Coming to Fox this fall.
"Now," I said, after I'd finished my coffee, "what kind of project did you have in mind?" His eyes lit up.
"First off, I just wanna say how
psyched I am that you're meeting with me. I'm such a fan of the blog and your early mixtapes, from back when you
used to rap. I mean, you're
the Statutory Rap, man! I am so honored to be in your presence."
"Settle down, Kanye."
"Right, my bad. Anyway, I was thinkin' we could do an album together. You and me, you know, I bring you outta retirement, and we change the game, you know? You're still tight with Jay-Z, so I'm sure he'd be down to guest on a few tracks. It'd be tight, we'd get Weezy in there, Swizz Beatz. This shit's gonna be hot!" Rapping? That was the
last thing I thought this meeting was going to be about. To be honest, I had no interest in the project and I made no attempts to hide my dissatisfaction. Kanye noticed immediately.
"What's wrong," he asked. "You can still spit fire, right?"
"Don't be a child, Kanye, of
course I can. That's not the point."
"Well, what is the point?"
Now, before I go any further, I want you to know that I didn't think I was saying anything revelatory. I honestly didn't think I was telling any tales out of school, and I didn't mean to surprise or enrage Kanye West in any way. I mean, he says things like "psyched" and "oodles." I figured what I was about to say was common knowledge...
"Well, Kanye, I
was considering making a comeback, but I'm just not sure it should be with you... I mean, I want to make rap music but, you know. Not for white people." Kanye seemed positively shocked.
"I don't understand," he said after some time.
"Oh, uh, it's pretty simple. White people love you." I thought he was gonna have a heart attack, but it's true. White people love Kanye West. So much so, in fact, that I find it amazing that the
foremost experts on stuff white people like have never mentioned it. Kanye West, still somewhat in shock, was ready to speak.
"You're messing with me. This...this can't be. I'm... I'm from the street, I-"
"Everyone knows where you're from, Kanye. And, hey, it's nothing to be ashamed about- you're selling a
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