Many people have asked me how I manage to bring such a scientific approach to writing jokes about penises and dicks. It actually goes back to my seventh grade science class when I wrote the joke, "Hey, Mr. Higgins, I don't need to dissect this pig fetus to know what's inside it!" I never got to finish the joke because of the sudden onset of symptoms from a pig disease no human body was expecting to catch. Baffled doctors told me I'd never walk again without it being towards sex with a ham, but I never lost my love of science. I even kept the textbook we used that year. Thanks, public school!

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