The lady in question is actually curiously charming in her way, though I suppose that helps for a psychic -- no one wants to pay to find out they're going to die from brain parasites and have the news delivered by a Trump-level twat waffle. You want a friendly psychic. She wasn't "Troy McClure" charming, though -- more like Kenny Powers, in that she was kind of loud and obnoxious and you find it charming for a short while until you realize she's really just an insufferable s**t with a minimum of likable qualities.
At least Kenny Powers knew how to get down.
Anyway, I figured since I'd come down with a condition that traditional medicine just shrugs at because you should just man up and cure your own bronchial conditions with VapoRub and soup, why not try this reiki s**t?
The first thing you need to know is to not call it "reiki s**t." Practitioners of reiki s**t don't think it's s**t at all. They'd probably prefer that you call it just reiki. But it's s**t, trust me.
I explained my condition, and Reiki Master Shitstar told me that what she does isn't healing in the traditional sense. Rather, she could use her hands to manipulate life energy in a way that would promote healing and help me get better sooner. I wanted so badly to ask if that meant a happy ending, but this was a lady in her 60s with one brown tooth, and part of me was very afraid she'd say yes.