18 Of The Greatest Insults From TV Shows

"Don't talk out loud. You lower the IQ of the entire street."
18 Of The Greatest Insults From TV Shows

Hollywood knows when it's time to shift into the smarty pants gear. Everybody loves a good burn, especially when it's directed at a character that has it coming. There's a German word for it that escapes us right this second. Who hasn't laughed aloud Jim sets Dwight down hard on The Office?

If only real-life worked the same. Personally we never have the right insult ready. But we're here to change that for you. We asked intrepid Cracked readers on Facebook, “What's the greatest insult from a TV show?” Unsurprisingly, we had a lot of answers, from a lot of different shows. The top winners of the most quoted were Married with Children, Frasier, and The Golden Girls

So here are 18 TV insults to carry in your back pocket, just in case someone challenges you to a verbal showdown. You'll be Hollywood-ready to set them in their place, right where they belong.

TELL US NOW. THE OFFICE Submitted by Noah U., Michael: If I had a gun with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice. CRACKED.COM
TELL US NOW. THE GOLDEN GIRLS Submitted by Stephanie N., Sophia: May you put your dentures in upside down and chew your head off! Angela: May your legs have grown old and gnarled and withered like an olive branch! Sophia: May your moles grow hair thicker than Jerry Vale's! Angela: May your marinara sauce never cling to your pasta! CRACKED.COM
TELL US NOW. SHERLOCK HOLMES Submitted by Lydia B., Anderson, don't talk out loud. You lower the IQ of the entire street. CRACKED.COM
TELL US NOW. BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER Submitted by Robert E., Nice dress. Good to know you've seen the softer side of Sears. CRACKED.COM
TELL US NOW. WEEDS Submitted by Michael A., Andy and Doug debate what the taint is actually called. Lupita walks in. Andy: What do you call the thing between the dick and the asshole? Lupita: The coffee table. CRACKED.COM
TELL US NOW. SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS Submitted by David A.7 If I had a dollar for every brain you didn't have, I'd have one dollar. CRACKED.COM
TELL US NOW. M*A*S*H Submitted by Noah U., Frank: I know I'm a real asset. Hawkeye: You're only off by two letters. CRACKED.COM
TELL US NOW. MARRIED WITH CHILDREN Submitted by Mike R, Peggy: Did you miss me? Al: With every bullet so far. CRACKED.COM
TELL US NOW. MARRIED WITH CHILDREN Submitted by Corey L., Marcy: Good, now you can put that metal plate back in your head. Although that's a lot like putting a lid on an empty jar. Al: Or a bra on you. CRACKED.COM
TELL US NOW. FRASIER Submitted by Jerry D., Niles: Are you calling me pretentious? Daphne: You'd eat a worm if it had a French name! CRACKED.COM
TELL US NOW. FRASIER Submitted by Jonathan B., Roger, at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the tunneling electron microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope eight now...I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem. Thank you for your call. CRACKED.COM
TELL US NOW. FIREFLY Submitted by Noah U., Well, my time of not taking you seriously is coming to a middle. CRACKED.COM
TELL US NOW. ED, EDD N EDDY Submitted by Tanya W., Your garden is overgrown and your cucumbers are soft! CRACKED.COM
TELL US NOW. DEAD LIKE ME No Submitted by Ernie M., Rube: Is everyone you just cut in front of an a**hole? Woman in Post Office: No? Rube: So it's just you then? Woman: I have children in the car. Rube: I have a cake in the oven. He's got three minutes left on the meter. And she's got a lunch meeting. We all have a finite amount of time. Now get in the back of the line. And don't use your children like that- it's shameful. CRACKED.COM
TELL US NOW. COMMUNITY Submitted by Noah U., You are the AT&T of people. CRACKED.COM
TELL US NOW. COMMUNITY Submitted by Patrick L., Do you know what kind of person becomes a psychologist, Britt?? A person that wishes, deep down, that everyone more special than them was sick, because 'healthy' sounds so much more exciting than 'boring.' CRACKED.COM
TELL US NOW. BLACKADDER Submitted by Tanya W., You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would. Your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly and the part of you that can't be mentioned, I am reliably informed by women around the Court, wouldn't be worth mentioning even if it could be. CRACKED.COM
TELL US NOW. 30 ROCK IGS TRACI DADA Submitted by Noah U., Listen up, fives. A ten is speaking. CRACKED.COM
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