We asked Cracked Readers on Facebook and Instagram about the cruelest, most inane relationship dealbreakers they've ever encountered… and boy did you folks dodge some bullets. Some of you were the bullets, but at least you're self-aware enough to recognize that.

TELL US NOW: DUMBEST DEALBREAKERS That man? Eminem! CRACKED Melissa P. says I was dating someone as a teenager. I called him, it went to his voicemail which was just him like freestyle 'rapping.' It was so bad. I broke up with him because of it.

TELL US NOW: DUMBEST DEALBREAKERS Android VS iPhone: the modern day Romeo and Juliet story. CRACKED Chris V. says Had a guy tell me once that he didn't respond to a girl's text if it came up in a green bubble because that meant she was using Android, and probably poor.

TELL US NOW: DUMBEST DEALBREAKERS Ah, young love... CRACKED Sami L. was dumped by a girl who said I was 'a homeless necrophiliac drug addict with a violent temper'... as if we couldn't have worked those out. But at 15 you forget breakups quickly.

TELL US NOW: DUMBEST DEALBREAKERS Yeah that's not gonna work for me, brother. GRACKED Roger L. says I actually was living with a gal. We dated before living together. So she knew all about me and my love for professional wrestling. 6 months in she was like, yeahhhhh no more wrestling. So I packed all my stuff in a few hours and I was gone.

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TELL US NOW: DUMBEST DEALBREAKERS Her name wasn't famous... yet. CRACKED Brandon M. says I didn't date her because her name was Buffy. This was pre-vampire slayer.

TELL US NOW: DUMBEST DEALBREAKERS If they couldn't see past that, then they don't deserve you. CRACKED Natasha C. says Once I stopped dating a NASA scientist because I figured out I am gay.

TELL US NOW: DUMBEST DEALBREAKERS Always use protection. Seriously. Always. CRACKED Keith D. says She wouldn't hold my hand unless I wore gloves because I have 'weird hands' and then wouldn't let me kiss her unless I put my hat on because my forehead reminded her of the vampires from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and it 'freaked her out.

TELL US NOW: DUMBEST DEALBREAKERS Who would have thought: a weird guy has weird standards! CRACKED Anonymous says I used to date a guy who walked around with a parrot on his shoulder. He dumped me because his bird didn't like me.

TELL US NOW: DUMBEST DEALBREAKERS In sickness, but preferably in health... GRACKED Someone once told Sara L. I can't handle your illness. The illness? Asthma.

TELL US NOW: DUMBEST DEALBREAKERS Zaddy longlegs CRACKED Becca K. says His shins were too long and it freaked me out. Once I saw them I couldn't unsee them.

TELL US NOW: DUMBEST DEALBREAKERS It's not racism, it's the scientific method. GRACKED Douglas o. says She thought she would 'get over' the fact that I was Asian. She liked that I didn't have an Asian accent but the 'experiment' was over.

TELL US NOW: DUMBEST DEALBREAKERS I have a very particular set of red flags. GRACKED Cameron M. says A college date rejected me for three specific reasons: 1.) I was too short 2.) my hair was too short 3.) I was too young (we're the same age).

TELL US NOW: DUMBEST DEALBREAKERS Ugly is as ugly does. CRACKED Jenny B. says A guy once told me, 'You make the ugliest faces.' At the same time, he'd say, 'I don't date ugly women.' It was a total mind-eff. I was too young and it was a valuable learning experience.
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