25 of the Funniest Tweets from September 21, 2023

I have a nice piece of property over on Instagram
25 of the Funniest Tweets from September 21, 2023

Tom Cruise continues to blur the lines between himself and his longtime character Ethan Hunt. We’re all aware that the Mission: Impossible actor is seriously commited to pulling off death-defying stunts, like the plane-jumping scene that almost killed him. This level of commitment was underscored by James Corden in a recent Q&A session at the Royal Television Society. The former late-night host explained the magic phrase Cruise uttered to convince Corden to join him in a fighter jet for a Late Late Show sketch: “James, your life is more valuable than mine. You’re not in danger.” Whose life is more valuable may be up for debate, but Cruise’s ability to make that statement with a straight face proves he really is an incredible actor.

Meanwhile, Paramount isn’t blurring any lines when it comes to sexual assault allegations. Following the rape accusations made against disgraced comedian Russell Brand earlier this week, the streamer removed his 2009 comedy special Russell Brand in New York from the platform. They join the BBC who has also banished some of Brand’s programming as it “falls below public expectations” and YouTube, which demonetized the comedian’s channel in the wake of the horrifying news. 

The timeline has also cut to the chase with a new batch of hilarious tweets, including those about a pair of names that feel forbidden together, New Age land ownership and a woman full of a lot of love when she listens to the radio. 

cinnamon bun @notsofiacopp... 19h ... securing your desired username on a new app is the closest millennials and zoomers will get to owning land 38 1,856 13.2K 402K
Nik @_NikSpace.2 23h If my friends talking shit about me at Brunch please don't ever post it to TikTok, I dont give a fuck. Them Hoes need to vent, i i be wilding 114 9,806 53.2K 2.3M
Chair Е. Belafonte @Beymonce• 21h ... Yall got some names on dat mf BE BET @BET. 22h Congrats! Giannis Antetokounmpo and Mariah Riddlesprigger welcome a baby girl! bet.us/45TKPhA 8 780 3,226 259K
roro, PhD @fuglibetty 1d ... it's so interesting when somebody asks you & your friend how you know each other. well my soul has known them through infinite lifetimes and will do so for lives to come. also we met doing molly together in an unemployed person's bathroom 5 months ago. 5 460 4,048 del 153K
internet hall of fame @Inte... 10h ... Mel @yourbizsucks I was best man at my friend's 2nd wedding. I started my speech with welcome back everyone he was not happy 440 10.4K 161K 6.4M
STRETCHMARKMAMI @L..... 1d ... . hope they play monkey in the middle with his hair piece. @PopBase. 1d Pop Base TMZ shares Tory Lanez's new mugshot as he's transferred to state prison. MUG SHOT 260 4,387 38.7K 3.9M
maddi!! @urmanicpixiegf - 1 1d ... Woman Says 'I Love This Song' After Every Song on Her Own Playlist News-Jun 27, 2018 By: Shea Stanley 37 7,061 31.2K 985K
arvo färt @arvofart.21h Interviewer: explain this gap in your resume Me: that's formatting, the gaps make it easier to differentiate between line items 5 27 385 8,463
Evelyn Waughluigi @matress_i... 22h ... Jigsaw sitting around his lair, trying to figure out when he can start kidnapping people again while still respecting the recent tragedy of 9/11 Bloody Disgusting @BDi... 1d #SawX takes place weeks after the end of the original Saw movie. Producer Oren Koules previews, In our mind, this movie is really Saw II. 28 1,405 16.5K 1M
topical malady @Boringstein 16h ... guy who sucks moved into my house is an all time plotline in any genre 49 272 4,258 del 206K
7/11 Truther @DaveMcNamee... 18h ... BEFORE 45 DAYS LATER INFO WARS Pop Base @PopBase.20h Facebook has updated its logo. f f 2 53 1,217 62.5K
John Stewart Green Lantern @LanternJS· 16h ... if they sold these as plushies Nickelodeon would make enough money to fund 8 movie trilogies 47 2,576 28.7K del 671K
Toast * @th3mb0fication - 23h ... A ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE ISABELLE HUPPERT RUTH NEGGA Elk Loving and the Oscar goes to Emma Stone NATALIE PORTMAN EMMA STONE MERYL STREEP Jackie ماما Land Florence Fester Jenkins Comentários 3,3 mil X sad boy videos há 1 ano Natalie's reaction to emma winning was so shady... 15.1K 2 39 540
feral goblin @micaelacoletta 22h doing drugs with this FAMILY FAIM GYY Peter Griffin House Key (price is negotiable) $10 CAD 8 284 5,842 235K
irish o'garlic @bbburgerrr 4h Cancel Drafts Post Public my bf is watching a harassment training video for his new job and the main character lady says wait the knicks and the yankees are different teams? i thought that was like a nickname because of their pants and another lady coworker says oh my god were you born in a pasture and i think that should be not only allowed but encouraged 4 65 754 22K
holden m. accountable @noahpasaran - 3h starting some Discourse: NOW THE WORK RULES APPROPRIATE AIOLI AWWW,YOU'RE SWEET. INAPPROPRIATE MAYONNAISE HELLO, HUMAN RESOURCES?! 25 127 1,530 49K
MOONIE @mooniezamo. 3h 27 year olds pullin up to the olivia rodrigo show 23 403 154K 5,235
candace sinclaire @candacecre8s_ . 17h explain this to me like I'm 5 jg @47gotham 22h 2019 vs 2023 twitter.com/snappedbyv/sta... NARDWAY Unton 75 581 11.5K 752K
Hurt CoPain @SaeedDiCaprio 1d now drop and give me 20 pronouns goes so hard gizmo - #1 SPRINGY FAN FOR REAL 3d Whenever see this image i start crying laughing I CANT STIP REFERENCING IT HELP ME BEN GARRISON SHOW ME YOUR WAR FACE! COM AAAAGGGHHHH!! WOKE U.S MILITARY NOW DROP AND GIVE ME 20 PRONOUNS! BIDEN 95 5,621 104K 4.2M
Bilge Ebiri @BilgeEbiri 1d Christian Bale to revive Patrick Bateman role in new MasterCard campaign. NEW YORK New York Post POST @nypost 1d Robert De Niro to revive 'Taxi Driver' role in new Uber campaign: report trib.al/rtOThfT M 76 93.6K 20 1,475
Zach Raffio @zachraffio . 1d Florida lawmakers: FILM UPDATES Film Updates @FilmUpdates 1d 'SEX EDUCATION' ends tomorrow. 5 2,833 40.8K 1.6M
iyosias @whitest_injera 21h ... i just got a slice of pizza, a hotdog. and a drink for 3 dollars from costco... costco is capitalisms greatest invention 20 912 20.7K du 491K
Hurt CoPain @SaeedDiCaprio 5 5h ... game is game Follow Twitter @twitter This account is no longer active. Follow @x for updates. Joined July 2023 JD Dexerto @Dexerto.5h X/Twitter will soon free X up inactive usernames 52 1,496 43K 1.6M
matt @mattxiv 33m i think about this r/pansexual 3 days ago Posted by VermicelliAlarming43 I am pansexual. I'm also a Republican. Pride events and rallies make me uncomfortable. Most of my friends are straight. I don't dress like any of the LGBTQ friends. I don't feel that I will be welcomed by the pansexual community because of my political beliefs. Is this strange? 0 43 Guppy60 22 hr. ago No it's not strange at all. You aren't welcomed. 3 Reply 29 299 6,694 65.7K
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