4

Boob Removal Means Shopping For Replacements

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First, you have to shop for a breast surgeon. This is not to be done lightly -- there are good surgeons and bad ones, same as with mechanics or anything else. It's this guy's job to actually take out your breasts, you want to make sure he's good at it. If they leave breast tissue behind, you aren't cutting your cancer risk as much, which would mean you could go through an extra surgery only to maybe still die from cancer.

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If they cut other parts to "prevent cancer," that's overzealous.

3

New Boobs Have Some Downsides

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Here's something you probably didn't know: When you get fake breasts, you have to keep getting them over and over again. You have to get new implants every 10 years (or earlier, if they burst in a high-impact a car accident or if you get stabbed in the boob with a spear or something). The 10-year exchange is a standard benchmark for most people with reconstructed breasts. It's kind of like a cell phone upgrade. The implants can lose their shape slightly and go bad, like expired yogurt.

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Much like the rest of your body, but easier to replace.

The breasts of today are much better than they were years ago. Mine have no sensation, so that's something we'll hopefully see improve with more science. Right now, I can't feel anything there. You can give me a solid tit-punch and I'll feel nothing. If you poked me with a pen or a needle, I'd feel a prick on the skin, but nothing if you stabbed in deeper. Is this part getting weird? Let's move on.

Say I go on a date or meet a guy I'm interested in. I have to tell him. I don't want guys to be surprised. What if they get grossed out and can't handle my fake boobs? I don't want to waste time dating that dude. So he gets the standard spiel: "Hey, so they're really firm. That's because they're fake. There's, like, no meat -- they're tofu breasts. I've had this procedure done, run now or forever hold your peace."

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"Sorry, I don't like looking at boobs. I think it's what's inside that counts."

2

Everyone Has An Opinion, And You Hear Them All

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When you make this decision, everybody's first question, girl or guy, is "How big are you going? What cup size?" But most people don't understand how boobs are sized and assume boobs come in bra sizes. It's an inexact science -- adding X amount of saline to the ol' fleshbag doesn't tell you what size they'll be. And 50 or 150 cc's on one person can look completely different on another person. After her mastectomy, my friend, who's a bit wider than me, got 350 cc's, but that looked tiny on her. Her mom got the same, and her breasts looked enormous.

Predictably, a lot of guys were like, "You should go bigger!" Excuse me, are you going to carry them? Do you want to carry more of you around? For me, I didn't want to look like I'd had surgery.

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Hospital gowns may be flattering, but I refuse to wear one to 7/11.

I just wanted to get on with my life. I don't like major changes. I get depressed when I lose or gain a lot of weight. I wanted to stay the same. Most women I encountered were supportive of that.

A lot are curious about the replacement breasts and want to feel and touch them. I'm very open about that, with everyone -- I'll let you "feel" if you want to. It's not like a "breast augmentation" that most porn stars and Hollywood actresses get. I had a "breast reconstruction" and they feel different than your average porn star boobs. I'm interested in education, and I'll risk being called a slut for letting people touch my breasts if it's raising awareness.

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It's like touching Mike's head to learn about baldness. But rubbing it "for good luck" is a little weird.

1

Men Should Keep An Eye On Their Boobs, Too

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You don't often hear about men getting breast cancer, and that's a big part of the problem. Guys who are at risk never get checked, and so it's more likely they don't find out about their tumor until it's way too late. Guys who have a history of breast or prostate cancer in their family can and should get tested for this gene.

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And if Dad had breast cancer and Mom had prostate cancer, get super-tested, because you might be a cancer unicorn.

That's right -- men with this gene are much more likely to develop prostate cancer, too. If nothing else, you could be a carrier of the gene with no symptoms and pass it onto your children. A friend of mine recently got a mastectomy (she runs the web series Screw You Cancer), and she got the gene from her dad's side of the family. I'm not gonna say "Hey, remove your prostate just in case!" but you still want to know what you've got, both to judge your own risks and to know if you're in danger of passing it on to your kids. A whole lot of people won't do that, though, because they're scared.

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"I'm scared of the truth! And of needles!"
"How about dying? Scared of that?"

It's a scary subject to think about, and it's a scary test to get. It's like visiting a witch who looks into a crystal ball and tells you how you're going to die. But cancer isn't this mystical dark figure who whisks people away in the night -- it's a disease that you can fight with the power of science. But catching it early is everything. You can be that survivor at the end of the horror movie who learns how to break the family curse. Even if you can't necessarily do anything about the inevitable sequels.

Eden Dranger has a website here.

For more insider perspectives, check out 6 Ways Prison Is More Horrifying Than Movies Make It Look and 5 Realities Of The Rehab Camp My Parents Paid To Kidnap Me .

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