24 Funny, Weird or Wild Stories from Librarians

The bacon bookmark is, sadly, not the only instance of library meat
24 Funny, Weird or Wild Stories from Librarians

One of the most incredible things about human beings is our ability to bring weirdness to literally any establishment, as even the library isn’t safe from bizarre sightings. For example, at one library, a guy nicknamed “Clippy” would go through Yahoo! personal ads and print out pictures of fully-clothed women. Then, after drawing a sweater on each of them with a Sharpie, he’d meticulously cut them out, so he had his own little collection of paper dolls. Unsurprisingly, he was later banned from the library for public masturbation. 

IMHO, though, crankin’ hog in plain view is the least strange detail of that story. To that end, the librarians of Reddit have shared more unbelievable things they’ve seen while on the clock, and if nothing else, you will now probably be way more careful about what you drop down the book chute.

hoppusfanmuch 10y We have a patron who will paint replicas of photos from our nonfiction books in oil paints. She believes it'll return the souls of those who have had theirs stolen by cameras. She's around all the time, usually from open to close. She has her own place, but won't stay there during the day because she lives in a shitty apartment complex and she claims her meth-addict neighbors threw broken glass in her eyes once. She only uses paints she finds in the dumpster behind the art college and won't take any money or anything. When she's done,
bogartbrown 10y We had a guy we named Clippy. Не would spend hours going through Yahoo personals and print out pictures of women, mostly waist-up or full body shots-- nothing pornographic or nude, just....women. Не would then take a black Sharpie and draw a black sweater on them. Then he would carefully cut them out so he had his own little collection of black-sweater-wearing paper dolls. Не got banned for public masturbation. ... Reply 22
artdecoblue 4y When I worked at a public library, a woman came up to the reference desk. There was a 10 year old girl behind her. The woman asked the girl to not stand near the reference desk. I thought that that was odd. Then the woman told me that she did not want the girl to hear what she was going to say, which I thought was even odder. She then told me that we lived in a virtual world and did not want to scare the girl with this information. The woman then asked if the library had
JamesandtheGiantAss. . 4y A strip of cooked bacon used as a bookmark. We put the whole book in the freezer to save it so everybody could get a chance to marvel at the disgusting ingenuity. ... 3.3k
UnfairCorner . 4y I used to work at a library but one day someone dropped a dildo that was inside a brown paper bag. It was an older lady who discovered it and to say that she was startled would be a understatement. We talked about it for the entire week. I think someone was playing a cruel prank on us but the poor old lady was the biggest victim. ... 257
The_Turtle_Moves_13 . 4y When in college I worked in the university library, on my second year we started carrying manga. Well some were um...a little riskier then our normal fare. One of the workers came up to the front desk fighting mad, she'd went to pick up the books from the drop and some manga got returned sticky. Like really sticky. She picked it up without realizing there was stuff on it. Man, we got really careful about what we picked up after that. ... 104
ArthropodJim 4y 16 years old here, volunteered daily at a nearby library. My job was mainly to shelve books, and run the counter occasionally. Near the end of the year, we have a noticeable influx of European history books that get checked out, since the AP test for it follows soon after. One day, a kid (probably 7 or 8 years old) checked out the Communist Manifesto. I just thought to myself that maybe he's getting it for a lazy sibling who's studying in the back corner and doesn't want to get up or something. When the due date came
canolli-holy 4y Someone used their work ID as a bookmark. It was a security clearance ID for a major government institution nearby. Called the guy and he came running in like 10 minutes later. Saved us all from a major security breach. Have found the following as bookmarks: wrapped condoms, toilet paper, utility bills, pay stubs, gift cards. Worst in terms of grossness was poo. Someone had wiped their kid somehow with a paperback. Also gross was in the summer sand would pour out of books folks took to the beach. ... 372
carmelacorleone 4y My public library found an actual squirrel in the book return once. It was during the summer and it was really fucking hot and the chute door was stuck open I guess due to the metal swelling (?). Anyway, the squirrel got inside and during the night the temperature dropped enough that the door shut. Librarian went to get the books out next day and found a comatose squirrel on top of some LotR and GoT and Harry Potter. The library is on the Main Street in town and the vet clinic was just down the block so
