Up to this point, the shit endured by our plucky farm hand has been metaphorical. But, rest assured, there's plenty of the literal kind, too:
"Some of the really huge farms in the Midwest -- the 80,000 head-strong herd of beef or dairy cows -- actually use a processed form of manure to bed down the pack. It sounds gross, I know, but it's really nice! Not only is it super environmentally friendly, but it's great for the cows, too, since cows on cement tend to develop pretty bad foot problems."
Jaime Gonzalez/iStock/Getty Images
You ever try to put Nikes on a hoof?
Smaller dairy farms have their fair share of crap, too. "At any given time, there would be 50 to 60 cows in the milking herd, and, as I said, we kept them in a pack barn lean. The setup of that is a thick, saw shavings-bedded area covered by a large sloped roof and two side-sliding doors that opened into a big concrete fenced area. On the opposite side of the bedded area was the feed alley, where the cow's food was placed. Since they pretty much just ate all day, they would stand on that end and poop and pee as they ate, causing a pretty big river of nasty to run down to the eloquently named 'shit-pit.'"
You may know them by their other name: "Detroit public pools."
The cows have a lot of shit, but they don't seem to give much of it: "The cows never seemed to be bothered by this kind of stuff. I have seen them literally spew diarrhea all over their neighbor's face, and neither one would stop eating. We cleaned as often as we could, but visitors were ALWAYS shocked when a cow would just let loose in front of them. The kids always broke into laughs, and adults would either laugh or be grossed out and look away."
And the cows aren't the only ones taking beige showers. "One time, the cows got out. While chasing the last one in, I fell into the thankfully recently emptied shit-pit and went up to my waist in the week's waste. For the record, T-Mobile does count this as water damage, and it will void your warranty."
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The bill was a just a poop emoji with a dollar sign.
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