Video Countdown

#5: ESPN Announcer Daydreams About Britney Spears

I'm not much of a sports fan. As such, I'm not all that familiar with the conventions of football commentary, but still, even I can tell that there's something off about this. Mostly because the other guys are like "What the fuck are you talking about?" before quickly and clumsily shifting the focus back to football. It's almost like they're scared that thinking about Britney is gonna turn them gay. Probably because it will. That's how they (the gays) got Perez Hilton.

#4: The Worst Comedian Ever

Funny Hat and ill-fitting suit jacket? Check. Camcorder set up on a tripod in the corner of your parents' basement? Check. Actual jokes? Not so much. I'm not saying that jokes about fat chicks aren't funny (they are, obviously), but there are no actual jokes here - he's just saying that fat chicks exist and assuming that that will be enough to make us laugh. The saddest part about it is that usually that IS enough to make me laugh. Somehow this kid managed to make it unfunny. You've heard of observational humor? This is more like observational observation. My guess is that this is either a brilliant performance art piece or a secret disaster that should have been taped over immediately. Although either way we get to laugh at him, so I guess it doesn't really matter.

#3: Chuck E. Cheese Walkabout Character Guide

I didn't actually make it all the way through this video (it's a whopping TEN MINUTES LONG), but I wanted to share it here anyway to prove a point: If it's exists, you can probably find it on the internet. What do you think was going through the guy's head (let's face it - it was probably a guy) who uploaded this to YouTube? Was he a former Walkabout Character himself? Was he sharing trade secrets to get back at his former employer? Maybe he felt that Walkabout training needed to be preserved digitally for posterity's sake. Okay - he was probably just a stoned college kid, but the internet was built on the backs of stoned college kids in the first place. Lets give credit where credit is due.

#2: Len Cella's Moron Movies

Len Cella's "Moron Movies" appeared originally on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show. A collection of his shorts were collected on VHS in the 80s and were supposedly widely distributed for a while - no small feat considering what they are: short, self-produced, and totally fucking bizarre pseudo-jokes by an angry hermit from Broomall, Pennsylvania. His latest venture, CRAP, looks slightly less promising, but his earlier "work" is almost too awesome for words. My personal favorites are "How To Save Time" and "World's Worst Ghost." "How To Aggravate" is up there, too. Genius or moron? You decide. I'll give you a hint: Dude's a genius.

#1: Swedish Hostess Throws Up On Live TV