Welcome to Cracked VS, a new feature where we pit two topics against each other and let ‘em duke it out. Today’s topic: Darth Vader vs. Walter White.

Dark or White? No, we’re not talking about chocolate -- we’re asking who you prefer among the most popular bald badasses from the desert. Because no one asked us to, we’re pitting the Lord of the Sith and the Lord of the Meth against each other. We’ll compare their evil careers by completely scientific standards, declare a winner in each category based on perfectly objective measurements, and then draw the most authoritative conclusions. We’re positive that our judgment here will be considered definitive, and no one will ever challenge our wisdom.

CRACKED VS Darth Vader Walter White Better with children: WALTER Well, at least Brock Cantillo survived being poisoned by Walter White. Anakin sliced through lots of younglings just because he was told to. We won't be recommending either to babysit any kid we know, but Walter still (kinda) wins. CRACKED.COM

CRACKED VS Darth Vader Walter White Better health care: VADER Walter turned to crime to pay for his cancer treatment. Anakin got life-saving care and extensive prosthetic replacements for no charge. Is there any question about who wins? CRACKED.COM

CRACKED VS Darth Vader / Walter White Better at dealing with competition: WALTER Getting your enemy's enemy to blow up your common, uh, enemy (and himself)? That's some next-level shit. Driving glow sticks through old men doesn't really compare. Walter wins this. CRACKED.COM

CRACKED VS Darth Vader Walter White Better ride: VADER Vader goes around the galaxy in a 12-mile- long space dreadnought with a full complement of TIE fighters and AT-AT walkers. Walter drives a Pontiac Aztek. Lacking info on power windows, we'll award this one to Vader. CRACKED.COM

Join the Cracked Movie Club

Get your weekly round-up of the latest movie and TV coverage from Cracked and be entered for our digital projector giveaway!

CRACKED VS Darth Vader Walter White Greater menace: UNDECIDED This depends on your perspective. Do you think globally or locally? Walter White won't ravage your entire planet, but Vader is unlikely to cause crime to rise in your neighborhood. Your mileage (or light- yearage) may vary here. CRACKED.COM

CRACKED VS Darth Vader Walter White Better father: WALTER Neither will win a Father of the Year award, but only one of them was around to see (one of) his children grow up. Also, Walt never chopped his son's hand off, or tried to turn him into another crime lord. The bar isn't exactly high, but Walter manages to clear it. CRACKED.COM

CRACKED VS Darth Vader Walter White Better use of their skills: VADER With his chemistry knowledge, Walter White became a drug kingpin and earned millions. Anakin used his tech talents to build C-3PO. We love 3PO, so this point goes to Vader. CRACKED.COM

CRACKED VS Darth Vader Walter White Better family man: WALTER They both caused a lot of suffering in a misguided attempt to protect/provide for their families. But hey, if you're going to cause the death of a family member, better your brother-in-lar than your wife, right? Right? Point for Walter. CRACKED.COM

CRACKED VS Darth Vader Walter White Cooler getup: VADER Yeah, a hat-and-goatee look is neat - - but is it as neat as a cyborg samurai outfit, which also gives you a badass voice? Nah, we didn't think so. Vader wins the aesthetics competition robotic hands down. CRACKED.COM

CRACKED VS Darth Vader Walter White Better redemption: UNDECIDED Saving your son and then dying? Or rescuing your partner and then dying? The and then dying part seriously hampers any chances of undoing your damage, so we don't think there's a real winner here. (Partial credit to Walter for the Nazi-killing machine gun, though.) CRACKED.COM

CRACKED VS Darth Vader / Walter White Better reason to turn evil: WALTER Walter was like, I don't want to die from cancer and leave nothing to my family (also, cooking meth is cool). Anakin was like, I dreamed my wife died (also, this guy tells me the Dark Side rocks). We're going with Walt here, because his motive is partly science- related, and science rules. CRACKED.COM

CRACKED VS Darth Vader Walter White Scarier dude: VADER I am the danger! Walter chillingly yells at, um, his defenseless, already frightened wife. Vader doesn't yell - he only needs to breathe near hardened military types to make them fill their pants. Yeah, no contest here. Vader wins. CRACKED.COM

CRACKED VS Darth Vader Walter White Who is the best of the worst? WE CALL IT A TIE! Better with children Walter Better health care Vader Better with competition Better ride Greater menace UNDECIDED Better father Better use of their skills Better family man Cooler getup Better redemption UNDECIDED Better reason to turn evil Scarier dude CRACKED.COM
Forgot Password?