columbodotjpeg . . 4y Someone dropped their mixtape into the return box. It wasn't half bad, but why'd you think librarians would be able to anything with it? We can't just put a random CD on display... ... 78
diana_joy . 5y A student had been in the library all night, and had a phone call with his dad where his dad apparently told him he wouldn't pay for tuition anymore. Student starts hitting the wall and screams FINE, I WILL JUST HAVE TO DO GAY PORN THEN. And kept hitting the wall. Не must have done well enough for dad to keep footing the bill, because he was back the next semester. ... 4k
9y ... Funniest thing that has happened was over Christmas break while all the students were gone we had a patron who became a new regular crazy. Не would always come in drunk and bother other patrons. On this particular day he decided to come up to the desk and begin serenading my boss with Christmas carols, we of course call campus police because he is so obviously wasted. Не thus gets angry, and we tell him to leave before the cops come and we won't have any problems. this makes him more agitated. For some reason he begins
4y ... someone un-alphabetized the library. meaning that the A books were in the Z position and so on. the reason why they weren't caught in the act was because the library was closed for a school contest, so we supposed the teachers would keep an eye on the kids. we were wrong. 5 Reply
Teegertott. 4 4y I once found two hotdogs wrapped in tin foil.. so I'm guessing someone dropped off their lunch in addition to their books haha. 22
pork_snorkel . 3y I used to work in a University library. We had multiple incidents with frat kids bringing raw meat into the library, slapping it onto the table in front of unsuspecting girls, sometimes putting it between the pages of books. I'm not talking about little slices of bologna, either, I extracted a whole-ass steak from a tome in the science section. ... 2k
Gbchris12 5y Used to do security at a Library. Was probably 1 AM and week before finals, everyone was cramming right now. I decide to do my rounds and I make my way down to the bottom floor and this student just starts slamming his keyboard against his head and throws the wired mouse as far as it will go. I ask him to calm down and what is wrong? Не just walks out calm and ignores me. Computer had shut off during his meltdown so I wasnt able to see what had happened, cameras didnt get a good glance
XIGRIMxREAPERIX . . 5y I once found a kid in the fetal position underneath a desk. Не had an organic chem book on the desk. ... 8.5k
lotoseater 5y It was finals week. There was a dude who had spent probably the last four days in the library, only leaving to go take his tests. One day he is enraged, just screaming at everyone in his path as he charges up to the Circulation desk. Не claimed that someone stole his stuff out of the locker he was using. The librarians go insane as they always do in situations like these. The campus police are called. The row of lockers where his stuff was stored was taped off. They start hunting down security footage. Then, a row
un bucketman1986 . . 5y I once saw two guys physically fighting over a free computer during finals week ... 860
sra_az . 3y Found a human tooth at the self-check station.
SpiritualPeanut Зу Someone put a slice of Swiss cheese in a book and then put said book in the outside book drop in the middle of August. I was the one who discovered that one. The smell... Another person hung their laundry out to dry all over the furniture in our reading garden. Someone else managed to cast porn from our public computers to two different tv screens that we generally use to display announcements. I could go on...and on. Never knew how incredibly weird libraries could get until I started working at one. ... 76
GunnarHamundarson 3y My favorite was the guy who called every week and asked us to look up pictures of Steve Harvey. Не would ramp up his requests as the conversation continued. First it was just pictures of Steve Harvey. Then it was Steve Harvey in specific positions; Steve Harvey sitting in a chair, Steve Harvey sitting on a bench, Steve Harvey laying down. Then, naturally; Steve Harvey shirtless, and please describe it, followed by rapid requests for nekkid Steve Harvey descriptions. No, sir. Just no.
_CommanderKeen_ . 3y I once had a drunk Russian guy come in at midnight (I was a new staff person at the time working overnights) looking for 'the book'. Не explained someone tricked him and said it was the 'oldest trick in the book'. Не wanted to know what 'the book' was and was sure we had it. I assume someone sent him to the library for that purpose. Не was very drunk but polite. I explained it as an English idiom/phrase and found a book of Russian idioms for him.
samissleman17 . Зу A woman came in with a knife hidden in a long sock and started stabbing her boyfriend that was logged onto a computer. She was tackled and they both lived.
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