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It’s like makers of kids’ pop culture were having a competition to traumatize us

Authors: By Cracked Plasticians
Published: December 10, 2023
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This is the year that we all became Springfieldians

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15 Bonkers Books Written By Famous People (Who Weren’t Writers)

By:: Andrea Meno

April 19, 2021

15 Bonkers Books Written By Famous People (Who Weren’t Writers)

Apparently, celebs really like writing books in their spare time. Judging by this list, anyway -- here are 15 celebs who bravely published some truly appalling and/or amazing literature, in some cases probably against the advice of everyone around them:

15

Paul Verhoeven wrote the scholarly work Jesus of Nazareth. jesus shrt A ABMANEE of nazareth paul verhoeven It's about the historical Jesus- a revolutionary, not the Son of God. For Jesus, the Kingdom of Heaven was a very tangible thing. Something that was already present on Earth, in the same — Source: New York Magazine

14

Tyra Banks' book Modelland is truly weird sci-fi YA fiction. TYRA BANKS Modethand It's about Tookie, a regular girl who somehow gets a SMIZE, an artifact that could get her to Modelland, a boarding school in the skies that trains young models. — Source: Mashable

13

Anthony Bourdain published a graphic novel about a sushi chef who's also a murderer. HLiO! BSE ros Le The blurb for Get Jiro! starts with In a not-too-distant future L.A. where master chefs rule the town like crime lords and people literally kill for a seat at the best restaurants, — Source: Food Beast

12

Dick Cheney's wife Lynne published a lesbian romance novel. S0NET454-411204-52.500 SISTERS LYNNECHENEY TTHENON'EL ONA STRONOO AND EALITIFLL WYMLANY W B80E ALLTHE RULISOETHE ALERICRS FRONTIER Sisters was considered so controversial, Cheney persuaded the publisher not to re-issue it in the 2004 re-election year (it was written about 25 years earlier). CRACKED.COM — Source: CNN

11

Aftermath by LeVar Burton is a sci-fi novel about civil war in the U.S. SDEETYCBALTED AN NEWDEPTHAND PERSPECTIVE LEVAR to THE GCIENCE EICTIONT Iamo Post BURTON AFERMATH OFINE FOT/RE In the book, civil war breaks out after an earthquake and the assassination of the first African-American U.S. president. Somehow, the plot — Source: Kirkus Reviews

10

Richard Kiel, who played Jaws in Bond movies, spent 25 years researching and co-writing a book. The True Story of GassiusGlay: KENTUCKY ION RICHARD WALLACE The True Story of Cassius Clay: Kentucky Lion tells the story of Cassius Clay, a Kentucky abolitionist who lost his friends, his wife, and his — Source: Reuters

9

Turkmenistan dictator Saparmurat Niyazov authored a holy book called Ruhnama. SAPARMYRAT TURKMENBASY RUHNAMA It was taught in schools, and people had to carry it during official ceremonies. One scholar thinks this was all because Niyazov couldn't read or write Turkmen or Russian properly. People who have disabilities, for example illiteracy, — Source: New Yorker

8

Jim Carrey co-wrote kind of an autobiographical novel. JIM CARREY ANO PANA VACHON MEMOIRS AND MISINFORMATION We say kind of because Memoirs and Misinformation is about a movie star named Jim Carrey, but the plot has him fighting aliens with Gwyneth Paltrow (and it's hard to imagine Gwyneth Paltrow doing — Source: Men's Health

7

Boris Johnson wrote a ridiculously racist novel about suicide bombers. Boris Johnson Seventy Two Virgins THondewaly holliane Seventy-Two Virgins is about Islamofascists (that's what the book calls them) trying to assassinate the U.S. President on a visit to Britain. They're foiled by a conservative Member of Parliament with shaggy hair — Source: The Guardian

6

Benito Mussolini published a novel about a romance in the 17th century. TE CARDINAUT MIITREI BENITO MUTOLINI The Cardinal's Mistress (which he claimed was based on true events) is about what happens when word gets out that the cardinal of Trent has a mistress-- the pope forbids him to marry — Source: Biography.com

5

The DoOrs' keyboardist, Ray Manzarek, wrote a book about how Jim Morrison's death was basically a hoax. Ray Manzarek The Poet in Exile ANOMI It's presented as a totally fictional novel, but it's pretty obviously about Morrison and the Doors and in the novel, Jordan (the stand-in for Morrison) fakes — Source: LA Times

4

Somehow, Saddam Hussein authored a romance novel. Babiba and the King by Its Cuthor SADDAM HUSSEIN Zabiba and the King is set thousands of years ago, and it's about a romance between the Iraqi king and Zabiba, an ordinary villager. — Source: Business Insider

3

Bill O'Reilly wrote a novel about a deranged TV anchor who kills people. BIILL O1 O'REILLY ORci THOIS E WHO TRESPASS It's called Those Who Trespass: A Novel of Television and Murder, and it's about an Irish-American TV host who gets fired and then starts stalking and killing his former — Source: Entertainment Weekly

2

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar co-wrote a novel about Sherlock Holmes' brother Mycroft. SAKS OIEESTSELIWCAETEC KAREEM LJABBAR ANNA WATERHOUSE ITWOVELTT MYCROFT SHERLOCK AND It's a murder mystery set in the days of Mycroft's youth that kind of functions as an origin story. CRACKED.COM — Source: LA Times

1

Keanu Reeves wrote BRZRKR, a comic book about an immortal, 80,000-year-old warrior. KEANU REEVES MATT KINDT RON GARNEY BILL CRABTREE BRZRKR VOLUME ONE The main character, the Berzerker, does the U.S. government's dirty work so he can find out the truth about who he is. I had this image in — Source: USA Today

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