19 of the Funniest Tweets from September 19, 2023

Domino’s is a safe space for stoners
19 of the Funniest Tweets from September 19, 2023

Though just about everyone was clowning Hasan Minhaj’s “emotional truths” after last week’s New Yorker piece exposing the lies he tells in his stand-up routines, he has found himself with an unlikely supporter: Whoopi Goldberg. The longtime panelist on The View said “that’s what we do” in reference to her and her fellow comedians telling embellished stories. She went on to justify Minhaj’s actions, arguing, “If you’re gonna hold a comic to the point where you’re gonna check up on stories, you have to understand, a lot of it is not the exact thing that happened because why would we tell exactly what happened? It ain’t that interesting.” In that case, maybe the Patriot Act host, like Goldberg, will be able to land an EGOT for his “emotional truths.”

Elsewhere, Lauren Boebert came forward with some truths of her own. After being removed from a theater for vaping, singing and serving a dry rub in the middle of a regional production of Beetlejuice, the Colorado congressional representative told TMZ that she “learned to check party affiliations” before going on a date. Which begs the question: If he was getting all of that on the first date, what was up for grabs on the second?

Thankfully, the sanctity of the timeline hasn’t been tarnished and the tweets are as funny as ever. This batch includes a five-star Uber Eats driver, a jobseeker’s least favorite phrase and someone who got a vaccine “for fun.”

evelyn gee frick @evelyngfrick.1 18h ... i got the covid booster and a flu shot earlier today and the guy giving it to me was like are you getting this for school or work? and i panicked and said for fun 21 1,185 27.3K 581K
Darkness Lord @sabatonfan69.23h ... If you pass the drug test at dominos they fire you 24 2,007 27.2K 702K
Jeff @usedwigs 1d the weekend-ending trauma of seeing the 60 Minutes stopwatch as a kid lives forever 95 1,570 18.7K del 1M
messed up foods @messedupf... 3h ... TACO REL Visit Community r/tacobell Dec 19, 2016, 11:29 AM The green stuff on the tacos is good I got Doritos logos tacos and there was some crunchy green topping, it was really good. 39 Comments lyft.com x bag_of_oatmeal Dec 19, 2016, 12:25 PM Lettuce? tepidstringysement Dec 19, 2016, 12:31 PM Yeah I looked it up, that's what it was 20 279 5,976 207K
heather @garbagecandy69.17h ... ubereats guy has me CTFU like OKAAAAYYYYYYY YAAASSS Mon, Sep 18, 7:31 PM GOOD EVENING I'VE ARRIVED I GOT FOOOOOD 1 323 3,125 71.4K
mariana @pastapilled . 4h living laughing loving soren @theeggiesmusic . 1d by age 22 you should be addicted to at least 3 substances 10 2,980 13.5K 464K
nana @nanainexile 3h thank god she became a musician and not a serial killer @PopBase. 3h Pop Base Taylor Swift will unveil the '1989 (Taylor's Version)' vault once 33 million puzzles are completed through Google. III Google 1989 taylor swift Images Songs Events Albums News Tay T A o 9 Amen. 9 R N V 1 8 E S L R S O Y I Hint: My name is Taylor and was born in... Taylor Alison Swift is an American singer- songwriter. Recognized for her songwrit musical versatility artistic reinventions influence on the music industry. she S prominent cultural figure
Adam Karpiak @Adam_Karpiak.4h While we were impressed by your background... 48 11 18K 246
Choire @Choire 3h ... Return to Office is a gift every day. SUJUUO THE OCULUS RUNS ON DUNKIN' ИНИЦА ИС 4 26 451 41.4K
Gators Daily @GatorsDaily.5h ... Absolute slander Low Context Media @ConfusingImages. 1d 3. Surprising kids with a new pet: GOOD DAD BAD DAD 1,042 17.6K 629K 55
u- @evadentz.7h ... she runs a mcdonald's like the navy 1 101 1,010 653K
dash . they/them @thedigitaldash_ 23h ... me collecting rent and shutting down ppl's buildings in monopoly go jhi @ethanfromreddit once i touch a lil bit of money this 100 socialist act is over 9:47 AM 05 Oct 20 Twitter for iPhone 556 Retweets 118 Quote Tweets 3,911 Likes 3 269 2,857 81.6K
Minovsky @MinovskyArticle - 2h Stegosaurus did not deserve this. Yesterday's Print @yesterdaysprint - 1 10/17/22 The Washington Post, June 23, 1912 Mas Most Grotesque Animal STEGOSAUR, WHO LIVED IN UTAH AGES AGO, IS A FREAK OF NATURE. 126 676 26.2K
Poppy Coburn @kafkaswife . 9h Who was having a situationship on the eastern front? situationship X ? 1800 - 2019 English (2019) Case-Insensitive Search for situationship yielded only one ! result. 1943 1800 1850 1900 1950 2000 situationship 0.0000000012% 38 664 10.2K 335K
laura lux @darthlux 14h first pic sent me into shock Visit the VIUME Store 4.4 4,693 24 Pcs Chair Leg Floor Protectors for Hardwood Floors Silicone Covers to Protect Wood Tile Floors Felt Pads Furniture Leg Caps Non Slip Reduce Noise (Large-Clear) 20 19 396 40K
irene anna @enerianna2.3h chloe @reddiephobic taylor swift is the closest thing the real world has to jigsaw from saw 10:51 PM 10/20/22 Twitter for iPhone TSF Taylor Swift Facts @blessedswifty - 3h ive 1989 (Taylor's Version) Vault the difference between nd got... will seemingly be REVEALED after 33 1-What is the difference Million puzzles are solved! 2 ... You solved 2 puzzles! ID going! 23 puzzles have been globally to unlock Taylor's vault al Progress 33M puzzles 13 1,597 492K 9,882
Big Bank Bresha. @CatwalkD... 23h ... I'm weak at the face Mr. Wholesomething @f... . 1d North dressed as her granny is hilarious. She's already a professional troll. She's the funniest Kardashian. She needs her own show. 25 3,760 61.9K 2.8M
B ugh feitelberg @FeitsBarstool 17h ME,MI ١٣ I'm THE PASSION IT'S That was a FIRST DATE?? mi! TOP 10 RIGHT NOW 1 Boebert's 'Beetlejuice' Beau Won't Be Getting a Second Date, She Says WHAT KNOW NOW AJ McDougall Breaking News Reporter Published Sep. 18, 2023 7:13PM EDT f CS 564 1,668 31.8K 7.1M
bastard dimension @improbabl... . 1 1d ... how you know you're in a good video store A FILM BY YORGOS LANTHIMOS KINO LORBER (They got Salo, Jerry, Salo! KYRHUM adidas 12 474 5,402 148K
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