They were going to use chastity belts, but they were too noisy.
The other kinds of cheating you see in movies (everything from card counting to bringing a goddamn mirror or prism to steal glances at the dealer's cards) aren't illegal at all -- and are only sometimes against the casino's rules. The worst thing that can happen is them asking you to leave, and maybe notifying other casinos. You can usually even keep the money you won, depending on whether you crossed the line between "cleverly gaining an advantage" and "outright theft."
Dylan has dealt with two corpses. One was a man who left the bathroom on the way back to the table and then collapsed, the other a slot machine player who slumped over and fell out of his chair. Of course, people can die anywhere, but in most places, it causes kind of a stir. At the casino, the other patrons went on walking around or over the bodies on the way to the next game. "Whether or not they realized he was dead, I don't know," says Dylan. "If they did, they wouldn't act any differently. Because acting differently changes your luck. Everyone knows that."
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"Stop that CPR shit; I'm on a five-roll streak since he stopped breathing."
The autopsies said "stroke" and "heart attack," and not "death by keno" or "shot by a one-armed bandit," so the casino might not feel too guilty about those incidents. Other deaths are a little more directly connected with gambling. Patrons often talk to dealers about killing themselves, usually after losing next month's rent betting on red. The casino responds, because while they do little to deter excessive gambling (hell, they do plenty to encourage it), there's a limit to their indifference. Plus, there's a real chance that the gambler will try committing suicide on the property itself, which is bad for business.
"Just before I started," says Tanya, "a guy jumped from the top of the parking garage. He drove in, went straight to the top, and jumped headfirst. Died instantly. One of my old bosses told me it didn't really hit him until he found brain matter on his shoe later." Dylan's casino had a failed suicide attempt -- a gambler got out onto the ledge of their parking garage before being pulled back and later getting taken to the hospital.
He saw the other patients' bills, and suddenly his gambling losses seemed like no big deal.
When dealers at Dylan's casino hear gamblers talk of offing themselves, they call the police, who send a trained person to talk them down. Tanya has had to wind up talking down suicidal customers herself; once, she had a long talk and a cry with a woman whose gambling losses topped off a whole string of problems, from abusive relationships to her husband leaving her for a teenager. That woman still comes to gamble now and again, which, believe it or not, led her to find a new boyfriend: one of the house's manic resident tweekers. So see, it's totally possible to leave the casino a winner!
Ryan Menezes is an editor and interviewer here at Cracked. Follow him on Twitter for stuff cut from articles and other things no one should see.
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