We're Busting Out Our Most Dino-tastic T-Shirts Just For You
It's no secret that we love dinosaurs here at Cracked. In fact, we're very, very open about it -- in one case, maybe too open about it. We're like Ross from Friends, but we actually show up to work. And we're not, like, the worst part of other people's lives.
We get it. You're into dinosaurs.
Oh, don't act above it all. You're a Cracked reader; you absolutely dig dinosaurs. Right now, you're probably knee-deep in a fossil pit, excavating a saurischian from the Cretaceous Period. Or you're just reading a Cracked article on your laptop. Regardless, the Cracked Dispensary is busting out the most dino-tastic T-shirts we have. And they're all for you.
Everybody knows that Texas is big, tough, and can't see you if you stay completely still. Or was that T-Rexes? One and the same, really. We do know that both Texas and T-Rexes share a habitat conducive to reptile life and a love of capital punishment. That's enough to convince us that by wearing this T-shirt, everyone will know we aren't to be trifled with. No one messes with T-Rexes.
Can you imagine a world in which Lincoln had a dinosaur companion? We sure did, and we put it on this T-shirt for all to see. We're not sure what our world would look like had Lincoln never been assassinated, but this certainly builds a solid case for being able to bring pets into theaters. And Spielberg would've been able to knock out two birds with one movie stone. Jurassic Lincoln: A Story Of Love, Law, And AGH! HELP! A TYRANNOSAUR IS EATING ME. I, JOHN WILKES BOOTH, TRULY DID NOT EXPECT THIS.
If there's one thing dinosaurs have taught us, it's that the best way to preserve your reputation and your bones is to stay underground. Whether you're a band or a dinosaur, the moment you leave the underground is the moment you sell out. And then all the 20-somethings in Williamsburg will say things like "I used to listen to the screeches of the Deinonychus before they got big." We created this T-shirt as a reminder to never compromise on art, and that if man creates dinosaurs, then man will inherit the dirt.
Give me more!
No need to yell. You almost made us drop a bigger turd heap than the one Laura Dern stuck her forearms in. Thankfully, the Cracked Store has plenty of products to feed your primal urges. Now please stop baring those teeth.
Getting walked in on while showering is never a pleasant experience. The shower is where you are most vulnerable, most open, and most likely to get Norman Bated. That's why this dinosaur shower curtain is so essential. If the dinosaur silhouette isn't enough to convince would-be bathroom intruders that there's a dinosaur in the shower, try making a few T-Rex-like grunts. We're sure that'll do the trick.
The best part about living in the age of dinosaurs: Guacamole didn't cost extra. Now you can relive those simpler, Paleolithic times with this avocado slicer, and never be forced to pay for guac again. With a stainless steel blade creating perfect slices and a built-in pitter removing the pit seamlessly, the only thing that'll go extinct in your kitchen is the mess.
Despite what Jurassic Park would have us believe, Tyrannosaurus Rex actually had terrific eyesight. So much so that we're sure they'd have enjoyed these colorful custom light boxes. (Talk about smooth segue. High five.) Just pop in any of the graphic rectangles, turn on the LED's, and voila, you have a desk light worthy of any bar or arcade. You can even create your own design, preferably something dinosaur-related. Because dinosaurs are cool.
Ah, dinosaurs would have loved Good Times. To purchase any of the items listed, just scroll up and click on their pictures. To find even more dinosaur-themed items from Cracked, click the links for the Cracked Dispensary and the Cracked Store here. Let us know what you dig up! (Paleontology puns for eons!)