13 Very Adult Moments from Children's Characters

Late night show or not, nobody needs to hear Kermit talk like that.
13 Very Adult Moments from Children's Characters

They say that kids these days grow up too fast, and we may have found the reason why. Those poor, innocent little minds were chompin’ down some Cap’n Crunch, laughin’ it up to The Smurfs or Zootopia, when their heads cocked to the side like, “Mom, why is it funny that rabbits are good at multiplying?” Well, boys and girls, Mommy has three options here. She could tell you, “Don’t worry about it, you’ll understand when you’re older.” She could panic and scramble for an outright lie like, “Well, honey, it might seem like rabbits just eat carrots and wriggle their little noses, but they’re actually very good at multiplication. Or she could parent the fuck up and tell you that rabbits love to get busy, and fill this great land with as many offspring as rabbitly possible.

Luckily for us, these aren’t the split decisions we have to make. Especially since we found much spicier jokes than that cute multiplying rabbit bit. So, moms and dads ‘round the world, it’s time to explain away these 13 very adult moments from children’s characters.

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Smurfette would do anything for food.

CRACKED SMURFETTE PROPOSITIONED BIGMOUTH ON THE SMURFS. The other Smurfs can't get Bigmouth to give their food back, so Smurfette tries to seduce him. She feels herself up and asks, Like whatcha see?


For a children’s entertainer, it’s near impossible to live down your insane past.

CRACKED THE YOUTUBE VIDEO BLIPPI DOESN'T WANT YOU TO SEE. In 2013, the now-beloved kids YouTube star filmed a disgusting twist on the Harlem Shake where he defecated on his nude friend's ass.

Buzzfeed / Soap Dirt 

Do your thing, Mr. R. We just never wanted to think of you as a sexual being in the first place!

CRACKED ROOKED IL MR. ROGERS DISCUSSES HIS SEXUALITY. Не told gay psychologist William Hirsch that if sexuality was a scale, Well, you know, | must be right smack in the middle. Because I have found women attractive, and | have found men attractive.

Yahoo / XVXU 

Yes, it’s late night TV, Kermit, but we don’t need our childhoods ruined.

CRACKED KERMIT THE FROG ON LATE NIGHT TV. On The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn, he said, I just wet your leather here, after being shown a provocative photo of Kylie Minogue.

Archive / AARP 

Rugrats spoofed a highly sexualized psychological thriller.

CRACKED RUGRATS REMADE FATAL ATTRACTION FOR SOME REASON. In Season 3's Cradle Attraction, a new girl stalks Chuckie the same way that Glenn Close stalks Michael Douglas in Fatal Attraction. They even replicated an exact shot from the film.


So that Nickelodeon show referenced that BDSM movie? Makes total sense.

CRACKED ICARLY REFERENCED FIFTY SHADES OF GREY. A Season 5 episode shows Guppy (an 8 year old boy) staring wide-eyed at the novel, Nifty Shades of Beige - а direct spoof of the BDSM laden Fifty Shades of Grey.

Diply / Insider 

SpongeBob SquarePants took college pranks too far.

CRACKED SPONGEBOB WENT ON A PANTY RAID. In Season 3's Mid-Life Crustacean, Mr. Krabs, Patrick, and SpongeBob broke into a woman's house to steal her underwear, and it's revealed to be Mr. Krabs' mom's house.

Yahoo / Unilad 

They're not squirrels, but this was a cheeky joke for the parents.

CRACKED ZOOTOPIA ON MULTIPLYING. When Officer Judy Hopps (a rabbit) accuses Nick Wilde of tax evasion, she adds up his undocumented income and says, I am just a dumb bunny, but we are good at multiplying.

Buzzfeed / Charactour 

Her quick response tells us that she’s done this before.

CRACKED DEXTER'S SEXY NEW ASSISTANT WILL DANCE FOR MONEY. After Dexter replaces Dee Dee, he finds a curvaceous woman named Candi. She isn't all peppy like Dee Dee, so when he asks her to dance, she responds, Okay, but it'll be 50 bucks extra.


Hey Looney Tunes, leave this topic to Tool. The band. Cus of their song, “Prison Sex.” Anyone? Is this thing on?

CRACKED LOONEY TUNES ON PRISON SEX. In the 1995 episode Carrotblanca, Yosemite Sam looks around his jail cell and sees a big, burly cellmate lustfully batting his eyelashes at him. We're left to wonder what's going to happen next.


Ohhhh… you meant fingerprints. We get it now.

CRACKED DOT AND PRINCE ON ANIMANIACS. Looking for fingerprints, Dot yells, I found prints! They cut to her holding the musician Prince, and Yakko says, No, no, no. Fingerprints! Dot responds, I don't think so, and throws him out of a window.


Nerdy Topanga Lawrence on her honeymoon.

CRACKED TOPANGA LAWRENCE'S STRIPTEASE. On Boy Meets World, Cory & Topanga get married and enjoy their honeymoon suite. Topanga throws her nightie over his head and says, There's nothing under these covers but me.

Youtube / Today 

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