If you have this kind of "massage" parlor in your neighborhood -- the kind where they massage the client's boner -- you might see real beds instead of the standard massage tables. But more often than not, they have to keep up the illusion with the regulation equipment. That means staff will be attempting sex acts on a massage table, and that can lead to hilarious disaster and/or bodily injury:
1930s NYC skyscraper guys doing it, only with less comfortable padding." width="225" height="350" class="lazy" data-src="https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/personalexperience/4/7/6/432476_v1.jpg" />Andersen Ross/Blend Images/Getty Images
"Tables," says Amy, "are, let's say, skinnier than they should be for that sort of thing." So sex with a massage customer is half Tetris, as the masseuse struggles to twist legs and other appendages into configurations that fit. It's hard enough with any customer, and it's extra tricky with the chunky ones. "There's no nice way of saying, 'Sir, either sort out your fat positioning, or I'm going to squish your sides with my knees, and you're going to enjoy it'."