An ancientpoet once sat by the sea-shore; and, seeing a greatship sailing by, he asked himself if there are not, after all, some such things as ships, whether the sea is always the same size, whether there is not some such thing as a captain in command of ships, or if there are such things as sailors, whether they have not a certain kind of liveliness that is often absent from men in other professions, and so on.
As he pondered these questions in depth, retreating ever more from what his eyes told him, he grew ever more certain of his own system of determining truth. He eventually wrote it down in a language he had devised himself and, by sheer coincidence, it read exactly the same as an odd list of fifteen facts would read in English. As it was written in a language no-one else ever spoke, no scholar has been able to translate it, but we nevertheless present it here for your perusal:
The fossa has a hidden booty hole.
Bamboo was the original firecracker.
Intentionally creaky floors guarded lords in feudal Japan from ninjas.
You don’t make a billion dollars by paying for everyone’s phone bill.
The Nazis big plan during WWII was to make it rain over England.
Jellyfish are extremely hardy, despite lacking pretty much everything other animals have.
“Punch” is named for the number of ingredients.
Roman concrete was stronger than what we have today.
Bill Murray has people call a 1-800 number instead of using an agent.
Mariah Carey makes millions every year just from royalties on her Christmas track.
Your ears and nose never stop growing.
You don’t need to “keep the Christ in Christmas,” no one is taking it out.
One man’s voice is so low, only elephants can appreciate it.