Tell Us Now: 12 Satisfying Self-Owns

Tell Us Now: 12 Satisfying Self-Owns

Because we here at Cracked love comedy, we asked Cracked readers on Facebook, “Has anyone ever attempted to insult you but ended up insulting themself? What did they say?” Here are 12 of the funniest responses…

That big, huh?

... TELL US NOW. Meg В. shares: In 5th grade, Rob H. told me that his brain was so big that he could only fit half of it in his head at a time. CRACKED.COM

Sounds like a personal problem

... TELL US NOW. Darlene D. was once told: You think you're so smart, but I can never understand half the words you say! CRACKED.COM

Trash knows trash

... TELL US NOW. Travis P. shares: My sister-in-law, as she was carrying her stuff out of our apartment after being evicted by us, looked at my wife and me, and with much disdain said, The trash takes itself out! We still giggle about that. CRACKED.COM

Important to know your idioms while insulting someone

... TELL US NOW. Kayla S. shares: My sister once said to me, You're not the smartest knife in the drawer, huh? CRACKED.COM

Hey, you said it

... TELL US NOW. Matthew C. shares: My mom would get angry and call me a son of a b**ch. And I was like, Yup. CRACKED.COM

People with street smarts are smart enough not to say it

... TELL US NOW. Rich M. shares: My stepson often pointed out while I'm an engineer, he has street smarts. Finally I pointed out we don't live on Sesame Street. CRACKED.COM

A case for studying

... TELL US NOW. Emma S shares: Someone made fun of me for studying the Roman Empire. They said, No one cares about some country in South America. CRACKED.COM

Then you could see what I see

... TELL US NOW. Jake L. once heard someone say: If I wanted to look at an arse, I'd look in the mirror. CRACKED.COM

Sometimes silence is the best retort

... TELL US NOW. Michael H. shares: My brother got fed up of waiting for me to leave the pet store so he decided he would walk home. Told him, Go ahead, you've never walked a day in your life, and thought about how dumb it sounded as I saw him walking away. CRACKED.COM

Worthy of a spit take

... TELL US NOW. Jeffry P. shares: Had a falling out with a friend, and during an argument when we crossed paths at a local hangout, he kept hocking up a loogie while I was talking. When he finally went to spit it in my face, it splurted out all over himself instead. Не just said, Sh*t, and walked was beautiful. CRACKED.COM

Expand your vocabulary

... TELL US NOW. Kyle M. shares: In middle school there was a kid who tried to make fun of me for reading all the time by saying, Yeah, well, at least I don't read the dictionary! Not sure what his endgame was for that one, but my response of, I know, only served to confuse him more. CRACKED.COM

That doesn't mean what you think it does

... TELL US NOW. Jared M. shares: A group of coworkers and I once took turns hiding a fellow coworker's coat during cold weather. When he would look for it, we'd respond with some version of, We're just trying to toughen you up, or You're soft. You need to harden up. Не retaliated by hiding my coat, in return. When I asked, Has anyone seen my coat?, he replied, На! I'm just trying to make you hard! CRACKED.COM
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