darling relative?' Not many people can turn down free money."
So if we've learned anything from this article, it is this: When you're a fugitive from the law, you can't trust your friends, money, sex, the outside world -- not even your dog. It's just not worth it.
Cezary Jan Strusiewicz is a Cracked columnist, interviewer, and editor. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow him on Twitter.
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