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Soren Bowie

Soren is an American of some importance. He has amassed great wealth which is now in jeopardy. He is in need of persons with whom his family has no relationship. He seeks your cooperation and assistance in the transfer of 8,000,000.00 to your private bank account in Nigeria. To show his appreciation he will offer you 15% of the total sum including 20% of interest earned. Please treat this issue confidentially. Please send him your bank account number as well as a color photocopy of a Nigerian passport so he is certain you are a real resident. He waits to hear from you.

5 Apologies to the Cops Who Beat Me Up for No Reason

Why let a brush with police brutality turn you bitter?

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: August 08, 2013

6 Animals Clearly Disguised as Candy (A Drunk Column)

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: July 09, 2013

4 Things Every Modern Man Should Be Able to Do

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: July 02, 2013

Why Stupid YouTube Comments Are Older Than the Internet

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: June 18, 2013

4 Wise Proverbs That Need to Be Revised for the Modern World

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: June 11, 2013

5 Meaningless Words That Trick You Into Buying Bad Food

I conducted my own study by going to a grocery store, isolating five ubiquitous and hazy buzzwords, and then buying every single product on which they appeared, because I care about making the world better.

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: June 04, 2013

5 Romantic Products Perfect for Ending Relationships

Here are five products that are falling all over themselves to act as your relationship's final Mexican standoff.

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: May 30, 2013

3 Reasons It's So Hard to Make Superman Interesting

As counterintuitive as it sounds, there is only one way to make a great Superman movie, and that's to make a movie about someone other than Superman. Let me try to explain.

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: May 14, 2013

4 Sport Scenes in Movies (by People Who Don't Watch Sports)

These films demonstrate such a fundamental misunderstanding of sports that even watching them will make you embarrassed on behalf of everyone involved.

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: May 07, 2013

4 Positive Trends the Internet Doesn't Get Enough Credit For

I suspect that we might be doing all of these by accident.

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: April 30, 2013

Accidentally Sneaking Into America from Mexico: A True Story

This is a true story.

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: April 23, 2013

4 'Superpowers' Everyone Thinks They Secretly Have

These mediocre powers may not be suitable for a superhero, but they're perfect for helping us achieve tiny selfish gains every single day, and ultimately, isn't that all we really want from a superpower anyway?

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: April 16, 2013

The Thought Process of Every Bad Wedding Dancer

The bride, radiant. The cake, delicious. The bar, open. And you...you have been very patient. But now it's time to light this mother funking Marriott conference hall on fire.

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: April 09, 2013

5 Guilty Pleasures That Are Secretly Saving the World

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: April 01, 2013

4 Words We Love to Use That Have Lost All Meaning

I'd like to request that we drag these words out this one last time, fill up the tub and hold them underwater until they stop moving. Or just quit using them, either one is fine, really.

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: March 26, 2013

The 4 Most Inspiring Tributes to Spectacular Human Failure

The following four failures in particular are so wildly disappointing that someone, somewhere said, 'We have to commemorate this, the future needs to know it happened.'

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: March 12, 2013

4 Craigslist Missed Connections That Must Exist in Movies

If you've ever been to the Missed Connections section of Craigslist, you already know that it's a graveyard of lost opportunities. And one that could easily house these characters.

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: March 05, 2013

5 Daily Annoyances That Must Be Part of a Secret Experiment

It's impossible to believe so much inconvenience could be anything other than intentional, and I like to take a minute to let myself believe that maybe it is.

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: February 26, 2013

Running the Tough Mudder: A 12-Mile Long Torture Chamber

At the end of it all, a man with a Marine Corps tattoo, and who I privately suspect was just a pile of biceps crammed in a windbreaker, gave us each a headband and a beer while explaining that we were part of something bigger than ourselves now. But we knew better.

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: February 20, 2013

4 Shows The CW Network Should Absolutely Make Next

I enjoy bad television as much as I enjoy Jack in the Box mechanically separated chicken hunks, and since the CW is clearly in the business of hunks, I have a few ideas I want to pitch.

Authors: By Soren Bowie
Published: February 15, 2013