Wayne had previously done nothing but pot, but his colleagues introduced him to LSD and ecstasy. And so began a period of pretending he was stationed at Ibiza, "Partying with people who would take 10 to 12 hits of X along with 10 to 12 hits of acid and candy flip all night."
Drug use is of course as illegal in the army as it is mandatory at Cracked, but the random tests were infrequent and targeted only the most suspicious soldiers. (The ones who would answer "What's your status?" with "Beautiful and free, sir, like your hands.") Wayne was only tested twice. He was relieved to have passed, but also guilty, like a fundamentalist after masturbating.
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"I feel dirty and sore. Like my hands."
"I was embarrassed and felt shameful," he says, "because not only are you concerned with the illegality, you're worried about things like getting called up for an emergency detail while you're fucked up."
Then Wayne ... got called for an emergency detail while fucked up. He was tripping on acid when he had to help respond to protesters outside the base. Thankfully the protest died down, because it's hard to drive away angry people when they look like dragons that breathe hugs.
Then he got annoyed about feeling guilty. "The same leadership that I looked up to were going out almost every night and getting drunk." So he continued his recreational drug use despite the risks, and soon realized he could turn his hobby into a job.