Cracked Archive - Sports

We sat down with a state-certified high school umpire from the Midwest to find out what it's like to make a whole stadium full of people hate you, day after day.

• By Anonymous, Isaac Cabe
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• April 29, 2016

How do Tables, Ladders, and Chairs matches have more gravitas than tuxedoed white guys giving statues to other tuxedoed white guys? It should be obvious ...

• By Daniel Dockery
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• April 03, 2016

Hey, L.A.! Before you grab your oversized foam finger and start trash-talking other football cities, you might want to examine if you really want this or not.

• By Diana Cook
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• February 26, 2016

Here's what we learned about what it's like to move your legs back and forth for a living.

• By Evan V. Symon , David Torrence
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• February 10, 2016

All Subway ads with Jared are far, far creepier now.

• By Chris Radomile
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• February 07, 2016

It's a brutal sport where the fox never dies instantly, and sometimes, when you're there, only pieces of the animal remain.

• By Anonymous, Evan V. Symon
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• January 30, 2016

If you're a pro-athlete moderately well-known within your city, the low-budget, low-creativity world of commercials for local businesses is your financial salvation -- and the only taste of the superstar lifestyle you may ever get.

• By Luis Prada
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• January 22, 2016

Let's just come out and say it: College sports are shady as hell.

• By Jason Iannone, Anonymous
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• January 11, 2016

Future Olympic gymnasts get their start as toddlers, and then it gets worse.

• By Anonymous, Evan V. Symon
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• November 30, 2015

Scholars thousands of years from now will pore over millions of minutes of televised sporting events and conclude we were a bunch of assholes.

• By Isaac Cabe
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• November 10, 2015

These were reported by witnesses who may or may not be full of shit. All we can do is dutifully pass them along, as they are amazing.

• By Masquerblade
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• October 11, 2015

Any part of the body can be used to defeat your opponents. Even the excrement.

• By Cezary Jan Strusiewicz, Jason Iannone, Dallas Mann, Terrence Chen
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• September 28, 2015

If you're considering the sport without knowing anything about it, there are a few things you should be aware of.

• By Charley Daniels
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• September 26, 2015

We spoke to William Lane, a former player and volunteer coach in Central Texas. He told us some things about the crazy zeitgeist surrounding high school football.

• By Evan V. Symon
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• August 23, 2015

We talked to a couple soccer hooligans to shed some light on the uniquely passionate (read: insane) culture they're apart of.

• By Mark Hill, Tommy Vinh Bui, Dougie Brimson
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• July 08, 2015